YSaC, Vol. 1555: Tool for Cats
Customized Cat Box
Hello, and thank you for taking the time to check out my ad!
I am looking for someone to make a totally custom made cat litter box for my cat Princess Puss.
I am willing to pay $50-200 depending on how happy I am with it, and the quality of your work. If you just take a giant storage container, cut a hole in it, and paint it pink, then don’t expect anything. I expect QUALITY work.
Also, please be prepared to give me at least 3 PROFESSIONAL references (NOT friends and family!!!) as well as to possibly bring/show some samples of your work.
You may use whatever materials you desire, as long as it can be totally broken down and every single piece can withstand a regular thorough scrubbing. (And of course her scratching, clawing, and etc.)
That being said, I do have an idea of the type of paint job I want her box to have.
I want it to be sort of a fuschia color, w/ some sort of metallic/glittery aspect to it. I also want her name in SCRIPT at the top, along w/ a crown. I also want little kitty paw-prints all over, and maybe some little fishies, birdies, or other “kitty” oriented type stuff.
Oh, and it also needs to have either a little flap or swinging door so she can come in and out and still have her privacy.
And there needs to be a “vent” of some sort in the top, so she doesn’t suffocate while she’s in there.
If you are interested, send me an e-mail with any questions you may have, and a phone number, and I will call you as soon as I can.
Thank you for your time, and have a great day!
True story – I used to share a house with someone who owned a cat named “Sweetie.” As you could probably guess, it was one of the most codependent animals I have ever met. Somehow I’m guessing that “Princess Puss” either a) falls into the same category or b) absolutely despises owner Sparky here.
You want someone who will produce three references and work samples, just so you can deign to pay them $200 to design, build, and paint a custom made disassemble-able cat box. Make that a hideous custom made cat box. Good luck with that.
Tell you what – for $50, I’ll drive you to PetCo to buy a damn cat box and some stickers. For an extra $50, I might even drive you back from PetCo. I’d watch out, though – in the time you’re gone, Princess Puss may have figured out how to poison your vitamin water.
Thanks for the post, Elizabeth!
I often wonder what my former customers get up to.
Then I shake it off and beverage again.
I submitted this one–I love that this site actually reads our emails/quotes. Dan, I really appreciate you posting.
I still find this post lol-worthy.
Elizabeth, we wouldn’t be able to run the site without reader submissions, so thanks for submitting!
All this, and ‘Princess’ will still regularly herk up hairballs and bring you half-eaten mice as a token of her undying love.
Or, possibly as a warning.
Unlike this squirrel, my love for you will never die.
My cats would have preferred something more Bauhaus. Or maybe they wouldn’t have cared, provided that I kept it clean.
My cat just steals my bedroom when I’m not using it.
And since I seem to be enjoying sleeping on the couch even though I have nothing holding me to it, this means the cat owns my room until I decide I like my bed again.
Day 78: Human still suspects nothing. I have figured out the meaning of the small square of plastic with the numbers. I have managed to push random buttons on the “phone.” Soon I will combine this knowledge and skill, and see how far I can go. I know Bad Horse is still hiring.
Princess Puss, Demonic Feline Ruler of Apartment 155 for now.
So, when providing PROFESSIONAL references for a custom cat box designing gig, am I expected to disclose how much I paid them?
Do cats count as references?
Long time no see in the lounge, Slash! Er, I mean, and or!
*Snooty upper-classman, places monocle on eye*
Only the most prrristine of litter containers may grrrace my noble feline’s posterrrior.
*coughhack, monocle falls out*
Somebody slap me if I ever do that again without permission.
It should have a Mercedes, a sauna, a swimming pool, and room for a pony. The cat bowls should be Royal Doulton with hand-painted periwinkles, £40 each and irreplaceable.
And the mercedes must be tricked out and also a Transformer. Oh, and the cat bed included must be pure satin, with feather pillows and a 72″ plasma screen high-def TV with DVR and Netflix.
Basic necessities, you know.
To hell with the cat, I want that.
Hark! Is that the sound of very angry growling and a grindstone across claws I hear?
Y’know, Spark’ never specifed a size .
**Ponders using MakerBot to whip up a 2-3 mm sample litter box and dun for RP design fees . . . ***
All of a sudden I feel a little less crazy for having build a custom climbing tower for my cats. At least it’s not glittery or covered in paw prints and little fishies. (There are some yellow stars, though.)
Cats – making their human captors look crazy since time began!
I made an 8′ modular one for the previous generation of my cats back in the day. When one has surplus from a new carpet job, it’s just too tempting.
Mine’s made from an old base cabinet, an over-the-sink cabinet turned upside down, various drawers from the Habitat store, and several yards of burlap. I haven’t measured it, but it’s nearly to the ceiling so it is probably a good ten feet tall and about four feet wide.
Screw this person. I’ll pay whoever builds that contraption $250 to kill it with fire.
$300 if they record the destruction and cut me a DVD so I can watch it burn at my leisure.
If I jury rig a minigun flamethrower, do I get a bonus cut?
Mainly for the inevitable hospital bill?
SC…can you rig the flamethrower to come on when the cat enters the box??? That would be AWESOME!!!!!!……sorry guys, I like dogs… cats are,well,like,you know,.. evil….
Gonna need more time for the wiring required to rig a timed system of activation.
Does anybody else hear the DRD beating on my do-
*Assaulted by red pens*
*Cuts a hole in a large can of almond roca*
Done!
And wait there’s more!
It magically converts kitty “gifts” to candy!
Hammy, you have been such a bad puppy this week! 8) I like that!
Elizabeth, did you notice the other ad this woman posted?
“I am looking for someone to build a totally custom made toilet for myself, the Right Honourable Lady Snootington Uppercrust.
“I am willing to pay $5,000 – $20,000 depending on how happy I am with it. If you just buy a regular display toilet from Home Depot and paint it pink, then don’t expect anything.
“You may use whatever materials you desire, as long as it can be easily and thoroughly scrubbed by my servants, none of whom have names, or if they have I am certainly not aware of it.
“The toilet should include a crown or tiara that automatically lowers onto my exquisite head when I sit down to use it. Also the toilet should be capable of automatically wiping my prissy little ass, since I had to fire the servant originally responsible when she dared make eye contact with me.
“I would like the seat where my distinguished tuchus will rest to be made of solid gold, or gold-plated, or at the very least painted gold with some kind of sparkles or glitter. If you use solid gold, please ensure that the seat is not too heavy to be lifted for use by my husband, the Right Honourable Lord Reginald Fauntleroy Moneygrub Tightwad Uppercrust the Third.”
I know I said that I should be slapped if I channeled my inner snoot, but you have just raised the bar, good TC.
What, there’s no auto-raising system for the toilet seat? Surely one could create a sensor system for the doorway that judges the height of the person entering the bathroom, and raises and lowers the seat accordingly.
No, thank YOU. I’m gratified that I finally found something more worthwhile to do than work on my cure for Leukemia.
Sure, what’s her name? Also- how custom does this need to be? Do I need to start growing some custom trees to make the wood? Or do I need to request some time on the particle accelerator to make you some new atoms for your polymers?
What if I paint it blue, would that be acceptable?
My references for cat house design are all cats. Would a recording of them purring be sufficient?
Poison Oak with plutonium fittings it is! It will be able to withstand all the scratching she’ll survive to make.
I want it to be sort of a fuschia color, w/ some sort of metallic/glittery aspect to it. I also want her name in SCRIPT at the top, along w/ a crown. I also want little kitty paw-prints all over, and maybe some little fishies, birdies, or other “kitty” oriented type stuff.
(INT: A CAT HOUSE. PRINCESS PUSS IS WITHIN)
And there needs to be a “vent” of some sort in the top, so she doesn’t suffocate while she’s in there.
Ah, I was planning on giving it an airtight seal so it could be launched into space, or perform Schrodinger’s Cat experiments. It’s good you told me that.
I have just one question: You are aware that this is a cat, right? The animal that spends 18 hours a day sleeping, 3 hours a day licking itself, 3 hours eating, and 3 hours staring off into space or careening into furniture at high speeds for no discernable reason? The animal who navigates mostly by smell and not by sight? The animal that could be perfectly happy with (and, given the right personality, might actually prefer) a cardboard box, a little pillow, and a bit of catnip in an out-of-the-way place?
Don’t thank me, thank whomever’s going to decorate the rest of your house to match the catbox.
I can’t adore this hard enough.
“Fuchsia?!?! I got something fuchsia for you! Princess Puss is not amused!
Fuschia? I barely know ya!
I’ll just go lock myself in the shame closet, now.
Princess Puss looks like she is wearing Uggs.
This lady is nuts… where’s the holder for the wipes? Now how is Princess Puss going to have a clean and shiny butt?
Man, some pet owners just do not care for their pets very well at all.
[/massive context-appropriate hypocrisy]
Wanted – Customized Cat Box Attendant
Hello, and thank you for taking the time to check out my ad!
I am looking for someone to become a totally custom cat litter box attendant for my cat Princess Puss.
I am willing to pay $5 – 10 depending on how happy I am with you, and the quality of your work. If you just stand outside the box, then don’t expect anything. I expect QUALITY work.
Also, please be prepared to give me at least 3 PROFESSIONAL references (NOT friends and family!!!) as well as to possibly show some examples of your work.
You must be able to withstand being totally broken down and be willing to endure a regular thorough scrubbing. And of course you must tolerate her scratching, clawing, and etc. (My little sweetie pie is a biter.)
That being said, I do have an idea of the type of uniform I want you to have.
I want it to be sort of a fuschia color, w/ some sort of metallic/glittery aspect to it. I also want her name bedazzled in SCRIPT on the back, along w/ a crown. I also want little kitty paw-prints all over, and maybe some little fishies, birdies, or other “kitty” oriented type stuff.
Oh, and it also needs to have either epaulettes or loads of fringe so she can be entertained while you attend to her needs.
And there needs to be a “hat” or “veil” of some sort on top, so she doesn’t have to look at you and feel embarrassed while she’s in there.
If you are interested, send me an e-mail with any questions you may have, a photo or sketch of your uniform, and a phone number, and I will call you as soon as I can.
Thank you for your time, and have a great day!
On the plus side, at least everything is spelled correctly! o_O
Shopping list:
-Styrofoam
-Pink spray paint
-Broken Corona bottle from parking lot (+ my Blendtec blender = the glitter)
-One of the Cake Wrecks decorators to handle the personalizing
There, done.
I seem to recall from my youth that Styrofoam plus spray paint usually equals a melted puddle of goo.
A bit chilly in the Lounge this afternoon.
I’m so impressed with your designer quilt collection!
Ok, this has been nagging at me, off and on, the whole morning.
See, I’ve more than a little bit of experience in this being a “designer” (to include some consumer product design, too).
So, the question of just what sorts of professional cat litter box designer are “out there” catches my attention.
And, just how likely is it rhat Phil Glass or Jon Phillip Davis are reading the Podunk CL listings?
Sadly, I am all too familiar with this sort of design client.
What this one wants is a $500 (!?) cat litterbox that only costs $50. They put that $200 in there as no one would answer the ad without it–but they have no intention of paying that much. In fact, they’d really prefer to pay $40–even if it costs $250 to make.
It’s frustrating to work with, whether the product is a catbox, a mansion, or an office building. Particularly when you discover that they are fine with hanging a Picasso from the wall with thumbtacks . . .
Of course there’s the crazy-cat-owner aspect, but the part of this ad that I find most interesting is the concept of variable payment depending on how happy the recipient is with the quality of the work. Imagine if you were to apply this concept to other transactions!
“Oh, I know the menu says the steak dinner is $18.99, but I just wasn’t all that happy with it. Here’s $1.68.”
“Your nightly rate may be $139, but the quality of the hotel just wasn’t quite up to my expectations. Therefore I’m paying $29.”
“I didn’t enjoy this movie. I expect a refund!”
I’m going to save so much money! Thanks, Crazy Cat Sparky!
Where I come from cats use the next-door gardens as their ‘litter boxes’. Some may choose to shit under fuschia bushes, others don’t. I suggest we send a YSaC top team to xxxx, kidnap Princess Puss and demand a $200 + ransom. To hell with making a custom built pace for a cat …..
Yup -two comments on one post. Anyone else think pron for
” I do have an idea of the type of paint job I want her box to have.
I want it to be sort of a fuschia color, w/ some sort of metallic/glittery aspect to it. I also want her name in SCRIPT at the top, along w/ a crown. I also want little kitty paw-prints all over, and maybe some little fishies, birdies, or other “kitty” oriented type stuff.
Oh, and it also needs to have a little flap”
Certainly would challenge a bedazzler!
Just me then …… corner?
It was just you, now I’m getting some disturbing images.
Fer crissakes, it’s a box for your cat to poop in. Why make it all glittery and junk? I don’t throw confetti when my dog poops in the bushes.
Other than that one memorable holiday season when Fearless got ahold of some tinsel, my litter boxes have been quite utilitarian and I’ve never had any complaints.
Reality Check: This is a box for pooping and peeing. It’s not Game of Thrones.
Hammy, go show those cats how it’s done, out in the yard! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Squeeze Cats!