YSaC, Vol. 1543: Everything really, really must go.
2013 June 26
Hey folks, it’s time for our annual* YSaC Clearance Sale!
Let’s see what we’ve got:
autistic guitar
vaccination cleaner – $200
Mental Black Crate $80
Free Commode Bowel
Sliver bracelet – $10
!!!!! Mussel machine Toys !!!!
several hore items for sale
Berger prostate firewall
Bedroom suit
genital horses
Whirlpoop Washer – $60
Everything must go! No, seriously, make it go away. Now.
Thanks, Tutecht, Jodi, KN, Tim, Gary, Carla, GM, Mike, Alex, Ray, and SD!
*Note: has never happened before, and will likely never happen again.
By the way, the vaccination cleaner had nothing to do with the guitar’s autism.
The commode bowel and the Whirlpoop Washer should be sold as a set, for free.
*visualizes $80*
Okay, I’ll take that mental crate now.
Was it on your mental list? 8)
Most of these I can figure out what the author intended. “Berger prostate firewall”, however, leaves me baffled. Congratulations, AutoCorrect, you win again.
Whatever it is, it sounds painful.
I’m afraid I’ve reached the age where, while I don’t actually know what one is, I probably need a “Berger prostate firewall.” If it will help my, er,well,you know…computer region.
Barracuda proxy firewall. My boyfriend is a computer geek.
Really? I thought it was Pro State Firewall. Hmmmmm. Sparky is more sneaky than I thought!
“Berger prostate firewall”. Simone Berger is credited with the creation of the first of it’s kind “prostate firewall”. Well know for their motto, “Keeps the bad guys out of your system!”
“Berger prostate firewall”
Protection from flashback when you light a fart after eating a Big Mac…
HamCan…why on earth would you ever want to do something like that?!?!?!…eat a Big Mac, I mean?
To cure my assburger syndrome?
Berger Prostate Firewall is my Daft Punk cover band.
:waves sign:
Free Commodore Bowel!
:whispers:
What do you mean I spelled it wrong? Fine!
:corrects sign:
Free Comrade Bowel!
Pssst…ghostie….I believe you misspelled ‘misjay’.
And here I was in the market for an electric grave bowel.
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=4648
My pet mussels have been pining for some new machine toys, so that sounds perfect for them. I’m not sure I have enough exclamation points to purchase them, though. Do you have change for a semi-colon?
I suspect the only people contemplating the whirlpoop washer, are people who REALLY need a whirlpoop washer.
“GENITAL HORSES” ???? No thanks……..
They mean Genital Hoses. You know, to… attach… er… Hey look, an ice cream truck!
O.K….Still, “Genital Hoses”?????…No thanks….. Fixed it.
Genital Hoses is a Sex Pistils cover band.
Unless Spark’ means Gentile Hose, IF’s Pippi Longstocking performance troupe.
Talk to your kids about genital horses. This new fast-rising disease is spreading quickly among those who are sexually active and in the at-risk groups. If you notice foals forming, stop sexual activity immediately and see your doctor.
With medications, such as daily Equinozite, the horse outbreaks can be controlled and bridled. Remember, even when taking Equinozite you are still contagious and may still spread horses to your partner. Side effects of Equinozite include the galloping trots, spontaneous whinnying, and a sore throat that may make you a little horse.
I’m allergic to Equinozite, it makes me break out in hives. It was a bit annoying at first, but now I find the constant buzzing to be quite soothing. Plus I get free honey!
Whirlpoop washer – what happens when “Tim The Tool Man” Taylor adds more power to a bidet.
Pressed Rat and Warthog have closed down their shop,
They didn’t want to – ’twas all they had got.
Selling atonal apples, amplified heat,
And Pressed Rat’s collection of dog legs and feet.
Bedroom suit, similar to birthday suit but with more accessories, can lead to several hore items, genital horses, inappropriate use of the Berger brand prostate firewall, and several other undesireable results. Keep your bedroom suit locked safely in your mental black crate unless you have all necessary protection, and after each use make sure to apply the vaccination cleaner with full-strength cleaning solution. If you live in areas of hard water, never ever use tap water in your vaccination cleaner. If you do, you’ll never get the taste of hard water stain out of your mouth. If you use a water softener, never ever use your tap water in your vaccination cleaner. You’ll never get the taste of pool cleaner mixed with salt out of your mouth. Users who have ignored this warning have also reported a chemical odor rather than the Berger brand’s patended “Rose By Any Other Name” aroma emanating from urine and bowel movements. Use only pure, distilled, triple-filtered, reverse osmosis water in your vaccination cleaner for best results. Never use alcohol, especially tequila, in your vaccination cleaner. Testing has shown this to be unsafe both for the equipment and for the user.
Sometimes I shouldn’t let the story write itself. This one resulted in a little too much toilet humor.
That sliver bracelet will go great with my crown of thorns.
I’m an excellent player. I play real slow on the driveway.
For use on a pipe organ after certain uses.
For all of your conspiracy needs.
‘Cuz nobody should have to pay for that shit.
But you have to have a pair of tweezers to remove it.
I look at your shots, and I see they need cleaning,
While my guitar gently rocks.
I look at this list, and I can’t find the meaning,
Still my guitar rocks and rocks.
Genital horses couldn’t drag me away
Gen, genital horses, we’ll cure them some day
Genital horses couldn’t drag me away
Gen, genital horses, we’ll cure them some day.
Awl I teams lusted our solid ass is, know warning tea esspresso ore in pied.
HamCan, Does it concern anyone else (besides me) that I can almost, but not quite, not misunderstand what you might have just said???????
I’d pick up this guitar, but I’d worried it would launch into an extended solo on its own in the break between songs, and then would be all awkward around the other guitars. But I hear they’re doing wonderful things with music therapy these days.
Stop picking on him, you will cause dischord!
So late today, but I can say with certainty I want nothing a hore owned. So I’m just going to put this in my mental black crate with all my painful high school memories and call it a day. Someone needs me, I’ll be beveraging in the corner with the ” cool” kids.
I’d be a “cool” kid if I could figure out how to turn down the thermostat on my Berger prostate firewall. I think it needs new genital hoses.
Along similar lines, there is currently a guitar on my local Craigslist with a paint job described as “eerie dess swirl.”
Andy, submit it! We could have fun with that one. 8)
I dunno, that “eerie dess” paint was really the only part of the ad that was snarkworthy.
TC, I hope you were able to get that vaccination cleaner. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, St. Joseph, Michigan!