YSaC, Vol. CLXXIX
Are You Ashamed Of The Lack Of Dressers In Your House
It is a very frustrating experience staring at those empty spaces in the main rooms of your house, clothes scattered all across the floor, and your closets just as messy; your rooms are just perpetual messes that never seem to get in order, no matter how much time and effort you spend cleaning them. What is the result of this frustrating process? Your overall well-being suffers and you find yourself making little problems into much larger difficulties. These little things that we are exposed to each day are the triggers for negative snowballs in our lives. Studies have proven that not having the necessary little things to complement our lifestyles are what give rise to bigger problems and the big problems are never really the cause. All the while, you are confused as to how you got yourself into such a knot. Coupled with the constant reminder, “Money can’t buy happiness,” mantra, causing you to think that saving your money will help your problems. The truth is that money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the convenience to allow happiness in the door, such as buying the things you do need. Don’t let the little things build to something much worse. Your home is your sanctuary and you need certain things to make it so. You are fooling yourself to think otherwise.
[Editorial comment: There’s more — much more — below the cut. Please read the lengths this person is willing to go to in order to sell two dressers. (And they’re not even French Prudential dressers!)]
For those of you in this situation who are more than a little frustrated and annoyed each day ——- you are impacting your life in a negative way and need a solution to your problems during this troubled economy and bitter winter; waiting will only create more problems. Successful people take the efforts necessary to remove small problems and they do it now. The difference in your life is tremendous.
Xmas was good to us this year and my parents bought us all new furniture (without asking us what we needed). Turns out, we had bought furniture over a year ago (and paid retail and shipping fees!!) and now are stuck with too much furniture ———- and we have to sell 2 dressers to make room. The two dressers that we had before the new furniture came were part of the coolest set I’ve ever had and ironically the dressers that I still want, but if I sold the new furniture I would be creating more problems for myself because the parents would know their gifts were sold. So, lucky you, the deal of the New Year is staring you right in the face. We are selling these two fine dressers to you, even though it pains me to do so.
The two dressers were bought directly from Bassett Furniture and believe me, the process of buying straight from the manufacturer isn’t fun and not cheap either. Knowing what I know now, I would have bought something from Craigslist and saved myself the hassle of paying for shipping, taxes, and stupid fees. Here’s the dresser descriptions and the pictures are below as well:
1. H- 29”, D- 18”, W- 53” Mirror – H – 42”, W- 31.5” (attaches to back of dresser) 2 Large Drawers, 4 Small Drawers, 1 Compartment with Door 100% Oak with Brass/ Ivory Handles 2. H- 42”, D- 18”, W- 32.5” 3 Large Drawers, 2 Small Drawers, 1 Compartment with Door
Both of these dressers are in exquisite shape, very elegant and refined, and have the classic oak modern flair that breathes life to any room. The freshness they radiate will literally alter the entire room and give it a new meaning. The 1st dresser had the mirror sold separately and was much more expensive. Oak furniture is one of those classic additions for bedrooms and you will be glad you have it. No other furniture is built to last like oak.
My significant other wanted me to either 1) Sell both of these dressers for retail, considering what we went through to buy them or 2) Give them away to my relative moving to the area because he literally is moving with no furniture. I personally don’t want to do anything with them, but I have no choice here and want to get them out as quickly as possible so I can move on. So, here’s what I’m going to do. My relative moves into town this Tuesday night, January 6th, if you don’t buy the furniture before then he is going to get it.
I’m not going to reveal how much I paid for these dressers new (it was a lot with shipping, taxes, and fees included), but just know that you won’t find this price anywhere with this quality of furniture. Just go visit Basset Furniture online to get an idea of how much they cost, not to mention that these 2 dressers are discontinued, increasing their value even more. When you buy both dressers, I will sell you Dresser #1 for $329, Dresser #2 for $97, and the detachable mirror for $67. Yeah, that’s right. You read that correct. And here’s what else I’m gonna do, because I’m such a nice guy: If you come buy them both by Monday evening at 7:30 PM, January 5th I will give you a $10 Papa John’s Gift Card, a can of Oak Furniture Cleaner, and $29 off of Dresser #1.
Now, that is a tremendous value, one that you will not find anywhere else, therefore there is nothing to wait for. You’ve only got 2 days to get to this before it’s all gone; I would recommend you get moving before someone beats you to it. Serious inquiries only. I will not reserve this for anyone over the phone; whoever calls and actually gets to this in person first will get the dressers. Do not reply to email above, I leave my computer at my office and won’t get to you in time ———— to buy these call me directly at xxx.xxx.xxxx. Happy New Years and talk to you soon.
Me: Hi, my name is drmk, and I’m Ashamed Of The Lack Of Dressers In My House.
Support Group: Hi, drmk!
Me: The first step is admitting it, and that’s why I’m here today.
SG: Good for you.
Me: The second step, apparently, is buying dressers.
SG: Verily, it is so.
Me: Does the dresser protect me from the underwear gnomes?
SG: ….?
Me: You know, the underwear gnomes! They steal your underwear. Step three is profit!
SG: …. Um, you might need a different support group.
Seriously, dude, would it have killed you to clean off the top of the dresser? It took you about an hour to write the informercial pitch for the damned things — couldn’t you have moved your Pretty Pretty Princess dolls and massive sunglasses collection for just one minute?
Wow, suddenly I feel as if my two dressers are not enough and are so much inferior to these oak ones… I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep in my room tonight with those things– I need THESE!
I do suffer from a lack of dressers – but I don’t think it damages my overall well-being. So.. how can such a wordsmith commit what I consider one of the worst holiday-related offenses ever?? It is not “New Years.” There is only one new YEAR. New Year’s Eve. Happy New Year. Get it? How freakin’ hard is that?! Anyway, I’m going to go lament my lack of dressers. Ten bucks say these go to the furniture-less relative – unless someone really needs that Papa John’s gift card.
Oh! And I like how they charge extra for the mirror. If you were to sell the dresser without the mirror – you would be stuck with a mirror that only fits that dresser. They’re kind of a matched set. They kind of have to go together. You greedy, greedy man.
1. Wow. I’d love to see some links to these “studies” that “show” that it’s the smaller deprivations which lead to the bigger problems of life. If I only would have known that if I had just splurged on those comfy insoles for my pumps then Mom wouldn’t have gotten breast cancer.
2. Why so shy about revealing the original price?
3. Yes, whenever I think about adding some modern flair to my home, the first thing that occurs to me is oak furniture circa 1995.
LMAO. Where to begin? Are you kidding with this ad? I so totally thought it was a woman writing it – we’re the queens of head games (come on girls, admit it).
And this??? “It took you about an hour to write the informercial pitch for the damned things — couldn’t you have moved your Pretty Pretty Princess dolls and massive sunglasses collection for just one minute?” Nothing short of brilliance, my friend.
I am lamenting my lack of dressers and think I will go throw myself off …. a couch.
“need a solution to your problems during this troubled economy and bitter winter” – yeah, hey guy, can I use the coolest ever dressers as firewood? Um yeah, that’d be great, thanks.
You know, I’m actually down with a lot of what this person says. I’ve got laundry baskets full of clean clothes all over my bedroom, and it does drag me down a bit. And yes, it’s all in my control, to take action and do something about it!
However, I believe that for at least 9 out of 10 people having this problem, the answer is not to buy dressers, it’s to get rid of excess clothing. I mean seriously, the stuff in the bottom of my baskets is stuff I haven’t worn since LAST winter.
However much sense this rant may make on its own merits, it’s terribly silly as a reason to buy this guy’s dressers.
Though, I forgot to mention, I totally don’t believe the bit about “studies have shown.”
I think the best part is the extremely unpleasant way he talks about “our” parents. I wonder if they are really his in-laws?
You know, if he could just get Billy Mays as a spokeperson, he’d have those sold last week.
WOW. Reeks of someone with too much time on his hands.
Favorite = “studies have shown” part. People who don’t have a leg to stand on always write those words and then don’t refer to the actual “study”. Hey, it’s called the (Anyone?) “internet” and you can find (Class?)”information” and (Yes?) “link to it”. If it existed. Which it doesn’t because it’s so preposterous. “not having the necessary little things to complement our lifestyles are what give rise to bigger problems”. Do those “little” things refer “food”, “clothing” or “shelter”? No?…well, you got nothing, nutso.
Wow…this is truly the most inventive way to sell a dresser set that I’ve ever seen. I can just see the seller now….”how will I get rid of these dressers? Hmmm….I know! I’ll ramble on and on about how dressers, especially OAK dressers can change your life and then I’ll tell them that I have OAK dressers and that I’m selling these magical life altering OAK dressers….and then I’ll tell them that because I know what a difference magic dressers can have on a persons life I’ll sacrafice my family members future happiness by selling them to the first person to show up with the required cash! Genius! But, just to sweeten the pot I’ll add a coupon for delicious pizza! They won’t be able to resist!”
“The freshness they radiate will literally alter the entire room and give it a new meaning.” =
OMG what happened to my bedroom it was here just a minute ago and now there’s a fresh opium den pleasure palace here!!!! Thanks, new dressers!!
Or, wait, maybe “freshness” = bongwater, in which case, yeah, the room will indeed have a new meaning.
I’m a little confused about this ad.
“Knowing what I know now, I would have bought something from Craigslist and saved myself the hassle of paying for shipping, taxes, and stupid fees.”
Didn’t you say that saving your money isn’t the answer? Why are you so concerned about shipping, taxes, and “stupid fees?”
“. . . not to mention that these 2 dressers are discontinued, increasing their value even more.”
No. You’re thinking of antique furniture, which was discontinued a LONG time ago and is still in good condition and aesthetically pleasing. Discontinued items usually sell for LESS than current models.
“So, here’s what I’m going to do. My relative moves into town this Tuesday night, January 6th, if you don’t buy the furniture before then he is going to get it.”
Damn it! Busting my balls here… I really, really, really don’t want to lose this furniture to your relative, for whom you obviously care less than you do for money. But times are tough right now. I will buy these now if you add another $10 to that Papa John’s gift card.
@ Random Person:
Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
Wow. That comment ended up way longer than I intended…
Personally, I thought it showed creativity… but then again, I actually do need dressers, eh.
My favorite part is “Now, that is a tremendous value” I love when people feel the need to point that out… because people aren’t capable of making those kinds of decisions on their own.
Dear Mom & Dad: How could you buy us new furniture for Christmas? We don’t want new furniture, but have to keep it so you won’t complain about how we never appreciate the nice things you do, we’re so ungrateful and all that crap. Seriously, I’m so sick of hearing about how I don’t live up to your expectations. The new furniture you gave us sucks – we don’t want it, never wanted it, really, (isn’t that just like you to impose your selfish tastes on me) and now I’m forced to beg someone else to buy the stuff I like, (because Julie is such a suck up and thinks that you’ll accept her some day if she just keeps kissing your collective …) or give it to Peter, who was always your favorite, admit it for once in your life, please. Oh, and yeah, tell Uncle Frank thanks for the Papa John’s gift card. It’s the perfect gift for my gluten allergy. Thanks a lot.
I DID IT!!!!!!!! 8) Yeah! Woot! LOL! Ahem. Comments are open now.
I’m ashamed about lots of things to do with my house, but a lack of dressers is not one of them.
No nekkid creatures in your house?
But if I buy Sparky’s dressers, will I not be leaving him with no way to contain his own clothes?
Whoa, that’s deep! If I was naked and he gave me his goat, would that not leave him without Cheese?
Well, Sparky did flog his draws yesterday . . .
Per Windrose’s instruction: “Something” <G>
Capn, you are in the running for the literal linear lateral leap award!
*derps in the box*
You know what, Sparky? You’re absolutely right! I AM fooling myself – I DO need some little things to make my home a sanctuary and avoid larger problems down the road! I MUST have one of those awesome Forever Lazy fleece cover-ups, and I must have it NOW!
Oh, you didn’t think it was your crappy dressers I needed to ensure my future happiness, did you? Monkey, please.
“Massive Sunglasses” is either a euphemism or a cover band.
The reason he spent so much money on these dressers is he had to pay stupid fees. Stupid fees are only paid by certain people.