YSaC, Vol. 657: Meat the Gerberts!
30 meat gerberts
they are # 2 all meat will take any donation xxx-xxxx
Here at the Save the Gerberts Foundation, we are very disappointed to see that people are offering gerberts for meat. These tasty, tasty gerberts … oh, sorry, where was I? These adorable little creatures are good for so much more than their delicious and meaty hind quarters. For example, they’re good with children, the elderly, and a light peanut sauce.
The #2 variety of gerberts are specially bred for their temperament and rescue animal skills; it’s a shame that people can’t see past them rotating on a barbeque spit to enjoy them for the warm, juicy thigh meat that they are … oops, I mean, warm, loving companion animal, of course.
This message has been brought to you by the Save the Gerberts Foundation.
*urp*
Thanks, Alexandra!
I swear I read that twice and still saw “gerbils”.
This.Is.Most.Disturbing.
I Googled “gerberts” and found;
a Christian-based children’s TV show featuring a puppet by the same name, and
the original name of Pope Sylvester II, born in 946.
I find both equally as disturbing as “gerbils”. I don’t think there would be as much meat on a gerbil as on a pope, but it’s probably a bit gamy by now. I don’t even want to think about a puppet made of meat.
Heh heh. I have a meat puppet!
.
Seriously, he’s made out of bacon.
Stop calling Bacontini “your little meat puppet”. It very uncomfortable making.
Yeah, I’m the only one allowed to call him that!
I, for one, found that learning that Taco has a bacon-flavored “meat puppet” way too much information. And very disturbing. And that Topper humors his “meat puppet” fantasy adds to the discomfort.
Imagine this conversation taking place at Taco’s favorite martini bar:
TM: Hey good looking, want to come back to my place and slice some bacon? I’ve got a hot griddle you can slide on.
Topper: Excuse me – are you talking to me? Because if you are, I want you to know that I’m not that kind of person. Are you even kosher?
TM: No, No – it wasn’t me. It was just my little “meat puppet” I keep in my pocket- want to see?
Taco picks himself up off the floor and puts puppet back where it belongs…..
Sylvester is defintely an upgrade in terms of papal monikers. Everybody knows Sylvester the cat, but I didn’t know about that Gerbert puppet.* It’s all about name recognition, people!
*Yeah, I know, real-life retcon – not possible. Humor me.
But Meat Puppets would make a decent band name. Too bad we don’t know any decent bands!
The Meat Puppets is a band name.
/indie-corey
Forget to take your Irony supplements today, Goddess Bianchi Company?
Me? My middle name is “Irony.” I thought that the /corey tag would make that clear.
Oh, SJ, I have to hate you for the rest of the day now. Why, oh WHY did you have to remind me of Gerbert?!!! Oh, the memories….the terrible memories….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh dear, I think I broke Meredith.
Blame Google, I’ve never heard of Puppet-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Perhaps she was aaaahhhh-ing about the Pope-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He might have had a puppet (and yes, that is more than just a little creepy).
Lola, please pass Meredith the flask of Tea….
‘Meat puppet’ is slang for actors and extras on tv/film sets. As is ‘warm prop’. Usually used by crew after said meat puppets / warm props have retreated to their green rooms / trailers because they’ve been on set a WHOLE half hour and now need to rest. Shockingly it’s not a term of endearment.
That said, all I can think of is the Donner family.
I think of a painful sexual act that requires a clenched carpal matrix.
A little voice in my head is telling me not to ask.
I will ask, however, if I want to know what a Carpal Matrix is, and does it have anything to do with Carpal Tunnel?
Carpal Matrix is what my anatomy professor called the hand when he wanted to be obtuse.
Paging Richard Gere.
I understand a jar of gerberts #2 is considered an objet de art in some circles. Some museums have huge collections of these. I think it’s nasty, but I’m not an art connosewer,
Mechanic under car: “Frank! Hand me a #2 gerbert, wouldja?”
Welcome back, Sue! If that is your real name.
Apparently I need to read the comments before making my own. I guess I’m not the only one who saw #2 gerbert and thought, “I use that on my car!”
Meat gerberts, Meat gerberts, where on earth did you go?
Meat gerberts, Meat gerberts, God why don’t I know?
Did you name yours Timothy? 8)
One of my ads is for a meat basket. Doesn’t list any gerbert, though. Them little dudes are really tasty!
I’m getting “Boats for sale.” WTF?
I’m getting “Create flash websites, GO!”.
Mmm. Barbeque chicken recipes (All natural!)
I’m getting a donate your car to charity ad…weird.
I’m getting an ad for a meat smoker. Hickory or applewood-smoked gerberts – that’s good eatin’!
Lola! dropped g’s and your avatar just don’t seem to go together…
I’m sure Catherine Deneuve can drop a g if the situation warrants.
How about:
[ironic delivery]
That’s good eatin’!
[/irony]
8)
I hear: “ze hickory or ze applewood-smoke gairbairs—zat’s good eatinn!”
Uhhh, I’m getting a Netflix ad with a picture of Hannibal Lecter. Nice tie in there, ad machine!
I’m getting one for weight loss. It apparently thinks I ate too many gerberts.
I have “Women Like You – Find your Love Here” – not sure what it has to do with Gerberts, but it is another thing I don’t want to know
I love the ambiguity. You can’t tell if it means that you are someone who is liked by women and can find a specific person to love you, or if women such as yourself (you, Grampdaddy!) can find love.
Well…… for years, I have been working on getting in touch with my feminine side. Although I really prefer to touch a feminine side.
[Please do not mention to Mrs. Grampdaddy] Thank you!
You know, a feminine side doesn’t necessarily need to be feminine. Be careful with your words, Grampdaddy!
Obviously just some Erbert and Gerbert’s #2s THE HALLEYS COMET (Prime roast beef, lettuce, tomato, and real Hellmanns mayonnaise). But how fresh can they be?
This is tasteless. I recognized this as English as a second language for something you wouldln’t eat if you knew the real name. While in Spanish the word is usually “el callos para los yanquis”, we often see “gerberts” here in Minnesota.
No, no, no, Matt was in El Paso! Get it right. Or are you saying these gerberts were smuggled in from Canada?
Hey, now you are really obtuse. Minnesota is a word you often see here, though in Spanish it’s also called “Mexico.”
Clearly “Gerbert” would be pronounced “Herbert” in Spanish. Therefore, what this poster is offering is #2 Herberts (which are not quite as sharp as #2 pencils) for meat. I recognized this as cannibalism as a second language.
Here in Mexico, we often see the word “Canada” used to represent the country “Mexico”.
Gerbert! Gerbert! Gerbert! Gerbert!
Trek reference FTW!! Yay, brother!
On a side note, I briefly considered calling my company Sevrin Sound, but figured it was too obscure a reference, and that I’d have to explain the name constantly.
Then again, I thought about ACME sound, just so i could paint my truck like the Road Runner cartoon delivery vans.
Wait, “Bianchi Sound” is a company, not a people???
MY MIND IS BLOWN
And here I thought it was Redjac! Redjac! Redjac! Redjac!
I forgot about Herbert…
*nice one Isaac–you’re a god*
No, we are like Soylent Green. Mostly people and some by-products (mostly gerberts…)
I’m not obtuse, my feathers are just fluffed.
Dear Sir: F.I.V. Edoardo Bianchi S.p.A. is the world’s oldest bicycle making company, having been founded in Italy in 1885. Widespread use of the Bianchi trade mark has been made, to the extent that this trademark has acquired an extensive reputation and goodwill. The Bianchi trademark is, accordingly, also a well-known mark for all relevant purposes of trademark law. It has come to our attention that you are using the Bianchi name in a manner that is confusingly and/or deceptively similar to our Bianchi trademark and also constitutes a reproduction or imitation thereof. Under these circumstances, your use of the Bianchi trademark will constitute an infringement of our registered and common law rights. Therefore, we demand that you immediately:
1. cease all use of the trademark;
2. deliver-up for destruction all material to which the trademark or any other mark confusingly or deceptively similar to our trademark has been applied;
3. withdraw, cancel and/or delete any corporate names, domain names, trademark applications and/or trademark registrations for or including the trademark;
4. undertake, in writing, never in future to make any use of the trademark without prior written authority from us, whether within any corporate name, trading name, trading style, domain name or otherwise.
We await to hear from you by no later than close of business on May 5, 2010.
Ahhh, I love lawyers. Did you send this letter to Kenneth Bianchi too, for sullying your name? Or does that cat just look rich to you? 8)
Were’s MonkeyPants when we need him?!
To: Flea Bailey
re: Cease and Desist Notification
Dear Mr. Bailey:
I have been retained as counsel by Bianchi Sound and wish to respond to your missive on behalf of my client. Mr. Bianchi and Mr. Sound desire to inform you that you can ‘bite their meat puppet’.
Cordially,
Grampdaddy
Teenee, Bacon, and Topper, LLP
Yo, Bailey, take it up with the Bianchi Holster company.
IF. YOU. DARE. (Those MFers are packin’.)
Is IF. YOU. DARE. more like A.Virginia or Not.A.Lion.?
Yep, dear baia d’Bianchi, I’ve some well-worn Bianchi-made gear.
Shot a few of Pietro’s over/unders, too.
But not in the same-named Cup, though.
Sadly, though, that looks eerily similar to the letter the trademark infringment office over at the U uses.
My partner, Mr. J.Winston Monkeypants, Esq. has been in court the past few days, but he sent me over to see if you still needed any help.
In Mexico, gerbert eats you.
In Soviet Canada, Mexico makes reference to you!
whit, I think you have it wrong. Gerberts aren’t tasteless, they’re yummy! You’re just jealous and a hater!
Oh, Lola, those eyes can see into my soul…yes, it’s true…cos I’ve been hurt many times. My heart has been beaten to a #2 consistency, and I hide it by jelosity and hate.
Adores for jelosity. And I know just how I will use it this week. *evil grin*
There’s always room for jelosity!
Now, Viento-levante, I’m pretty sure you are not allowed to say that except with a D.Ed and ina hugely-broad voicing style.
Or is that the gerbert-pops?
Well, CapnMac, I just learned to my shock that the Rose in Windrose is a past participle, and not the flower I’d always assumed.
(hangs head in shame for illiteracy)
Well, I was thanking WR for a punch and when I got to thinking in Latin, the habit of puns in Latin conspired to flip nouns to verbs.
Aelousrosa is still the purtiest I’ve come up with, especially as Torqueorosa sounds a figure from the Auto-da-Fè, and we really only need inquisitive minds around here (esp w/ brass ‘knucks per alar)
I often find myself daydreaming in Latin….
Well, have you considered a prescription sleep aid?
Innana, you must know something I don’t. 8/ Windrose is the term early map makers used for the compass star. So while not a real rose, it’s not a participle, past or otherwise. *waits to be told which joke she has missed this time*
Well, if we must corey about. The “rose” in a compas rose comes from the array of triangular points shown on a 32-point compass card. The four cardinal points, then overlaid with the next eight ha’cardinals, then overlaid with four then four again, bears a resemblance to the embroidered Tudor rose.
A windrose, as I was raised to know it, is the array of cardinal directions under a windvane.
Under sail, one could interpolate the wind shown from a windrose vice the compass rose which gave a course made good.
In which case, our favoite feathered puncher must be Aelousrosa, as Aelousgraphilimbum would be, at best, inelegant.
Now, to ease any other confusion; I will admit to using forms of “to wind” with participals of “rise” in Latin and other languages. This was entirely in the spirit of mental engagement and play, and in no sense demeaning or derogatory. Any such negative implications I will abjure in the most stringent of ways possible.
You know, whenever I’m working on my car I can never find my #2 gerbert. I always have to run to Ace Hardware and buy another one. I’ve never actually used the meat style gerbert, but I’m told that while they offer a more comfortable grip, they don’t work as well when losening the #2 prewies.
I understood that they often slip and the user will bash his knuckles as well. Gerberts causes accidents…er.. accidents causes Gerberts?? Whatever, just remember that.
Well, while you are Ace, I’ll be wanting a half-dozen of the #4 relative bearing races, if you please.
What kind of donation would YOU make for 30 meat gerberts?
I’ve got this red table for sale, but they could take it for free.
Or you could take it for three…gerberts.
Is “donating” an innuendo the same way that “making a deposit” is?
Not in MY endo!
Your endo is single-entendre only?
My endo is off limits!
Endo Calrisian? Man, Billy Dee don’t get no respect.
It’s fine. Just send him to Joel Schumacher, and he’ll forget all about what you did to him.
I’ll trade them for a mint(y) green prom dress. My date never showed…sigh….
Wait, are you a boy or a girl? I keep losing track…
Bianchi….Yes…
Transexual Transylvanian….
Wait, I know this one!
Is the answer D?
CJ is not a boy or a girl. CJ is a company.
That’s me, Isaac, Commission Junction…now, what’s my function?
Oh, Oh, Taco, did I mention there was a woman in my hotel that actually LOOKED like that the other day…but with MUCH MUCH bigger hair? I don’t think she even realized that people were staring at her in shock, either, and not in worshipful awe. It was awe, though.
It’s a good thing you didn’t say anything to her. If someone told me I looked like an Englishman in drag, I would most likely want to visit grievous bodily harm upon them.
Unless it was Eddie Izzard. He looks damn fine in a dress.
Was that the ‘endo’ the romance?
These folks are crazy. Any donation? These are worth a fortune. Do you know how hard it is to catch one, let alone 30 Gerberts? I can’t tell you what a painstaking process it is, standing in a field, by the light of the moon, softly calling “Here gerberts gerberts gerberts….”
If they’d been able to get the #1 gerberts instead of the #2…it boggles the mind. At auction I’d estimate them to go for at least three hundred elebenty sammiches.
MandaB – would the same traps we use for snipes work on gerberts? I hate to have to go out and buy all new equipment. Also, could you post some of your favorite gerbert recipes? I’d love to try them out.
kthxbai!
Ingredients:
3 Gerberts, peeled and chopped
Directions:
Place all Gerberts into a blender, purée until smooth and the screaming stops. Serve in a pint glass with a twist of lime.
I don’t think I could ever stop screaming…
…or hurling…
Instead of peeling and chopping, Madame, butterfly them, like shrimp. Then you can mix up a classic Gerbert and Sullivan.
This makes me want to Puccini.
Don’t Tosca your cookies.
Aria ready to stop now????
I think they’re trying to lure you into a falsetto sense of security.
Oh, the inanity!
Yeah, this thread is unRaveling quickly.
Lost Compass! I think I’m in love!
(sings melodically and dies in an attractive pose)
This talk makes my buddy Joe Green ill, trovatore!
Verdi interesting!
Yeow, Innana. Let’s you and me get Bizet!
You go for me
And I’m taboo
But if you’re hard to get
I go for you
And if I do
Then you are through!
Now I’m really jonesing for you. Carmen into my arms.
Oh, man…you passed that test, too!
I kneel, humbly, at your feet.
Ok guys, I’m calling this one:
Get a room.
Ich habe dein Mund gekusst….TacoMagic.
Getting all flirty I see.
Ich anziehen meine Kittel und Zauberer Hut…
CJ – Those traps will work, but I like the thrill of the hunt. I prefer to whomp mine with a whaterpomp. Then the little suckers are pre-tenderized (as opposed to just pretend).
Ah….my grandmother used to make a very special Gerbert meatloaf. Sorry, ancient family secret. I can tell you the final step involved a trash can though.
I gather my gerberts with a machete and a pitchfork. You have to wear earplugs though, they’re worse than a rabbit when they get going.
You are all HORRIBLE. I only use the catch-and-release method on Gerberts. We’re overrunn by them down here, but I would never stoop to eating them.
Remember, folks, have your Gerberts spayed and neutered.
Lots of tomatoes in that dish? I think my spouse used to make it. Nobody would eat it here either.
Not too flirty…the original quotation is spoken to a decapitated head….
Well I AM a head on a dubious looking spring… sporting quite the sharp chapeau if I might add.
Is it zauberer? Is it gerbert-skin?
As Today is the Cinco de Mayo, I thought I’d serve you up a special treat:
Gerbert Empanadas, Gerbert Tacquitos, Refritos Juevos with Gerbert Sauce, and for a dessert, Gerbert Sherbet!
Adores to Astro… *flutter*
Uh, I was with you there, Astro, until you went to “refried eggs.”
Lots of things in the kitchen that refry nicely; mashed taters, beans, stuffing, meatloaf–but eggs?
Also, I really did not need to go back to shelter/disaster recipes.
Innana: Gotta tell you girl, you don’t tell them about the decapitation part until you’ve GOT them in the room. I’m impressed with your opera chops. The horror movies of the 18th and 19th century (you know, if the girl kisses the guy she dies or possibly they both die).
Ah, someone caught my mistake which I’m now masquerading as something done totally on purpose as opposed to admitting I meant Frijoles, but put Huevos instead.
(In other news, according to Google, Huevos is one of the few Spanish words that use an H to make an H sound. I learn something new everyday. )
Astro, I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a Spanish speaker pronouncing the H at the beginning of huevos. You’re listening to too many gringos. (And trusting too many internets.)
Well, on the subject of unspoken H’s (if otherwise completely OT)
may catulator is demonstrating “H is for Hypotenuse” across his favorite 20x20x20 box.
So a trianglular prism, then?
(All speeling misteaks we completely intentional)
I have a trianglular unblubler in my car!
Well, it may not be the #1 grade gerberts they serve at that $60/plate steakhouse, but I tell ya, you get those #2 gerberts going on your barbecue at home, and you can hardly tell the difference.
Seriously though, what in gods name is this actually talking about? Nobody EATS gerbils do they?
I don’t want to spoil the fun, but you asked so….
[Corey] these are Gerber meat baby food, #2 being the level or thickness of the puree [/Corey]
Actually, even the factual explanation is fairly gross. Pureed beef, anyone?
Now we know what really happened to the Gerber baby.
How is babby formed?
Apparently babby is formed using a meat press.
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, babby flan, make me a gerbert fast as you can!
Pound it and mash it, and mark it with ‘B’….
and please, would you pour a bacontini for me.
“Now we know what really happened to the Gerber baby.”
He grew up and sold his siblings by the litter?
You would think, with 30 jars of the #2 meat, that the correct spelling of Gerber might have been a no-brainer. Is English the new “it’s Greek to me”..?
Wat u talkin bout muddy? english is ez 4 eberyone! nao i hav 2 get bak 2 writin’ this paper 4 my writtin class!
gtg bi
(My fingers are cramping up now.)
You know, your fingers wouldn’t cramp up if you would just go back to using your coffee mugs to slam on that keyboard.
I would give you an A+ on your paper if you just avoid using prose, the Latin alphabet, English orthography, Isaac’s penchant for pedantry, or any punctuation whatsoever. See me after class.
6tuyqhiws m8edw6 iforgot aboutt my mgds1 noew my fingerrs eel great1
A- (you used the Latin alphabet—points off!)
*but I’ll throw in a couple of those metallic gold star stickers*
sorry my greek mugs arer in the shhop
The correct term is pyxis.
Unless the Greek mugs you refer to contain letters such as these: ΔΣΦ
Muddy – you would think, but only their babay can read….
Guess they missed out on having that two year old teacher for their tike; or having a good lurning tool (ooh look! a catculator and catabus!) so babay can lurn to spell the words on the labels correctly.
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=2884
Thanks MandaB for this corey, now that I vaguely understand the post I’m driven to ask why would someone have 30 jars(?) of this delicacy for sale / donation? Surely they have a long shelf life? How did Sparky come by them? Has Sparky’s family suddenly turned vegetarian and are now eschewing this repast?
*so many questions, my brain itches*
[matt]
I’m outraged that you would post something so tasteless tigerprincess. If you had a baby like mine you’d realize that a baby could eat 30 jars of food in about 6-7 days. Not only that, but babyfood does indeed expire. I myself have a jar of babyfood set to expire by March 3rd 2011! It doesn’t hang around forever you know! You should be ashamed.
I myself purchase second hand, dontated, previously opened baby food by the case. People selling babyfood are ALWAYS trustworthy. They’re selling things for BABIES! Of course you can trust them. Like anyone would ever take advantage of parents by selling them stuff they didn’t need or was of questionable quality. As if.
[/matt]
Being a generally non-Sparkian mom of 3 kiddos under the age of 5, I can only hypothesize that they were duped into purchasing these in bulk without realizing that meat babay food looks and smells nearly as appetizing as dog food and no self-respecting babay would ever eat it.
I imagine the conversation leading up to this went something like this:
“Hey Lurleen, I’m thinkin’ we don’t shud have bought that there ‘Youl babay can Ead’. Junior here is lookin at all the labels on them jars of the meat Gerberts and dudn’t wants to eat none.”
“Fine. We kin put ’em on that there Gregslist and see ifn we can gets a donation like a new hide a bed or maybe I can git a purty dress for pron.”
MandaB is exactly right on both counts — it’s most likely an ad for Gerber meat baby food, and that in and of itself is kind of disgusting.
Also: note that there’s no mention of expiration date on these puréed meat delicacies. *shudder*
We can only hope that the price goes up, up, up and up the older they are!
Crisco can collectors know a good bargain! As if.
That makes so much more sense! I do have a couple explainations for why they’re getting rid of them….
A- their babby is all growed up and doesn’t need special gerbert babby food anymore
B- their babby is like mine, and just doesn’t like the nasty cat-food-smelling meat foods
Though, on second thought, the meat puree crap might be just fine for feeding my cat, or even charging up the catulator.
Eclectic Blue, I’m not sure either one of my catulators would even find meat babay food acceptable. It’s horktastic!
I haven’t met the dog who wouldn’t eat meat baby food though. Seeing as most dogs I know count “kitty roca” as among their favorites.
My last cat had dental work done and love-love-loved the meat babyfood that I had to give him while he healed. I did not love-love-love the smell/texture, but it was better than the nothing else he was able to eat.
My oldest cat Simon can only eat the soft “pate” style canned cat food, it is basically meat paste in a can. I have to keep the partial cans in the fridge and the results are not pleasant.
A lot like Taco’s hypothetical meatshake, come to think of it.(And I really wish I hadn’t.)
I worked as a vet tech for several years, and let me tell you there are some nasty concoctions that you have to create in order to get old animals to eat.
Among the “best” is taking soft catfood (meat paste) and mixing with liver oil in a blender to create a kitty meat Bisque. It smelled just wonderful.
It’s okay. They don’t need an expiration date…they’re COLLECTIBLE!
Well, I’m corey-wobbly on this one.
I mean, I’m hoping that this was some sort of good intention gone wrong; that there was some emergency, a chemical fire, severe storm or the like, and people volunteered to help the local animal shelter when it displaced to emergency quarters.
Hoping Hope will continue to spring eternal, here; but her arthritus has been bad of late.
See, back in my shelter design research, there were a number of studies on multiple use of “common” goods. One of those was on using #2 sized gerber jars in various ways. The strategy of it made sense, stockpile these, and they can be doled out individually, or massed for bulk serving.* The problem being that the #2 jars only stack so deep. And, those stacks are sensitive to external shocks, too. So, the design still needs more mass in shelving, than in product; the dance is ever the dance.
___________
*Scary things like a recipe combining a flat of rolled oats, a flat of meat puree, and another flat of canned mixed veggies, to make a scary porridge that will feed hungry masses. Gee, makes an MRE, with a 10 year shelf life, much simpler.
* turns green*
I think Cap’n just gave a recipe for a meatloaf smoothie.
Actually, more of a pease porridge not
in a sense that Oliver Twists
Away, before he can be served
Please, Sir, not another
Can I just opine that “Taco’s Hypothetical Meatshake” would be an excellent name for a dance or a terrible sci-fi pulp novel, if not a band?
“Taco’s Hypothetical Meatshake Smootie”
Oh my Isaac, such a juxtaposition. First off, on Monday, I had to explain the use of “pulp novel”.
Second, pureed meat and pulp fiction–all in one sentence, azimov live and breathe; that’s to spider robinson bad.
[Seriousness]
I gotta say, when you buy baby food you’re mostly paying for the packaging and upcharge. At the cheapest grocery store in town, on sale you can get babyfood for 43c for a 2.5oz jar/disposable container.
However, right before TicoTaco got to the ‘solid’ food portion of his development, my wife bought me a baby food recipe book. Using squash as an example (The TicoTaco food of choice):
1 3lb squash costs $2.25 at the market. After preparing, it produces 4 cups (32 oz) of babyfood. Multiplying that out, it would cost $5.30 on sale to buy it in jars. Not on sale, we’re looking at $7+ And as for the ingredients in the jars as apposed to making it yourself: and I quote from the label, “Puréed Squash and water.”
Yeah…
Oh, and for refrence, Tico eats roughly 6-8 jars worth of babyfood a day.
[/seriousness]
So what are you saying here Taco? That you prefer puréed Jai Alai over Squash hands down?
[Seriousness]
Making one’s own baby food is outrageously cheaper than having the Gerbert’s do it for you. If you think the squash is a money saver, try running the numbers on a 1 ounce jar of Gerbert meat babay food vs. making your own meat purees. Also incredibly disgusting, but much cheaper. For the record, when my kids were ready for meat, they got it in shredded into small bits form. I’m firmly of the belief that meat should not come in milkshake-esque consistency.
[/seriousness]
Meat should ALWAYS be able to be sipped through a straw!
Yeah, I’m not planning on going down the purées o’ meat road. The day I catch myself dangling a partially thawed hot dog over a running blender is the day I need to rethink all of the life choices leading up to that moment.
On the other hand, what could go wrong with a meatloaf smoothie?
EDIT: I’m trying to decide what is more disgusting: A cold meatloaf smootie, or a warm one.
Just add a ketchup mousse and it will be awesomely smoot (or smooth depending on your typing skills)!
“The day I catch myself dangling a partially thawed hot dog over a running blender…” OMG, I have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard.
Didn’t they have Meat Loaf smoothies in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”?
“I’m trying to decide what is more disgusting: A cold meatloaf smootie, or a warm one.”
Depends, which would be more likely to show up on a Starbuck’s menu garnished with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles?( Also, what’s a “smootie”?)
I tink a smootie is smoothie created in a web browser tat doesn’t ave spellceck.
I really miss crome wile I’m at whork.
Most of my friends with children have just minced up – occasionally pureed, but they may have stronger stomachs than mine – whatever they’re eating (exceptions: clam spaghetti, jalapeno poppers, etc.) and given it to the baby, with perhaps more vegetables and fewer non-complex carbs than they themselves are eating. It’s for both budget and personal squickiness reasons. So far, all the kids seem fine to Auntie Lola!
“Ummmm…okay, I’ll have a venti iced meatie with an extra bacon shot and no whip please. Oh, and a blueberry scone. Thanks!”
Actually, this is what a smootie is apparently. Given this knowledge, I guess the question “what is more disgusting: A cold meatloaf smootie, or a warm one?” becomes even more difficult to answer.
OK, I’m scared because when I tried to click on the “smootie” link it was blocked by my work browser as a forbidden website. Now my imagination has to run free.
What we do for meat products with our baby is mix them up with other “meal” elements in our Bullet blender. A little chicken, some rice, some cheese, some carrots, a bit of green bean…boom, 1-2 helpings of chicken dinner without the squick factor (at least for us). It’s just a little smoother than using the same blender to make chicken salad for sandwiches.
And seriously, homemade baby food is LOADS cheaper than store-bought, and you get more variety.
Taco, if THAT’S a smootie, my guess is they are all warm. And disgusting.
*wanders off in search of brain bleach*
Ugh, TM and Mudslicker, you both just made me gag… and rethink going down for lunch in a few minutes.
[seriousness]
I’m lucky enough that my sitter is willing to make baby food for miniEB while she has him during the day. She probably saves me at least $45 a month in baby food (since MrEB and I just give him the jarred stuff in the evenings). That stuff gets expensive!
[Bibbidy bobbidy boo! That seems like it would end seriousness…]
I don’t think I’ll ever eat again…
*wanders off to find bottle of Patron*
Well, I realize it’s a long drive, CJ, but I have the blender ready
Argent ot Añejo
Hey! Meatloaf Smoothie is Bacontini’s cousin! How you all know him?
Eclectic:
One word of advice: Don’t ever, ever, ever use the term “going down for lunch” around here at any time!
Bacontoni:
Well, there was this party, you see. It was on this, like, flying party. And there were Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters. We don’t remember much, but when we came home, Meatloaf Smoothie was in a travel case.
Darn you, Astro!
*shakes cane*
I started rereading the HHGG last night and was depressed when I took a moment to calculate that I’d first read it at 12, two-thirds of my life ago. I’d forgotten that, until now …
I have now just realized that my copy of it is, if you are in high school as indicated, +/- ten years older than you are.
Darn kid! Thanks for the mortality reminder! Where did the last 26 years go?!?
*shakes cane again*
Oh well, at least I have Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters in my flask. 8)
Lo, if it’s any consolation, I live in a college town.
I’ve done so for a long time. So, it’s not so much the dealing with people at point-of-sale deviced who are younger than some of my malt whisky, really.
Not even that quite a few were not born when I matriculated here.
Nope, it’s the realization that remember their parents being bad at hanging out in bars.
Well, Lola, my copy’s probably older than me too. I got it in a used bookstore, y’see. It’s actually a copy of The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The one with all the books in it.
When I first read So Long and Thanks for All the Fish, I had no idea what Arthur and Fenchurch were doing in the air.
I read the books too young the first time ’round.
To go back to the meat-milkshake argument – a friend of mine had _seriously_ messed up teeth and had to have her jaw broken and reset to fix it, so for three weeks she was confined to a ‘liquid food’ diet, which her doctor said meant she could eat anything she could ingest through a straw. Through her, I learnt that McD’s tastes EXACTLY the same pureed (the ultimate laziness – no chewing!), that nachos do not work when blender-ised and that no matter how much you scrub, KFC-grease will never come off your mugs properly. *shudder*
Well, in some fairness, on one trip past LoLa’s comment above,
my brain registered up “minced children.”
Now, my reflex was “that’s not what she meant” to then have
“minced kid” become “cabrito paste”
which is not bad when pressed into masa maiz and rolled in a corn shuck and steamed.
Which reminfed me of the first place I had cabrito tamales, and whichever Tio’s casa it was, as cocinero, was delighting in answering the question as “tamales des niños ruidosamente!”
Sadly, this did not yield un cocina pafica o tranquilidad
You cannot resist the Gerberts, we will add your distinctive meat flavor to our own.
Resistance is futile, you will be donated to the Gerberts.
What meat is the gerbert made of? Ham? Ham gerberts? Can I have fries with that?
No, but “frieds” are available with a slight increase in your donation
I have always thought that “Meat the Gerberts!” is The Gerberts best album.
“#2 All Meat” was their first single, wasn’t it?
I think they also released “Pound my Meat”. I think it was later removed from the album because of the unintentional double meaning.
I prefer “Babby Road”.
Personally, I like “Let It Meat (#2)” and “Sgt. Gerber.”
Remember the Disco years: “Turn the Meat Around” and “Gerber Inferno”?
“Revolution #2”
“I Grind Up a Pony (and Label it as Beef)”
and of course this album cover…
And don’t forget “Eleanor Gerbert”…
All the brain-dead posters, where do they all come from?
That album cover must have been what made them more popular than Jesus.
No one’s more popular than me!
“I Wanna Hold Your Gerbert”
“We Can Gerbert Out”
“While my Gerbert Gently Weeps”
“All My Gerbert”
“Gerbert to Ride”
“Paperback Gerbert”
“Gerbert Submarine”
“Gerbert in the Sky with Diamonds”
“The wheels on the Gerbert”
You forgot:
“Hey Gerbert” (take a sad song and make it better)
“I Am The Gerbert (koo koo kachoo)”
“Sexy Gerbert” (you’re the latest and the greatest of them all)
“Rocky Gerbert” (Gideon’s bible is calling)
“Bang Bang Gerbert’s Silver Hammer”
“Gerbert Came In Through the Bathroom Window”
“Strawberry Gerberts Forever”
“Dear Gerbert” (won’t you come out and play)
“Mean Mr. Gerbert” (sleeps in a hole in the road)
“Polythene Gerbert” (see her in drag)
“Sgt. Gerbert’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”
and the best…
“Why Don’t We Do It in the Gerbert?”
Mudsy, Mudsy, Mudsy:
-3 RetroMusic CoreyPoints from your score, for it is “goo goo g’joob” by all accounts and not something you’d utter tickling a babby.
I call “Semantic Pedantic” on Isaac.
Not according to a random lyrics site on Google! Obviously, that’s a more reliable source than the booklet inside the Magical Mystery Tour 2009 Remaster CD!
If it helps, I spent the last 20 or so years thinking the lyrics were:
I am the ‘Egg-man’…
Wait… aren’t they?
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the Walrus.
I have on good authority that it was originally “Ape Maan”. It was a reference to the famous British publicist “Arnold P. E. Maan” form the 1920s who did the exposé on the Grouping Act and it’s affects on world cheese production.
However, after it was found that Arnold was having an affair with the prime minister, the lyrics were changed.
The song make a lot more sense now doesn’t it.
Well, I have it on the authority of my aforementioned booklet, the costume John wears in the…
you’re being sarcastic, aren’t you? I figured it out at World Cheese Production.
As if Cheese is a real thing.
“Babby You Can Drive My Gerbert”
A DOOR!
The Sgt. Gerbert’s Lonely Blender Band playlist:
[The Titular Song]
With A Little Help from My Geberts
Gerbert in the Sky with Gerberts
Gerting Better
Being for the Benefit of Mr. Gerbert!
Within You and Without You (or Eating Gerberts: Before and After)
Lovely Gerbert
When I’m Gerbert #2
Gerbert Morning!
[The Titular Song](Reprise)
A Day in the Life of a Gerbert
I picture Gerbert as fluffy orange Guinea Pig things with a look to them like Sherbet/Sorbet. (Not sure what the difference between the two is)
{culinary corey} Sherbet contains dairy, sorbet does not. {/culinary corey}
sarajean’s cow clarification collects copious culinary corey credits, conclusively concluding current conversation.
WHAT? In my country sherbert is powder! What is your sherbert? Is it like the icecream/gelato split? Do you have icecream too???
Bah too many names for different things!!! *Grumblegrumble”two countries divided by a common language”grumblemoan*
Jen, sherbert in the US is like an ice milk or gelato with milk. It does not have the milk amount like ice cream, but is not milk-free like sorbet. It’s sort of a hybrid of the two. Often fruit-flavor.
Others who don’t know what Jen is on about – I’ve encountered the sherbert she describes as a fizzy, bicarb-type powder in candy/sweets, e.g., lemon sherberts, which are like a lemon drop with soury, fizzy powder in the center (or centre, if you prefer), and (to me) a highly addictive treat. Jen: where else in food or nature or whatever does this occur?
I know sherbert as sherbert dabs, primarily – the fizzy powder stuff you describe in a bag with a liquorice-stick or lollipop so you lick the liquorice stick / lollipop, dip it in the bag so that the sherbert sticks to it, then suck the sherbert off… It’s less dirty than it sounds, I swear!!!
Sherbert-icecream sounds… odd. But pleasing. As to where sherbert occurs in nature/elsewhere, I know almost every school in NZ makes it as part of Home Ec / Cooking / Science, usually towards the end of term when kids get all restless and teachers have run out of real work for them to do. I think the recipe’s usually bicarb + citric acid + icing sugar (white sugar ground up really smooth – you call it powdered sugar?). Always ends with all the kids on sugar-highs, running around covered in sherbert dust and sneezing. Sweeeeet.
I have a gerbert-skin hat. It’s very warm, and after a few hours of wearing, it emits a delightful fragrance of chocolate, bacon, and dreams about flying.
But if anyone asks, you didn’t hear that from me, and if you did, it’s faux gerbert.
I love the smell of gerbert-skin hats in the morning!
You must tell me, babay, how your head feels under something like that (under your brand new gerbert-skin pillbox hat).
In the spring we made meat helmets.
Funny thing, Taco: until Googling I didn’t recognize your quotation there, but my gut was telling me that it was spoken by Mike Meyers. So I was picturing Wayne Campbell saying it to his girlfriend Tia Carrere at the beginning of Wayne’s World 2 or something.
Party on, Isaac!
Many doors for the gerbert-skin pillbox hat, Isaac!
(Also available as a not.a.lion-skin pillbox hat.)
Wait, are they #2 or are they all meat? Cuz I ain’t eatin’ no gerbert shit!
This is a great opportunity for a meat and greet.
*ugh. Think I just grossed myself out*
Actual sign at a local butcher’s shop I saw about 4 years ago, it was taken down the next day for some reason:
“Come in, and enjoy our meat!”
That sign bordered on triple entendre.
Let’s Eat Grandma! vs. Let’s Eat, Grandma!
Punctuation Saves Lives
All these mocking, sarcastic comments are uncalled for. Gerberts were a delicacy in the old Soviet Union. They are all dark meat, somewhat sweet without a gamey taste, but it takes about 22 of them to make a good meal for one person. I believe they are a cross between the common field mouse (perhaps there is a larger version running around on the steppes of Russia) and the lemming. Any gourmet chef in a good Russian restaurant will caution his customers, however, not to eat too many, for they can give the customer the urge to jump off a cliff.
Are they cousins to the hopper mice and how many kingsnakes can eat all 30?
In Soviet Russia, Gerberts can suck you through a straw!
Alternately:
In Soviet Russia, Gerberts suck straw through you!
I thought this was an ad to meet the cast of a new tv show that is a cross between 30 Rock and Harry and the Hendersons. The show is #2 in the ratings and they are accepting donations toward their pension.
Geez, would I have been embarrassed to reply to that ad.
I’ve got a jar of Gerberts, and guess what’s inside it!
(Oh, wait, nvm)
my head still hurts from yesterday. scuse me, i gotta get on my couch, and vroom.
*A Limerickish tale of gerberts*
Sylvester McMonkey-McBean.
Saw sneetches had gerberts to glean.
To bag the whole lot.
A plan he had got.
Those sneetches won’t know what they’d seen.
McMonkey-McBean knew some foodies.
Loved anything like some Tofutti’s.
Thought gerberts I’ll get.
No plans for a pet.
I’ll mince them and make gerbert smoothies.
So McMonkey-McBean he did shout.
To all sneetches within and without.
Save the Gerberts Foundation.
Will take any donation.
For McMonkey-McBean was a lout.
A star-bellied sneetch named McDeet.
Had thirty rare gerberts all meat.
He saw through the plan.
Said save them I can.
And hatched his idea complete.
For McDeet was a sneetch of rare breed.
And seeing this terrible deed.
Shouts gerberts aren’t clean.
We must quarantine.
Thereby foiling one bad appleseed.
*also*
And then there was Herbert T. Gerbert.
Who’d bathe in vat of warm sherbert.
And showed a kid Jake.
His magical snake.
For Herbert T. Gerbert’s a pervert.
You win. Forever.
Dude.
That was…
Wow.
*looks up at Don’t Suck box, hopefully, then sadly puts the brass wingtips away for the night*
Yeah, just realized I forgot. It’s finals week. Mea culpa.
I wish I could help. 8/ If it were my regular job, I’m sure I’d forget it, too.
No, NO, NOO, don’t take my magic honor box away from me…
(drumming heels onto floor and SQUEEling).
*hands Innana a stuffed Not.A.Lion and a cup of soothing tea* They grow up so fast.
*has bright idea, takes brass wingtips out again*
I hereby award an honorary punchity punch punch to MandaB for the perfectly accented French Prevential translation of yesterday’s ad!
G’Night, Minnesota!
Concur, if for no other reason than her spiffy new avatar.
Minny-soter? You drove “out west’ for cinco de mayo?
Oh well, was a better Cinco for me after getting home than out among the few with no finals tonight. Barely knew bar help tonight. Should have just stayed home and made migas earlier (but, the aromatherapy right now is worth it).
Oh well, into the gentle sweet night, fellow snarkers; 6 May has little to remark it in history, barring Jeff Davis and John Deere
Thanks, Capn. That’s my oldest non-Gerbert eater, shortly after decorating her younger brother head to toe with a black Sharpie marker.
Capn, I have relatives in Minnesota. 8) It came up in the comments today. And Cinco de Mayo is not that big a deal in my area, So. Cal. Wait until September. We celebrate big then.
Thanks, I OWWW!
Geez, two punchity punches in a week is a lit OWWW!!!!
Whew…well, I suppose it could be worse. I could have been attacked by zomb
MandaB, read the instructions on the card. It clearly states Do Not Hold In Front Of Face While Punchity-punch punch is Administered! Not liable for any damage, physical or otherwise to the bearer of this card.
But the instructions are on the back of the card!
The back of my professional license card has the instructions for what to do if I lose it.
Given that it comes printed and pre-perforated on a larger sheet with a whole lot of white cardstock around it that just contains the instructions for how to get the card down to wallet-size, I’m baffled by the placement of the “how to get a replacement” instructions.
Of course, my father-in-law’s legal license clearly states that it expires thirty days after the expiration date printed on the card…
Thankfully, I am now on a diet that precludes any processed meat. Much less nauseating to think about gerberts now.
I’m actually looking for a breeding pair of #1 fur gerberts.
Dave, have you checked on Cr*igslist?
Gerberts – not just for breakfast anymore. Try them on toasted bagels for a delicious snack, toss into a green salad for a filling lunch, smear onto leftovers for a satisfying dinner…. and when it all regurgitates back up, that’s okay… just use that to finger paint the walls and your highchair with fascinating designs. Or rub through your hair for a fabulous, trendy new look. The possibilities are endless.
Is one of them Gerbert Goover? I’ve been looking for that forever to complete my Frampton Mink commemorative Meat President collection.
Yeah, so Dave, Archie, and me, we were sitting around the box, drinking unwine and listening to our favorite tunes, when all of a sudden Punchity Punch Punch! Never saw that coming!
Good Morning, Gerbert Rescue Society!