YSaC, Vol. 1547: I believe you have my stapler.
Water cooler supervisor needed PART-TIME JOB
We are a small, fast paced company looking to add to our strong team. We are seeking a reliable and punctual person. Part-time position only.
Interviewer: So, tell me why you would be a good fit for our company.
Sparky: I have lots of experience leaning nonchalantly against a water cooler. I’m able to start conversations about at least twelve different television shows and/or sporting events, and can prattle on endlessly about the weather when the situation requires it. I know how to change a water cooler jug, even that annoying kind where the top is totally open and you end up pouring water all over the place when you turn it upside down. I have an internal clock that alerts me when other employees have spent more than their allotted three minutes in pursuit of refreshment. I can refrain from visiting the rest room for up to twelve hours at a time regardless of how much water I consume in the course of my duties.
Interviewer: You’re hired!
Thanks, Laurell!
This sounds like a difficult job. No breaks!
Yeah but it’s only part-time, so you don’t have to go as long without one.
I’m guessing someone else on their “strong team” actually lifts the big bottle into the water cooler (those things are heavy), and this new “supervisor” just watches and makes sure they do it. Sounds easy enough. And here I wasted 4 years getting a college degree.
Does this “part-time position only” have the potential to move into a full-time water cooler supervisor position? After all, I’m not looking for just a job, I’m looking for a career.
In this case, wouldn’t a break consist of sitting down at a desk and making phone calls, typing something, etc. ?
I know just the guy.
*shuffling through degree file*
Aha…found it! And Dad said I would never be able to get a job with my Humanities degree. This is perfect.
:takes deodorant out of medicine cabinet:
I have Degree! Does that mean I’m qualified as well?
ghostie, do you know how to apply your Degree?
Directly to the forehead?
In a circular motion?
You all scoff, but you have no idea how out-of-control this particular water cooler gets! It requires full-time supervision & you’re only being hired part-time. The last time I took my eyes off it, it was pinching Sheila from Muffin Supervision’s rear. That thing’s been watching too much Mad Men.
The water coolers on Mad Men are full of martinis. The part-time employee’s job is to ask “Olive or onion?”
It must be a large cooler for the big chill.
“Hello applicant, what is your name?”
“The Fonz”
“What are your qualifications for the job at hand”
“I can make anything cooler! Ayyyyyyy”
I think I may be over qualified. I used to supervise an ice chest. Ice chests are cooler water coolers than a regular water cooler. They are more complicated too. Regular water coolers have only cool water while ice chests have super cool water quite often with cans and bottles of carbonated beverages mixed in. I also have experience with water heaters. Water heaters make water hotter than water coolers. Water heaters usually don’t have cans in them but you can get a hot water bottle. This makes water heaters more complicated than water coolers too. If they had a water heater and a water cooler, then you could have warmer water but touching that when you are asleep could make you have an accident. This is why you need a supervisor for water coolers, water super coolers, water heaters, and water warmers. Safety first is what I always say.
And punctual means you know how to use punctuation, right?
No, in sparkii, “punctual” means you doan haffa take no lessens in ‘Bein’ ‘it on’t’ ‘ead’ at all an’ git tha’ [smack] jug replaced [pow] now [thud]!.
Sorry, Brer, You’re Over-Qualified.
So, Brother Brer, is your college degree in cool water-coolers, with a minor in warm water-coolers (sic) ? You know corporate America now requires a college diploma for every job, including parking attendant.
I had alot riding on my degree, now it’s all wrinkled and has alot poop on it. I don’t think it’s worth much any more. Sometimes alot happens, then you got nothing to show for it. Alot is keeping me from being employed as a supervisor. Maybe I can work as an advisor instead.
What has the poor alot ever done to you?
Sorry, I misspoke earlier… I should have said “corporate America now requires a college diploma for every job, including spark(y)ing attendant.” There, I fixed it for me.
Uncle Owen: “What I really need is a droid who understands the binary language of moisture vaporators.”
C-3PO: “Sir, my first job was programming binary loadlifters—very similar to your vaporators in most respects.”
*leans back against the water cooler*
I was supervising water coolers before water coolers were cool…
Yeah? Well I was superintending to supervise water coolers, but was sidetracked by an unsupervised water color. I was red with embarrassment and it really paints me to say so.
This ad posted by Sparkletts.
I hate when the Sparkletts trucks pass me on the street. Oh, Shiney!
I have extensive experience in wine-cooler supervision. I’ve supervised wine-coolers of all different colors (of red). Having to supervise a clear liquid, though…now that’s a challenge.
[corey] I am guessing it is relating to a supervisor position for the technicians who service a water cooling system for a large factory or lumber mill. [/corey]
…oh….
[anticorey]
[/anticorey]
Actually, my guess is that it’s for a company that provides and services water coolers to businesses and individuals. I just deliberately chose the more humorous interpretation.
I was thinking a different water cooler situation:
http://www.thetvaddict.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Homer_At_Work_01262512-2.jpg
The Good, The Bad, and The TacoMagic! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Richarino!