YSaC, Vol. 1541: Du Ring An Meinem Klopapier
We have a good friend who is currently attempting to sell his house. He’s getting lots and lots of advice on “staging.” “Staging” is apparently where, when you’re trying to sell something, you go out of your way to showcase it in the most attractive possible way.
So lets say, hypothetically, you were trying to sell your engagement and wedding rings. What would be the best way to go about staging them?
Hearts on Fire engagement ring and 0.5 ct wedding band – $2500
Certified 0.61 carat, round Hearts On Fire diamond ring. 4-prong setting in 14K yellow gold. Ring was gently worn, but in amazing condition. Beautiful clarity and sparkle when held up to the light. American Gemological Society certificate comes with ring. Appraised at $3800. Looking for $2000 OBO.
Wedding band is 0.5 ct diamond in 14K yellow gold. Bought ring for $700, looking for $500 OBO.
Both rings are approximately a women’s size 6, but in true gold so they can be resized if necessary. Looking to sell together or separate. Please contact me via email. Cash only.
Yep – pretty much exactly not that.
Thanks for the post, M&D!
Well, that relationship is in the crapper! I heard it went to pot after an epic seat up/down battle.
I heard it was his inability to ac-commode-ate her needs that flushed it.
If only Sparkinetta had managed to work a duck face into the pic.
..oooh…or an angry cat fotobomb, amiright?
Seriously, though, didn’t this come in a box?
…
What, corner already?! I didn’t even say anything yet!
Two rings to rule them all, and in the loo to bind them. A sure sign you need more fiber in your diet. And a good couples counselor. And maybe better tile in the necessary room.
Looks like Sparkette managed to rescue the rings as her marriage went down the toilet.
Oh no…I’ve seen this one before. Next thing you know this dude is threatening a blind old lady, and stalking his ex who is now living in an adorable cottage in the Pacific Northwest, dating a really cool college professor, and both of them have absolutely stunning hair.
Yeah, it does not end well.
C”….J”, your sense of pre-science and detail gave me a real shiver….Are you leaving anything out? Something you need to tell us?
Well…in wit-sec they tell us not to divulge too much.
I suck at following orders.
At leasr the lid is dowm–however, thst the “smell gud” can is holding it down is disquieting.
The cat’s not finished with his bath yet.
Is that sparkette’s foot to the right of the facecloth? Wait, is that a facecloth? I just tried rolling a facecloth up and threading it through my size 8 ring and guess what! No way! So what is that? Oh, please don’t tell me it’s toilet tissue 🙁
I think it’s a paper towel. Translate Klopapier to be sure. 8)
I thought it was his *special* sock.
Another marriage down the drain? Tough shit, that’s still too many obos for carbon-based non-life forms.
I’ve been looking for ages for the right ring to bedazzle my toilet brush. It’s perfect, I’ll take it!
Geez, IF…you’re taking this whole staging thing to a new level. Well played, sir.
As my wife and I discovered, staging is necessary because if you take a perfectly beautiful house and empty it completely of everything, prospective homebuyers are completely incapable of envisioning their crap in said house. Hopeful sellers must therefore rent incredibly beautiful stage pieces the likes of which the eventual homebuyer could never afford and will instead replace with their own vintage college furniture in the “tits-aside” motif. Likewise, this seller should’ve staged this jewelry by finding somebody who could pass for a pin-up model willing to lay across a pristine bear skin rug in bare skin while holding a beer to entice male buyers of the “perverted” motif to buy these beautiful pieces of jewelry. As currently staged, the jewelry currently only appeals to plumbers. After all, it is only them who truly appreciate the quality of toilet paper with sufficient strength on which to build such an important relationship.
That was so beautiful. *Sniff* My life won’t be so empty anymore.
When I was house-hunting most of the places I looked at were sans furniture, I actually preferred it that way. The house I ended up buying had furniture, but it was more of a hinderance than anything else (A forest green and dark burgundy striped couch with off-white carpet and bright orange sherbet walls? Yuck. And don’t get me started on the grey and brown peel-and-stick tiles.) I had to mentally remove everything and brain-remodel it before I decided to buy.
When my mom died, we put a lot of work into prepping her house for sale. We worked with a realtor and all agreed that even though it was a fabulous house on its own merits, pulling up the carpet and refinishing the hardwood floors underneath, giving it a new paint job in a neutral color, replacing any odd fixtures and some minimalistic but artful staging would probably help the sale. Not all of her old furnishings were appropriate, but we went through them and he picked out some pieces to use, and approved our choices of new light fixtures, curtains, etc.
After we left, he changed out half the stuff we’d done, rented some pretentious furniture, considerably overshooting the budget we’d all signed off on, and then billed us for it. He figured we’d be so overjoyed at the selling price, we’d overlook our agreement. He figured wrong. Another relationship down the tubes….
Wait a minute, ghostcat…are you saying you DIDN’T like the forest green and burgundy striped couch with off-white carpet and bright orange sherbet walls? I think the last time Architectural Digest visited Donald Trump that’s the way his den was decorated. Or wait, maybe that was my ex wife’s trailer. Never mind…….
From the way the light was bouncing off the hideous linoleum, I thought the rings were on a dog’s paw.
My first thought was the rings were being displayed on a tampon. 🙁
It’d have to be of the extra-extra-long variety.
Wish I could find an audio clip, but if Sparky had only listened to this song, things might have gone another way.
Why do I get the feeling this is a ring the plumber fished out of the sink pipes, or worse, the toilet?
(Advice to all people on the internet: unless you are selling your house and want to include a photo of the bathroom, don’t take pictures in the bathroom)
nojazzie, unlike the rings, you ended up in the box. Smile! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Scotty Wolfe!
That’s the thing about “staging” — there are people who take it way too seriously, and put tons of wasted effort into achieving some imagined benefit, when most of the time it really doesn’t make nearly as much difference as they’ve convinced themselves it does. Like a nightclub light show (trust me, or perhaps you’ll pick up on it now that you’ve read this), most people don’t even consciously notice it, unless it’s going terribly wrong… at which point it suddenly becomes glaringly apparent. Everybody can spot a really bad light show.
There’s far greater opportunity to screw up and sabotage yourself than to really increase the value by that much, when you try too hard with photos of things you’re selling online. Most people should stop thinking “make it look desirable”, and focus on “don’t make it look offputting” instead.