YSaC, Vol. 1613: Ejumacation is for the birds.
wanted cockatil
i am looking for a free cockatil for my girl she is 12 and vary good with animals but i do have 6 other kids ranging in age from 2 to 13 and we have nicely raised 4 birds (wild baby) and they have all been returned to the wild we are home all day most days but not sundays they are all home schooled the bird must be transported to a place close to our house like the [location] school parking lot (high school) below is a pic of a bird we have
Wait, hang on. You homeschooled your birds? And you have seven children? Yep, I’d need a cockatil also. Make mine a martini.
Looking For Smart One To Take My Son’s SAT
Im willing to pay $500 or more for someone to take my sons SAT exam for him. Please have a score of 1800+ to even consider replying. This is an easy $500 or even more depending on the score you can provide me.
I think I know some birds that can help. They’re homeschooled, though. Is that okay? Also, they may be alcoholics.
Thanks, Jennifer and Johanna!
I’m calling the ASPCA. The Association for the Support of Psittacine Caged Alcoholics.
Well, even homeschooled birds deserve a field trip now and then. But I don’t think it’s wise to let them beverage and drive. That’s just dangerous. Almost as dangerous ad leaving your pets in the car while you attend church…
Yeah, that “transported” thing kinda threw me, too. It’s great that Sparkalotta’s homeschooling is so good it “transports” her students, but shouldn’t they be transported to, like, ancient Greece or Gettysburg or someplace, rather than just the local high school parking lot? But then again, Sparkalotta’s writing skills suggest she might have spent more than her share of time out there when she was supposed to be in class.
Well, if she’s trying to get to Gettysburg, the Sparkies we call congress have it shut down. However, on the upside, it also means that the Sparkies in the KKK had to cancel their rally there since their permit was no longer valid. As an amusing aside, autocorrect tried to change KKK to MLK.
Sparky #2’s son’s SAT would make excellent birdcage liner for Sparky #1.
I am looking for a free cockatil. It must be mild-mannered, since the last one liked to bite my
chihuhachihwaualittle high-strung dog on the tail. It must also be a smart one so that it can take my homeschooled ferret’s ethics CLE for him.[aside]
I realize that it’s been centuries since I needed to know the minutiae of the Scholastic Aptitude Test, but, in days of old the max score was 800+800=1600.
Is the essay portion 400?
[/aside]
I believe those were the LSATs or perhaps that was the iSATs or maybe the iSHATs or the aSSHATs.
Max score is now 800*3 = 2400
Ah, gotcha.
Made me go look up my alma mater’s requirements–students in top 11-49% of HS class need 600 or better on both Math & Reading; and a composite ACT of 30 (27 in both reading & math). Students in top 10% only have to meet the State Guidelines for admission–1500 SAT &/or 18 ACT. But, that’s General Studies only, you still have to be admitted to the desired major.
And, that’s to enter the Admissions roulette. The individual Colleges can be a tad more strict beyond that.
Is the Hurricane cockatail the one with the tiny unabubbler?
This Sparky is homeschooling children? And is herself incapable of capitalization,punctuation, or proper syntax? Siddown, Sparkalotta, just nudge one of the herd down the bench some. You need some book larnin’ as much as they do. Except the bird. He seems pretty clever. And he makes a mean Manhattan.
If children are the future… and if Sparkalotta is the one teaching them, I fear for the future
As an intelligent adult who was homeschooled all the way through from Kindergarten to 12th grade, I couldn’t agree with you more! I read through this and thought, “Gracious me! This Sparkette is homeschooling her children?!” No, nothing could possibly go wrong there. I’m in favor of homeschooling, but the parents doing the teaching should actually know something. I was blessed with very intelligent, well-educated parents. I sometimes hated it when I was growing up because they made me work and study so hard, but I’m so grateful now!
A Manhattan is more sophisticated than necessary for a 12-year old; stick with something sweet like a screwdriver or a rum and coke. I’m not sure why Sparky is looking for freebies, or what varying animals have to do with it.
I envy Sparky’s ability to return her kids to the wild unlike most helicopter parents, but age 2 is a little young. There’s no way a 2-year old is ready for the SAT’s.
The SAT now has three 800-point sections (Mathematics, Critical Reading, and Writing) for a total possible score of 2400. It is no longer assumed that reading and writing are related skills. I know that after a few cockatils, I can still read passably, but my writing skills deteriorate badly, particularly at a urinal.
Hmm, Spark’ II is willing to cough up $500 to get the kid an admissible score?
So, what happens after dropping another four grand on that first semester’s fees and the kid flunks out?
Oh wait, that’s critical thinking on a Monday–I clearly need to beverage.
Spark’ II will just resell the naming rights to the hastily-constructed natatorium that she underwrote. Junior passes, a little cash flow comes back to the family, what could go wrong?
Capn…My glasses had a serious smudge on one lens…your last sentence read….”Oh wait, that’s critical thinking on a Monday- I clearly need to cleavage.” I think I like my way betterer.
She varies from pretty good to not good at all. The other 6 are fair to middling. A couple are good with their hands, and one is good to go, but the 2 year old is best with a light garlic aioli and a glass of white wine.
And unless they’re Aussies, they’re going to have a long way to go to return a cockatiel to the wild.
Well, I’m the smartest One in the room, but I’m not going to take a SIT in the past tense from 1800 to the present just for a measly $500. That’s ten score and fifteen years of just sitting. You would have to give me a couple decks of cards to while the time away until I got internet.
What kind of birds?
T-Birds? Sea Birds? Wee Birds? Free Birds?
Cockatiels? Cockatoos? Cockatrices? Cock-a-doodles?
Floating Birds? Fleeting Birds? Flapping Birds? Flipping Birds?
Freebirds!, naturally [waves lighter and burrito]
Foxy, you’ll be happy to know they are chickens. Delicious, delicious chickens.
Hey, don’t be flipping the bird unless you give your actions some careful thought! This could become Soviet Russia, where bird flips you!
Too bad all the birds are nicely raised. I was hoping for some angry ones. They’re good for hours upon hours of trivial entertainment.
M2N2 and TC, it’s time to punch you out of the box. These longer stays are nice but it takes more time to clean up after your wild parties. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, School for Scandal!
Day Two of Free Cockatils in the Lounge. M2N2 is showing videos of all her labors. HamCan is looking for a safe place to hide a bone. Jazzy and Brer Fox are arm wrestling the coat rack. It’s winning. Capn Mac has been explaining quantuum SAT scores to IF. One brought beer nuts for everyone. Ralph, Tankerbell, and Silva Noir are attempting to count Dan’s feathers. The Llama-nun is skating around. TC and Ducky are baking blueberry pies without an oven, and Mudsy is whipping the cream. Dave has taught the ferret tribe to tend bar.
Me? I’m writing a song.
99 Sparkys can post on Craigslist,
99 Sparkys can post!
If one of those ads appears in the lounge,
98 Sparkys can post on Craigslist!
I know, it needs work.f Gimme another cockatil. Throw in an alligatore and make it snappy.
It’s a little early for beveraging cockatils, but then again, it is the corner, so why not! Ferrets, I’ll have a scotch and water, hold the water! And tell those genie pigs to keep their furry mitts out of my microfish tank.
That goes double for me!
MissMommy and Windy..count me in!!!Make mine brandy and water, and supersize me!!!….oh!, and M2N2…you may need to apologize to Sparkies…calling them “congress” and all….
Actually, I’d prefer brandy too, but wasn’t sure if anyone else would be on board with it LOL
Not on board with brandy?????? As If!!!!!!!!!!….LotsOfLove to you , too!