YSaC, Vol 881: Micro Echo Gnomics 101
over 1000 rusty nails – $15 (st peter burgs)
mostly 3″ and some 2 1/4″ 15$ or trade for under chair floor mat(plastic) at least 3 x 4′
Now normally we redact the locations for these things, but this one’s pretty old, and the misspelling of “St. Petersburg” is hilarious.
However, that’s not what I want to talk about today. No, today I want to talk about why we are no longer on the barter system. A long time ago, in the caveman era, there were very few goods and services available. As far as goods went you had your basics: rocks, meat, and those inexplicably flavorless brightly colored candies your grandmother kept in a dish. (Those things have ALWAYS been around.) Services were just as limited – you pretty much just had people who specialized in hitting things with rocks.
This made commerce easy – you agreed to provide so much meat to Thag, and he agreed to hit something in the head with a rock. If you threw in a few of the candies, he might even drag whatever it was back to your cave.
However, over time, the overall number of products and services gradually expanded. First, there was the development of stone tools in the stone age. Then the development of bronze, in the bronze age. Next there was the development of iron, which, due to a clerical error, occurred in the molybdenum age. This obviously led to a wide expansion in the number of things which could be used to hit other things in the head with.
Eventually, we reached today’s modern society with its literally DOZENS of available products and services: quince jelly, pet psychics, windshield wiper fluid, and even Sham-Wows. And now barter no longer makes sense, because it relies on a double coincidence of wants. In other words, even if I have an entire pallet load of Snuggies and I need my capybara reupholstered, it does me no good unless I can find a capybara upholsterer who just so happens to also NEED mega-snuggage.
So while I wish sparky here the best of luck, I suspect he’ll probably have better luck finding no one to pay him $15 dollars for the rusty nails than he will finding anyone to not give him a floor mat for them.
Thanks for the teachable moment, Kris!
Excellent commentary, dan!
Everyone please think good thoughts for me this morning. I have a meeting with my thesis committee, and I have to convince them not to kick me out of the program. : /
I’m feeling good about the material I have to present, but not so good about actually presenting it. I can be hard presenting something I know well to people who know a lot about related stuff, but just enough about my stuff to completely misunderstand.
Good luck and don’t get kicked out of your program. I’m told thinking about those you present to in their underwear helps ease the tension, though depending on who is in attendance it may also generate arousal and/or nausea, so I guess your mileage can vary quite a bit. Perhaps you should just imagine them all in pink tutus and only if you fail to present your case adequately will they rise up and dance Swan Lake poorly while Mikhail Baryshnikov looks on in disapproval.
I like the ballet visual.
For academic committees, I’ve found that imagining them in too-small school desks being forced to recite actuarial tables in bad Attic with their errors being corrected by a bevy of Germanic nuns with yardsticks to be helpful.
But, I may have been exposed to too much Burke Breathed at a formative age, too.
Are you saying something about tutus, Mindfield? ô.õ
And good luck, AR!
Daleks in tutus are fine.
Middle-aged scientists, on the other hand….
They wanted to use the name Peterland but the gay club down by the airport was already using it. (My apologies to Family Guy)
I wouldn’t apologize, Ed. That particular episode was pretty funny.
Good luck, AR!♥!
I am sure you will render them speechless with your sheer awesomeness.
Good luck! All good wishes to you today.
AR, give me their phone numbers and I will call and threaten them. 8) Unless, you know, you want to do this on your own merit. Then you don’t need anything but our best wishes, which of course you have.
Good luck! Not saying you’ll need it, but you’ll need it :-).
Thinking good thoughts for my second favorite lab rat! I know you’ll wow their socks off!
*lighting a bunsen burner*
Meme! Memememe! Me, mememe, meme, ME!
*lights a Bunsen Honeydew*
Luck? AR you don’t need no steenken luck…you got this one!
Many good thoughts sent your way, hon.
Good luck! I know you’ll be great.
Good Luck!
AR — you’ll WOW them (hopefully speechless)
Good luck, AR! You’ll be awesome. ♥
AR, you are awesome. Have faith in yourself and your material and that will show.
You guys are awesome. (I think I’ve said this before, but it continues to be true.)
Meeting’s over, I’m not kicked out. I didn’t even have to talk all that much once we got past the “how do *you* think you did” part. Once we got into the science, I couldn’t finish 2 sentences without being interrupted with a question or a suggestion, and that’s a good thing.
Congrats! Now I feel like breaking into a round of Still Alive from the end of Portal.
This is a triumph
I’m making a note here: Huge Success…
Look at me still talking when there’s science to do.
Awesome news AR!!
Lola, pass the flask!
Well done AR!
*passes flask*
It’s Manischiewitz, AR. 🙂 I wasn’t sure if you could have anything else, so I erred on the safe side. (However, because the flask is magic, if you want something else, you get that instead!)
: ) Sounds good!
A toast: to snarkiness, to internet friendships, to the last minute, and to the Llamanun and Ostrimu (BBUT)!
[kosher wine corey] I’m sure most liquor stores in Manhattan carry kosher wine. Whether it’s the better stuff or not probably depends on the neighborhood. I’m not really a wine connoisseur, and I don’t like dry wines at all, but I understand that some kosher wines are pretty good. Manischiewitz, on the other hand, is not. It’s Nyquil without the drugs – just syrup and alcohol. That stuff makes me tipsy/drunk FAST.
As a non-Jew offering wine to a Jew who abides by the kosher-wine rules, you have to be careful. Wine is kosher only if it was made by Jews, and never handled by a non-Jew. Wine can be heated to a certain temperature to make it non-contaimable by a non-Jew. This is why kosher wine used to be considered bad. Before flash Pasteurization, heating the wine would ruin it. These wines are mevushal, and it will usually say that on the bottle. If you poured me a glass of a non-mevushal kosher wine, it wouldn’t be kosher any more. Sealed bottles are not an issue.[/corey]
Congratulations, AR, I knew you would Sham*Wow them! (sorry, I couldnt’ resist)
Remember, Lola’s flask is magical. I am sure kosher poses no obstacle to the magical flask.
[corey]I worked with a gentleman who spent some portion of his career cleaning giant wine vats. I do not recall the details but they WERE large enough to walk into; the fumes inside WERE strong enough to get high off of within moments; they DID bottle at least some kosher wines. I believe he said that the vast majority of the vat cleaning was before a batch of kosher wine was processed.
Also, workers at some grape pressing operations apparently occasionally lost fingers.
With the alcohol content in there, though, I’m sure it all got well-sterilized.
But you might want to stick with vinyards that bottle on the premises…
Or, make your own!
Home fermenting is getting really popular.
[/corey]
Thanks for the explanation, AR – I wondered about that, actually, even if the flask were sterilized – whether you would be able to drink it. The sealed-bottle answer makes sense.
My neighborhood is not terribly posh, but we’re near posh and we’re near transit that would take you there from Manhattan, so there may be decent-quality kosher wine available here but I don’t know if I could recognize it as such. All I’ve seen on offer that I can recall are Mogen David and Manischiewitz, which my parents somehow ended up with at one point, and which my mother characterized as possibly closely-related to berry syrup more suitable for pancakes, so I’m not surprised you don’t care for it. Cheers (pun sort of intended) for technology, if it creates wine that is both kosher and enjoyable!
And cheers for your being retained for further studies! *passes sealed bottle of kosher wine*
Some brands of kosher wine are obviously so if you know what you’re looking for (brands named things like Rashi or Herzog, or almost anything Israeli), while others have names that sound just like any other brand of wine – Cantina Gabriele and Teal Lake are two of our favorite brands.
And again, if the wine is mevushal (which most non-Israeli wines are), it doesn’t even need to stay sealed. Your goyishness can’t ruin it any further than the heating did. ; )
Oh, I’ve seen Rashi there as well, now that you mention it. Good to know. I don’t anticipate needing to get any in the near future, but if I do need to get something of that type, I won’t show up with something that tastes like pancake syrup + grain alcohol.
I’m snorting over “your goyishness can’t ruin it,” even though I take that kind of thing seriously. I’ve worked with people who keep kosher or only eat halal, and even though the most stringent religious diet I’ve kept is no meat on Fridays in Lent (which isn’t mandatory for Episcopalians), I take it seriously and the least I can do is respect when others do as well, even if I don’t know/agree with the reason. I try to be a respectful shiksa. 😉
I know, which is why I thought you’d appreciate the joke.
This is one of the reasons I love this community: Respectful jokes and informative discussion about potentially sensitive topics.
AR – Someone named a winery “Rashi?”
When we were doing our (humanist-oriented) year’s Torah study group, we always found Rashi’s commentaries to be some of the most entertaining and creative interpretations of the text (and/or tangents on the text). At the risk of being slightly offensive, a connection to strong wine would explain a lot. 🙂
Actually, the connection is that Rashi was a vintner. He had his own winery.
But, yeah, a lot of the rabbis sometimes make me wonder what they were smoking. Rashi less so, but that may be because I started learning his commentary when still fairly young so much of what just seems normal to me may in fact be weird to someone encountering it as an adult.
Mmmmm, Drambuie.
Good morning, Hammy.
Do you have mind control rays up there in the Orbiting Cave of Wonders? Could you make my committee members like my presentation?
Blackmail might work better…
*Aims blue water discharge valve at committee members*
Dear Committee members,
As you know I have been working on the secrets to the brown note toward my thesis completion. Having discovered this note, as my presentation will cover for you, I think it only fitting that I be provided passing marks to my thesis presentation.
Failing this, I cannot promise that a certain MP3 will not work its way onto your iPods.
Sincerely,
Etcetera.
BWAHAHA…..
Dear Señor Mas y Mas:
Can I get that brown note in a nice tasteful midi file?
Gracias,
Nomas
But be extra-sure that if you give the music with the brown note contained within to the recorder players from New York, you do not accidentally cause it to be given to all the recorder players. Because then they all play it, everyone in the world will hear it, and, well… it won’t be pretty.
Hey, Hammy, I need a couple minions…. Do you know where I could pick some up?
Ask SJ on FB. Apparently she just got one!
That’s what reminded me :-p Though I’m more in the market for a Mary Poppins-type minion than a stuffed one….
GIVE CRAIGSLIST THE BOOT!
for whatever stupid reason, too many people cannot post their ads because they are flagged, refused as spam, or “ghosted”, or whatever, and craigslist is unresponsive. indeed it appears they don’t give a damn. many say craigslist is a bad joke compared to what it used to be.
IT IS TIME to leave craigslist. everybody, all at once, should drop them and use something else: the next most popular, being SKRATCHMYBACK.com
AND DON’T LOOK BACK. Do Not Go Back to craigslist even if you hear the problems are resolved. why? because
1. once the users come back, craigslist will go right back to doing the same thing! why wouldn’t they!?
2. it will send a message to similar websites: when they irritate too many people, they lose them, and they don’t come back
3. SKRATCHMYBACK.com can’t be stupid, when it’s switched around so SKRATCHMYBACK.com is #1 and barely anybody remembers what craigslist was anymore, SKRATCHMYBACK.com certainly won’t try do pull what craigslist did! so we users end up happy ever after with a hassle-free website to post our ads on.
SKRATCHMYBACK.com looks better anyway
everybody that reads this needs to spread the word. starting now. today, December 2010, we are doing it now! WHENEVER somebody mentions “craigslist” say this: “everybody is going to SKRATCHMYBACK.com instead”
in fact, go out of your way to bring it up. make it a topic.
copy and paste this text, spread it around, email it, post it on blogs, forums, etc
and then go right on over to SKRATCHMYBACK.com and post an ad! something! anything! you didn’t get to do that on craigslist, did you? it makes you happy posting an ad! so do it! at SKRATCHMYBACK.com
Wanted – snarky comments with proper grammer, use of SHIFT key a must. Please reply to http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com with your favorite flavor of jelly. (Jams are also acceptable. Marmalades require moderator approval.) Please cut and paste this to as many boards as feasible, without bothering to correct any glaring errors, turning a thinly veiled advertisment into a chain letter.
Wanted – snarky coments with proper gramer, use of SHIFT key a must. Please reply to http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com with you’re favorate flavuor of jelly. (Jams are also acceptable. Marmelades require moderator approval.) Please cut and past this to as many boreds as feesible, withot bothring to corect any glarring errors, turning a thinly vayled advertisment into a chan letter.
There you go SJ, I taco-afied it!
Much better, TM.
Looks more Sparkified that Taco-ified to me. I know there’s a difference but it is subtle enough to escape me at this time.
Haha! Heh heh heh! Heh. Uh. Heh.
Wait, I don’t get it. Maybe I’ll check back after a few slices of coffee and see if I can find the snark.
Hi, Spammy McSpamdouche! Way to preach to the choir – we do think that some of CL sucks, but not all of it. You could have learned this by reading the blog title! Hey, someone else could start a blog and feature you as the mockworthy post of the day – You Suck at Trolling! Alienating the regular visitors of a site = cheap advertising fail.
This idiot’s lucky I haven’t had coffee yet. I realize that troll baiting and spam ignoring should be done, but I needed to vent this morning and this is a safe outlet.
The safety word is Spambot.
I am going use bob’s post to start my own blog, “You Suck At You Suck At Craigslist.”
I know it’s been discussed before, Bianchi, do it!
But if I do it badly, I may end up on “You Suck At You Suck At You Suck At Craigslist.”
Using the word “suck” that many times might attract the wrong sort, Bianchi.
Suck (multiple times) + CL = possibly wrong type of page hit …
Vacuum salesmen?
To edit, or not to edit? That is the question. Whether it is nobler in the blog to ignore the slings and arrows of outrageous typing, or just edit the sit out of the whole thing. Voters?
Edit it to [pointless and impotent advertisement for a worthless website]
It keeps the context and mocks the poster at the same time!
Nah, if you edit it, then all these comments about it will make… even less sense than we usually make.
Maybe just edit out the website name in question and replace it with “lacawates valtrus-suka” or “Not.a.Lion” or “All Hail Hypno-Dogs!”
I vote for just removing the website name as well.
Well, I just changed the name of the poster and the web site he’s touted. That should serve him or it right! 8)
Poor SpamBob DouchePants – Did he ever pick the wrong site for his “message”.
Who’s changing websites over at YSaC
Smiling at every bob that she sees?
Who’s reaching out to capture a screen shot?
Everyone knows it’s Windy!
And Windy has sunglassed eyes
That flash at the sound of lies
And Windy has wings to fly
Above the bots! (above the bots)
Aww… No re-edits to extol Taco’s playground superiority? I’m disappointed.
At least it hasn’t come back to annoy all of us.
I’m a he, thank you very much.
I’ve got man parts to prove it! See, right here in this box.
I’ll be in the corner if you need me.
OK.
Are they your man parts or did you just happen to find a box of random junk somewhere?
Finders keepers, right?
So yeah, totally mine now.
I sometimes have man parts in my box, too. That doesn’t make me a man. Quite the contrary. I think your evidence is flawed, Taco.
*sigh*
I’m away for a week and a half and then have only something terribly nasty to say. I’m a baaaaaad girl.
*spittake*
You are my kind of bad, Stephanae.
Welcome back, Stephanae, and that was an excellent re-entrance line.
Stephanae, if you’re going to do anything, why not do it with a big flourish? That line reminds me of something my friend’s German-Polish sister-in-law has been known to say: “I have a little Irish in me … occasionally.” If the husband is in hearing distance, he may then take exception to the word “little.” The rest of us thank her for the overshare. 8)
Stephanae, apparently absence makes the snark grow sharper. Have I mentioned my girl-crush on you?
Pretend this is up there near Mudsy’s very artistic and touching song that will now be my anthem. 8) Thanks, Ms. Slicker!
Thanks for the warm welcome back! And that girl crush is totally requited Andie!
My vote was going to be for disemvowelment, but that works too :-p
I missed something. Why is Taco defending his manhood?
Serious and line-obliterating answers will be accepted.
Christina, I think it was because SmileyDog said something along the lines of “it coming back to annoy us.”
Also, penis.
Has there been a day when we haven’t questioned someone’s gender and/or sanity?
(It was Smedley, not SmileyDog.)
Well… There was a dog involved.
I’m just wondering whether, when Windrose posted “edit the sit out of the whole thing,” she left out the E or the H…
I vote H.
Yes! The new Jedi movie:
Episode IIIb: Edit of the Sith.
I just giggled and assumed she was poking fun at Taco’s editing-swear-words peeve.
DING DING DING! Give the ladies and gentledog cigars! 8)
HEY… Bob’s BACK !
I didn’t miss him.
Good to know your aim has improved.
Yes, drinking calms the shakes.
I like my shakes in those McLeprechaun flavors that I can get at the drive-thru. Too bad March is so far away.
Sonic lets you mix and match flavors. I’m partiularly fond of pineapple-caramel.
Dear Mr. McSpamdouche:
I represent a consortium of individuals of above-average intelligence and below-average tolerance for asshatery. Also there’s a tank with wings.
My clients have asked that I inform you that your post has been received in a spirit quite contrary to that in which it was clearly intended. Please be aware that you suck.
Sincerely,
Etc.
Andie, I wish I could afford to keep you on retainer just so you could fire off missives like this to any asshat who caught my attention. I would consider it money well spent.
Maybe if we all chip in.
Also, who’s the new lovely lady representing you?
Still Christina Hendricks, thank you. I like the necklace (?) and her hat/hair accessory here.
Anybody else seeing the entire site in boldface type or is it time to discuss dosage with my doctor again?
Oh thank the gods it isn’t just me. I thought I was going crazy..er.
No boldface here. Just regular snark face, and someone over in the corner making the gas face for no particular reason.
Mindfield, if you’re talking about me… there’s a reason.
Yes.
8)
Okay, it must be something in IE, because I just loaded the site in IE and the entire site is shouting!. Looks fine in FF though.
Help I can’t stop shouting. Why am I shouting? There is no reason that I should be shouting. Oh gods. Everyone else has started to shout now too. Somebody stop us from shouting.
It looks better but still a little odd in FF.
The bold makes me think we’re all conversing in Gilbert Gottfried- or Bobcat Goldthwait-type voices. It hurts my nerves in my mind’s ear.
Think of it more like “to boldly go where no man has gone before”…!
-James Tiberius
I’m in IE too. The reply box is normal but once something is posted it gets all shoutified.
Could y’all keep the shouting down? I’m getting a headache.
kthxbai
I thought my post would fix itself if I put it in [bold] tags. But that didn’t happen. Reading everyone’s comments has me all jumpy for some reason. Make it stop….
🙁
It appears we’ve been hijacked by Jestro and the Vigilantes.
*points to bottom left of page in IE*
See?
That’s always there, CJ. But perhaps the Vigilantes are shouting?
Not even closing the “b” works to stop the shouting.
There’s something very… shouty going on.
No, we’ve been hijacked by the poltergeist of BILLY MAYS.
Is it still doing it? I’m not seeing it.
Boy, it’s just a weird day all around on YSaC. (And in real life, too.)
No, it’s fixed now.
Never ‘broken’ for me–did not connect until after noon, Central Time, too.
Yes, it is fine now. Interesting. The Llamanun has healed the site of its font illness by her presence! Bees, all bees, be upon her!
I was about to say I see no shouting, then I got down here to this post and I see that the shouting is fixed merely by the Great Llamanun’s presence. BEEEEES!
It’s a beesmas miracle! Mary Beesmas, everyone!
No boldface here but FF still doesn’t want to give me my stylesheet. Meh. It never looked good on THIS computer, anyway, so I don’t particularly care. (Home computer renders this site awesomely so I know the problem is JUST this computer.)
I’m Gonna Sell (500 Nails)
by The Pro Lamers
When I wake up, yeah I know I’m gonna sell
I’m gonna sell a bunch of useless crap to you
When I go out, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s mailin’ crap to you
If I get drunk, yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk thanks to you
And if I heave up, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s heavin’ up to you
But I would trade 500 nails
And I would trade 500 more
Just to get an under chair floor mat
Or make a 15 dollar score
When I’m workin’, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be postin’ to Craigslist all day long
When the money comes in for the posts I do
I’ll spontaneously break into this song
When I come home, yeah I know I’m gonna find
I’m gonna find my mailbox filled with lowball bids
And when I sell crap, yeah I know I will afford
To pay that alimony supporting all my kids
But I would trade 500 nails
And I would trade 500 more
Just to get an under chair floor mat
Or make a 15 dollar score
When I’m lonely, yeah I know it’s gonna be
Because I have no life outside of selling scrap
And when I’m angry, yeah I know it’s gonna be
Because you tell me that I cannae spell for crap
But I would trade 500 nails
And I would trade 500 more
Just to get an under chair floor mat
Or make a 15 dollar score
Damn it Smiling Dog, I was halfway through my rendition when your better one showed up!
I will reep my reveng!
Bwahahahahahahahahah!
*Falls out of his chair*
Great minds think alike? I mean even if mine is covered in fur and makes me think anything dropped on the floor is automatically food. Even if I dropped it.
I like my nails to be nine inchers.
😉
Heh… there’s a certain level of appropriateness there.
God money I’ll do anything for you
God money just tell me what you want me to
God money nail me up against the wall
God money don’t want everything, he wants it all…
How DO you keep getting better and better at these? (Do I even want to know? Probably not.)
Taurine and marrow jelly. They also give me a lovely coat and nice, shiny teeth!
I thought the lovely coat was down to “Mane & Tail” shampoo …
Still awesome.
OOOH! I want my $.02 contribution today to be in bold!!!!
Must be BOLD Wednesday.
If you use ALT plus 155 from the keypad, you will be able to use the “cents” symbol to your heart’s content.
And, thus, my 2¢ worth.
ALT+159 in case one wishes to annotate UK pounds sterling
ALT+157 for those wishing to annotate in Yen
and
ALT+159 for franc
(there’s one for Euro, but, that currency was created after the stock ASCII sheet was, so it is irregular; sadly, so are the Yuan and Woolong.)
Capn, I would like to donate in rupees, please.
I’d like to donate in Woolongs, maybe then I can figure out what they are.
1 1/2 oz Scotch whisky
1/2 oz Drambuie® Scotch whisky
1 twist lemon peel
Pour the scotch and drambuie into an old-fashioned glass almost filled with ice cubes. Stir well. Garnish with the lemon twist.
NOW…multiply that by 1,000. Welcome to 1962.
To the Brat Pack of the era, they just called that “a round of drinks.”
Really? I’d’ve thought it was called “lunch.”
*holds out flask*
Please, ma’am, may I have some more?
I could see a few Mad Men holding out their rock glasses. I’ve got the funnel for Lola’s flask.
Smiley dog needs to sing a round or two of Sammy Davis and Dean Martin songs to create the proper ambience.
Egads, brainlocked right up on the name of that beverage–and I know it; and the logjamb of other frinknames in my head is not helping. therefore I will think something else. Like how to redirect packet level two scanning for embedded bitrate content hacks into fleas to infest the goateees of malware deployers . . .
Duh: Rusty nail!
Lessee, use bit iteration and match against bytes . ..
If we every need someone to reboot the History of the World franchise, I’m nominating Dan to write a script based on this commentary.
Also… Mel Brooks? Still waitin’ on Jews in Space, man. Hop to.
“Jews in Space”, starring Gertrude, the Ship’s Computer System – as voiced by Fran Drescher.
“You’re gonna wear that? In space? It must be 400 below outside, put on a muff-lah or you’ll catch your death! OY! The things I put up with!”
Okay, Mel…you got your starting point.
Jews in Space? It’ll never happen. In space, no one can hear you kvetch.
Oh honey, I had a Jewish grandmother. The conditions under which kvetching travels (and the associated guilt) defy most principles of modern physics. I’m pretty sure string theory came about in at attempt to understand Jewish Conversational Dynamics.
Which, incidentally, would be a terrible name for a band.
Correlating String Theory and Kvetching Jewish grandmothers….could only happen here at YSaC! I love you guys!
<3
Jewish Conversational Dynamics: tribute band for Metallic Mazel Tov
Klez-metal?
Is there a Rule 34 for musical genres? Because I think Lola might have just invoked it.
IF, I used to have a coworker who was a musician (yes, we totally were his day job) and, to pass the time (our work was of a tedious nature, and we were allowed to talk to stay awake as long as our work was being done) we would try to think of the weirdest musical genre mash-ups/fusions we could, with attention paid more to crazy concept/getting the person to laugh than what it might actually sound like. I think the freakiest I came up with was chant-core, this being around the time in the ’90s that Gregorian chants were of interest. Polka-core was another. So … really … klez-metal? It’s only rock and roll, but I like it.*
*This may not be true.
The timer was ticking on my EDIT function. So I winged it. Much better Lola.
🙂
Here you go:
Klezmer Metal Mashup
I was thinking more like someone to take over the Discworld series. Especially b/c of the title, and the fact that I got a beautiful edition of the first 2 Discworld books in graphic novel form as a birthday present.
*digs through pockets, finds lint, some ribbon snatched from kitty’s mouth just before it became technicolor vomit, a kleenex and the cap to a bottle of water*
Oh, Sparkeeeeeeeeeee….here, I’ll trade you all this for your rusty nails.
Wassat? Snuggies? No, I don’t have any snuggies but if you can upholster a capybara I might just be able to hook you up….
I can tell by the fact that there are already over 40 comments and a spambot, that I am going to have trouble keeping up today. AR: Best luck with your presentation. Everyone else: I made some green eggs, they go great with spam.
When the economy gets better, then I will re-upholster my capybara. Until then, I will slipcover it, like most Americans have to.
Good luck with that. Can’t be easy getting enough durable fabric to cover the world’s biggest rodent.
I’d like to see it in a nice sensible pleather slipcover.
To really have it done right, you need to send your capybara to South America.
They have a way with tooled pleather that will really make your capybara stand out, especially among the rather pedestrian slipcovered ones you see these days. But, as I said, really need the economy to do some of that recovering stuff, and quick. Mine keeps chewing through the straps.
You need to use more duck tape, Smedley.
Silly girl, capybara don’t quack, they whistle!
Plural? Anyone?
Duct tape, duct tape, duct tape…
I had no idea y’all were so talented at interior decorating.
Are any of you named “Steve”? I need some track lighting installed, sugah.
Ouch. Tooled capybara. I think I’d like to see it in a nice quilted plaid pleather. I like my rodents to look whimsical.
With a bowtie and bowler hat or with frilly little bows on each ear?
CJ, I can specify, install and balance all the interior lighting you can handle; only part that is sticky is Texas’ requirement for the licensed JM Electrician to make up the actual last connections <grrrr> but I could find you one for the half-hour of billing required.
Getting one named ‘steve’ though, is significantly more expensive.
Well, Capn, if he’s FABULOUS he might be worth the additional coinage.
sj: a bowler, bowtie and ear bows? Are you on crack? I said “whimsical” not gender-bendered and going through an identity crisis.
8)
Is freebasing lithium the same thing as doing crack?I have no idea what you are talking about.
I thought that was thorazine. I like to put it in my omelets. It’s dee-licious (I think)!
I prefer the minty finish of lithium. It makes a great after-dinner snack.
R.O.U.S.s? I don’t think the actually exist.
I keep trying to come up with uses for over 1000 rusty nails, but my brain refuses to go there. 200 rusty nails, fine, even 500. But over 1000??? How many times would you want to do that, anyway?
I’m not sure I want to know what the “that” you speak of is referring to.
I don’t think I want to know that particular definition of rusty nail.
I’m pretty sure you need antibiotics for that.
Neither do I. I was just going with the silliness of seeing a need for 200 rusty nails.
Given that the internet exists, there is probably some sort of deviant act that is referred to as “a rusty nail”, but I’m not gonna try to Google it.
I thought that was a rusty trombone….Astro should know.
😉
No, Astro shouldn’t know, he’s too young for that sort of thing!
Really, I think that applies to everyone here. There is never an appropriate age for hearing about the deviant acts of others. Do what you want, but it you’re going to give it a name, you’re talking about it too much. Which is to say, at all.
umm…[/rant], I guess…
Also, in my head, I was using “that” to refer to something stupid/dangerous/Sparktastic that requires one to have 200+ rusty nails on hand.
I just figured because he was in a band….
Still no?
Still no.
There’s a Mr. Burg on line 3 for you.
He wants his rusty nail collection returned.
Especially the one with the impression of the Virgin Mary.
I’d like to know if Sparky extracted these tetanus-riffic morsels from something or just accidentially left a box of nails outside.
More likely “rusty” is the shade of polish on the nails. The real question is whether the nails are still attached to the fingers of his victims.
Removing the nails saves space when you pack them into jars.
I find the idea of those jars less revolting than the oft-mentioned jars of nail clippings. I’m a little bit worried about how disturbed that might make me.
It also makes less racket when you shake the jar to mix them up before having each victim pick one out blindly because if they pick their own they get to keep it.
Theoretically.
Someone left the nails out in the rain?
I don’t think that I finish
All the buildings that I started too sooooooon! Oh No!!!!!!!!
And I’ll never have
that building plan
AAAAGGGGAAAAIIIINNNNN!
:sounds of dogs howling and car alarms going off:
And y’all just had to trot out MacArthur Park on the day Stephanae comes back, didn’t you?
lol, christina! You don’t think they hate me, do you? Actually, Windy trotted out MacArthur Park before I posted, so I guess I can’t take it personally.
These rusty nails would be perfect for
torturing ex-boyfriends and people I don’t likethe science experiment I want to conduct forfunschool. I could easilystealliberate one of the mats we have behind the registers at work. I can’t wait to have funinfecting people with tetnusexploring science.Barter by Sara Teasdale
Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things;
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children’s faces looking up,
Holding wonder like a cup.
Life has loveliness to sell;
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And, for the Spirit’s still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.
Give all you have for loveliness;
Buy it, and never count the cost!
For one white, singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost;
And for a breath of ecstasy,
Give all you have been, or could be.
And for your edification, here is a detailed analysis of the poem.
That’s right purdy there Coff…
By the way, Coff Drop has been in the box ALL STINKING DAY and no one said congratulations! Maybe someone one did, and we couldn’t hear it over the shouting? I hope so.
Congratulating people is sofa king boring.
*snort*
Ideal comeback.
I noticed, but couldn’t say anything … coughing. Something in my throat.
I’m at home when I’m with y’all. You’re my brothers and sisters that play the meanest jokes on me, and then we all laugh it off over breakfast – as I plan my revenge. Thanks for making my days a bit brighter. Oh, and blessed be the Llama-nun…….bees be upon her.
I will gladly trade the 3×4 plastic floor mat currently residing under my work chair. I’ve been trying to figure out how to keep people from standing right beside my desk and chatting endlessly to my coirkers. Tetanus and lockjaw sounds like a perfect deterrent.
I’m sure Martha Stewart could show you how to weave them into a festive holiday wreath. Or a shiv, depending on your needs.
I think a holiday shiv might be just the decoration for the airing of grievances at Festivus actually. Or, maybe not, if you don’t like calling police/EMS on family members.
If you have a family member who *is* EMS, though, sounds good, just make sure to give him/her immunity.
On that note, it was *very* helpful to have my sister the EMT visiting when Mr. AR cut his finger on broken glass and ended up needing stitches. He was bleeding copiously and I was only just holding myself together. She stayed calm, told me to get a towel, looked at the cut, said it would need stitches, and sent us off to the ER. Saved about 10 minutes and a good bit of panic on my part. And she even cleaned up the blood while we were in the ER.
On a related note, I recommend bringing sweaters/blankets, reading material, and food whenever heading to the ER. We were cold, bored, and hungry.
That happened with us last Christmas – my Mom got bronchitis and we ended up in urgent care for a while getting her antibiotics, but then she gave her bronchitis to my Dad. Joyfully, my sister is a doctor so she just called in a prescription for Dad. Sometimes being around relatives on holidays can be a good thing.
Stupid injuries of the evening:
Cut my finger by pressing on the blade of the food processor when mushing at the dough that wasn’t being mixed. Bled on the dough a little, but I took those bits off.
Burned my wrist by bumping it against on the top rack of the oven when taking the pizza off of the lower rack.
But the pizza was good, and healthy, so it was worth it. Unless the burn hurts for more than a day or so.
And now I will take my poor self to bed to try to catch up on the sleep I lost last night staying up to work on my presentation.
(It’s hard to type with a bandaid on my fingertip.)
Ouch! Going to bed after that sounds like a sensible response, and we are all about sensible here in the YSAC comment section.*
*This cannot be true.
Coff Drop! Here’s your sofa king Punchity Punch Punch!
G’NIGHT, HAMISH!
Ooh! Look! Sparky has pre-rusted the nails for me! How thoughtful!