YSaC, Vol. 1594: I believe that color is “Salmonella”
free couch dual recliners desperately needs cleaned
just want this gone address is [address] its out front will relive when I see it gone.
Isn’t this just the classic case of 20/20 hindsight? You have a filthy unattractive couch with what appears to be a 1970’s vintage microfiche viewer parked on it. You post it on Craigslist, and miracles and wonders, someone actually takes it away, hopefully to throw into a bonfire, or possibly a volcano.
And then… the regret. You relive all the wonderful moments you had with the couch before you let Uncle Norman sleep on it after trying to climb up the chimney dressed as Santa Claus. You relive the time in your life when a puke salmon colored double recliner actually seemed like an ATTRACTIVE proposition. You relive the time you wanted to play with your sled but instead you mother sent you back east with Thatcher after they found that gold mine on your property.
Or something.
Anyway, thanks for the post, Jason!
I don’t need a couch (it’s crapican live without) but that sporty little 4-wheeler next to it is tempting. What’s the MPG on that sweet ride?
I kind of like the ground in front of it. I thought about climbing up on the couch and throwing myself at the ground and trying to miss. I’m pretty sure the ugly on that couch will distract me at just the right moment…
If I could give you more doors for that, I would.
Silvia, you get a door from me because I also wish I could give Brer Fox more doors.
Ah, trailer parks, a veritable gold mine in which you can relive your lifetime of bad decisions.
Aww, somebody loves me! Winning!
The ugly couch is a tangible representation of all of Sparky’s regrets in life. Once it is gone, Sparky will feel free to have a do-over on his/her life.
Awww…this couch doesn’t look so bad….if I take off my glasses, squint my eyes, and spin around twenty times ’til I’m falling down dizzy…..much like I do in a singles bar…
Salmonella..Salmonella..
Dormez-vous?..Dormez-vous?..
Sonnez les matines!…Sonnez les matines!
Ding! Dong! Thud!….Ding! Dong! Thud!
*squints at quilt square without glasses after spinning around in singles bars*
Are you the evil twin, or is Jazzie?
Huh?….wha?….who?….
You found the mythical zombie re animation couch! Remove and relive!
Or you could just go with that shooting the zombie’s head off plan.
Anybody wanna come over and watch Shaun of the Dead with me?
yes
Bonus – it already comes pre-formed for your big square ass!
Looks like it needs a good flea and mange dip, as well.
I keep reading that as flea and mango dip and I was thinking mango might not be the right color for that couch. Maybe grapefruit would match. Maybe just paint it black or better yet, scorch it black. Maybe I should just read more carefully.
I see a red, uh, pink couch and I want to paint it black…
No cushions anymore I want them to turn black….
One seldom gets to use the word “puce” in it’s correct, perjorative, form.
Or, in it’s projectile, emessic, form, either.
Oooh…look what I’m not cleaning up.
This couch looks like it was invaded and pillaged by the Otterman Empire.
One note, we, being literate, grammatical, erudite folk, may be missing the subtlties of autocorrect sparkii.
Rather than meaning to engage in sapient reflection, “relive” here is autocorrected from “relief”–as in Spark will finally be rid of this always-finds-its-way-home haunted divan.
It could also be a correction from “revile”–but that’s a tad advanced for typical sparkii vocabulary.
The MO of most posters on craigslist is to say they will remove ad when they see it gone. Looking at my keyboard, I wonder how Sparky mistook Li for Mo.
I think I would rather relax in that coffin I used to play with as a kid. I got a concussion while playing with the coffin, but I’m still good. Nothing wrong with me. Oh no, I’m golden. This couch however, I might get worse than a head-ache. I might never recover from that.
You know, if he keeps doing that, his hands are going to get really sore.
*rosebud*
Sorry, IF, I can’t put that in the box.
“desperately needs cleaned”
To be or not to be, that is the question….
[rant] This is a pet peeve of mine. When did “needs cleaned” become acceptable syntax on CL, eBay and the like? How hard is it to say “needs to be cleaned”, or easier yet, “needs cleaning”? Sparky and all Spark-minded listers need slapped upside the head. [/foaming at mouth]
Besides, the couch doesn’t look desperate, it looks sick.
Looks like several Sparkies were sick upon it. All up and down it. All over it…*herk*
It’s actually a dialectic variation common to the midwest. I hear it all the time in western PA, Ohio, and Indiana. “The car needs washed,” “the floor needs swept,” etc. Interestingly, that is NOT the region where this ad was posted.
Ah, just found a great explanation: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/needs-washed?page=all
[Edited to add: Crapucant, I just Coreyed all over this, didn’t I?]
Well, that’s interesting. I had no idea it was a regional thing. Normally I rather enjoy local variations, which is fortunate since I live in a part of the planet where they abound. This one still makes my ears and eyes bleed, but I guess I need schooled.
Incidentally, I was once diagnosed with infinitival copula deletion, but a small bowel resection cleared that right up.
It’s true! Here in good ol’ south central PA, it’s rampant. But then again, there’s a reason we call it Pennsyltucky.
This annoyed the hell out of me constantly throughout the years I did time in Pittsburgh.
What is
recliningdeclining is the usefulness of this couch to humans. It would be useful to insects as a home also making good hunting grounds for spiders such as a recluse. That’s no problem for me though. I eat recluses for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So, never fear. With me around, you will be perfectly safe handling this couch as long as you wear gloves, boots, coveralls, hazmat suit, diving bell, socks. underwear, safety goggles, blue toenail polish, and a hairnet.Well, okay, but I’m not going to let you put me in the coffin this time.
If you burn it, and it turns into “Cinderella”, Then it’s a witch!
Needs fire.
Poor Susan, of all the ill-fated turns in her life, becoming a housekeeper set a new nadir. And, invariably, they always used the tired “desparately seeking” line which had madd her scream to hoarse so many times.
MissMNN, C””J, camille, you answered the call of box duty and gone above and beyond what was expected of you! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Sofa Spuds!