YSaC, Vol. 1556: Moo.
2013 July 15
Want to be human livestock in a photo shoot?
Models needed. Male/female any age/race. Need you for two shots. One. getting rounded up in the street. Two, put in the back of a van.
The shoot is about people being gathered like cattle and slaughtered.
Should be fun. May be slightly messy. Everything will wash off! Promise.
Early Saturday afternoon in [Neighborhood].
No. No, I do NOT want to be human livestock in a photo shoot. No.
Despite the fact that my anthropomorphic personification on this site is an ostrichy/emu-y thing, and my coauthor is a camelid in a habit, I can pretty much guarantee that neither of us wishes to be photographed in such a fashion.
Also, what’s with the old guy? No, wait, you know what? I don’t want to know.
Now go away.
(Thanks for the post, Cori!)
Are we talking Pulp Fiction messy or Magic Christian messy? Or maybe even Shaun of the Dead messy. On a scale of one to ten, with one being Spirited Away and ten being Cannibal Holocaust, how messy are we talking here? The clothes may wash but the brain takes special handling.
Er… Maybe “Princess Mononoke” messy?
Or “Paprika” messy?
“Ménage à Trois” messy?
Lwaxana was a bit of a slob.
Good Monday morning, Windy!!!!…..high expectations?….nah!!!!!!!!
Sharknado II messy.
How ’bout High School of the Dead messy? That anime is super-gory.
“Should be fun.”
In my experience, the type of people who organize and/or participate in a photo shoot that portrays the human existance as being gathered and slaughtered like cattle usually are not carefree, fun loving people.
Soylent Green is Sparkies!
Free cookbook with every “photo shoot”!
Bllleeeccch! That’s as unapperizing as leftover day-old rat tart.
I think they prefer to be called rats of the evening, Cap’n.
Just do what the dwarves do and put on extra ketchup.
Fine, I’ll go for the shoot.
But only if I can dress up in a lion suit and hold a sign over my head proclaiming that I am Not.An.SC.
Because SCs are not cattle, thank you kindly.
(Actually, I think I’m a type of plant the Joker uses in his laughing gases.)
Ooh, I can corey that!
[Joker corey] Joker toxin is primarily comprised of hydrogen cyanide and a strychnine derivative; the cyanide could come from the pits of fruits such as cherries or apricots and the strychnine would come from the fruit of an Indian tree called nux-vomica. [/Joker corey]
Why do I know that?
Ghostiiie, do you happen to be acquainted with a Mr. Bruce Wayne?
(Also, Joker Corey isn’t making nearly enough horrible puns to be called Joker Corey.)
They would be Riddler Coreys then.
I think I’ve heard that name somewhere before. Maybe.
Heeey, why does it sound like Arkham Asylum on your end of the comment?
Rounded up how — lassos, whips, cattle prods, dogs, bulldozers, SWAT teams, or Justin Bieber music? There are some things I can’t tolerate even with a shower afterwards.
“Hey kid. I run a special school for wizards, and you’re a wizard! Now c’mon, get in the back of the van.”
Oh, great, now I can never watch Harry Potter again.
My childhood; it weeps.
You should be thanking TC for that service!
Uh-huh, I’ve heard how fun the holocaust was. Do I get to wear a party hat?
In Soviet Russia…
Photo Shoot You.
*POW!*
Gah! My kidneys!
And if you were Ensign Kenny, it’d be your spleen.
Well, thank god I was in a blue shirt, then!
At least they don’t die quite as often!
I’ve already had my shots. One. got it right in the arm. Two, put it in the backside of my can.
Will we be done by Prevening?
I mean, it was the only logical follow-up to the Human Centipede franchise.
Now, for the taglines:
One head, four legs, four stomachs, and a thirst for blood.
Because someone said we couldn’t name it Slaughterhouse Six
Wait, Animal Farm was an allegory?
That would have to be Slaughterhouse Tom Six .
“Should be fun. May be slightly messy. Everything will wash off! Promise.”
Probably not a great idea to respond to any Craigslist ad that contains these words.
I don’t know, andy…maybe in a “w4m” posting….
Yeah, but this is Craigslist we’re talking about.
Used toilet?
Babby stoller?
Table?
Can?
Pure bread?
Vintage cereal?
Stuff?
#2 meat gerberts?
Grandma’s teeth?
Hot butter carpet burrito?
I think you are right andy, I don’t think I’ll find any ad that works with that.
Not.A.Serial.Killer
“It rubs the cattle blood into its skin….”
That’s where they get Red Bull.
It gives you wings! Also, Hepatitis A.
Hey, I’ve got a lot of friends that would love to be a part of a film shoot like this, if not myself; what with The Walking Dead filming in Atlanta I’ve heard of stranger calls for extras.
It’s a film shoot, right? They’re going to let you out of the truck, right?
Nope.
Too many ‘horny’ males ?
Sounds like a lot of bull to me…
I’ve herd worse……
Moo.
That’s udderly ridiculous!
We wouldn’t steer you wrong!
What if there’s porking involved?
You are going to keep milking this, aren’t you?
I always suspected this thread cud get ridiculous.
I hope the weather’s cloudy. Or you’ll end up bacon in the hot sun.
OK, now you’re just hamming it up.
What? No, we’re just keeping the topic mooving, andy!
We have quite a range of jokes to cover still. Don’t hoof it out of here too soon.
Puns we spawn.
Buns with spam.
Run-slip-bam.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighboorhood.
Hello children. We are going to learn about cattle prods today. That’s right. You are going to learn about being a cow. No, we’re not going to the land of make believe today. You know why? Because today is going to get too real for you. Yeah, now get in the van.
Well I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s for your own good. You see, he’s the van driver. After you get rounded up and herded into the van, he will pay the “director”. He will then drive all of you to an undisclosed place. (probably an abandond farm. I’m sure you know about an abandoned farm near where you live.)(See? You do know of one don’t you? That proves I’m right.) But before he slaughters you, there are much worse things he has planned for you.
See, I bet you are wondering how I know this stuff. Well I’ll tell you for your own good. See, you are expecting movie cameras to be there but there won’t be any. That is because movie cameras are expensive. Unlike the Polaroid camera they are likely to use for the “photo” shoot. Being rounded up and herded into a van is better translated into video rather than still photography.
That is why you will be really sorry if you get in the van with Mr. Creepy. Being a photo shoot is just a ploy.
It’s a PSA.
If you don’t want to be herded like cattle and slaughtered, avoid [Neighborhood] in Ish.
zero.nada.none, you have all the qualities we look for in a commentator around here. You aren’t easily offended and you made a funny! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mr. Spielberg!