YSaC, Vol. 1510: I’ll tweet you.
Did you leave a baby bird on my doorstep 2 or 3 yrs ago?
Please contact me. Anonymous is ok. I need to know the situation the bird came from
Why yes, I did leave a baby cockatiel on your doorstep 2 or 3 years ago. His name was Fruit. See, I was so strung out on birdseed that I didn’t know which way to flap. I figured I could just leave him there, go molt on my own, and then come back when I was ready to regurgitate worms again. But life never works out quite the way you’ve planned, you know? Suddenly I was off migrating down south, and one thing led to another and I ended up in that fight with that flamingo, and next thing I know I’m doing six months in a pet shop in the Keys. If it wasn’t for that fire and the weird guy with the suit I wouldn’t have been able to bust out of that place. He saved us all, even the snakes. After that, I got clean the hard way, if you know what I mean — it took a lot of grooming and a lot of crackers, but I managed. I earned some money by pretending that I could dance in time with the Backstreet Boys; ah, that was a sweet gig while it lasted. After that I did a stint on Telegraph Hill, but I got kicked out when they figured out I wasn’t actually a parrot. So … how’s little Fruit? Does he ever squawk about me?
Thanks, Sara!
I think Sparky is trying to pick up chicks.
The Situation doesn’t have birds. Neither does Snooki.
Birds, no. Crabs may be another story.
May be?
If you watch Colbert, you’ll know crabs are having a rough time of it due to an increased removal of pubic hair.
I didn’t know shellfish had those.
When I watch Colbert, he is fully clothed. How can you ascertain his pubic hair/crabs condition?
Love the Pee Wee’s big adventure reference.
…basement of the Alamo….
*snicker*
I’m just jazzed that I actually got that one.
“We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us… to leave baby birds on your porch.”
Poor Horton, Maisie Bird is never coming back!
No…but I can flip you the bird if that will help.
Now that’s a reality show I would watch. Just can’t decide if it should be on Animal Planet or Comedy Central.
Alternate show suggestion – Pimp My Parakeet.
First contestant:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xznbqq_90-year-old-woman-does-double-backflip_fun#.UY1vOyR6cqI
<is sad–somewhere out there is a bird doing without a Brain>
Fruit and his brother Time are doing just fine, but the little fella’s been going through an awkward phase. Time flies like an arrow, but Fruit flies like a banana.
I less-than-three you for that, Duckie.
You can thank my spirit guide, Groucho.
That took me rereading that to get it ghosty.
Why? Does the bird now need a new kidney, and you’re looking for a donor? Nice try!
Found footage of Sparky and the foundling. I can see why he’s concerned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mALNyHFqw14
Typical two-year-old.
Well, since you asked, I’m really much more of a baby person, so I was ecstatic when one showed up on my doorstep, so much so I didn’t even consider contacting the proper authorities. But you know, they just don’t stay babies forever. Sad, really. Now that it’s an unruly rebellious mouthy teenager, I’ve reconsidered my stance and would like to return it. Why did I teach it to talk!? Now it won’t shut its pie hole! Please relieve me of all responsibility for this living being I have raised as my own for the last two years immediately. Please. I’m begging you. Just remember, if something bad happens, the responsibility lies at your feet. I’m begging… just shut up! You shut up right now! Who brings home the bird seed? I don’t see you out there busting your tail feathers! You think I like telemarketing? No! Shut your freaking beak right now or I’ll shut it for you!
Uh. Happy Mother’s Day?
“We came to this neighborhood and replaced the baby kitties with these baby boobies to see if anyone could tell the difference.”
Sparky, it took you over two years to discover that your kitty was replaced by a birdy.
That explains all of the “SLOW” signs in your neighborhood.
Unless the baby bird was a titmouse, who would name their bird Anonymous?
There are pedigree issues with birds? For f*ck sake! If its abandoned its not going to come from royalty forget it !
Actually, my baby peachface flew away three years ago. If this was posted in Australia, I might be able to answer him. His name was Sweeney Todd, and apparently he wasn’t too fond of the cat.
TC, limelolly, ghostie, thanks for your coordinated snark! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mr. Reubens!