YSaC, Vol. 738: For the love of spellcheck …
Sports/Fashion/Entertainment Writer
Scene Magz is a new online publication, that will be releaseing in July is looking for writers from the local [location] area, that has exprience in writting sports and entertainment pieces. Please respond wth samples, resume and references please. The site is not active,being that we have not launched it as yet, pleae only qualified applicants respond.
Yep, because there are so many people who are qualified to write about both sports AND fashion.*
“And, as it turns out, Lance Armstrong is out of the running for the Tour de France, which is just as well since he was three touchdowns behind and had very little chance of hitting any home runs this season. But doesn’t he look fabulous in his Armani suit?”
I’m thinking that Scene Magz might want to hire a copy editor too, while they’re at it. Just sayin’.
Thanks, Jennifer!
Dear Sparky,
Hello. I’m interested in working for your mag. You’ll see on my resumé that I’m quite qualified to write about both sports and fashion, having stalked women (carefully ensuring to note the types of their purses, which were, in most cases, fab-u-looouuuus!!!). Also, I have attended several sporting events, although after most of them I’ve woken up the next morning in a jail cell with a headache, not knowing what happened the night before. As for entertainment, I have a Lacawates Valtrus-Suka. The entertainment value of these- well, you know what it is. And now, for a sample of my work:
There once was a man from [location],
who dreamed he had a midnight inflation.
He woke with a fright, in the midst of the night,
to find he’d floated off to vacation.
My references include Uncle Cletus’s Pig Rentals, Life-Size Cutouts, Inc., and chauffeur for both Luxury Woman and Celebrity Woman. I also own a boat, which has a ckmate deolpemate on it.
Sincerely,
Admiral Arthur A. Asshat, Captain of The Douchecanoe
Astro wins at life. Also at writing.
Astro is my hero.
Doors for Astro!
That is one of the longest first comments I’ve seen–and such magnificent writing! I’m sure they will hire you immediately. Think of it–a sports/fashion/entertainment section written in limericks:
There once was a man who played ball
though he really had no skill at all
and now he’s been fired
some new thug’s been hired
and now we are off to the mall:
The ponchos are totally in
they’re covering everyone’s skin
if you can’t see a louse
bring it in to your house
(though they’re likely to scare off your kin).
There once was a man born in Ish.,
who dreamed he’d turned into a fish.
When he awoke the next day,
his wife screamed Get away!
The man had gotten his wish.
Astrodoors (Not to be confused with what you use to get into the Astrodome)
[houston corey] Not that said doors are used anymore, except by the maintenance crews. This is a subject of must heated op-ed debate in the metrohouston area, as the citizens are paying for a rather large pigeon roost, which is carried on the books as a storm evacuation rally point.
Which is bothersome, since you have to drive past Reliant stadium to park near the Dome. So, most of the locals would get it wrong announcing it on radio and tv. But, the Dome is better storm protection, for being half underground. Unless Reliant gets blown on top of it, naturally.
Ought to look it up, AstroWorld was rumored to be shuttered, so it would not have astrodoors in use anymore, either.
All the more poignant since I was in sight of the above locations only about five hours ago–but was busy putting Harris County in my rear-view mirror.
[/corey]
Sadly, Astroworld closed down a few years ago and everything auctioned off. I only went there once, but quite enjoyed it.
If that wasn’t already full of win, “Captain of the Douchecanoe” put it over the top! Doors for you, if I can tap the “+1” properly… silly mobile-non-mobile theme!
“pleae only”?! Ballet skills a must?
Oh, and don’t forget private plane jockey, young Master Astro.
Uhm, if I remember correctly, the Pride of Bozeman was only deplaning, not demonstrating operator skills.
Hmm, which is probably right up the alley of the desired putative journalists, to wax on la mode d’haute coture in [location].
“And they’re off!…..Looks like the early lead goes to Gizelle Bunchen, yes Gizelle Bunchen going for the lead with Naomi Campbell on the outside. Heidi Klum away very well has good position on the rail and in fact is now going up with the leaders. They’re moving for the first turn. It is Heidi Klum, Tyson Beckford on the outside is also moving along strongly and now it’s Tyson Beckford , Tyson Beckford and Heidi Klum are right together into the first turn. Gizelle Bunchen has third behind them, then it’s Naomi Campbell and the trailer is Fabio Lanzoni as they go by the turn…….Those two together, Tyson Beckford on the outside, Tyson Beckford getting a head in front as they move around the turn with Heidi Klum second…then there’s a large gap, make it eight lengths back to Gizelle Bunchen in third and Naomi Campbell fourth and Fabio Lanzoni is still the trailer…….They’re on the backstretch. It’s almost a match race now. Heidi Klum’s on the inside by a head. Tyson Beckford is on the outside…They’ve opened ten lengths on Gizelle Bunchen who is third by a head with Naomi Campbell fourth, then it’s another eight lengths back to Fabio Lanzoni who is trailing the field. They continue down the backstretch and that’s Heidi Klum now taking the lead she’s got it by about a length and a half…Still Tyson Beckford. Ten lengths back Gizelle Bunchen, Naomi Campbell…They’re moving on the turn now. For the turn it’s Heidi Klum. She looks like she’s opening. The lead is increasing. Make it three, three and a half. She’s moving into the turn. Heidi Klum holding on to a large lead. Tyson Beckford is second, and then it’s a long way back to Gizelle Bunchen and Naomi Campbell. They’re on the turn and Heidi Klum is blazing along. The first three-quarters of a mile in one oh nine and four-fifths. Heidi Klum is widening now. She is moving like a tremendous machine!..Heidi Klum by twelve…Heidi Klum by fourteen lengths on the turn. Tyson Beckford is dropping back. It looks like they’ll catch him today as Gizelle Bunchen and Naomi Campbell are both coming up to him now. But Heidi Klum is all alone. She’s out there almost a sixteenth of a mile away from the rest of the models. Heidi Klum is in a position that seems impossible to catch. She’s into the stretch. Heidi Klum leads this field by eighteen lengths and now Naomi Campbell has taken second and Gizelle Bunchen has moved back to third. They’re in the stretch. Heidi Klum has opened a twenty-two length lead. She is going to be the Triple Crown winner. Here comes Heidi Klum to the wire. An unbelievable, an amazing performance. She hits the finish..twenty-five lengths in front. It’s going to be Naomi Campbell second, Gizelle Bunchen third, Fabio Lanzoni fourth, and Tyson Beckford, who had it today, dropped back to fifth. An amazing, unbelievable performance by this miracle model…….”
*Do I getz the job?*
*Wow. That’s… a lot of text without any distinct paragraphs, Ham. Some people might not even want to read through the whole thing, and instead might just skip to the bottom. Not me, of course. **whistles nonchalantly**
*Image not mine.
*snorts*
Nice link.
Waaaaiiit. Maybe I should rephrase that. *thinks for a moment*
Nope. It’s fine.
Bwahahahahaha!!! *saves teal deer for later deployment*
It’s awfully cute. Wish it *were* yours but that would just be unfair to the rest of us coming on top of that opus of a brilliant first comment.
Ah, Astro, Ham may have been attempting to emulate the breathless, paragraph-less, rapid-fire, diction used by horse-racing announcers.
Which is a side effect of having 10-12 horses running full speed for only 10-12 furlongs (220 yards), and the horses are pounding out about 12 seconds the furlong.
Which may not be in your experience set yet. Which is probably better overall, being around much more wholesome activities, like Band Camp {G}
Bingo!
The booby prize goes to Capn, I’m sure Lola can spare one from her avatar…
(The other booby goes to the person who can name the actual race this was)
Hey, it was tough enough to read with George Jones crooning about “Pride in the backstretch, heartache to the inside” rolling through my head–you want IRL, too?
Yeah, seriously–and now that song is playing in my head *shakes head furiosly to dislodge song*
Say whaaaaa??????
Oh my, hamcan…the entedres to be made! I think I lost track after the fourth our fifth comment I was going to make, and I’ll have to leave you with this one:
Heidi Klum can get into very good positions indeed…
What?
Position on the rail…no, not going there…Fabio in the rear…nope, not there either…
Thanks EB, I was avoiding the gutter today.
So, your snark does not run well in the “mud”?
Juleps all around seems the answer
*looks at line that was crossed early today* Maybe we need barriers instead of lines. Or not. *slurps down julep* Mmmm, Minty!
I upgraded to all-weather snark so it should run just fine. Ah heck, i’m already covered in sawdust and dog hair, I might as well hang out here in the gutter for a while. Thanks for the minty refreshments!
Well, given where the meme started, I certainly did not want you to get the appellation of “mudder” without any input on your racing ability in galoshes . . .
I know models are often denigrated as mere clothes-horses, but this is ridiculous*!!!
*And awesome.
Where’d my snark go?
*searches high and low*
It must have finally run off. I’m surprised it stuck around this long, what with all this studying.
Wednesday and Thursday are the big days. I hope I’ve learned enough, my brain seems to have reached capacity.
*raises hand*
Umm, teacher? My brain is full, can I go home now?
No, Laurel, you need to study Shakespeare. There’s always room for Othello.
Mmmmm, Othellos.
Wait… those are the chocolate cookies with white stuff inside, right?
Moira, I don’t believe you’ve had the pleasure of meeting long time YSaC Human Resource Manager, Al Sharpton, he’s on line one for you.
New people, yay!
*hug*
Have a cookie?
The mead isn’t ready quite yet.
I think I need to get rid of this shirt – it gives me gaposis. I have great boobs, though… they run in the family.
So what can I do for ya, Al?
*sits on the floor munching cookies*
Doors for “gaposis.”
I used to have a shirt I called the “Hallelujah Boobs” shirt. It had a rather deep V-neck and there were sparkles radiating out from the V.
Actually, I enjoy Shakespeare quite a bit. I like the snide bits of humour in amidst all the romance and brutal deaths. I like the soliloquies too, especially if it’s someone talking about *spooky music* and eeevil plot. Bwahahaha.
I think my favorite bit will always be that delightfully filthy scene in Taming of the Shrew. I do not have a reference here and I am too lazy to Google right now and I do not want to mis-quote, but it’s the one where they talk about the stool and the wasp.
Of course, it may just be that I have a dirty mind and the innuendos I caught were NOT actually the intended ones…
Incidentally, many MANY years ago, I saw a wonderful performance on video where the actor actually physically tossed the actress playing Kate from arm to arm during that scene. Anyone know where I might be able to put my hands on that?
Laurel, we realize that salt water cannot be good for your circuitry, but you probably ought return to your base, rather than school, not just because it would be silly to be in school on a Sunday, but doubly so on a Sunday during the Summer.
Am I being scolded for wanting to study? That’s never happened before.
No, only for making the BoE find a janitor (to be paid OT) to unlock the doors and lose a Dalek on the town.
Otherwise, feel quite free to “DEE-TERMIN-ATE!”
Thank you very much–I will do so.
Oh, seem only apt to also allow that you can
“EX-TRAPO-LATE!”
or
“INTER-PO-LATE!”
and, with verse being at hand, either
“APPRE-CI-TATE!”
or
“REC-I-TATE!”
But we all grow weary at some point–am I allowed to “HI-BER-NATE?!”
Okay this has just turned into an Inxs song that was popular when I was Laurelhach’s age.
My college roommate and I once stayed up all night thinking of words that worked with that song. It seemed like an important thing to do at the time.
Scene is already a magazine. Actually, there appear to be several* of them. I’m wondering how this affects Sparky’s business plans. Brand recognition will be tenuous.
*many
But this one’s different, it’s pronounced “skeen.”
Sports, fashion and entertainment really isn’t really my thing. I’m holding out for the politics, cooking and woodworking writting job.
I likez writting about kittahs what are cute and funny.
I can haz writting job, pweaze?
Wid gwammur ‘n punktyooashun as good az that, yoo bett yoos kan haz jawb.
Your first assignment: Caption your avatar so that it makes us laugh. Go.
I can haz oysturz?
I haz lawyerz. Hoomin return catnip now.
For Bianci’s cat avatar:
Dis is ma signature look: Blu steel!
This is your brain in a bar.
This is a bar with no other customers.
Good! More Beer For ME!
“Let’s put a big ol’ happy tree right there in the middle. Oh, let’s get crazy and put another next to him, because, as you know, everybody needs a friend.”
Oh, were we supposed to caption our own?
Ear wax removal, ur doin it rong!
I’m gonna have to pass on this assignment. Extra credit later? I’ll write a thesis paper on the Principle of Craigslist and proofs on why No(no)=ssfs.
I’ve got one now:
NO. I WOULD NOT LIKE YOUR DAMN JELLY-BABY. EX-TERMIN-ATE.
Well hello, children. Certainly you can play in my yard. Baseball? Not a problem at all – don’t even worry about the windows…..
It’s a trap!
He has free candy…
*Shakes cane at HamCan*
*Offers candy to Christina*
Mmmm, Candy-canes my favorite!
Mine’s already captioned, though.
(For the small-print-impaired, “Ceci n’est pas une Peep.”)
[e-magazine corey] Our local CL has a number of ads wanting writers to submit content for “little-known but higher-end” entertainments. They are rather obviously devoid of any mention of remuneration for the efforts to document snazzy events among the small towns for the posh. Which also raises the question of the “deplanes from G3” set wandering into, oh, the Mosquito Festival, or Watermelon Days, to mingle, sweaty, among the locals.
Said events being hit hard by the economy anyway. Raising a question of just who would pay for subscriptions. Not that I’d question the business models of people who need spell-check to spell “journalism”–it jus’ bein’ ‘ritin’ an’ all; how hard kin it be?–nope, not me.
[/corey]
[sucker corey] Many of these type of ads are for Content sites that will reference topics that can link to the web pages of companies or persons that pay for this. Then the search rate goes up to that topic and that web page. They call themselves magazines, but they are little scams [/sucker corey]
My favorite are the ads that ask for a writing sample: “Please write an X length article about one of the following topics: A, B, C, D. We will evaluate your work and get back to you. Oh, and anything you submit becomes our property.” Yeah right…
I get to punch Meredith again! 8) Hooray hooray! That made my day!
Not sure it’s the same Scene Magz, but I found a FB Page
So Hartford CT. needs a spiffy web page touting the night life?
[Nightlife corey] Lived in Connecticut for four years. They roll
the sidewalks up in Hartford at 8 pm. The biggest thing Hartford
had going for it was a yearly aquarium fish show. That and the
now-defunct Whalers. [/nightlife corey]
[small world corey] HHTF was just lamenting (on her f/b page) that the drunks and stoners had ruined the Whaling Days festival, which seems to intersect with non-defunct whalers somehow.
hey, cool band name: “The Defunk Whalers”
[/corey]
If I want to be a writer for this mag, do I have to relocate to Location? Because I’ve heard bad things about Location. Almost as bad as Ish.
Plus, I really don’t want to change my phone number to XXX-XXX-XXXX. People might think it’s an ‘adult’ line.
Plus, that’s a very long phone number when written in Arabic numerals.
Let’s see what your phone number would *actually* be!
We begin with XXX-XXX-XXXX.
X = 10 in Roman numerals.
Therefore, XXX-XXX-XXXX becomes 101010-101010-10101010.
Suddenly, we have binary! According to a translator I found online, that becomes… AA.
And since AA = bra cup size–hm. You’re right. People might think it’s an “adult” line.
AA also being a battery size, so it could be the number for the Energizer Bunny. Which brings us back to the “adult” line again.
Another theory…
Do Daleks (or at least Daleks in Tutus) run on batteries, perchance?
AA is also a place where you go if you drink to much…this is starting to make sense again.
Some band names:
Battery-Powered Daleks
Alkali Anonymous
Binary Cup-Size
I like Binary Cup-Size.
I actually found a sports/fashion story today.
http://msn.foxsports.com/cycling/story/Lance-Armstrong-improper-jersey-stalls-Tour-de-France
Unfortunatly, it doesn’t really say what the problem was the jerseys.
Sports/Fashion/Entertainment writer (Sports/Fashion/Entertainment writer)
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It’s based on a novel by a man named Sparky
And I need a job, so I want to be a Sports/Fashion/Entertainment writer,
Sports/Fashion/Entertainment writer.
**puts out life-size cardboard cutouts of screaming fangirls.**
I have a medical condition that prevents me from using these for their intended purpose, and I figured that if the Beatles had ’em (screaming fangirls, that is), an adore-worthy parody of the Beatles garners them as well.
I am starting to sense some Pro-Beatles vibes here today.
And what, young man, exactly is the “intended use” of fan girl cut outs?
Slightly less wholesome than the intended use of a Bea Arthur cutout, slightly more wholesome than plain white bread.
Don’t try it Astro, you’ll get some nasty paper cuts!
“And what, young man, exactly is the ‘intended use’ of fan girl cut outs?”
Please say “to make you feel better about yourself”. Please say “to make you feel better about yourself”. Please say “to make you feel better about yourself”…..
Meredith, here’s a lovely cheese plate for you. Now, don’t hold it in front of your face or it will shatter! Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Houston!
Astro = <3
You know, maybe there aren’t very many straight men who are into fashion, but there are plenty of women and gay dudes who like sports. Kinda disappointed to see this as an excuse to flail around in a big ol’ pile of stereotypes. I read fashion mags AND spent hundreds of dollars on Stanley Cup tickets. This is… not that unusual. Intelligent people sometimes like more than one type of thing, go figure.
[/Matt]
Whew!
There once was a man named Lance,
Who won a bunch of races in France,
They said he used drugs,
He called them all thugs,
The USADA should be covered with ants.
*Nothing to add* The comments on the day of the original post are just too good to try and out-do.
I prefer to have my writings published right here, on this forum.
Oh sorry, I was speaking to Sparky…
Ah perfurr ta half mah writtings publicked ryecheer on dis form.
Apologies to ghostcat who deserves a whole day in the box. But I had a bit of a rough start this morning and just now got around to it. 8) Happy boxing day, ghostie!
Sorry for the short day, ghostie, as I said. But you have so many hours racked up in the box I am sure you won’t be too disappointed. If you are, I will let you talk to my lawyer, Mr. Sledgehammer. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, SportsFashionEntertainment Fans!