YSaC, Vol. 1557: To be fair, the party hats were pretty cute.
book writer
hi am hiring for book writer if u like to write book or write about ur life and make a book about it and make money of of it and sale ur book am the women for the job am looking for people that love to do love poems to so if u like to read and write email me back with ur name and number and if u have a lil book u write and wanna get it heard and sale in stores am the women for that my name is ms [name] i be in malls and and book club and i have my 10 star for my lic so i know what am doing so email if u wanna make a book about ur life
A while back, there were a couple of publishers expressing interest in having YSaC do a book. Of course, this is back when you could sneeze on the internet and someone would want to publish it in dead tree form. Sadly, nothing ever came of that, and these days Dan and I frequently come across blog-to-books in the get-these-the-hell-out-of-our-store bins and say to each other, “Really? Really? CatsLickingFrogsWearingPartyHats.com got a book, and we didn’t? Really?”
It’s just as well, though, because long-term readers will remember that one of the problems the publishers assessed with our site was that it was too eclectic. The major kiss of death, though, was that it was too intellectual. One potential publisher pointed to a post in which we described French Prudential as the Maginot Line of furniture and decided that we were too esoteric for their needs. Then Google decided we were porn* and it was basically all over but the opera.
But not to worry! I can apparently get a job writing a book for Ms. 10 star license holder. Our market domination will not be thwarted! The fact that she is multiple women will really help with distributions in malls — she can cover more of them at once! We’ll be on Oprah’s bestseller list in no time, I can feel it.
Thanks, Kevin!
*Seriously, it was that post that made Google decide we were a porn site.
hi im’ a big deel in teh litrry world u cn tell from my righting stile
hay u stuhl meh krafsmenship! cahpee write enfrinjmint!
(*Clutches hands and weeps disgustingly into pillow*)
hi am the copie editer an i dont c any thin rong wit this add
All your pages are belong to us!
And I am pretty sure you don’t, Sparkles.
Even the stories I see on Library of the Fanned are more legible than her craigslist ad, Deer Christ
(Disclaimer: actual speeling prolbem. My phone swapped out the dear I was going for, and I didn’t feel like changing it, so now my Lord and Saviour has horns and an issue with headlights.)
We may riff on craptastical dreck, but at least it’s semi-coherent craptastical dreck. Although I do have a few on my slush pile that would make this ad look like it was written by Shakespeare.
You’ll be saving those for later, right? I’d like to build up as much of my Sanity meter as I can before I get sent through a literary black hole.
According to Indigo Prophecy’s Sanity scale, I’m at Stressed right now.
I’ve got a “parody” fic I’m thinking of adding to my queue, the author tries way too hard to be funny and it just comes across as utter nonsense. I’ve read trollfics that are better than this thing.
So, I’m going to need my Glasses of Nonchalant Skeptical Smirking, then?
Crap.
*Swaps “Good Natured Thin Rims” for aforementioned Nonchalant Skeptical Smirking Book Lenses*
Why yes, I do have glasses for every occasion, why do you ask?
:shoves bag of glasses under futon:
Weird. I’ve never heard of such a thing.
:shoves bag of glasses under phooton:
Weird. Now, I’ve never seen such a thing.
…There, Ghostie…fixed it for ya…
Might want to watch it with those comments, I’m still in my Skeptical Smirking glasses.
http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5058/5429924596_0a35dd7900_o.jpg
This is exactly what I was thinking when I posted that comment. XD
I am jealous of Ms Sparks, for I only have 9 stars:
The Sun (of course; everybody has this one)
Proxima Centauri
Alpha Centauri
Tau Ceti
Wolf 359
Epsilon Eridani
Epsilon Indi
R136a1
HE0107-5240
Astronomical snarking! 😀
R136a1
Not for long, you don’t!
If’n u relly lik it u kin hav da writs
It culd mak a millyun 4 u overnit
If u must rahtern it, u can send it here
But u ned a brak and u want 2 b a paypurbak riter
Paypurbak riter
Paypurbak riter
Paypurbak riter, Paypurbak riter
Paypurbak riter, Paypurbak riter
Paypurbak riter, Paypurbak riter
Paypurbak riter, Paypurbak riter
Oooooh….my eyes!!
Damn you, mudsy! I’m blind now…BLIND!
‘Sokay, then you won’t be able to see her in the box tomorrow. (I think tha’s coherent. The anesthesia has worn off, right?)
I think I got at least 10 gold stars for my written work when I was in first grade, but they weren’t issuing writer’s licenses back then. Later on, I never bothered with the written test for the license, so my work remains unauthorized.
Ow! un-authorized! Ow! I thought that was the work you never get around to writing. Ow! It only hurts when I laugh.
Mormons’ Magical Underwear! Maginot Line! Used panties! Viking chants! French shit!
::finishes hammering the last nail in the coffin::
My work here is done. Muwahahahahahaha
“C…J”….sorry, but your work here is NEVER done…your sentence is LIFE..or a love poems…
A love poem to so
Ah, so you are so so-so…
No wait
A so by any other name is so…
No, let’s try this
To so or not too sew…
Sheesh, maybe if I wanted her to write me a ransom letter so people couldn’t trace it back to me, sure, I’d hire her in a heartbeat.
But I’m not letting her within ten feet of my stories, no sir.
Sorry Hi, I have a certain set of standards that you apparently don’t meet. The following are just a few of those standards.
A ghost writer should know the difference between “of” and “off”.
A ghost writer should know the difference between “sale”, “sell”, and “sold”.
A ghost writer should know the difference between “to” and “too”.
A ghost writer should not have dissociative identity disorder. At least in your case you’re multiple women and not personalities of both gender, but I don’t want our story-writing sessions to be more interesting than the stories. Although to be fair there could be more money in videotaping that than in publishing short stories.
A ghost writer should not be afraid of punctuation; rather, a ghost writer should be able to reasonably break my sentences if I get in one of my story-telling fits where the story is coming faster than my brain, fingers, or mouth can process.
A ghost writer should know how to spell “you” and its variants.
I’ll give you this – congrats on knowing how to spell “write”.
Am seriously tempted to make multiple accounts so I can like this harder.
Can you do that???
I dunno.
If I told you, someone might put a trap in my corner.
Like who?
*Is an innocent, innocent angel.*
*waves hand* Me. But rumor has it that if you log on using different computers, say a laptop, your smarty phone, work computer, each time WordPress will allow you to like and adore the posts. It’s just a rumor.
[koff] There is a theory [koff] which may or may not be [koff koff[ mine. This [koff] theory [koff] which is not mine [koff koff] alone, which is to say [koff] possessed but others [koff].
10 [error, nesting fail]
11 [salmon treats]
20 [if .NE. bowl ≈ empty; GOTO 11.1]
21 [puuuuuuurrrrrrr]
29 [ear scratch]
40 [nap]
40.5 [GOTO 20]
11.1 [nesting fail]
12 [turn around]
13 [turn around]
14 [turn around]
30 [watch wallpaper]
∞ [vanish into own smile]
A ghost writer should, however, be afraid of exorcisms.
A ghost writer should be a cat, ghostcat.
I’m a writer and a ghost(cat), just not a ghost writer. I do remember a kid’s TV show called Ghostwriter, though. Does that count?
Oooh…I remember that show!
Nick Cage ran around, on a horse, holding his head under his arm, right?
And when he really got pissed – undoubtedly about poor grammar, spelling, etc – he’d spontaneously combust.
Great show. Wonder if Netflix has it.
I don’t remember there being a horse.
This:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108787/
not this:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0259324/
or This:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_Rider_(comics)
Try!!!!!
How does a book get heard? I’ve never had books that made noise, except for that one time the bookshelf collapsed at 5 a.m.
Well, if you slam a hardcover Whodunnit shut really hard, it sounds like you got shot by the murderer.
Bonus points if you used a Sherlock Holmes book and employed a passable John Watson accent.
I have read books that were written so very poorly that I had no choice but to fling them across the room. They tend to make noise if I miss the couch.
Ah yes, TV Tropes has a name for that: the Wall Banger.
(Warning! TV Tropes link: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/DarthWiki/WallBanger Don’t say I didn’t warn you!)
GAAHH! I hate text-speak! If and when I text someone, I use complete words and complete sentences. Me nuts are really being driven by u and ur. Yargh.
I agree! I saw a t-shit I really liked except it used text speak. It said, Don’t u wish ur faghag was as hot as me? I don’t understand why the text speak was used at all.
*disclaimer: I hope this doesn’t offend anyone. Some of my best friends are faghags. 8)
This totally has 21st century Pygmalion written all over it. I see two moderately tattooed college professors, one named Henry Higgins but goes by the name Hank, the other named Charlotte Pickering but goes by the name Pick, who debate the lamentable shape of internet communication and the concern that it may be lowering the bar of what is accepted as strong communication. This debate results in Pick issuing a challenge. She will choose a person who believes he or she writes well, but in fact has very poor written communication skills. The subject will audit a year of classes from Hank. At the end of the year Pick will grade all essays turned in by Hank’s students, with names removed. The measure of success is to be Pick’s ability or inability to identify which essay was submitted by the subject.
my name is ms [paint]?
My name used to be ms [dos].
I used to be ms [word], myself.
*is now confused again about SC’s gender persuasion*
“I’m Not Only The President of Book Club For Idiots, I’m Also an Idiot.”
Of course not.
Nesting & mobile device fail
Ten stars for your writing license? Tell me, did you get all ten stars on the same book, or did you have to write ten different books to get them?
Then again, if those stars were for various grammatical infractions, color me unsurprised.
I had a grammatical infarction due to reading this ad.
So part of your grammar died due to a blocked artery and lack of oxygen to the subject matter? That’s intense!
I DID IT! THE SIDE BAR IS MINE! MINE!!!! Bwahahaha!
And now it’s not.
😀
8p
Gather round, Dave, Hammy, ferrets. Hammy, leave the ferrets alone. Dave, stop smacking Hammy with the newspaper. Ferrets, stop. . . oh, never mind. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Self!
For the record, I would buy a YSaC book in a minute!
Thanks, Fire! I hope you’ll keep reading and commenting — this may be our sole outlet, but it’s one we love doing!