YSaC, Vol. 779: Oh, what a beautiful …
2010 September 4
This is behind a cut because it obliterates the line of decency and good taste right from the get-go. Not safe for work, children, or … well, for anyone, really.
Penis Model Needed
I am currently starting a new line of clothing/costumes for penises.
I need a few attractive penises to use as models.
Some of the costumes you will be modeling: Ballerina Penis, Ninja
Turtle Penis, Space Cadet PenisWhat I’m looking for: An attractive penis, around 5 or 6 inches (or
longer), no genital warts, please.
I think we can all agree that the world needs more Space Cadet Penis costumes. Ninja Turtle Penis costumes, though, are SO 1987.
Thanks, Jessica!
Would that 5 or 6 inches be flaccid or erect? It makes a difference…….
If they made a shoe costume, then they would need a foot…
And if the made a sod costume they would need a yard…
Men, give ’em an inch, they’ll call it four.
What?
A square yard….. and then things wouldn’t work out. You can’t put a square peg in a round hole.
Margarine
I should have known this was going to be one of those days when I clicked to see the ad, and got a 400 Bad Request!
Grapdaddy, you need to use cat geometry for that.
Er, Grampdaddy, that should read. Not enough coffee yet.
Gee Windy, I was afraid you meant to type a “C” and hit the “G” instead. I’m SO glad you just missed the “r”.
Even with catgeometry, wouldn’t the corners hurt?
If Peg doesn’t “get around” is that what makes her ‘square’?
HamCan
Margarine
Hammy, ‘Margarine’ is not the answer to all life’s challenges.
3-in-1 oil
Oh but I think you are wrong…
There are two answers.
WD-40
and
Duct tape
(Margarine only answers problems were WD-40 might burn the skin, what?)
Problem with margarine is you can never be sure what you are getting – you want to avoid getting stuck with Tranny-Fats.
I don’t mind a little fat in the tranny…
They already have costumes for penises:
• Orifices
• Condoms
• Rings
Side-note…what if your warts aren’t on your penis?
I thought we’d already established the existence of the Taco Thong?
Thanks Astro. As if the taco thong wasn’t bad enough, now I’m imagining one of those novelty thongs with an elephant face or a bannana.
Astro, I didn’t need that picture back in my mind, thank you very much. I’m just going to go to my room, grab my blankie, and cry myself to sleep if you don’t mind.
Awww, Just go and
DIS-INTE-GRATE!
for awhile, it will be all better.
After all, Sparqi said nothing about modeling Skaran costumes at all [wanders off whitling jaunty tune]
What, no rooster costume? How about a private
dickdetective?I forgot one: Woody from Toy Story. Gives a whole new meaning to “You Got A Friend In Me.”
Ugghghghghhg! Christina! I haven’t had breakfast yet!
Hmm, sausage and gravy would be ill-timed.
Ooh – Well played, Capn.
Perhaps sausage and gravy on a soft taco would be (more) (less) appropriate?
Ok, chorizo y salsa con carne might would work.
Be better with chorizo blanco de españa, rather than chorizo fino de mexìco, as that is red most often. The Mexican chorizo makes a nice tamale, though.
But, as twisted as the line went, all moebius through the klein bottle and all, I’m not sure cream of wheat or buttered scones would have not been excessively suggestive (we played SFA tonight, the Lumberjack Song was mentioned a time or two).
Well, since the line took the holiday weekend off anyway:
Wouldn’t the turtle costume require an uncircumsized model?
christina – you have a most wonderful imagination……….
If the Muppet Babies taught me anything, it was that you can do anything just by using your imagin-ay-she-ion.
Oh hell, now I’ve got a vivid image of a Gonzo penis costume stuck in my head.
Lalala, I can’t hear you…
Dammit, why doesn’t sticking my fingers in my ears never keep the bad images out on this site?
Kae, I’m telling you, just repeat “ballerina penis” until the words have no meaning and everything will be alright. If that fails, I’ve got vodka.
Christina, you had to go there, didn’t you?
Now, all I can picture are puppeteers and the various wands used to animate muppets . . .
Bad enough I still can’t remember which kind of nuts go on a date covered in honey; now there’s a support staff in either black or video-invisible green body socks?
But question really is, “Have you come home with a date with your nuts covered in honey?”
Cap’n, you probably shouldn’t do a youtube search for “Puppet Up” then. It’s done by one of Henson’s kids, I think. Sort of like a PG rated Avenue Q.
Would not really matter [cue Chicago, “Does Anybody Really Know”] probably would not make me any less date-less.
Christina, that was the joke I was trying to figure out late last night when I wrote this post, but couldn’t. Thank you.
Your welcome. I’m always willing to help remove those pesky lines.
*LOUD SIRENS*
Excuse me, ma’am, this is the grammar police. We’ve noticed an improper use of the term ‘your.’ We’ll let you off with a warning this time, but be careful. There are worse people than grammar police out there, just waiting for you to lose track of homophones.
I guess your still sore about my comparison of you’re avatar to a ballerina penis? 😉
I see what you did there. 😉
Oh, your comment? Nope, I’m
still burning with the rage of a thousand sunsfine now. Nothing to worry about. Absolutely over it.*volunteers to lead the Grammar SWAT Team*
There used to be a “Grammar Slap” ’round these parts, but it disappeared around the same time its originator, Jct, did.
[feeble defense corey] Honestly, “you are welcome” does not seem right to me anyway. Welcome to what? I could make the argument that the possessive “your” makes more sense if you consider the phrase “your welcome” to be a shortened variant of, “Your gratitude is welcomed by me.”
I’m going to look this up and see where “you are welcome” originates. [/corey]
Well, if you know of a situation where dressing in kelvar raid gear while thoroughly demonstrating ‘the violence inherent in the system,” especially with some good Vogon-quality shouting at person guilty of grammar en delicto flagrantare, you know where to entreat.
Christina, that is EXACTLY what I thought! No joke!
Oops, meant to switch back to posting with Severus.
You also managed to spell your own name wrong. Or was that on purpose?
That was on purpose. French spelling. 😉
Oooo, I’m totally using that excuse!
Not an excuse, Hammy. 😛
It is now!
So what constitutes as an “attractive penis”? Discuss.
One that’s had magnets implanted in it?
Perfect! Then we could get a bunch of tiny metal bracelets and stick them right on that bad boy. Introducing the Mr T penis! (hairstyle would be a tad difficult however.) I pity the fool.
More like Mr.
potatopenis headGaaaaah!!!!
The sad part is, Lou, that I’m fairly certain THIS HAS BEEN DONE. Those extreme body modders are a bit insane…
I’m fairly certain THIS HAS BEEN DONE
EB, please do not post a link…….
*I’m gonna go mix a brain-bleach and vodka mixed drink (almost said ‘cocktail’ and thought better of it).
Would that be a “strange attractor”?
(I’ll be at the game this evening, there’s a theoretical physicist who sits nearby I can ask [innocent expression].)
I think it is like a “happy tree” – it is standing up tall and proud and is bushy.
This is the funniest comment. EVER.
Well. No offense to the men, but I think penises are simply unattractive, the way they seem like they’re tacked onto the body. It’s almost like they were nearly forgotten and then got added at the last minute.
And God said, “As much as I like watching two women together, we must be fruitful and multiply”
*And God invents pin the “tail” on the Adam*
I always felt the same way. The penis: God’s afterthought.
God just forgot to clip all the sprues.
(Model builders will find this funny. Other people, not so much.)
Sarajean, Chthulhu says, “Ow!” 8) And yes we both do model building, he designs paper ones these days.
Oh, that reminds me. Thank Chthulhu for me. The paper model of Snoopy fighting the Red Baron I got off his website (at least I assume it’s his website) is going to be my mom’s Christmas* present.
*We celebrate Christmas because we maintain that it has no more religious significance than the Fourth of July in these days.
Alas, I rather like the way they look, especially my friend Gellert’s…
**gets a dreamy look on his face, falls asleep because he’s old.**
**wakes up with a start.**
Huh? What was I talking about?
I think it had something to do with macaroni, or maybe margarine…
Ah well, Naked Time!
I WILL NOT model for the headless horseman costume!!
My coffee has been consumed and I have no more excuses for sitting on my duff, so it’s time to get started on another day of home repair. I’ll be back later. I’m going to be singing “ballerina penis” all day. Really, say it out loud, it’s kind of fun, in a “spice Christ” kind of way.
Something gives me the feeling Hammy will have a song with that title waiting for you when you get back.
Totally read that as “Hammy will have a sing with that tittle waiting for you”
I’m willing to bet good money it will be based on “One-eyed One-horned Giant Purple People Eater”.
A horn?? No thank you….
For the tiny Viking costume.
Elton John did that song, Christina. He just called it “Tiny Dancer”.
I will make no further comment on that subject.*
*This, almost certainly, is not true.
Nah, Ballerina Penis was Not.a.Lionel’s big hit in the eighties:
Ballerina penis, you are so chubby.
If I squeeze you, I’ll make you spew…
Yeah…I’ll just put myself in time out now…
I think Sir Elton’s buddy would probably be in the market for the ballerina outfit.
Oh my Bob! An image of ballerina penis doing jetés and plíes is not how I wanted to start my morning.
So, LL, how did you want ballerina princess to start your morning?
Ya know what, it is REALLY obvious that the line has left town for the long weekend, and may not be back.
Well, I suppose I’m okay with ballerina penis, but the 5 year old is awake and running around…. puts a damper on any ‘visiting’.
LL – re: 5 year old – this is the reason they make handcuffs and radiators…..
*CPS? – What, did Taco give you this number?
You will have to wait for the afternoon for those moves, in the morning they just stand still like a “wooden” statue…
[Waves at Christina]
I’ve about a half hour before my crewe starts filtering in from oout of town for the game today. So, I’ll be away after this until quite late. So, we will have to see what sorts of Moebian knots our fellows here bend the line into after the fact.
No genital warts? I guess there will be no Shrek penis costume. Too bad because the exhibitionists would love that! Better out than in, as I always say.
With apologies to Laurelhach, warty ballerina penis would look more like a dalek in a tutu.
Eeeeeeeeeeew. Now I’ll have to go disinfect my avatar to get all of your mind-germs off of it. I repeat: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.
Chthluhu always says, “It’s so nice out, I think I’ll leave it out.”
And have you ever complimented him with, “It’s so nice in, why don’t you leave it in?”
And then you can experiment to see which is nicer – in-out-in-out-in-out, ad infinitum.
Hey, that sounds like the Hokey-pokey, you know how those S. Baptists get if things lead to Dancing!
I am a little curious about how these clothing items will be marketed. I mean, on what occasion would one have the need for a ballerina penis costume? Is there some Halloween-like holiday for private parts that I’m not aware of? If so, let me know when it is, so I can make sure not to open the door to any trick-or-treaters.
When they do the nude version of “The Nutcracker Suite” of course.
Hammy, please do not use the words “nutcracker” and “penis” in the same comment.
(unpleasant twitching)
Aaaggggh!
What, you don’t celebrate Halloweenie?
I thought you had work to do! 8)
Hubby and I are both Italian, he’s from Chicago and I’m from NY, so “union breaks” are frequent around here. Plus, I just found more coffee.
What I want to see is the “Mavis Beacon Touch-Typing” dropout costume. It’ll be advertised as the “Hunt ‘n’ Pecker”.
Mrs. Grampdaddy thought that ‘penis ballerina’ would make a strange bulge under pants. Decided would need to be worn under a kilt. Strange image of Mel Gibson in “Braveheart”……
‘nuf said.
How will these “costumes” be sized? I predict L, XL, and XXL. No man would say, “I’m a small.”
Enhancements? Similar to WonderBras? A bit of foam and plastic illusion turns any man into a SUPERMAN!
Show off the costume and you do not pass GO. Just take your place in JAIL.
Brings a whole new meaning to “Hi-ho, Kermit the frog here”
Well there was that one guy, about a year ago, who was giving away two boxes of Trojan Magnums because he didn’t “measure up.”
Maybe they will name the sizes after pron stars! They won’t sell too many of the John Holmes size.
Oh, they will sell plenty of them, they just won’t get used.
I’ll take your word for it, Smedley.
Depends on who is naming the sizes.
If it’s men – Ginormous, Massively Huge, and Super-Mega-Awesome.
If it’s women – Lacks Self-Esteem, Delusional,and “Who Do You Think You’re Fooling?”
Hey, Hey! Cut it out! I resemble that remar…… Wait, never mind…
Mr. Big Stuff takes on a whole new meaning! Squeeze the Charmin, baby!
Are you sure it wouldn’t be “gighugic?”
The commercial world is trying to help us:
http://thebloggess.com/?p=8183
Well, the *ick* factor here is strong.
Even if it is as stated in the ad.
Rather than a luxury woman or luxury man desiring a, ah, ahem, parade of models (with the beginning of the Penthouse Letter already started).
Or, the house doubling as a Vase sale, and a camera crew and mr Hansen waiting . . .
Nope, no good
outcomeresults from this at all.And now we know what happens when a woman who insists on dressing up her pets gets a boyfriend.
Great idea!
*Orders a fuzzy puppy costume
It’s a trap!
Note to self: If Hammy asks for belly rubs for the “puppy”, just say no.
Perhaps they should then market these as doubling as snake costumes, because I’m pretty sure the relationship wouldn’t last long once she whips out the “penis ballerina” ensemble. Penis ninja, maybe. Penis ballerina…that guy’s running for the door.
Guys might go for the Pirate penis costume if it means that they get some booty.
Maybe not, Kae – she may be trying to raise the barre, or plie’ing him with gifts…
Penis ninja
I don’t know any guy (or female) who would want to deal with a penis ninja – they’re really hard to see and disappear really quick.
I once dated a guy with a ninja penis… I had suppressed that memory until now.
Thanks Grampdaddy… I now must find some way to forget again.
Sorry LL – have some vodka (I borrowed Lola’s flask, you may return it to her when you are finished).
Penis Model Needed
*Anagram fun with…errr, penis*
Nemo LED Penis Deed (It glows and saves damsels)
Penis Deemed Olden (Grampdaddy chart notes after physical)
Doe Penis Ended Mel (Hermaphrodite deer humps hunter to death)
Odd Penis End Melee (Much pointing and laughing ensued)
Dee Need Penis Mold (Now Sparkette wants castings too?)
Demo Penis Led Eden (And then God made Adam various dongs to try out)
Damn you, HamCan! Even if you do have a cute puppy….
Old doesn’t mean broken, just more ‘experienced’.
And easily tired…
They make a pill for that.
Sorry Grampdaddy, that one made me giggle water through my nose.
That’s OK, Christina – I take it all in STRIDE.
(You know, that chewing gum that has flavor that “Lasts a long, long time.”)
I lied about staying away. I tried and failed. Anyone else notice that penis was never anagrammed to “snipe?”
And that gives a new meaning to “snipe hunting”.
Especially if you’re the type that likes to mount trophy heads.
What?
And Adam said unto the Lord, “What do I do with this, again?”
Adam to Eve, “Stand back! I don’t know how big this thing gets!”.
And Eve just rolled her eyes….
Are we absolutely sure this poster is not trying out a new version of on-line dating? Sounds like a hell of a chat-up line to me: “Would your penis like to be a model?”
Thanks for cheering up my back-from-vacation mood … and yes it was fab and sunny and restful and full of alcohol and surfing dudes and live music and …. *goes to sit in corner with photos to brood*
I’m trying to decide what the funniest possible penis costume would be. I think our designer should go for the wolf in sheep’s clothing approach and make a vagina penis costume.
I would wear that ALL THE TIME!
What?
Or, they could make the ‘nudist in a raincoat’ costume, but that’s been way over done.
I’m sure you would Hammy.
And for the non-hetero males, an asshat!
(Oh my Bob did I just type that?)
The line is NEVER coming back.
The Santa penis costume isn’t a big seller, he only comes once a year, and down a chimney at that!
But he is a jolly, chubby fellow….
You’re all making me work way too hard to stifle my laughter so that Mr. Brazil can nap in peace next to me. And it’s my fault he needs the nap in the first place!
*whistles innocently*
What?
Clearly been too long; used to be people smoked after, not snarked . . .
Ah, the wonders of wirelrss technology . . .
I don’t smoke. Except cigars, occasionally, if someone has them.
I heard somewhere that Bill Clinton has some…
I can’t wait for Windrose to recap this. I hope she wears her new avatar to do it.
I will help “do it” with her new avatar.
What?
You could do it yourself, but then you’d need a “hand”.
Again?
*Sigh*
christina, ignore the boys. I will be glad to call in the Drum Captain when I recap this. Hope we don’t go over 300 comments like yesterday.
Eighty-six comments already and it’s only noon on the east coast. Although you could probably get away with simply stating, “Today YSaC was taken over by a bunch of 12 year old boys.”
[ChristinaCorey] Just doing a quick scan of the comments, it appears that there are a statistically significant number of female YSaCers present today. It also seems that Christina may have crossed the line well before anyone else came close.[/ChristinaCorey]
By the way Christina, congratulations on coming across the line so quickly….
I actually knew a girl named Christina Corey (last name spelled different).
I felt the need to make up for all the weekday snark I have and will miss for the next few months. The winter holiday season starts in September for those of us working in distribution. Still, it’s odd getting calls about gift sets with reindeer and snowmen when it’s 100 degrees outside.
Grampdaddy, coming quickly generally isn’t something to congratulate…
Huh, EB – come again?
Actually, isn’t there a gender bias inherent in this, ie: male – bad, female – GOOOOOOOOoooooooooddddddd!
It looks as if the Llama-Nun* has discovered a sure-fire way to get people to comment on the weekends.
1. Find suggestive ad.
2. Wittily mock suggestive ad.
3. ????
4. Comments!
*Bees be upon her.
Almost midnight and we haven’t hit 200. Meh, not bad, but we’ve been having pretty good weekends for a while now.
Only one thing can describe this ad (and after I say this I’m leaving this ad alone, forever; it’s too weird and creepy) :
WTF.
Maybe someone needs to get out more. Or less, depending on the circumstances that led to them posting this ad. Now, how do I stop my mind from boggling?
Kung Ewww! (As long as the line is goooooooooooooooone)
Wee Dong: You cannot see.
Ninja Penis: You think I cannot see?
Wee Dong: Of all things, to live in darkness must be worst.
Ninja Penis: Pants are the only darkness.
*Sound of zippers
Ninja Penis: [after easily defeating the Wee Dong in a sword fight] Ha, ha, never assume because a penis has no eyes he cannot see. Close your zipper. What do you hear?
Wee Dong: I hear water, I think I wet myself.
Ninja Penis: Do you hear your own throb?
Wee Dong: No.
Ninja Penis: Do you hear the gas popper that is at your root?
Wee Dong: [hanging down and hearing gas] Old penis how is it that you hear these things?
Ninja Penis: Young penis how is it that you do not?
Ninja Penis: Quickly as you can, snatch the rubber from my head.
[Wee Dong tries to do so and fails]
Ninja Penis: When you can take the rubber from my head, it will be time for you to leave.
Honorable Hammy,
You may have redeemed yourself through your sense to make the Old One wise and an upstanding advisor to the One Who is Young.
You have done well, Stuffed Porker.
I’m just worried that this whole dress-up concept is going to give that deer-hoof-bedazzler lady some really bad ideas.
I’m heading out to the local restaurant supply store shortly to pick up a box of those cute little frilly paper things they put on lamb chops and standing rib-roasts for decoration. I think they could be really festive in the right setting, like little chef’s hats perched jauntily – aww, just use your imagination.
It’s been done. Sort of.
http://www.kokigami.com/
“The sensuous practise of Kokigami originated from the ancient Japanese art form of giving beautifully wrapped gifts.”
I know what I want for my birthday! 8)
Great, now I’m gonna have the”Dick In A Box” earworm.
Might as well finish that thought:
One…sew a ninja costume.
Two…put your junk in the costume.
Three…fire up the web cam and log on to chat roulette.
It’s my ninja dick costume!
Darth Vader would be an easy costume; already wearing the little helmet!
Four: ????
Five: Profit!
Alternate five: Squickiness…
Two words:
“Paper Cuts”
Followed the link WAY too far…. W*T*H alert:
“Letters and suggestions from Kokigami enthusiasts”
I like my husband wearing the Squid Koki most of all but there’s good news and bad news on the squid front that your readers might like to know about. The good news is that when he’s wearing it in front of our large tropical fish tank, all the fish are attracted to its quivering tentacles and crowd around for a few minutes to take a look. My sister and I find this absolutely hilarious. As an aside, did you know that fish love to eat sperm?. The bad news is that it’s not just fish that are attracted to the squid. Three months ago, the dancing tentacles were just too much for our cat Big Boy, who took a swipe at it with claws extended. Fortunately for him (and me) the cat didn’t make contact, and Ralph couldn’t get it off fast enough. ”
.
Could have done without that, thank you.
I’m betting Ralph wishes she hadn’t shared that particular informational tidbit with the entire world.
Also…
What the hell kind of family activity is this?
How did you…….Aw geeze! Never mind!
Smedley, it’s way too disturbing to have kept to myself. You’re welcome:)
First-time visitors to YSaC are really gonna get the wrong idea if they drop by today! “No! It’s a really, really weird pron site! I know! I thought they were all intellectual types, but those people are just flat-out crazy!”
You realize these things are not mutually exclusive, right?
I say if the first-timers are scared off by penis jokes, then they don’t really belong here anyway.
Read ‘jokes’ as ‘chokes’…..
Whole different meaning.
Well, that’s true, we’ve had neither spontaneous haiku nor Luxury Sparqies lambasted in pentameter.
Hmm, not one MP reference, either (odd).
Dalek have been invoked. I gues I might have brought up particle physics earlier . . .
Oh, squick it; I’ve got a football game to go to.
Good Morning, children! How are all of you today? I heard you all talking pleasantly as I came down the hall – what were you discussing so sweetly?
Please raise your hands before answering. Yes, Christina?
WHAT!!! Holy Spicechrist! No! No! NO! Hammy, what were you drawing wearing a collar? Everybody, and I mean everybody – off to confession…..
*muttering – “Wait till Father hears about this – he thought sock-puppets were bad.”
I would guess “Father” has a whole closet full of the “alter boy” costume.
Altar boy. Unless you’re talking about castrati for the choir.
“Hey! Where’d his “hat” go?”
I approve of closets full of alt(e/a)r boys.
You are all going to hell!
Help Mr Wizzard!!!
Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle, drome, time for this one to come home……
**Flash! Puff of Smoke**
Sister, would you care to help me with the recap later today? *innocent look*
Bless you for asking, child. I am currently so distraught by the things these children are saying, that I just don’t know. If I can just calm myself and restore a sense of focus on the divine, I may be able to join you.
Would you like to kneel down beside me and pray for guidance? Could I suggest you place a mantilla over your hair so you are attired properly before prayer. After we pray, I heard about a calming, oriental, website that we can visit – there are many things we can learn about our own spirituality from looking at the heathens. Now what was the name of the website again – “Kokiga-” something or other…
Ooh! Sock puppets!
**winks at Sister Margarine Michael**
**winks at the Drum Captain**
Windrose, I bet you’ll have some fascinating “This one time, at band camp…” stories in a few weeks! You know, I’ll be instructing the color guard!
Dear Mr. Winkey,
You seem to be a nice, but poor, lost, soul. I would like to pray for your redemption and hope you will pray with me. Have you accepted Clothespin Jeebus as your personal Spicechrist? Do you, by any chance, model for costumes?
How appropriate! Taco is in the box. No wonder we don’t see him here on the weekends. 8)
No Lola snark today and I am sad.
Interesting…
Wondering what the “Old” line of clothing was…
Work clothes, Dickies?
Winter wear, Manhood mufflers?
Casual attire, Boner blue jeans?
Maybe they want someone who can cut out the old labels and sew in new ones. You know, ‘Snip’, and everything is kosher….
Singlets for trouser snakes.
THAT’S what was in the portable toilet! Someone lost their poor little pet trouser snake, and it was scared and hung out in the porta-pot looking for a friend in a double-breasted outfit.
Rather interesting – earlier today I was getting ads for Penn State clothing. Suppose there is any connection between Penis Costumes and Penn Clothing?
Just askin’.
i was wondering too, jewish or gentile?
Definitely Jewish. There is nothing gentle about this post. 🙂
Nuh-uh. This ad definitely ain’t kosher.
Obituary for “T.H.E. Line, Esq.”
Today at approximately 9:30 PM EDT, Thaddeus Harold Evan Line, Esquire, was found dead by his computer monitor. It was immediately found to have died of shock. As you know, Thaddeus’s only achievement in life was constantly being crossed and raped by others in attempts to snark. The cause of his death is believed to be related to a window found open, You Suck at Craigslist Blog. The comment that did him in has been reprinted here, so that you can understand why:
Thaddeus is survived by his wife, Luxury Line, and his son, Bonquiqui Line.
Can I get one with a tallit and yarmulke?
I don’t know – a tallit seems like a tall order. And yarmulke – seems to me you need to decide once and for all if you want the head covered or not.
The line was a lawyer?
No. He was just full of himself.
Newermind… that might mean something different in the context of today’s post…
an XXX-mas carol
We three dicks, No warts or scars
Wearing clothes that Sparky designed
Ballerina and turtle, cadet or Santa
Wearing them on my cigar
O Cigar of wonder, cigar of stage fright
Cigar a royal blue dress blights
Wayward leading, still protruding
Guide us to Thy clothes just right
Here it comes: (Oh, maybe I should have said that another way)
Saturday Round-up 09/04/10
YSaC, Vol. 779: Oh, what a beautiful …
Saturday in the Snark, What an unbelievably fun day! Is.An.Avatar, Grampdaddy, and HamCan were splitting hairs over inches, Christina berated them, and Grampdaddy wanted things to be squared. HamCan suggested margarine, Windrose nearly crapped then suggested catgeometry, but Grampdaddy had it cornered. Cap’nMac thought if Peg didn’t get around, that made her square. Grampdaddy indicated to HamCan that margarine was not as good as 3 in 1 oil. Hammy challenged that with WD-40 and duct tape. Grampdaddy warned that margarine could stick you with Tranny Fats. Hammy didn’t mind a little fat in the tranny.
Astrognash confused the subject of the ad (penis) with the infamous Taco Thong (not.a.penis). Christina dreamed of bananas and elephant trunks. Laurelhach needed her blankie and good cry. Cap’n whistled at her. Christina felt the lack of roosters. But that was a private affair. Then there was Woody. EB showed up before breakfast. Big Mistake. Cap’n was serving sausage and gravy, Grampdaddy wanted his on a taco.
Without a clear line to guide us, Christina wanted the turtles uncircumcised, and Is.An.Avatar applauded her imagination. Chiristina credited it to Muppet Babies. Because Gonzo had a penis. Kae can type really well with her fingers stuck in her ears. Christina served ballerina penis and vodka. Cap’n got his nuts confused with muppets. Grampdaddy asked a personal question involving honey, and Christina warned Cap’s against PG-rated muppet videos on YouTube.
Drmk, the llama-nun herself, bees be upon her, interjected a comment about late nights and penis jokes. Christina vowed to remove any lines that came too close, but Laurel called the Grammar police. Christina and Laurel played nicely with words. Christina missed JcT and the grammar slap. Cap’n volunteered to give out a few swats, but Christina went off to surf the interwebs. You’re welcome.
Brigitte turned back in to Bridgete and sarajean noticed it right away. Hammy was looking for excuses. Lou Stool wanted guidelines for find attractive penises. He, Christina, and HamCan compared piercing and Mohawks, causing Kae to say “Gaaah!!” EB was sure it had been done. Gampdaddy invoked his right as elder commentor to prohibit links. He also avoided cocktails. Cap’n wondered about a strange attractor. Grampdaddy went to his happy tree, and LimeLolly was entertained by that.
Bridgete declared her dislike of penis, so HamCan explained why God invented them. ToBeScholarly agreed and sarajean trimed the sprue. Drum Captain added OW. Astro remembered to thank Chthulhu for his mom’s Christmas Present. Professor Dumbledore disagreed with Bridgete.
HamCan elected which costumes he would or would not model. Christina went off with her ballerina penis to get some work done. Lou Stool checked the juke box for a song by Hammy. EB felt like singing. Sarajean found the song she wanted, but EB wanted less horn. Viking penis.
Grampdaddy requested Tiny Dancer, Christina countered with Not.A.Lionel’s greatest hit. Smedley suggested a ballerina costume for Sir Elton’s buddy.
LimeLolly rejected the ballerina penis, Grampaddy offered a revised edition, but LL put a damper on it. Grampdaddy suggested handcuffs and radiators, and Taco forwarded a call from CPS to him. HamCan got salty. Cap’n was off to the games, and practicing his knot tying.
Lou Stool claimed that Shrek had genital warts. Christina called Laurelhach a ballerina penis. Laurel was very ewwwed. Windrose tattled on Chthulhu, and Grampdaddy gave her some advice. Camille did not feel like celebrating dress-up your genitals day, Hammy played the Nutcracker, to Grampdaddy’s dismay; Kae said “Aaaggggh!” and Christina wanted to celebrate Holloweenie. Windrose tried to chase Chirstina off, but she was on a union break. Grampdaddy designed the Hunt-N-Pecker costume, and Mrs. Grampdaddy put the ballerina penis under his kilt.
Indigo wondered how the costumes would measure up, for marketing purposes. Hammy, Christina, and Windrose had suggestions. Smedley thought they would sell the large ones that would sit in closets, unused. Drum Captain had to point of reference for that remark. Sarajean divided the sizes by gender input, which gave Grampdaddy a bad moment. DC and EB made final suggestions.
DC offered a link that was germane to the subject, and Cap’n muttered about Penthouse letters. Manda suggested this was the result of women dressing up their pets, then getting a boyfriend. Hammy ordered a puppy costume, and Manda warned folks not to rub the puppy’s belly. Kae wanted to dress up snakes and Christina said the pirate costume should come with some booty. Grampdaddy made some ballerina penis jokes, and then ridiculed the ninja penis. LimeLolly did not enjoy her trip down Memory Lane, so Grampdaddy offered her Lola’s flask.
HamCan presented Anagram Fun with Penis. “Penis Deemed Olden (Grampdaddy chart notes after physical),” and “Demo Penis Led Eden (And then God made Adam various dongs to try out)” were commented on, the first by an unhappy Grampdaddy, and LimeLolly, having boozed it up, tried to make it all better while Christina snorted water. The Eden jokes by Windrose, Smedley, and Grampdaddy were good. NotMyName lied to us, and tmh went snipe hunting. Penis. Sarajean wanted a trophy to mount.
Tigprincess considered penis as a chat-up line, then went to brood over vacations past. Manda wanted equal time for the other side. Vagina. Hammy wanted one. LimeLolly felt nudists have been overdone. Manda and LimeLolly made sure the line would be out for a long time.
Windrose and Grampdaddy were in a holiday spirit, which made Bridgete giggle and almost wake her new BF Mr. Brazil. Cap’n was confused that she didn’t smoke, but Bridgete wanted cigars. Hammy had to mention Bill Clinton.
Christina wanted Windrose to recap the day in her alter ego, DC. Hammy wanted to help her do it. Grampdaddy knew Hammy would need a hand. Again. Windrose told Christina to ignore the boys, and yes she would recap as DC. Christina said the whole day could be summed up as YSaC was taken over by a bunch of 12-year-old boys. Grampdaddy counted heads. He also noticed how quickly Christina had crossed the line today. Christina tried to sell him reindeer and snowmen. EB told Grampdaddy coming quickly wasn’t a good thing. Grampdaddy wondered why it was bad for men, good for women. Christina marked less than 200 comments.
Sarajean created an outline of the marketing idea behind Penis day. NMN wanted to know WTF. Ratwoman wanted to play Boggle. HamCan wrote an episode of Kung Ewww. Grampdaddy called him a stuffed porker. Camille didn’t want the bedazzled hoof lady to get ideas about penises. Grampdaddy went to pick up frilly paper caps for his chicken.
Chthulhu linked us to kokigami, because the Japanese have been doing this for a very long time. Windrose picked out her birthday gift, and Christina wanted a dick-in-a-box. Abwh wanted a Darth Vader costume. EB updated sarajean’s marketing outline. Grampdaddy worried about paper cuts. Tmh read other peoples’ letters. Smedley, sarajean, and Tooter shared their reactions. Tmh welcomed their input.
Abwh worried about noobs thinking this was a pron site. A really weird pron site for intellectuals. Christina explained these were not mutually exclusive. Bridgete didn’t want stuck up sticky beaks anyway. Cap’n noted what was missing from a normal day. Penis. Sr. Mary Michael came in to help the children with their lessons, and was shocked –SHOCKED—to discover the day’s topic. Abwh wanted to alter some of the boys, but Bridgete didn’t think the choir needed any more castrati without hats. Pedobear approved.
Tooter told us we were going to hell, then invoked magic and science to make a hasty retreat. DC playfully asked Sister MM to help with the recap, and Sister suggested they first look at calming, Asian web sites. Mr. WinkEy flirted with both, and promised DC some interesting times in Band Camp. Penis. Sister MM decided to take Mr. WinkEy in hand.
DC noted Taco was in the box. I Love Lola missed her presence. Chez (one of the noobs mentioned before) found this interesting. Hammy thought about old lines, Grampdaddy snipped so everything was kosher, Manda suggested singlets for trouser snakes, and Grampdaddy rewrote history. He also wondered if penis costumes were made by Penn Clothing. Queensbee asked if they were Jewish or gentile, but ToBeScholarly said nothing was gentle about the post. And Jailbait von Chutzpah didn’t think it was kosher, either. Commander Jailbait von Putz brought us the Line’s obituary, and Astrognash is believed to have submitted the fatal comment. Bridgete was upset that the Line was a lawyer. Astro thought he was just full of himself. Hammy left us with a carol for XXX-mas. Penis.
Christina went off with her ballerina penis to get some work done.
Husband-monkey isn’t going to like his new nickname. 😉
That’s it for me, folks. Anyone who comments after this will just have to accept they aren’t in the round-up. 8) Taco, Punchity-punch-punch!
G’Night, Sleepy Hollow! (hur hur hur)
This calls for a little song. I will give the link rather than reproducing it in its entirety.
Incidentally, Cynthia Plaster Caster’s site is… highly amusing. If the line had not already been so thoroughly demolished, I would not link to it.
Ok. I haven’t read all the comments, because I’ve been out of town. (Can I get a woot woot for Dragon*Con?!) I just needed to say WTF to this listing. WTF???
Indeed…..