YSaC, Vol. 1602: Bemerkungen über die Grundlagen der Sparki
Keen sandal
Help needed! Several months ago A dog chewed on one shoe of a nearly new pair of Keen sandals and I am having a hard time letting go of them! These are such nice shoes, very expensive, but I have 2 feet and can no longer use them 🙁
They are taking up space in my closet and my psyche, space that I need for more positive energy!
Is there a single footed person out there able to benefit from a beautiful R sandal?
Many years ago, there was a famous pianist named Paul Wittgenstein. He lost his right arm during World War I, and rather than give up on a piano career, he commissioned a number of famous composers to write works for the left hand alone. This list included such greats as Ravel, Scriabin, Prokofiev, and Hindemith. It’s quite an inspiring story, and many of the works are genuine masterpieces.
Sadly, today’s ad is not an inspiring story. It’s just an idiot who thinks there’s “positive energy” to be had by purchasing the lone sandal of a set that was not-quite-mangled by Fido. But please feel free to go listen to Ravel’s left handed piano concerto – it’s quite good.
Thanks for the post, Kim!
Space in my Psyche is the name of my Blue Oyster Cult cover band.
…oooo!..can I come play with you? I’ll bring my left drumstick!!!
Turkey!
Mmmmmmmm, turkey.
Absolutely! I’ll let you share with Righty!
Sparky is handing out left-footed compliments today.
Hey! Don’t forget to come back today and Friday!
Dear Sparky:
I sympathize with your need for more positive energy. These are times that try men’s soles.
I have a unipedalian friend who might be able to use your sandal, but you left out some details, like size, color, model, gender, international Hokey-Pokey Society certification, etc. Please amend your listing.
By the way, you can let go of them if you put them out of reach of the dog. They won’t run away by themselves.
Sincerely,
Hopalong Audacity.
You put your left foot in — don’t let go of it, you have to be able to take it out again. That’s what it’s all about!
It is a sign! We must all take off our left shoe!
…and let a dog chew on it.
Get an unshod leg lamp and use your sandal there. As long as electrical energy can mix with your brand of positive energy, you’re
goldenstill a Sparky.There’s a homeless guy over on Camp Bowie Blvd who might love a new pair of Keen sandals, even if one is chewed up. (by the way…is that a brand, or are they just “keen”???) Anyway, this guy may have space in his psyche for new (used) shoes, and, who knows(?) it might just turn his life around. The lesson here…..don’t whine about not having perfect shoes until you’re in the position of a man who has none….or some crap like that…..
..and Windy….the Hokey Pokey is craptacular!!!!!!!!
Hokey Pokey is not the name of the tobacco company that manufactures Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle.
-R.J. Squirrel
Keen is a very nice brand of shoes. I paid $25 for a pair of Keen flip flops at TH Maxx this summer.
TH Maxx was the 8th attempt at retail by the people who eventually opened up TJ Maxx and were successful.
Yet another reason for me to not stray too close to Camp Bowie (as if the twenty minute drive were not enough reason).
Try meditation.
Close your eyes.
Breathe in…breathe out.
Listen to the sound of my voice.
Now, expand your mind
Okay, empty your mind.
Keep breathing.
Now just think about your hand, about how it looks, about how it feels.
Think of how your fingers look, how they feel.
Now expand your fingers…
Congratulations, you have let go of your sandals. Feel the positive energy.
[corey]First of all, “keen” is not an enchantment usually meant for footwear. It is usually used on bladed weapons to make them sharper. Hopefully they did not cut the dog’s mouth, otherwise you might find the a.s.p.c.a. knocking on your door. No, shoes should be enchanted with speed, sneakiness, or maybe in your case, wisdom.[/corey]
I had a pair of sandals +20 wisdom once. The orcs ate them.
Daniel Day-Lewis says he’ll take the left one.
I’ll take the one that’s left. The other one may not be right for me.
This post makes me VERY hoppy!
Dear Sparky,
I would dearly love to buy your Keen Sandal. Unfortunately, I have two left feet.
Thanks,
Ima Klutz
I used to have a yard. Now I have two feet left.
Well, I’m a footed person, but not a single person. So sadly I can’t take Sparky’s pristene keen, which would certainly become my dog’s favorite chew toy. After all, if Sparky’s dog appreciates one keen, surely my dog would appreciate the other.
Is he saying he’s too big for his britches? You know, it’s not polite t brag.
That’s just not FAIR!!!!!!
Greetings and salutations!
Here at the Hopalong Home for Orphaned Shoes we specialize in matching the orphaned shoes of the bipedal with the less fortunate unipedalian among us. You can free yourself from the drudgery of self loathing and increase your positive energy with this thoughtful donation. Please complete the attached form including all pertinent information including: size, color, shape, side, brand, make, model, and International Hokey Pokey Society certification. Please include a bowl of chocolate pudding to cover the cost of shipping ( non-profits are terribly tight on funds these days) and we will get your orphaned shoe to a needy amputee immediately!
Please note we do not serve those with prosthetics – they’ll take advantage of you faster than you can say ” my left foot!”
MissMommy…are you in Nigeria? You’ve certainly got the lingo down pat…..but much more convincingly…..
p.s. my pudding is on its way to you…..
More pudding!
Dear Sparky,
I’ve got nothing against your right sandal. Trouble is, neither have you.
Sincerely,
Pete & Dud
I’d like to point out that what Sparky’s suggesting here is actually a thing, though not carried out the way he/she is suggesting. Amputees can pair up with someone of the same shoe size and opposite missing leg and split shoe pairs or go through organizations. It’s really quite an economical and sensible solution, and I’m sure an amputee would love a new shoe, but have you maybe considered Google? I’m sure there’s some amputee shoe organization out there that would love to take your donation, but you have to go find them first. And tell them this shoe’s size.
Oh hey, look, it took me about 20 seconds to find this: http://www.amputee-coalition.org/fact_sheets/oddshoe.html so there’s no excuse for you, Sparky.
Aww, man, where’s my Second Day Snark?
And commence cover band names… NOW…
Blue Keen Sandals is my rockabilly Carl Perkins tribute band.
Why only offer your one shoe to the unipeds? How do you know I didn’t buy the same shoes and then my dog destroyed the other half of my pair, such that with our shoes combined, we have one complete pair?
Oh, but then I suppose you’ll want my one shoe to complete YOUR pair, since you’re having such a hard time letting go. How selfish of you. Can’t we share?
Absolutely. Think of how much positive energy you’d be generating! (On every other weekend, one month in the summer and either Beesmas OR Easter.)
I wonder if there’s any money in a shoe store that will sell individual shoes separately. I’m sure there are many single shoes lost to the teeth of a dog. Or simply lost:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIlBvj72rkQ
I learned about Wittgenstein thanks to M*A*S*H!
” I have 2 feet and can no longer use them.”
Sounds like the dog chewed more than the one sandal then.
Sloppy second day snark. Ah, well, it’s my own fault for not thinking of YSaC myself before the God and Goddess of the Webs did so. *sniffle* Fridays will be extra special now!
This post is kind of appropriate, considering this is “talk like a pirate day”. Yarr!
M2N2, stop crying and over spilt snark. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Shoeless Joe!