YSaC, Vol. 716: Jump Around! Jump Around! Jum.. OW, MOMM!
2010 July 3
Baby door-frame-bouncer thingy
This clips on a door frame, just as shown in the picture. Put your baby in and they get to jump up and down.
Please note… these are generally considered dangerous for children and most, if not all, have been recalled. This is why we don’t want it. But if someone thinks its not a big deal, then its all yours!
Hooray! A dangerous baby toy! It’s always such a hassle trying to buy everything that LOOKS like it might seriously mangle my child, only to find out later that it’s perfectly safe, and possibly even educational. These nice folks have taken all the guesswork out of pedicide for you!
Thanks for the horror, Stephanie!
Was this made by Whammo?
It doesn’t ‘look like’ the Ultimate Frisbee.
True story: I used to work late nights at a call center where I would typically field about 5 prank calls a night. The weirdest of which was a drunk man who spent about twenty minutes telling me the entire history of the Whammo frisbee. I don’t remember much of what he said about them, but that was likely because he then asked me to pretend I was Laura Bush and talk dirty to him.*
*I wish this was not actually true, but alas, it was.
So, did you pretend you were Laura Bush?
Of course not! I comefrom a very long line of liberals. I offered to play the part of Nancy Pelosi 😉
I bet that sobered him up, pretty quick. 😉
That feels pretty much on par with the time I worked as a secretary at a Lutheran seminary and a woman called in wanting me to send a professor to her house for an exorcism because she thought her tenant was a demon who could rearrange her furniture with her mind.
Interior Decorators are Daemons?
They are always using their minds to rearrange furniture.
Or wait, was the furniture being rearranged inside the caller’s mind?
Ok, let’s move the pituitary this way, then the hippo-campus over here–which will make a sort-of inglenook–then we need the thymus moved that way . . .
Christina –
“Dubya” called in to your call center??
Hmmm…I’m less inclined to think it was Dubya and more inclined to think it was you, Grampdaddy. Of course that may be because your Muppet avatar reminds me of “Crank Yankers.”
Laura Bush is the LAST person I would ask for. Well, maybe Joe Lieberman as the last.
Liar liar pants on fire! I know you better than that, Grampdaddy! Sarah Palin is the last person you would call in asking for. Come on now! Then Lieberman, the Laura Bush, then Cindy McCain and rounding out the bottom 5…Rush Limbaugh!
Sorry – wrong! All the rest you know what you’re getting – with Lieberman, you have no clue what you are going to get.
You know why these are dangerous?
Dogs…
Apparently dogs think jumping things in doorways are actually playtoys. The first one to slingshot a baby into the door frame was so surprised and startled, it hid under the bed and has yet to come out.
Yes, another excuse for my arsenal against the “when are you going to have kids?” mother/mother-in-law attack. I’m thinking this is something my dogs would totally do.
BOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGYBOINGY…………TWANG!!
“Cletus, we lost the baby again”
“Awww heck Elllie May”…”GUNNER, Fetch!!”
Boingy… just makes me laugh.
HamCan, you have been warned before about breaking the style sheet! GO to your room. Leave the boingy thing here.
*Hangs head in shame*
Sorry. I forgot to check the elasticity of this web page and I exceeded the
BOINGIness limit by eight BOINGIES.
FYI
BOINGY Modulus of Web Site Elasticity is defined as the ratio of misspellings
(per Craig’s list ad) to corresponding brain strain (before bleach) by Lola
to make sense of the cat math.
That sort of sounds like CatPhysics. Do we have a new principle?
Add (hehe pun) a new chapter to the Catmath textbook, in the CatPhysics chapter.
All of our kids played in one of these, and they are all completely almost normal. ‘Manda, quit twitching and tell the nice people that everyone is completely normal…
we are all normal. very very normal. we are so normal that…wait…You all quiet down in there – only one voice in my head at a time!!!!!
Like I said, we’re all normal.
If relative is normal, and normal is all relative… then it’s obvious you are related and normal.
Nope, not one normal person is related to me. Ipso hoc protor hoc ergo
…”Normal, dry, or greasy?”…
…”uh, normal…extra normal”…..
Sparky says: “I’ve also got an outdoor ‘Baby Swing’ that’s modeled on a Medieval trebuchet, if you’re interested. OBO firm.”
Ooohhh!!! How Mid Evil of you!
The only dangerous baby play thing I’ve ever owned got thrown out when I was 3. It was a Barney video.
Did you know a 2-yr. old can watch the same video over and over? Yes, I’m sure you know that, but do you know why?
Because they have little ability to remember what they’ve just seen.
I worked in a day care center, many moons ago, in the 2-yr. old room.
They loved Barney.
Barney videos are toxic, and I’m convinced the explanation for the twitch in my eye every time I see his image.
Someone told me that Barney was one of the shows produced out at the Studios at Las Colinas. If so this confirms my theory that fake cities are the creepiest places on earth.
Fake cities to go with the Robot children – ugh, as I have said many times before, I hate Barney. I now have my 3 year old trained to come and tell me if Barney comes on so I can change the channel before any lasting damage is done.
S@LC just plain creepy even back when they were
mesquite scrub pasture for what looked to be near-zombie
cattle.
Not much improved by sticking some hoity-toity warehouses on them.
Did you know that some craigslist posters can repeat things over and over again?
Did you know that some craigslist posters can repeat things over and over again?
Did you know that some craigslist posters can repeat things over and over again?
Maybe it was Barney’s influence?
With or without the deer carcass? Because that totally changes how many firm obos I’d offer.
Can I borrow some firm obos? I only have two formidable Euphonisms, neither of which is technically mine.
I’ll have to check with the local authorities to make sure that I can legally loan them to a minor. If not, I might have some softer Nerf obos that you can have.
Astro – check with Innana, she’s got firm obos. They had circles drawn around them once upon a time.
After my last birthday, the obos are not so firm.
“Careless, poor parent? Here’s a child ‘toy’ for you! We don’t want it, but if you don’t give a sh*t about the safety of your kid’s toys, it’s yours. Anything happens, we’re not responsible. You’ve been warned.”
Pity that it appears that the Sparkies have already reproduced, the better to pass on their sketchy ethics.
“Do not taunt Happy Fun Baby Slingshot.”
Whee.. to the moon, Alice. To the moon!
What, the friction caused by leaving Earth’s atmosphere will burn you up? Don’t believe everything those silly scientists tell you. All that playing around with toxic chemicals makes them ditsy.
It’s YSaC…. we suspend reality around here.
But do we suspend it from a doorframe in a baby-bouncer-thingy?
Why yes, Laurel. Yes, we do.
Then we stretch back as far as it will go, and whichever goes the highest and farthest… that’s the truth for the day.
SO IT IS WRITTEN *thunder rumbles*
**hears thunder, looks at the sky/ceiling of the Snark Lounge**
Hmm, looks like rain.
**Grabs unblubler, opens it, it turns inside out**
That’s better.
I have a jar of cyanide labelled baby formula. It’s not good to give to babies, but if you’re into that; it’s yours.
Not my fault if babby can’t read. I got the dvd’s and everything!
Those would be the #3 Gerberts Babby Fud, correct?
“I don’t much care to put my child in a device that has been recalled, but if it’s slipped under the wire of government scrutiny, then that’s the device for me!”
*Gift wraps some Barney videos, a carton of Lucky Strikes and a year’s supply of Kool-Aid for abwh’s babby shower.
“Christina! Lucky Strikes! They’re her favorite!” I hope the Barney videos are DVD and not that pesky BETA…
Did you put it in a nice lead box?
Of course not, I painted a splintery box with lead based paint and pre-flaked it for easy chip removal. I also put the Kool-Aid in chemical leaching soft plastic containers.
I’ll add your wonderful gifts to the ever-growing pile of shower items like “My First Crack Pipe” and the ubiquitous “Silly Bands Of Strangulation”.
Summer’s here, don’t forget the Slip’n’Slide!
And the lawn darts! Just don’t poke a hole in the slip-n-slide.*
*I played with both of these items repeatedly and survived. Are they really that bad?
Slip ‘n’ Slide is actually probably fine. The lawn darts…well…let’s just say I read a torts case.
Slip-n-slide immediate danger in having the exit end having a tree, bedrock, concrete of any description, buildings, or a busy street there (all of which I have seen others do).
Intermediate slip-n-slide danger from psychological damage of having under-supervised children romping in bathing attire (with the whole realm of body/social images issues and the scaring only vicious urchins can supply).
Long-term slip-n-slide damage from how time will erase the wounds of reality and leave only the whammo commercial in memory, whereupon college students who have been drinking then invest in some 6 mil polyethylene and find a hose. Dangers noted above also reoccur, with the fillip of drinking (and under-age drinking too, nowadays).
All fun-n-games until [name] steps on the broken beer bottle that busted when [name] dropped after [name] slid head-first in to the gas meter there in the apartment complex before we moved the slide and the cops showed up but EMS had to work on [name’s] foot is when they found [name] with a six-pack and they arrested [name] and [name] for Contributing to Delinquency, and [name], [name], [name], [name], & [name] all got MIP, even [name], who was in the ambulance.
Whoa Capn’
That’s learning the hard way. Never drink and slide. And keep it pointed away from buildings and obstacles!
I’ve only recently attempted to teach my child the joys of slip and slide, and I realized that I am ”to old’ to be slamming my body onto a cold, wet, plastic sheet –no matter how hot it is. The jarred shoulder and hip will never be the same, and no one will believe me when I tell them that it was a deliberate, self-inflicted act.
From childhood experience: Jagged rock under the slip n’ slide, wet grass at the end of the slip n’ slide that propells you into the side of the house, foot catching in the back of the slip n’ slide which causes a chain reaction that ends with young Christina wrapped burrito style with a garden hose spraying water in her face…fun times…
Somebody wake up Grampdaddy and tell him he’s in the box.
Let him sleep. He may have been pedaling all night… or
…something. I’m sure I don’t want to know if the red nightie worked.
Ugh, I just brain-bleached the image away. Back to it. Thanks a lot, LimeLolly. 😛
I don’t want to know either. Ever.
You know, somehow I think I’ve become a new meme for something disgusting.
I’m not too sure how I feel about that.
I think I have a bicycle.
For $1.00.
Firm.
Or Best Offer.
*mumbles aside, “I never said I was riding the bike – it was a hypothetical comment, just a simple ‘for instance’ ethical consideration – I don’t even have a red…”*
Not disgusting, Grampdaddy.
You’re as pure as the driven-snow.
I just don’t need to know how pure.
Or if it floats.
Thank you, LL, I feel much better now.
Let’s see, what floats? Ivory Soap floats.
Cream floats.
Shi –HEY, what’s the big idea?
oops.. busted
*hides in corner under unbubler*
Whooooheee!! I just knew that B.A. in Philosophy would pay off some day! Take that, all those who told me to get a “real” degree.
As Bill the Cat would say, “PTHBBBBBBTT.”
+Elebenty Kajillion for “Bloom County” reference.
Grampdaddy, you’re adorable!
Thank you, Lola. I have two stuffed animal “Opuses” (Opi??) on my dresser as a reminder of the glory that was “Bloom County”. The Opi were a gift from the poster you know as MandaB – my favorite daughter her age. My other favorite daughter is a different age. I’m an equal opportunity favorite-er.
WOW, Windrose! – that is not a word I’m used to seeing concerning my posts.
*skips away singing, “Windrose says I’m ‘dorable, Windrose says I’m ‘dorable! Yay!”*
Wait, if you are door-able, does that mean they have a specialized clamp handy
and are intending to take augers, hole saws, and similar boring tools to you?
Or, perhaps that all you need in hinge pins hammered into your butts to make you useful?
Ok, as a matter of [corey] disclosure, I’ve installed, repaired, and replaced doors beyond enumeration. And, have learned the hard way to not start one of these tasks without collecting every tool possible (if you don’t at the start, you will by the end–and the hardware seems to have some way of detecting the lack only after it becomes the one critical thing keeping you from reinstalling the front door for 10 days to a fortnight).
oh, oh, you LIKE your kid. that’s very different. never mind.
Provided you don’t place the Slip’n’Slide landing zone conveniently in your neighbor’s prized rose bushes…
Golldangit, did it again. Chased everyone away…
It’s not you. It’s us. Really.
Speak for yourself. 🙂
I’m pulling a Mary Poppins here…’practically puurrrfect in every way’
Glad to see another happy humble soul around here, Lolly. You’re almost* as awesome as I am.
*by almost I mean elebenty hundred times more*
As my dear hubby and young son like to remind me, ‘it’s all in my head’.
So, I am awesome….. in my own mind. All the jokes are funnier there, too.
Do robots have to be humble? Maybe I should find another avatar… hmm.
RO-BOTS HAVE NO CON-CEPT OF HUM-BLE.
In all seriousness, it’s Saturday AND a holiday weekend. So it really isn’t you.
Psh, all these recalls. So unnecessary. My parents put me in one of these things when I was a baby and I turned out fine!
*spasm*
What? Oh, that’s nothing.
I know *twitch* exactly *twitch* what you mean *twitch* Bridgete. Nothing *twitch* wrong *twitch twitch* here *twitch twitch twitch twit…….
Uh, well then… not sure what that was *twitch* all about.
It’s baby door-frame-bouncer thingies like this that made me the well adjusted, heavily medicated, potentially dangerous individual I am today!
Excuse me, the voices are telling me that I have to go polish my knife collection now.
My parents put my sister in one of these things when she was a baby! I didn’t get one. 🙁 But it had the opposite effect: I’m the insane one, and she’s the cynic. I guess that kinda disproves the idea that boingy things contribute to twitchies… right? No? You mean… you mean I really don’t have voices and it’s just all the plot bunnies roaming in my head? I’M CURED!!!
Where’s the attachment for my van? How can I help babby’s jump get strong if the thing is stationary?
Won’t someone please think of the children?!?
Excellent SJ – I just couldn’t remember the previous posting.
and, of course, I didn’t click Dan’s link….
These parents just need to be educated in the ways of upcycling. If that dangerous baby bouncer is the last of its kind since “most, if not all, have been recalled,” then violà–the first piece of their collection for a Rare and Dangerous Baby Toys Museum. Sort of like the California Science Center, only babies go to this one to live on the edge.
Foreget museums, we need to start a rigorous baby-bouncer-thing breeding program so we can re-establish the species in the wild. If we don’t act now, they may become extinct…forever.
Or at least until the next container ship arrives from China.
– oi ;pbr htrrm fsu!
Rawr?
My sister likes to hijack my open tabs while I get snacks, and then it seems the Llama-Nun does not deem them fit for deletion…
So if you see random gibberish that’s not relevant to the discussion/post, or something complete out of character for me that is not relevant to the discussion/post, it’s probably my sister.
Yeah — it’s always the little sisters fault around here also (just ask my son).
That made it through my spam filter!
This one kinda makes me sad. I check for recalls before I put any babby thing on Freecycle (I don’t CL them). I would totally feel guilty. *
*This was not a Corey, it just really made me sad. Poor kids of the Unethical Sparkies, and heaven help the kids of anyone that actually wants it.
I nominate “Kids of the Unethical Sparkies” for band name of the day. Nickname KUS!
You know, I’m pretty sure that if a parent actually took this thing and their child was horribly mangled, a lawyer could TOTALLY use this ad to assign blame upon the Craigslister and harvest much money from them…I mean, dang, they KNEW! (Especially if a lawyer could come up with the hospital bills for the time Craigslister’s little Jaden/Braden/Caden/Hayden/Aidyn launched his/herself into the neighbor’s yard and got mauled by semi-feral pitbulls. I mean, really.)
This is of course assuming that the poster actually HAS money (which is highly dubious) and that the parents of little Jaden/Braden/Caden/Hayden/Aidyn are even remotely smart enough to realize same. They might wind up exchanging recipes for congealed Jell-o-type salads or similar delicacies instead of litigation for things like furniture made from discarded 2×4’s and chicken wire.
Whoa. Not quite sure where that came from… been looking over some CL listings from a mountainous region of the metropolitan Atlanta area. That must be it! Prime fodder indeed.
I’ll behave now.
Psst, ab! You made the 69th comment today! 8)
Things are looking good; got the Gravatar thing happenin’ and I’m 69th! I’m 69! I’m 69! So what does that net me (besides the obvious)?
Well, ab, if it wasn’t a holiday weekend, you might get a string of ribald comments as long as your arm, and maybe seque into a meme like Grampdaddy and the red negligee. As it is, everyone is out toasting their weenies or something.
*innocently squirts mayo on a hot dog*
Spot on babby names! I know children with four of the five names you listed, Caden being the only one missing.
I think I’m going to name my kids Gerbert and Lacwates.
[corey] Strict products liability only applies to sellers if they regularly sell the item in the course of business, and even then the seller can usually get indemnification from the manufacturer if the seller can prove he was not under a duty to inspect the item. So, unless Sparky here has 20 of these baby tort traps to sell, he wouldn’t be subject to SPL. As for negligence, purchaser-sparky will have assumed the risk by knowingly purchasing and using the item despite the warning. [/corey]
Not that there aren’t lawyers who might try. They’ll just lose.
Maybe I hang out with lawyers too much, but I like “Baby Tort Traps” for a band name.
Mmmmmm, baby torts
Ooh, I came up with the band name of the day. Go me!
Tonight only! At the 16 Watts (ecologically fluorescent – equal to 40!) ‘Baby Tort Traps’ with their hit single “Babby you can change my Diap, guess I’m gonna need a Wipe…”
Are they a punk band? I hear they throw their drinks and food and spit (up) a lot. They can’t be that tough, though … I hear they cry a lot, as well.
Huh, my [corey] went in the wrong place. I didn’t notice until now. That’s what I get for trying to post from my phone. At least it’s basically below the post I was trying to [corey] on.
[corey] on, dude!
[/corey][/corey][/corey]
Yeesh, close your tags, people.
I’m pretty sure that was you and not your sister, so I gave you a door. Please pass it on if it was really for her. 😉
I’m quite sure I see those lawyers advertise on late-night tv, right smack in the middle of “Elimadate.”
(Yeah, Geoffrey Fieger, I’m talkin’ about YOU!)
Hmmmmm, I loaned ACG my cane yesterday to shake at the kids on the lawn (her own and others), which means I am unarmed…
*Quietly ponders: Could I use the Baby door-frame-bouncer thingy to launch water balloons and/or bricks? Certainly would be more of a surprise than shaking my cane at them. Sits down, laughing quietly and evilly to himself.*
Well, there is also the ongoing problem that baby bouncers are HOPELESS when used for crowd control
They’ll routinely allow all sorts of prohibited parties into or out of a doorway.
Then, you have the EEOC issue of insisting upon some minimum age for one’s door-control employees.
Baby bouncers…. they just have NO self-control.
Yeah, yeah, yeah – you’ve accused me of that before, too.
Twern’t me.
I’m pretty sure I would remember if I had accused you of being a baby-bouncer.
With those cute little dimples and soft fuzzy hair…. er, wait, never mind.
OK Windrose, I’m ready whenever you are. In honor of the 4th, I expect to see flashes of lights, explosions in my brain, and blasts of intensity – whoohoo!
*ouch, ouchity, ouch – the anticipation is so…….. stimulating.*
To hear is to obey, GD! Punchity punch punch! Hope it was everything you anticipated.
G’Night, Las Colinas!
This looks like it would get the legs strong… but maybe not as strong as jumpy on back the car.
…you gotta take that thingy that bounces up and down…
…and make it bounce side to side!
and that was good advice, good advice! Good advice costs nothing and it’s worth the price!