YSaC, Vol. 950: Walked the sand with an ellipsis …
Can someone tell the pope i know how to build the arc
i know that most vatican & global officials are scrambling to try understand whats happening in the world i believe i have the plans to build an arc that will move earthlings to a new planet in the solar system & i also have details about changing the course of life here on earth to to the New Empire that is promised if you would like to talk about it feel free to contact me – please pass this information onto those with the loudest voices i am the only one who can build it but i need help to get it done in time
This calls for a song!
Cease and desist using my commas
Use my keyboard without the shift key
You'll think I'm done, but I sail away (-ay -ay, -ay -ay)
On the Ark of Punctuation
Ark of Punctuation
Ark of Punctuation
Ark (-ark -ark, -ark -ark)
(With deep, deep apologies to Frank, Kim, Joey, and David. [I want to be Kim Deal when I grow up.])
Thanks, Ralph!
Somehow, what I brought home from this post, is that the guy has plans for a solar powered crescent moon shaped thing. Possibly a staircase or reverse slide.
<-reading comprehension FAIL.
Skye
Sparky=Tesla
I hope it’s an escalator, if I have to climb stairs to get to wherever this “New Empire” place is then I’d rather stay here.
Anyone else think “New Empire” sounds like a Chinese restaurant?
Sounds like a new George Lucas cash-in. Star Wars Episode VII: A New Empire.
*Waves hands around*
This is not the change you seek.
I prefer my croissants with butter, but I guess you could put solar cells on them too.
I suppose if one were leaving earth, an arc would be the way to go (none of those boring straight-line trajectories for me).
But seriously, what’s with the whining? Noah managed to save all the species (except the unicorns) without the aid of modern conveniences, and you didn’t hear him begging loud strangers for help.
Only because CL hadn’t been invented then. 8)
What?! I’d always thought ancient people would chisel their sales or requests onto rocks and then throw them into other peoples yards.
Its a tall order to come up with a few million board feet of gopherwood. Not too much for Captain Craigslist though!
I tried reading this aloud as written, without stopping for breath … became lightheaded … dizzy … and then suddenly it made perfect sense. And then I breathed again.
Pass this along to those with the loudest voices?
Honey, I think those people all reside in your head.
i know that most vatican & global officials are scrambling to try understand whats happening in the world i believe i have the plans to do a remake of Silent Running except without the downer ending & i also have details about changing the course of life here on earth to to the New Empire that is promised where there will be no need for the shift key or for periods and commas or for spelling out the word “and” if you would like to talk about it feel free to contact me – please pass this information onto those with the loudest voices especially if they’re really really gullible i am the only one who can direct the remake but i need help to get it done in time
I’m sailing away
Set a course for a distant star
‘Cos we cannot stay here
We’ll fly to the constellation Pictor
Because I’m the captain, so tell the Pope
I’m the only one that can give us hope
That the human race will try to carry on
I look to the sky
The twinkling of the stars reflects in my eye
But there’s one I see
HD 40307 and its planet B
We’ll live happily forever, as long as we can beat
The quadruple gravity and tidal heat
So I built this ark, mister Pope, to move us on
A gathering of tinfoil appeared above my head
I sing to you this song so our great race won’t end up dead
I say, come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me, Pope
Come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me
Come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me, humans
Come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me
I bet he’ll think me crazy, but I’ll prove him wrong
I’ll win a Nobel peace prize just for singing this song
Potato! Come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me, Pope
Come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me
Come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me
Come fly away, come fly away, come fly away with me…
It’s absolutely astounding to me how thoroughly South Park ruined that song for me… and every subsequent cover, lyrical bastardization, or even wordless chord progression that echoes it.
Can’t… stop… hearingEricCartman’s voice!
(Oh, wait, sorry, Talk like Shatner day was yesterday.)
I’m a Rock-et-man, ROCKETMAN!
<twitches>
Had Styx on 8-track in college.
So, some, er, “pleasant” memories; and also some twisted, perverse ones, too (joys of dorm life <not-nostalgia>).
Finally. A song parody whose original I actually know. Today I feel like an uncultured swine no more.
Where is my mind?
You left it in the fridge this morning. Also, the leftover roast beef is mis–
Oh no, WHAT DID YOU PUT IN YOUR HEAD?
Did you check the Lost & Found?
Way down in the … subbaculture.
This is all part of a conspiracy where the actual plan to build a means of getting off this planet are presented by crazy people so no one believes it. And this guy is crazy, because I have the true plans for saving the earth and getting us all safely to the New Empire. Or possibly Las Vegas.
Oh, good, time for my meds.
No.
And before Sparky asks: Also No.
And before Mr. Winkey gets here:
NO. BAD HOBO.
Astro! You clean up purty! 8) Chris who?
Sorry what was that? I had something crazy in my eye.
Today’s tag selection amuses me in its range:
“humanity is doomed, possibly awesome, punctuationally challenged, this can only end badly, unclear on the concept, wtf?”
Sparky’s advertising in the wrong venue. If he puts this in Variety, I think Charlie Sheen will be answering directly.
WINNING!
Or, perhaps, “Doint! Winning!”
Of course he’s winning. He’s got not.a.lion blood running through his veins.
Sparky needs a Love-Me jacket very very badly.
In the beginning J. Lord created the Hulk and the pizza. Now the pizza was formless and empty, cheese was over the surface of the pie, and the bacon of Canada was hovering over the crust.
And J Lord said, “Tell the Pope, that there was arc.” J Lord saw that the arc was good, and he plugged a light to the outlet. J Lord called the arc “Skin of Dog,” and the darkness he called “Cinco.” And there was Hut, and there was God Fathers—the pizza was good.
Well, that covers what to have for lunch.
What’s on the menu for dinner?
Okay, LimeLolly, it’s you and me in the box today. Gecko and Parrot. Think about that.
I’m picturing a gecko with hands in the air and a parrot shaking his
fistwing.Please, don’t
eatbeat up the gecko!If a duck can be father to a lizard , then you two should be able to get along in the box for a day.
Pst! You forgot your hypertext transfer protocol!
I realized that about 30 seconds too late. Trying again.
Ugh, my phone hates me today. Last try .
Well-deserved, both of you.
You should be careful messing with that you’re a Nazi, or it might melt your face off.
Well, that’s what you get if you step too close to the business end of the Ark of the Welder.
Ark of the welder?
No wonder I got slapped, I thought it was the Arc of the Convent.
No, no. That’s the big-ass ship all the aliens come from in that game Halo.
No, no, the Big Ass-ship is where the Klingons hang out.
I’ll be in the corner.
Space: The final Bronx cheer.
Space: The mammoth brassiere.
Hey, you stay away from my mammoth brassiere and I won’t show everyone the pictures you took of your pecil!
This box is to small.
That’s what he wishes she said… 😀
My spoon is too big.
There is no spoon.
THEN HOW WILL WE EAT THE CAKE!?
Oh, right. The cake is a lie…
You just need a really cool hat and a bullwhip.
Mmm… young Harrison Ford.
Mmm… really cool hats.
Oh, alright…
Mmm… bullwhips.
Careful. If you answer this ad, this guy’s Ark may end up going to Uranus.
But… I don’t play the obo!
[on or off topic, you decide]
The ad I’m getting right now invites me to “live a billion’s lifestyle!”
Hi Archie!! Um…correct me if I’m wrong, but if you “live a billion’s lifestyle” you’re going to get arrested…aren’t you?
*waves*
The ad does not mention that part so I am sure this is purrfectly legitimate.
And, my ad space is blank….I think it’s so confused by the final frontier and Sparky’s arc orbiting Uranus that it’s given up.
Mine is blank as well… I think we scared away the Googles.
Mine is also blank — I wonder if it means that I don’t exist?
Hm… mine’s blank too.
And I know I have AdBlock turned off here so I can click on ads to help support the site, so…
ALRIGHT, WHO MURDERED GOOGLE? WAS IT THE COUGARS BACK FOR REVENGE?
What would Jimmer have against Google? (Curious… does anyone outside of Utah know who Jimmer even is? I don’t know that we have many college basketball fans here…)
P.S. This guy killed the Googles on my home computer, too…
Yep, it’s intermittently showing up blank for me, too.
*kicks Google*
PS: Thanks for supporting the site!
I’m on my way to an exciting career in homeland security, which evidently involves a seventies hairstyle.
Lumosity wants to help me reclaim my brain with the power of “Fluid Intelligence”.
I believe that’s when you drink meth you think you’re smarter.
Who is Billion? Why are there multiples of them, and why are their lifestyles so similar as to be interchangeable such that you can just pick one to live like and not be missing out on what the others might be like? I mean, that sounds pretty cookie-cutter which, it seems to me, would be rather dull if everything’s already planned out in advance.
Screw that, I’m going back to Fantasy Island.
::points::
De arc, boss, de arrrc
Sorry Sparks,
We told the pope, and he said it still doesn’t qualify you for sainthood. You have to be dead at least 30 years first.*
Also, my child who can be very loud wanted to tell you:
SSSSHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!!
Oh look all the paint came off the ceiling.
*like I have a clue
This guy is going about it all wrong. A large, sturdy sling-shot will do the exact same thing for at least half the cost.
I’ve started the sign up list for the first
victimscandidates.Sparkies
Gilbert Gottfried
Charlie Sheen (he wanted to be first)
LL, can we send the orange people next?
Oh momma I’m in fear for my life from the long arc of the law
Pope-man has put an end to my running and I’m so far from my home
Oh momma I can hear you a’crying you’re so scared and all alone
I guess I shoudn’t-a put you on that arc, bound for worlds unknown;
The jig is up the news is out the earthlings found me
The vatican was scramblin’ for answers and I found ’em,
Never more to go astray
This will be the end today of the wanted man
Good to see you Steve. Hope you are doing better.
Doing very well, thank you! Back to work and life is good again.
Oh goody, we’re all saved!
I’ll have a pint of whatever Sparky’s drinking.
One pint of Sherwin Williams deep blue for ratwoman coming up.
Make mine a double.
Shaken, not stirred.
(see new gravatar for explanation)
Sorry I’m late guys. I’ve been looking all morning for these blueprints I made last week. I’ve looked everywhere, but just can’t seem to find ’em. Hmm. Guess I’ll keep looking. Meh, the Arc idea was probably the wrong direction to take. I think a slingshot will do the same thing for at most, half the cost…Tell the pope, will ya? You with the loudest voices? And the pope already knows “Shrek”, so you can skip that.
Wow, I thought I posted this, and it is apparently gone. And not even telling me it’s in moderation.
Anyway, I was looking at this again and thinking, is this guy saying he knows how to build the (circular) Stairway to Heaven? Doesn’t he know you can just buy them, at least according to the song. Also, why bother the Pope when the song talks about the May Queen? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve a bustle in my hedgerow that needs dealing with.
Spark be nimble,
Spark be quick
Spark must’ve been hit
By a pogo stick.
—
Sparky had a little mind,
Little mind, little mind.
Sparky had a little mind
That he could not control.
And everyone that Sparky knew,
Sparky knew, Sparky knew.
And everyone that Sparky knew
Avoided that black hole.
He came up with an arc idea,
Arc idea, arc idea.
He came up with an arc idea
He thought to tell the pope.
He blasted it on Cra-aigs’s List,
Cra-aig’s List, Cra-aig’s List.
He blasted it on Cra-aig’s List
And any takers? Nope!
—
Three brain cells.
Three brain cells.
See how they spark!
See how they spark!
They all thought of a brilliant plan,
To make an arc with the pope, poor man.
Did you ever see such delusional spam?
Three brain cells.
—
Spark’s New Empire sat on the ‘net
Spark’s New Empire isn’t a threat.
All the global officials and all the vatican
Couldn’t care less about Sparky’s brainpan
I see there’s no danger of MiniEB not growing up to be one of us. Excellent nursery rhymes!
Thanks! I was stuck in a pediatrician’s exam room (no worries, just the 18-month checkup) for almost an hour today, and after reading MiniEB a nursery rhyme book 3 times… I decided they’d be good fodder 😀 (Tried to fit in something about arc vs ark, but I ran out of brain.)
Meth is a hell of a drug.
“Someone, somewhere has unglued our epoxy” – Barenaked Ladies
“If I Had a Million Dollars” – Barenaked Ladies
“Please put the money on the nightstand.” bare naked lady
“It’s naturist, not nudist.” Old, wrinkly, bare naked lady.
“She wore a see-through dress, but you didn’t want to.” -Lenny Bruce
[OT] So yesterday was nice and rather spring-like. All the snow was gone, felt nice. Then the weather decided to kick everyone in the sack(s) and it’s been snowing harder than Charlie Sheen’s sneezes all day. There’s like 3-4 inches of the crap out there. But on the cool side, the boss man is letting us all go home an hour early, so I’m outta here in 5 minutes. I love working here sometimes. [/OT]
Sunny, 74, light breeze from the north here. Damn, it’s good to be a Texan.
Sunny, 79, light breeze off the ocean, the smell of Hawaiian Tropic in the air (as it is Spring Break), no rain in the forecast for at least the next 10 days. Damn, it’s good to be a Floridian.
However, we are in the midst of the driest winter/spring since they began keeping records in 1932, so I expect that soon the Hawaiian Tropic scent will be replaced by the smoke from wildfires in the ‘glades – what’s left of them, that is.
My brother is stationed in Florida…. I’m pretty sure that the day we got a surprise blizzard, his facebook status was about playing beach volleyball.
Y’know, you lot could at least throw me a shovel or something.
The roads were total crap coming home. They’re probably not going to plow or salt because it’ll all be gone in a few days anyway. I want my spring back.
Angel, would love to send you some of the rain we’ve been having (I believe we’re at 110% so far), but Southern California has first dibs on Northern California’s water. Greedy bastages.
*throws smiley pup a shovel and admonishes him to use it for shoveling snow, not for anything else
That’s okay, prior to today’s quasi-blizzard, we’ve gotten plenty of rain over the last couple of weeks, too, so I’m all full up on that. We could certainly use some of that nice California sunshine, though.
Archie, we bastages are nearly drowning in our own rain right now, thank you very much! 8) At least the wisteria likes it.
*hangs head*
Sorry, Windy, I forgots that my favorite bird lady resides down south. I was speaking of the bastages with multiple swimming pools and fountains and clean cars and golf courses and other thirsty stuff. As penance, I waded out to my front lawn and apologized to the covey of quail that make their home all around my yard. I gave them extra handfuls of seed, too. They seemed pleased.
My dear Ms. Eyebrows, I didn’t take it too seriously. Your atonement has pleased the bird network, and you have been found worthy to bestow snarkage.
And I’m right with you, cursing those who have their sprinklers on at this very moment. Sheesh.
Sunny, 84 and everything is blossoming in NC.
Arch, you could probably use the rain more when your own dry season arrives, so you go ahead and stockpile it away if you can. At least the dry season here keeps the skeeter population down and the humidity is currently less than a gajillion%, so I’ll quit whining about it 🙂
EB, sorry to admit it but when my cousin in Massachusetts is in the midst of a blizzard I send her pictures of me by the pool… apparently the sun is not only a source of vitamin D but also a source of neener-neener!
I was just mentioning to Mr. Eyebrows the other day that all this rain means a whole lot of extra growth which will eventually dry out along about September and then we will have one hell of a fire season.*
*I hope this turns out not to be true.
OT:
Videos from concert last night are up. Our part starts at this link:
Concert
let me guess, you were the one in black???
See Ark.
See Ark arc.
Arc, Ark. Arc.
But can you translate that into smell?
You may have just written the the world’s first reading primer for seals. Seals in Faraday cages.
I don’t get the title reference, but it has put “Walk Like an Egyptian” by the Bangles in my head.
Given that I was humming the Oompa Loompa song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory all day yesterday*, I think this may tip my poor workmate over the edge… Or convince her that I have finally, permanently, cracked.
*Apparently this is quite creepy when done very, very quietly, all day.
Title reference is from the same song as the song referenced in the post: “Wave of Mutilation” by the Pixies.
Oh. I thought you wanted to be as cool as Kim Deal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56W16EMxi54
Ok, hang on a second. This guy figured out how to build an intergalactic ark, and he puts the ad on Craigslist? To tell the Pope? Is this bizarro world? This couldn’t have been his first attempt right? He had to have attempted a letter to his congressman, or I don’t know, maybe the Vatican? They have an address, don’t they? I want to see these plans. My 66 El Camino had two thick books as maintenance manuals. What volume could contain the plans for a space age ark?
One of two things happened. Either in a meth induced stupor, he went and stole a Death Star model from a storage shed and is talking about the abstract on the back of the box, or in a meth induced stupor, he read the Biblical story of Noah’s ark and put a twenty ninth century twist on it. The constant here is the meth. Not debatable. Can someone please, pretty pretty please impersonate an impartial agent who is interested in these designs, acquire them, and post. Pleeeaaase?
Well, this tears it. Scott Adams was right, there are Golgafringians among us, and they still think the giant space goat is after them.
Space goats, coast to coast?
[citation corey]
*cough* Douglas *cough*
*cough* Golgafrincham *cough*
Sorry, but Scott Adams draws Dilbert. (Though the confusion is definitely understandable.)
[/H2G2-retentive moment corey]
I wondered why I thought that looked wrong!
Capn, I’m suspending your nerd license and sending you to bathe with the Golgafrinchian captain and Douglas Adams.
In cold bathwater.
[More OT]
Woohoo! I found a kind of “like” button for my blog posts at long last. Had to find the right combination of search terms (which ended up being “post like vote”) to find one, but now I found one for WordPress called “I Like This” that just adds a simple, clean + button with a heart counter for likes to the bottom of posts, which is pretty much exactly what I wanted.
I mention this because I know people have wanted an adore button for posts here, too, so drmk, there it is if you want to add it to the posts here. It’s pretty much plug and play, no real configuration needed, though a couple of basic options are offered depending on whether you want the graphic + or a customized bit of text, so it could be changed to read “Adore” here instead.
[/OT]
There’s a facebook like button and buttons that let you share posts on social media. What else do you people want from me?!?
Your immortal soulAll your basePie.
the secret cookie recipethe answers to the finalpie
Retirement fundFavorite Movie collection
Pie
Ice creamGirl Scout cookiesPie
Uh. Pie?
The people have spoken, and they want pie.
ADMIRAL
ALLAHUAKBAR!**If that offends anyone, I’m deeply sorry, but you should know by now that very little is safe from being joked about.
I missed pie?!?
In my experience, the ones with the loudest voices are drunk or deaf, and sometimes both.
Smedley, have you been away?If so, welcome back and if not, nice to see you anyways.
Pie.Pudding.Pie.The ability to remember to stack comments in the right place for comedic effect.
That last one’s a hard on to mastur, huh?
Have a cookie, dear. When you walk out that door, you’ll forget all your worries and remember that you don’t believe this nonsense. You’ll feel better, too.
LimeLolly, you are one of my favorite media geeks. 8)
Somebody tell this asshole to stop calling me. I don’t need his fucking ark.
How else do you expect to get to heaven? Fiery horse-drawn carts are so BC.
Waitaminute… the Pope’s a Catholic. And he’s kinda like a priest…
Stay away from my massive link, old man!
**hides**
Here’s two snickers and a coke.
No, seriously, hop into the popemobile, junior.
I see the Pope’s nose…
perfect
Anyone else find it amusing if the Pope got in the box….
LimeLolly, how about you punch me and I’ll punch you? Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, The Vatican!
I did punch you… right in the shins. :sigh: It’s not easy being short.
This just in: Ow! 8)
I usually just lurk around here, because ya’ll are so much quicker with the pop culture references than I.
Nobody yet has mentioned that this scenario sounds almost exactly like the one in the Peter Schilling song, “The Noah Plan,” or in its original German, “Die Wueste Lebt.”
Anyone remember that song?
Anyone remember Peter Schilling?
The only Peter Schilling song I know at all well was Major Tom, though I had his album Error in the System — that I sat on and broke. (Mid-80s, vinyl — which goes well with today’s theme, actually.) I don’t really remember much else from the album apart from Major Tom.
It’s been two years. I guess we were all drugged, put onto the Ark, and taken to a new world that had been terraformed to look just like the old one, right down to my messy house and the neighbors’ distressed lawn.
That would be just my luck…slept right through the apocalypse and missed the entire thing.
I knew 12/21/2012 seemed to go by much too easily!
Sometimes it’s really easy to go bi. What?
And the Lord said unto Sparky, Built unto me a space ark, and of its dimensions it shall be a hexagon of sides 1260 cubits, with a height of 7221 cubits, and lo, it shall look like a gigantic hexagonal dong.
And the first level shall be built of a carbon-fiber and heat-treated titanium composite to a thickness of 1.8 cubits. And within the first level ye shall cause to be placed 12 Forced Plasma Engines, powered by Nitrogen Hexafluoride gas and oxygen at a ratio of 4:1…
Hasn’t the Lord gone metric yet? Almost everyone else has.
Oh. Never mind.
I use sammiches to measure. But it’s going to take a long time to create an arc 400 sammiches long, My counter only holds 15 sammiches at once.
Dave! Do the wave! Your place is saved! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Time Travelers!