free kitten
free all black kitten about 5 weeks old….last on left in litter….first to call gets it
call xxx xxx xxxx…..vinny
Dawwwww. Kitten. Kittens are universally adorable. You just want to play with their floofy underbellies and watch them kitten it up. What could possibly be wrong with an ad for a kitten?
Oh. Now I see what Vinny meant by “first to call gets it” — he’s bred the perfect Mafia hit-kitten.
Thanks, Nora!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
| WordPress Hates Me – A Novel Approach on YSaC, Vol. 573: The nacho cheese fountain finally has some competition. […] we come to the part that WordPress hates. My long-time attachment to a humor blog called You Suck at… | |
| 2794: The pale rider saga – Chapter 2 part 2 | Library of the Damned on Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all! […] Ah, the good ol’ dinning table. […] | |
 | bianchisound on YSaC, Vol CXCII In case anyone ever checks. I just saw this ad and missed everyone here. Enjoy! https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/pho/d/nellis-afb-womans-feet/7164431024.html |
 | Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1800: So long, and thanks for all the bees. Wow, it’s amazing to finally find this site. I’d say I’m late in getting here, but I know I’m right… |
| Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1243: A little hard of herring. I thought this joke smelt, but this guy really knew how to drop the bass. And it flopped around everywhere… |
That kitten is really saying “AHHHHHH, THERE PUTTING ME ON CRAIGSLIST FOR FREE”
…and at only 5 weeks.
Mafia Hit Kitten would be a great name for a band
Mafia Hit Kitten is the name of IF’s Stray Cats tribute band.
We’re an all-Italian outfit. You should hear our Stray Cat Strut-Under My Skin mashup.
IF! Good to see you. How are your many, many bands?
Other than being up to my ears preparing for the new semester amidst the endless touring, life is good.
He’s going to be a hard on to place.
If even his mom kept burying him in the litter box, this is one bad kitty.
I thought the pic would be of all the kitties and he would be the one to the far left.
And then I saw the actual picture.
It looks like an angry Egyptian god to me.
There does seem to be a beam of light erupting from Raging Kitten’s noggin, making him resemble an annoyed minor deity! Beware: he’s about to smite us with the Needle-claws of Doom.
Raging Kitten is my J-Pop/Nu-Metal band.
You owe me 40¢, Hamcan.
I’m a little hard up right now, would you take a check?
You want to know how the zombies take over? This is where it begins!
“Fiiiiiiiiiissssssshhhh braaaaaaaaaaiiiinssssss”
[OT stray thought from Sunday]
We may be at less risk of zombipocalypse now than ever before.
The number of sparkies out there means that we are surrounded by what could be marketed as BrainZero. No calories, no sugar, no content at all (other than caramel color and SWTS/AmIdol results)
Either that, or we with the occasional working neuron or twain ought be very careful indeed . . .
[/ot]
So if we do have a Zombipocalypse we’ll be dealing with zombies who count carbs and think that frequenting Whole Foods makes them morally superior?
Hey, frequenting Whole Foods DOES make me morally superior, and don’t you forget it! Now hand me my organic, fair trade, low fat, gluten free, half caf, non pasturized brains and get outta the way of my hybrid zombie horse!
*I’m a little punchy today.
And those annoying hipster zombies who constantly whine about how they started eating brains before brain-eating was “cool”.
Bit more worried about the undead used to super-sizing their meals discovering that too many of the craniae around them are less-filling than a diet non-fat lo-carb rice cake.
Suddenly, being ‘smart’ would be in demand–for dinner!
“Ahhhhh, it’s Kittenzilla! Ruuuuuun!”
Perfect idea for a story, Mindfield.
You are correct, sir, though I’m sticking to the the mafia theme. Storytime coming right up, just as soon as the gateway behaves itself.
:creepy voice:
“This was the last photograph found on a camera recovered from the ruins of Sparky’s house. Bones presumably belonging to the former occupant were found nearby, covered with tiny knawmarks, partially buried in a litter box. Also found were three catnip mice and a ball of orange wool. The creature pictured in this horrifying image was never located; it is believed by some that it used CraigsList to find a new host.”
“Blair Kitten Project”
Call me officially creeped out, SJ.
(*gnawmarks?)
Curse you, Internet Explorer and your non-existent spell-check!
Do I get partial credit for knowing there was supposed to be a silent letter in front of the n?
I just assumed that the bones had been paw-pawed on, and maybe SJ called that cat-behavior “knawing.”
By the way, I think that’s what I’m going to call it from now on, if it involves claws…. If there are no points involved, the larger cat “makes bread” and the smaller cat “makes biscuits.” :-p
SJ, since I did the exact same thing last week – substituting a silent K for a G – you get 90% partial credit.
(I ended up removing the word because I could not make it look right and could not figure out what was wrong until about 2 hours later.)
“it is believed by some that it used CraigsList to find a new host.”
I admit it: I LOL’ed.
You know, now that I read this again, I am thinking this sounds like one of the stand-alone “X-Files” episodes.
Um…snark…um…
Aww! Look at the widdle kitty!
Sorry, kittens, even mafia hit kittens, are just cute enough to melt my brain.
And here I was hoping the picture would be a not.a.lion
Technically it is not a lion, but it’s also not a Not. A. Lion. either.
Would that be a Not.A.Not.A.Lion?
Naughty Not.a.Not.a.Lion!
Doesn’t Not.A.Not.A.Lion make it A.Lion?
But this applys to cats, the laws of distribution don’t apply. Let’s simplifly via cat math:
Not.A.Not.A.Lion = 2(Not.A.)Lion
2(Not.A.)Lion = 2(Meow Mix)Lion
Dividing both sides by Platapus…
(Spring Break)Lion = Implicit Cactus Leopard
*Installs fresh kibble, teases with feather on a stick*
Implicit Cactus Leopard = 4(Herbert_Hoover^2)
4(Herbert_Hoover^2) = Montana Department of Transportation.
*Demonic Catulator runs off seeking fresh victims*
There you have it.
This is my favorite part:
I knew I shouldn’t have taken those math classes in college. They were worthless.
did someone call?
Ghostbusters!
Oh wait, wrong question.
I have fond remembrances of my cat when I was young. The way we used to sit by the fire in the evenings. I would wile away my time, sipping hot cocoa and playing Mario Brothers while little Creature would be drinking the blood of his latest kill out of a shot glass. The way he would spontaneously attack me and we’d battle to the death. The soft sting of Bactine over fresh wounds. The way his head used to turn 360º when the priests would try to cast out his demon self.
I miss him sometimes. He escaped when I was 14 and I don’t know where he ended up. But every time an unexplained cattle mutilation happens here in Wisconsin, I wonder with nostalgia if I might not need stronger locks on my door.
:Reminder to self:
Never visit Wisconsin.
But they have such good cheese.
It’s the demonic cows, you know.
Hmm, being a dairy cow would be an apt Perdition for a demon.
Stand around half the day as your udder fills to bursting with milk. So, you have to wait until they hook you up to the machine to get the milk out. Right about the time you get over all that lessed relief and can start concentrating on using Evil to dominate Good, there’s som really nice grass, or a trough of really good feed. So, you have to eat, really, only a little. Ok, back to the Subversion Of The Good–oops, have to masticate the cud for a while.
Now, now, it’s time, why Good does not know what’s comming–hey, wait, ow, ooowwwowowowoww, my udder is Full AGAIn! Where is that ignoramus with the milking machine, why I ought to–moooowwwwowoooww–hex him into a simpleton . . .
They do NOT have good cheese. It is all orange. Orange is NOT a normal color for cheese. Cheese is white.
/Why, yes, yes I was born in Vermont, why do you ask?
Don’t forget, I grew up in the PNW. The PNW is pretty much overrun with demoniacally possessed pets.
… And serial killers (I grew up there as well).
I thought that said cereal kilts*. Hehe…
*not really. I’m just being ornery.
Okay, now read this again…but with Morgan Freeman’s voice from The Shawshank Redemption. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
….
….
….
Funniest moment of my day.
Try it in the voice of James Earl Jones as Darth Vader. Very spooky.
I think he looks kinda like a fast!zombie. *holds arms out* Mooooonnnnnndaaaaaaaaayyyyss…. Mooooonnndaaaaayyysss…..
*Holds out a plate*
Coffee Slice? We have regular, glazed, and frosted this morning. The frosted have chocolate sprinkles!
Welcome back caffeinated Taco.
Taco, I thought of you this weekend. I made some very good, very strong coffee. I levitated for at least 6-8 hours. Life was good. I hope yours is, too (in general, but in that regard particularly).
I had 2 fairly strong cups of coffee on Saturday.
The first cup had me climbing the walls all day. The second had me up playing Dead Space until midnight(I feel old now that I consider that late at night), and then worrying about zombies* invading my house until 2am.
*Technically “Necromorphs” but I didn’t really expect anyone but NMN know what those are. For NMN: Dead Space 2 in 2 weeks!
Sounds fun!
I had been making my coffee of average strength, and decided to upgrade. I also had a different kind, given to me by a friend. This stuff was very finely ground, which helped, and of good enough quality that being strong did not also make it bitter, which is why I drank more than one cup. I suspect it would be excellent in slice form.
I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned the house. I learned that if I ever took speed I would be one of those women whose house would be spotless. Tempting as that idea may be, I won’t do it.
I want someone to do one of these. I don’t drink coffee so building one of these myself would be rather a waste of time and materials but there’s got to be at least ONE mad scientist among our coffee consumers.
WANT!
*Adds to masively long project list*
“Mad scientist coffee machine”? Gee, I can’t imagine what made you think of YSaC when you saw that …
Hammy, do you have one in the orbiting cave of tech. wonders?
If you don’t want to make one you could always buy one from Japan.
Or you could just pick up some Black Blood of the Earth.
When a friend linked to this recently, I thought of Taco, but as it was during the detox phase I decided not to torment him at the time.
I’ll take frosted, can you make that to go-go-go?
Taco, I’ll have my usual: wild-berry flavored energy mix :-p Mmmm, it really is the best way to get an energy-drink amount of caffeine without having to choose between nasty artificial-sweetener-chemical taste or the calories :-p
*sigh* I need to cut down on my caffeine intake, too…. How long does it usually take for the headaches to go away?
For me it takes about 5 days, but by day 4 Ibuprophin actually starts working on them!
Getting horrifically sick on day 6 really helps take your mind off it too! Barely even thought about coffee for 3 days!
I think I’m shouting again! Yes, it appears I’m shouting! Why am I shouting! SOMEBODY HELP, I CAN’T STOP SHOUTING!
Ibuprophin is the cheap, generic version of ibuprofen. Twice the calories at 1/2 the effectiveness.
Do they make it with dolphins?
So now I’ve got to figure out a week where I don’t mind being completely useless?
…Maybe I should wait until MrEB gets full use of his right hand again.
100% fresh net caught dolphins.
EB: I picked a Saturday to start mine. Saturday wasn’t bad until the evening, but Sunday and Monday were pretty rough. By Tuesday I was able to medicate myself into a non-pain state, so I was able to function well enough.
You could start it on a Friday and be back to a somewhat useful state of mind by Monday. At least useful enough for pain killers to get you functioning.
Not to beat a dead fish, but I hope those are tuna-safe* dolphins!
*Joey the tuna, apparently
There is less than 3% actual fish in Ibuprophin. A high percentage of sea mammals is the quality guarantee on the package.
I hope the rest is comprised of sea monkeys—thousands and thousands of sea monkeys!
[mammals? Do sea monkeys have sea monkey gazungas and nurse their young?]
[corey] Sea monkeys are invertebrates, a species of brine shrimp, and thus are sadly gazunga-less.[/corey]
Do they wear little crowns and sunglasses like the pictures in the back of the comic books? Hehe…
So … so … sea monkeys aren’t little mermaidtype people with little sea monkey crowns living in little sea monkey sand castles and having sea monkey barbecues ant attending sea monkey PTA meetings with their little sea monkey children?
Well that’s just great. I thought they just took extra long to become that whole family unit thing. Now what am I going to do? They’re too damn small to serve with fettuccine.
We fed them to betta fish, back when we had fishies.
They look like this if anyone’s interested.
Cuddly little things.
Those are NOT cuddly. They look like something I would call an exterminator for. Isn’t their lifespan about 4 days as well? So much for having a pet I bought with my hard-earned paper route money.
For anyone who remembers “The State” from MTV (yanno, back when the M stood for Music … but that’s a rant for another day), one of my favorite skits of theirs was the one where this guy is housesitting for this other guy and as the houseowner leaves he tells the sitter not to forget to feed the sea monkeys. The sitter thinks it’s a joke and laughs. Then the sea monkeys come in. They’re human size (people in costumes), with the crowns and so forth as pictured on the ads from the back of comics (were they ever advertised anywhere else?) and dance menacingly around the sitter (menacingly because he made fun of them and because they want to intimidate him). They inform him that he shouldn’t be laughing, the guy has had them ever since he was a kid, and they are all talented and accomplished (the line I recall best is “Swimmy here writes for Esquire“). I can’t remember how the skit ends – I think they rough him up or something.
Ever since then, whenever someone refers to sea monkeys, that’s what I think of.
I miss that show. I’ve been able to get part of a season on iTunes but nothing further so far. That part of the cast was on “Reno 911” and show up time to time elsewhere is kind of cool.
It’s good to see that the cat from Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders is still finding work.
“Hey little Demon what is with all the fight, little bitty kitty with the ARRRRGGGGGH OH MY GOD MY FACE! SOMEBODY GET IT OFF! OH IT’S EATING MY LIVER! OH GOD, WHY! *gurgle wheeze*”
The deed was done. Shattered glass, silverware, and splinters of wood littered the bakery, and underneath the lifting haze of acrid gun smoke lay the bloodied corporeal remains of Louie “Two Bone” Babalone, formerly one of the biggest catnip distributors in town and one of the most powerful mutts this side of Washington Heights, second only to Frankie the Wag.
Joey the Tuna sat licking his paws as he surveyed the scene. Frankie was not going to be happy with what went down today, but Louie was muscling in on turf that didn’t belong to him. This was Alphabet City. Alphabet City was his. Joey the Tuna’s. So was Gramercy Park, for that matter. Everything from West Houston to East 23rd, 2nd Avenue to the East river. You set foot in here, you were Joey’s. You try and sell nip here, you were dead. Just like Louie.
Joey and his boys could deal with the backlash. Frankie had power and muscle, but not enough to engage in a turf war. Joey already had a price on his head. The only real repercussion now was that the price probably just went up. He didn’t care. You didn’t mess with a black cat. Ever. Louie should have known better.
“Ha kaar!” came a voice from behind the pastry counter just as Carmine emerged dragging a bottle of pale golden liquid between his front paws with his teeth.
Joey gaped at the idiocy for a moment before he collected himself enough to speak. “Hey, hey, hey! What da hell is dis? I said leave da gun and take da cannoli. Cannoli! You bring me canola oil! What da hell am I supposed to do wit’ dis, huh? Grease up yer ass for dat pretty poodle down the block? C’mere, lemme smack you one…”
Carmine dropped the bottle and instinctively flinched at Joey’s raised paw. It was almost comical by this point; Joey had never once actually hit Carmine, yet Carmine never once failed to cower and flinch. But that was the problem. Carmine was an moron, and if he wasn’t family he’d have been out on his ass when he was still a kitten.
“I’m sorry, Joey!” Carmine mewled piteously. “I thought yous said Canola! Honest! I’ll go get ’em, I’ll go get da cannolis, Joey, I’ll do good dis time, I promise, Joey!”
Joey gave a dismissive grunt. It didn’t really matter, he supposed. He just liked the cream filling.
“Hey,” came an urgent hiss from from the front window where Bobby Dew Claw was keeping lookout. “Cops are coming. Act natural.”
As the oscillating whine of sirens rapidly drew closer, everyone assumed a posture as natural as they could under the circumstances; Joey sat down and began licking his paws and washing his ears; Bobby curled up on the windowsill; and Jack “Whiskers” Torini and Flakes — a Egyptian hairless who only ever went by the one name — started batting around a loose donut hole between them.
The cops burst through the door into the bakery, guns drawn, swinging them every which way as they spread out and took stock of the scene.
“Hey, over here, I found the owner.” one of the officers called from one corner of the bakery. Another one joined him and saw the owner’s body, dead from two bullet wounds, one to the chest and one to the head.”
“Jeez, they even shot a dog,” another one said, looking at Louie’s body on the floor.
“Where did all these cats from from?” a third asked.
“Probably came in through the broken glass door,” the first answered.
“Hey! I go’ a cangoey!” Carmine called as he dashed out from behind the counter, a soggy cannoli clenched in his jaw.
The cops whipped around and stared at Carmine.
Bobby sat up on his forepaws and stared at Carmine.
Jack and Flakes let the donut hole roll away as they stared at Carmine.
Carmine froze in his tracks. “Uh-oh.”
Joey stared daggers at Carmine. “You,” he said in a very slow and menacing voice, “are a moron.”
Nice. 🙂
Excellent characterization. (Actually, it reminds me strongly of a friend’s cats.)
Bobby Dew Claw and Flakes. I love it.
My black cat must be related to Carmine; maybe is niece.
Carmine must have a big family, I swear Fearless is related to him as well.
He’s also distantly related to my parents’ cat, Leo. Their cats, Leo and Leah, are just like my brother and I when we were younger… Leah occasionally swats Leo for no reason, so Leo has learned to shrink away when she walks by… And on the random off-chance that Leah wants to be friendly, Leo’s too terrified to reciprocate :-p (my brother and I get along a bit better now…. I haven’t physically abused him in years :-p)
Indeed, a large family. Carmine is at least partly based on one of our cats, Dutchess — also a black cat with a tiny soul patch of white under the chin. She’ll antagonize one of our others, Tilly, for no particular reason, just because she’s in a pissy mood.
Tilly, on the other hand, is pretty friendly, but also a bit dim. (Carmine is partly based on her, partly on Snooch from Two Lumps.) She loves cat treats, and loves having them thrown at her so she can chase and “kill” them. She loves nothing more than to catch them with her paws and scarf them down. However, if one falls short and lands a few inches in front of her, she’ll stare at it for a moment, then stare at me expectantly, because apparently, to her, a moving thing is materially different from a stationary thing, so the treat that landed almost under her nose ceased being a treat as soon as it stopped moving. If one manages to pass her and she loses sight of it, she’ll also do this Looney Tunes, Benny the Cat “WHICH WAY DID IT GO? WHICH WAY DID IT GO?” thing.
Our other (third) cat is a fat lump who thinks he’s a dog. We have an interesting menagerie. 🙂
Everyone who meets mycat, Zephyr, falls in love with him. He’s not the biggest cat ever, but he’s good size for a neutered male. He has many fans, including the staff at the vets where we had him fixed, they called him my “little guy.” I’ve put the cats on a much better cat food, and now Zeph is kitten-playful again. Not with any of the toys laying around, but with his people. Hands are favorite chew toys. He honestly has a totally vacant look to his eyes, unless food is involved. And when I tell people I adopted him from a one-armed woman in front of Wal*Mart, they expect a story. No, that’s it. Wanted a female kitten to play with Rani, ended up with a male instead who made her life miserable. The End.
Okay, this is bizarre. My Google ad is for “World of Beekeeping”. What the what?
At least bees have some relevance to this site. My ad is for Investment Bank Bootcamp, which isn’t even funny. Or maybe it is.
Bees are animals, too?
I’ve got “FOODS!” from Groupon.
Good to see Food People is still making a living.
Is Food People what they are calling Soylent Green these days?
[Odd, I thought I posted this earlier, but don’t see it. Hmm.]
Food People ate your comment.
Bees be upon us.
*genuflect* now.
SJ — so is mine, maybe it’s a NC “thing”. Astro, Bombdude?
No, I’m getting an ad for free pet food delivery.
Yep, me too. Free pet food delivery…
And a “Litter Robot”!
This might not look related, but I promise it is 😀
ZIM! Why did they cancel that show?
Pet Food delivery for me.
About to press “Subnit Comment” may get a 502 error.
And, did not–woohoo!
This kitten looks like it turns into a werekitty when the moon is full.
Lord help us, Lon Chaney! Yikes!
It’s no wonder he looks tough, being a professional rugby player and all.
**Goes off to corner to wait for someone in New Zealand to get the All Black reference…**
This must be a still from the new reboot of Alien where they replace all the phallic aliens with fluffy kittens.
Somehow it’s even scarier than the original.
“In space…no one can hear you meow….”
Adores to you both.
:starts hunting for the butt I laughed off:
Do you think the kitty might be available for some “freelance work”? I have a few co-irkers, a few fellow students, and some customers who need to be “dealt with” before they drive me insane.
That photo is the last thing you see after trying to get the kitty in the pet carrier.
Otherwise known as the Iron Maiden for pets.
Run to the hills… run for your life…
I hear “Running Free”.
This was the first attempt at the “Hang In There” poster. After this they decided to medicate teh kittez before hanging them on the stick and laughing at them.
I snorted Mountain Dew out my nose when I got to the picture. Aaaallll over the contracts I was going over. I’m suing for damages to my person, career, and for mental anguish. If I don’t receive prompt payment, I shall be calling Joey the Tuna.
Fur will fly.
Meredith, if you keep snorting Mountain Dew, we’re going to need to have an intervention.
Is anyone else getting the “Litter Robot” ads at upper right? The picture keeps cracking me up for some reason. At least it’s topically relevant on the right day, which is nice. I like the way they have a cat’s head poking out, just so you know what it’s for and don’t mistake it for some kind of garbage can or Roomba imitation.
*sigh* We have a magic catbox, but it’s not very magical…. It’s actually functionally retarded, and can’t move its little rake thing more than halfway through the litter. Stupid $140 piece of cat poo….
But yes, I’m getting the Marvin the Android Litter Robot ad :-p
I use a pair of rubbermaid totes , one 40 gal and one 20 gal, that each have an eight inch square hole cut in one end. They don’t clean themselves, but they sure are roomy. Perfect for the “full-figured” cat.
It does look like Marvin!
If I were to get something like this, my cat would stand in it with her head against the back wall and her fuzzbutt hanging out the hole and I’d end up with a mess to clean up.
HamCan, in the Golden Box, with the antidepressant.
The first thing I thought of when I saw the picture, was “Looks like Dobby got struck by lightning…”
Excellent mental image there, thanks.
“(In monotone voice)And here we see the wild Mafiahit Kitten. Watch how it stalks it’s prey, carefully weaving thru the grass- Oh no, it’s spotted one of our camera-men. Get out of there, you fool! Run, Daniel, run!”
*Sounds of screams*
“Where did it go? We seem to have lost sight of it. Oh no, here’s Daniel, poor, young Daniel. Or at least what’s left of him…What was that? Did you hear something? It sounded like it came from over there. I’m going to go check it-”
*AHHHHHHHHH!!!*
Yeah, it’s a late comment, but I’ve been gone all day.
My status for today:
*flails arms, runs in circles* AAAAUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGHHHH!
Thank you. That is all.
I agree, in fact I’ll just copy and paste that status for the rest of the month if you don’t mind…
Wow. I do that at the end of every work day. Weird.
*passes flask*
Keep that as long as you need, Windy.
Thanks, Lola. I don’t know how you get the rum balls in there, but I appreciate it!
Pickles and Winston return tomorrow for those that might be interested, whatever else tomorrow’s posting brings. Wanted to write it up tonight, since I promised it during the holidays and didn’t deliver.
Meanwhile it’s beddy-bye time for me. To borrow Windy’s signoff (because I’m feeling cheeky tonight), Goodnight SoHo!
Just give it back when you are done, Mindee.
Hammy, Punchity Punch Punch!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
All joking aside, I hope that kitty found a nice home with someone who wouldn’t irk him until he turned into Nosferatu.