YSaC, Vol. 1503: Just type the title here, dammit!
This is more fail in one place than I have seen in a long time. Real names have been removed to protect the incompetent. Let’s just say that you have definitely heard of [company]. I doubt, however, you’ll be hearing much from [Person A] or [Person B].
Administrative assistant
[Company] requires a Skilled and dedicated Administrative Assistant, Office Executive and Receptionist for its New York office. Applicant would be coordinating, planning and supporting daily operational and administrative functions. Scheduling meetings, coordinating travel and managing all essentials tasks. We require someone who is highly focused and able to identify goals and priorities and resolve issues in initial stages. Highly skilled in greeting guests with a positive attitude and helping them with their needs. Should be proficient in Microsoft Office. Position opens to students. Send in your updated resume.
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Copy and paste the job description above in the space provided for it
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Did you get that?
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:03 PM): okay I will do it now
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:04 PM): Compensation: $15-$20/Hr + Attractive Wages
[Company] requires a Skilled and dedicated Administrative Assistant, Office Executive and Receptionist for its New York office. Applicant would be coordinating, planning and supporting daily operational and administrative functions. Scheduling meetings, coordinating travel and managing all essentials tasks. We require someone who is highly focused and able to identify goals and priorities and resolve issues in initial stages. Highly skilled in greeting guests with a positive attitude and helping them with their needs. Should be proficient in Microsoft Office. Position opens to students. Send in your updated resume.
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Copy and paste the job description above in the space provided for it
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Did you get that?
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:03 PM): okay I will do it now
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:04 PM): Compensation: $15-$20/Hr + Attractive Wages
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:07 PM): I am trying to copy and paste the information
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:09 PM): Okay
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:09 PM): Let me know when you are done with that
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:10 PM): I’m having problems copying and pasting the info. I try to highlighted adn then go to edit and click copy. can you help me please?
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): [Company] requires a Skilled and dedicated Administrative Assistant, Office Executive and Receptionist for its New York office. Applicant would be coordinating, planning and supporting daily operational and administrative functions. Scheduling meetings, coordinating travel and managing all essentials tasks. We require someone who is highly focused and able to identify goals and priorities and resolve issues in initial stages. Highly skilled in greeting guests with a positive attitude and helping them with their needs. Should be proficient in Microsoft Office. Position opens to students. Send in your updated resume.
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Copy and paste the job description above in the space provided for it
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Did you get that?
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:03 PM): okay I will do it now
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:04 PM): Compensation: $15-$20/Hr + Attractive Wages
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:07 PM): I am trying to copy and paste the information
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:09 PM): Okay
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:09 PM): Let me know when you are done with that
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:10 PM): I’m having problems copying and pasting the info. I try to highlighted adn then go to edit and click copy. can you help me please?
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:11 PM): Just click and drag the content I sent to you from our conversation menu and as soon as the job description i sent to you has been highlighted press “control + c” or right click and click on copy
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:12 PM): Hope am clear?
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:12 PM): is there an easier way to do it
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:13 PM): Am afraid there isnt. Unless you have to type it out
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): [Company] requires a Skilled and dedicated Administrative Assistant, Office Executive and Receptionist for its New York office. Applicant would be coordinating, planning and supporting daily operational and administrative functions. Scheduling meetings, coordinating travel and managing all essentials tasks. We require someone who is highly focused and able to identify goals and priorities and resolve issues in initial stages. Highly skilled in greeting guests with a positive attitude and helping them with their needs. Should be proficient in Microsoft Office. Position opens to students. Send in your updated resume.
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Copy and paste the job description above in the space provided for it
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:02 PM): Did you get that?
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:03 PM): okay I will do it now
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:04 PM): Compensation: $15-$20/Hr + Attractive Wages
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:07 PM): I am trying to copy and paste the information
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:09 PM): Okay
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:09 PM): Let me know when you are done with that
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:10 PM): I’m having problems copying and pasting the info. I try to highlighted adn then go to edit and click copy. can you help me please?
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:11 PM): Just click and drag the content I sent to you from our conversation menu and as soon as the job description i sent to you has been highlighted press “control + c” or right click and click on copy
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:12 PM): Hope am clear?
[Person B] (Apr 29 2:12 PM): is there an easier way to do it
[Person A] (Apr 29 2:13 PM): Am afraid there isnt. Unless you have to type it out
[Company] required a skilled and dedicated administrative assistant, office executive and receptionist for its New York office. Applicant would be coordinating, planning and supporting daily operational and administrative functions. Scheduling meetings, coordinating travel and managing all essentials tasks. We require someone who is highly focused and able to indentify goals and priorities and resolve issues in initial stages. Highly skilled in greeting guests with a positive attitude and help them with their needs. Should be proficient in Microsoft office. Position open to students. Send in your resume.
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This entire thing was posted as an ad in the “jobs” section. I suspect Person A is going to have an additional vacancy to fill very, very soon.
Thanks for this one, Carrie!
So what is it?
I’ve never seen one before, no-one has, but I’m guessing it’s a white hole.
A white hole?
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole sucks time and matter out of the universe; a white hole returns it.
So that thing’s spewing time back into the universe?
Precisely. That’s why we’re experiencing these curious time phenomena onboard.
So what is it?
I’ve never seen one before, no-one has, but I’m guessing it’s a white hole.
A white hole?
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole sucks time and matter out of the universe; a white hole returns it.
So that thing’s spewing time back into the universe?
Precisely. That’s why we’re experiencing these curious time phenomena onboard.
So what is it?
I’ve never seen one before, no-one has, but I’m guessing it’s a white hole.
A white hole?
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole sucks time and matter out of the universe; a white hole returns it.
So that thing’s spewing time back into the universe?
Precisely. That’s why we’re experiencing these curious time phenomena onboard.
Does it quack?
Smeee-heeeeeeeeee!
FAIL. EMOTICONS. NO.
I’d be perfect! I’m so highly focused I often set my chair on fire.
Like a magnifying glass on an ant?
Ghostie: That just means you have a hawt ass.
[Company] definitely requires someone skilled.
But will they be able to recognize someone skilled? And I think they will get into trouble paying someone wages to be attractive.
The past tense use of “required” in the final version really punches up the drama in this neo-post-post-modern-neo-noir thriller.
I think I might be right for the job, except I can’t find Microsoft Office on my Commodore 64. Can anyone help? Oh, and I don’t qualify for the attractive part. And the position opens to student aren’t legal in many states. Well, this is just pointless, isn’t it? Have a nice day, Meg.
To deal with all this FAIL, I’m going to require at least $20 an hour plus an attractive bonus.
“Highly skilled in greeting guests”
Exactly how much skill does it take to say “Hello, what do you need?”
Well, after the unfortunate hiring of Mack the Knife, Big Jim Walker, Stabbity the Clown, and Big Jake the Musc, the trend for [company] has had a poor outlook . . .
It’s not so much the “greeting people” skills as the “not stabbing people in the eye with a pen after they begin delivering their lecture Why Everything In The World Is Your Fault And Not Mine, Vol. 687” skills that are so valuable.
Spoken like a veteran of the trenches, Ghostie.
Aw, I indentify the truncated version of this pooped up on f/b the other day an eye doan wanna cut-n-paste my snark . . .
Having recently seen video of experiments suggested by viewers and performed by astronauts (what happens to a wet rag when you wring it out in zero gravity and something about tossing cookies) I wonder how many frat boys and high school boys proposed experiments about “pooping up.”
I think I saw this off-off-off-off-Broadway. In fact it may have been in the Hudson River.
I’m really dying to know which company this is!
Bubba thinks I’m purdy, but Clem don’t think so.
Can I get so-so wages?
Many thanks, Carrie and [Person B]! I haven’t gotten this big of a laugh from YSaC since the spambot fails.
I’d post more, but I have to go format my emoticons.
*exits, still laughing softly*
(Darn, I think my comment got eaten, unlike yesterday’s fruit.)
Anyway, thanks Carrie and [Person B]! I haven’t had a laugh that big from YSaC since the spambot fails.
I’d post more, but I have to go format my emoticons. 🙂 (One down, a bunch to go.)
*exits, still laughing softly*
Hope am clear.
oh god, when a friend of mine actually looking for a job in NYC found this on craigslist the other night, it became the most amazing “event” on facebook all night long. we’ve decided maybe it needs to be performed at a fringe festival as an avant-garde “waiting for godot” sort of play.
unless you have to type it out.
[corey] apparently “company” has decided that this is a “hoax” and issued PR statements to that effect. Maybe, though, they’re just really embarrassed? http://gawker.com/craigslist-ad-for-assistant-hilariously-proves-need-for-485917272 [/corey]
Ms. C””J, you always add a certain air of refinement to the box. Maybe it’s the crystal bowls for the Cheetos, or the throw-rugs over where the ferrets did — well, never mind. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Job Candid Dates!
(Darnit, I tried to post this comment yesterday, but it kept getting eaten (unlike that canned fruit). Take 3, without the URLs…)
Many thanks to Carrie and [Person B] — this was the biggest laugh I’ve gotten from YSaC since the spambot fails!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go format my emoticons. 🙂
*exits, still laughing softly*
Heh, and now my original comments have come through. Sorry for the multiple posts, all!
(And if drmk and dan decide to delete the duplicates, the second one is the one I most want to keep.)