YSaC, Vol. 654: Oh, I thought you said SNACKS.
Here at YSaC, we’re all about leveraging our synergy.* Here are two folks we think just HAVE to meet.
Need Kingsnake for Laundry Room
I have a mouse problem and need a kingsnake to take care of it. Has to be big enough to eat hopper size mice. I think we got all of the adults already. If you have one that you can spare, I would be eternally grateful!
Free Plastic outside bathroom
you know those things you have at concerts or construction sites where you go pee? well i was givin one and i need to get rid of it.
the only thing is that there is a snake down inside of it and it will need to be removed.im just a girl so i cant help you lift it..
my name is megan and my number is ###.###.####
no emails jsut call me and come get it..! snakes are icky!
So the only question is.. is Megan’s snake a king snake? Better yet, is it The King snake? Well, lets see… does it gyrate suggestively? Did it get drafted? Does it have serious problems with pills and alcohol? Did it stage a comeback special wearing leather? If so, then Megan, I think we’ve found you a taker!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
*Note: This is almost certainly not true.
Thanks for the links, Carrie and Tammy!
Those mice better prepare to be all shook up, so much so that they’ll desperately need a Port-A-Potty.
Port-A-Snakey
No, no, that’s what you use when the Port-A-Potty has a clog in it.
I discussed ad #1 with my feline friends. Their response was “Snakes? We don’ need no stinkin’ snakes!” They think that laundry room sounds like the perfect place to send your catulator to rest and recharge. Warm dryer to lie on, laundry baskets to hide in, and all you can eat mouse boo-fay!
Genius! Brilliant! Adjective-turned-Interjection!
*checks boofay for coffee, sees none, goes back to sleep on dryer*
Well, yeah, but Sparkle #1 says all that are left are the “hopper-sized” mices. Which “hopper” not being specified.
My catulator would be ok with grasshopper-sized 9unless we mean the late Carradine). He’s shown irritation at bunnies–but those were closer to jack-rabbit than possom-dimensioned. Not even going to think about a kangaroo.
Called my RR kin, smallest hopper on the rails is 40-45′ long, so that’s out.
Pretty sure mice of Dennis’ proportion will need more than snakes or felines can provide.
My dad has referred to the toilet as “the hopper” before. So it makes perfect sense that you’d need a toilet-snake to take care of toilet-sized mice, yes?
Ah, dear, sweet SN; memories of cold, wet, roofs feeding the not-quite-right snake down a roof plumbing vent, in the dark, on a Sunday night, with a house full of guests below.
To add to the recollection, there’s the yelling instructions by relay of otherwise-distracted persons.
Oh, the snake is never quite right. Too long; or wore out; or with a vicious kink bent in; or meant for use with a motor. Ropes? Safety gear? Huh? There’s some holiday dinner party going on below–who brought “work” with them?
If there’s a snake in my port-o-potty, I’m calling in Samuel L. Jackson. Of course, I’m just a girl…
No seance for Steve Irwin?
Ok. Seance first. SLJ is option number 2 (no pun intended).
Crikey! Look at the size of that beauty!
RACIST!
*calls Jesse Jackson, who then three-ways Samuel L.*
I can think of few things more terrifying than Zombie Steve Irwin.
I can think of few things more terrifying than a three-way with Jesse Jackson and Samuel L.
If you are “just a girl”, perhaps you can explain why someone thought you needed a porta-potty, with or without snake, especially given that Sparkie 2 does not even know the common terminology for one?
Picturing a number of things in Sparkie 2’s yard–mud trailers; manure wagons; cisterns, septic tanks, and the Ilk . . .
Wonder if Sparkie 2 lived next to a rental yard that supplies port-o-lets . . .
“She’s just a girl who cain’t say ‘No'”
Sorry, Ms. Merman…
“I’m in a turrible fix… There’s a snake in my loo and I’ve gotta go…”
That would be the crappiest version of “Oklahoma!” ever produced.
*sits in corner and whistles “Surrey With the Fringe on Plop”*
I mean no disrespect to my elders, Grampdaddy, but “I Cain’t Say No” is from Oklahoma! It was sung by Ado Annie though.
Dear Ms. MandaB,
Why of course, you are correct! I humbly beg your forgiveness for my error. I have no idea from whence “Annie Get Your Gun” came. And, we certainly remember the other song that seems so appropriate:
Poor Jud is dead,
There’s a candle in the head.
It’s there so that the snake ain’t in the dark.
It started as a joke, till Jud went up in smoke,
and left us all here just a writin’ snark.
*Just loved that in ‘Madame Butterfly”*
+ elebenty adores for Ms. MandaB!!
*snaps gum and twirls hair* Capn, do you know how, like, small a girl’s, like, bladder is? We have to pee,like, constantly. If the port-o-potty was, like, shiny and pink and stuff it would be so totally perfect. Snake skin would be cool, but live snake is totally icky! *blink blink*
They refer to it as “hamster bladder”, which I suspect the snake overheard and mistook as meaning something entirely different. Hence his taking up residence in said port-o-let. What a shocking disappointment that must have been for him.
Umm – that would be “Annie Get Your Gun”…..
Sorry, Janie’s borrowing it.
Well, yes, I am aware that, on average, the female bladder is 1/5 to 1/2 the size of the male bladder.
I have made the drive from Brazos to Dallas County stopping at every non-icky DQ for potty and to-go Diet DP on each of the possible routes. Twice.
But, this is TExas, it’s not really a drive until after the second hour. Not a long drive until about four hours’ worth at that.
Cripes! Get a cat you freak!
Oops, Just occured to me, you pose the critical question of Sparky 1.
What did they use to catch the “adult” mice? That cannot catch hoppers (which we are informed are a size, not a container or actor)?
Terrier? Monitor lizard? Barn Owl? Mongoose? Merekat? Civit?
Just what was used that a king snake would be best to be the clean-up batter?
Corey-style guess: mousetraps or maybe rat traps. Some mice are too small to set ’em off.
Still, mice are persistent. They can get in through some very small apetures. Guessing here that they either have the original ‘protection’ still in place, or ought to.
So, which traps/methods are only (loaner) snake compatible versus other loanable ways?
Makes me wonder if these folk just can’t find an affordable rehoming fee for a snake.
.357 Magnum?? Yup, that’ll make them little suckers hop….
I like my Mossberg 410. Works on mice, rats, snakes, gophers and, um, larger vermin should the need arise.
Egads! What happened to my eyebrows???
Gee, Archie, you do look different!
What I am wondering is what they will send in to eat the kingsnake after all the mice are gone.
Or maybe they’re hoping it’ll just crawl into the sofa and starve to death?
I knew and old lady with mice in her wash,
She threw in a snake to have a nice nosh,
Then came the dog to eat the snake, which gave him a serious belly ache,
She hired a bear to eat the dog,
who then hibernated and slept like a log,
She went to the zoo and found a not.a.lion…
…alas at her funereal her family was cryin’
Beautiful. +50 adores.
There’s a wonderful episode of the highly underappreciated Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip that deals precisely with this issue. They lose a viper under the stage, which then results in sending in a mongoose, then a fox. None of them come out of the vent and they end up having to tear the stage up just before the show goes live.
Okay, I’m wondering one other thing: what kind of gift is a Port-O-Potty?
I’m thinking babay shower. Or maybe Sweet Sixteen.
Thank you for a wonderful first date?
Bereavement?
In lieu of flowers, please send Port-O-Lets, Johnnycans, etc., to…
Maybe she’s a hillbilly, and it was a
housetrailer-warming gift?@ Isaac: It makes a wonderful birthday gift for a 50+ year-old husband who has the humor of a 13 year-old boy residing just below the surface! I work for a sanitary company and bought one of the old units they no longer used. Had the boys steam clean it inside and out, and then I painted it: camo on the outside and a golden “throne” on the inside. No one is allowed to use it (flowers are in the tank) but it is quite the conversation piece out in the back acreage. One of a kind! You can see why Mr. Eyebrows feels very blessed, no?
Arched – you are TRULY a one-of-a-kind, special person!
I agree with Grampdaddy. Mr. Eyebrow sounds like a lucky guy, woth a sense of humor of course 🙂
Get Well Soon?
*subsequent edit: This was supposed to be up with Isaac’s ‘Bereavement’ comment*
It actually was a lovely first date, Windy. I’d like you all to read about it. I’ve put what you’re looking for in the address list on the secret group at the other site.
Redneck anniversary gifts:
First=6 pack
Second=aluminum foil
Third=KFC 3 piece meal
Fourth=Port-A-Potty
Fifth=toilet seat
Sixth=start over at first
That is a really crappy thing to say – just think how the snake must feel.
Valentine’s Day?
“Oh honey, it’s wonderful! Now me and the young’ns don’t gotta go behind the tree no mores. And it comes with a snake? I know someone who’s gettin’ a special dinner!”
Buddy of mine, who had moved off to DFW for gainful employ, still had his place down near the Brazos river. Now, as places towed behind a truck went, it was not a bad single-wide.
His bride-to-be did not quite see it that way, being of much more genteel and refined demeanor.
Since we would have an annual crawfish and 42 gig out there, it wound up working well to have a port-o-let brought out. The distaff found this a great luxury in fact. Which let the rest of us concentrate on cerveza, crustaceans and the like (much abetting by the neighbors, who would smoke briskets and sausage and the like, too). Ah, t’were the days.
Damn, that sounds like high times. Please let the cerveza have been Shiner.
Well, it was whatever was in the kegerator, unless you brought your own. Preferably in cans, as the river folk are thrifty and recyle’em.
Bock gets a bit heavy, if you are gorging on mudbugs and Q in the sun; event predates hefeweis and blonde. Now, if Spoetzl would make an IPA . . .
Different kind of shower, methinks.
I can never remember when a plastic outdoor toilet thingy is an appropriate gift…where is Miss Manners when you need her?
Dear Abby,
I went to a rock concert the other night and met this really great guy. He said he knew the band and stuff, and if I stuck with him he’d give me a surprise. He was a real gentleman, and when I said I had to go potty he said he go with me so I wouldn’t get lost.
Well, when we got to the bathroom thingies, there weren’t any lights inside and I was scared cuz’ I’m just a girl. He volunteered to go in with me (just to keep me safe). That sounded OK to me – I mean ‘Safety First’ right? Once in the Port-A-Potty (it was really dark) he yelled “Look out for the snake!” and threw himself against me. I could feel it – snakes are yucky! I’ve called the guy every day for a week now, but he doesn’t call back…
Abby, why would a snake hide in a Port-A-Potty?
Signed,
Confused
10 sammiches says Windrose has to punch you for this tomorrow.
I think we all need to punch Windrose – I’d hate to have her feel left out since she is so generous with her punches.
Grampdaddy, you are too kind! But remember, not very long ago, I did have to punch myself! All’s fair in love and Don’t Suck boxes.
Astro, that’s a sucker bet, I’m thinking!
“Snakes are icky!” I wonder if her father was a professor of antiquities who also went hunting special items around the globe? “Why does it always have to be snakes?”
Also, Icky Snakes might be an interesting band name.
I’m trying to come up with a song title to go with that, but I’m stumped, think I need more coffee.
Their first hit was “Porn Inept,” off of their debut album Megan’s Just a Girl.
Followed by “I Just Keep Crawlin’ Back To Your ‘House”
“Is That a Snake, or Are Ya Just Happy To See Me?”
*that one popped to the top of the charts*
And the smash single, “Potty Mouth!”
Slip-sliding to your heart.
Icky Snakes
opening for
Plastic Thingie
mayhaps?
How you can tell that this pedant was actually raised in the sticks:
When I read,
I thought, “You mean, like a bush or a tree?”
**Gets the clorox wipes for his computer screen**
Great. And it was my milk with my breakfast, too.
Ah yes, the pee tree……..
I really don’t know what to say about that B, except ick.
So, tell me – If one is using the ‘Pee Tree’ as in the picture, is one exempt from public exposure laws? Is there a problem with sexual discrimination here or is there a female version – perhaps ceramic ‘groundcover’?
I was thinking more like the back row….
Why am I envisioning the combination of these two postings as a scene out of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”?
*pushes snake infested port-o-potty up to laundry room door, knocks, and runs away*
The mice peek out, discuss le cadeau, and push it inside – but not the girl mice as it is waaaaay too heavy for them.
Moments later, port-o-potty is launched back out of the laundry room, followed by now deceased snake tucked into magical ice green couch.
I don’t relish the notion of being taunted by mice.
Gives a whole new meaning to Your Mother was a hamster!
The mice used a Cat-a-pult you know.
Well, be glad you are not Arthur (Dent, that is), the mices wanted to saw open his head!
Suppose we build a giant wooden badger….
drmk has a double-0 agent groundhog we can borrow.
Megan’s note is one of the most thinly veiled, brazen attempts to secure an online lover that I’ve seen in some time.
And I say bravo.
Or the worse idea for a porno ever. Which is saying something.
“See, it’s like,I’m just a weak, helpless girl, and I need a big,strong man to lift this big…um,plastic toilet thingie? And there’s this snake? It’s inside? And he has to get it,and be, like, all manly and stuff? Then I like, faint when I see how big the snake is…”
“That’s enough. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”
Ad for “Hybrid Reptile Cages” – Nah, I think I’ll just use the potty.
*Imagines Transportation worker running down center median, pants at half-staff, dodging orange cones, screaming like a girl, “Snakes are Icky!!*
What the holy heck are “hopper size mice”? And why is the only thing I can picture a miniature silo filled with vermin?
When you buy feeder mice for reptiles, you have a choice of pinkies, fuzzies, or hoppers. This indicates the size and condition of your mice. My little bearded dragon would eat pinkies, but not fuzzies, they were too big for her. She would let the fuzzies sleep with her. Sigh.
Ok, that was the question I had earlier too.
And a railroad car full of the Dennises in mouse costume (cue MP sketch) was straining the caffiene quotient.
So the youngsters are callin’ it a ‘little bearded dragon’ now? Where in the heck is the proper respect for the old days, that’s what I wanta know!
Hey, some of us do know the proper way to accessorize an onion.
Wait!
What?!?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701151/quotes?qt0348826
Ah.
erm, thanks.
I think.
Actually I do think….I think I need far more coffee to cope in here today than I’ve had so far.
You guys: you will never guess who popped up while I was out mowing the lawn this morning…
oooh, maybe you should give #1 a call Isaac, who knows what you’ll
catchget in returnIsaac, is it wrong that I kind of want one of those after seeing your picture? It looks so friendly, even though I doubt it is!
I agree. He’s just so cuuuuuute! Garter snakes are pretty harmless anyway. Well, to humans, at least.
We have a groundhog in our backyard. We’ve named him Edgar T. Whistlepig. We got a bunch of pictures of him yesterday, eating the weeds in our backyard. We’re feeling much more favorable towards Edgar than we were previously.
I should also note that Edgar has outsmarted two different pest control companies who have tried to trap him. He’s figured out ways to eat the bait out of the traps without actually setting off the traps.
In our minds we picture Edgar with a top hat and monocle.
Where is SilvaNoir when we need her?!
I want to see it!
Here’s our yard monster in a bucket.
His name is Sir Burroughs Deeply Underwood
http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m174/sweetallysmom/meee039-1.jpg
I love that this particular comment thread is appearing on the day I get my very own hedgehog. He was rescued about 3 seconds away from being roadkill and brought to our rescue centre, and I fell in love with him, so he’s coming to live in my garden, possibly alongside a fellow rescue, a juvenile leopard tortoise named Don Juan.
I have swans and ducks in my yard 🙂
http://d.facdn.net/art/silvanoir/1147564811.silvanoir_meswan.jpg
(I live next to a pond)
drmk, we have one here, too. Ours is named Charles. I heard him whistle just the other day.
By “one,” I meant a whistlepig / woodchuck / groundhog / wochak.
And here is a picture of the fellow himself.
Aw, I feel so boring. The best we have in suburban North Carolina is Squirrels. And boy do we have squirrels. You see natural selection at work on the road all too frequently.
Squirrels?
i have them in my house, yo
http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m174/sweetallysmom/scanned.jpg
How cute!
At the rescue centre I volunteer at we rcently got in a corn snake, now named Hunter. He certainly loves his mousies, and he eats hoppers too. Maybe we could come to some sort of arrangement with these folks.
We’ve spent the last two weeks under home renovation and decided to tackle the yard as well so I’ve had my fill of snakes, lizards, mice, squirrels, fire ants, wasps and locusts. I did find a cute little snake hanging out in the bushes and took some pictures, but apparently he didn’t appreciate the privacy invasion and left.
Aww man, you guys all have cool and awesome garden-dwellers! My country has no snakes, no native mammals (except a super-cute bat which only lives waaaaay up North) and we can’t play with the imported hedgehogs or possums ‘cos they all have TB.
On the other hand, having read christina’s list of things-which-sound-deadly, I am happy that the only scary thing in my back garden is a stick insect. Srsly, it’s trying to kill me by getting in my clothes when they’re drying and then frightening me to death when I put them on…
Actually Jen, that was the mild list. We have yet to tackle the shed where the black widow and brown recluse spiders hang out. Other than that all we have is nusance wildlife including mosquitos, cockroaches (the big outdoor flying type that hurt when they hit your head), toads, vultures and the occassional tarantula.
I should probably mention that I’m in a city neighborhood, not the country.
Could be worse, I saw HHNF’s tree-rat pic and could only picture the cloud of fleas, gnats, ticks and the like that surround our mangy collection of scampering acorn excrement.
That, and the veterinary types are trying to determine if what is causing a form of distemper in the arboreal rodents is insect vectored or water vectored. Which may explain why the crows and turkey buzzards aren’t eating the roadkill.
“snakes are icky!”
Port-O-Lets, on the other hand… Delightful!
If you thought port-o-snakes and loveseat snakes were bad, I have news for you…
http://www.nwcn.com/news/washington/Suspect-in-Snohomish-area-stabbing-found-hiding-in-portable-toilet-92590364.html
Snohomish? That cannot be a real place.
Must be in Canada.
Washington state.That’s besides
Skykomish
Skokomish
Humptulips *yes, that’s what I said*
puyallup
Snoqualmie
Stillaguamish
Well, I have to say, although I come from a land where Little Whinging, Pratt’s Bottom and North Piddle are all real places, at least place names in the UK and Enzed look like real words (even our indigenous language, Maori, was rendered phonetically). I’m guessing most of those listed are Anglicisations of Native American words, but srsly? No wonder CL posters have so much difficulty with spelling!
Well, we have some that are confusing to visitors and locals alike.
Waxahachie — Walks ah HA chee
Mexia — meh HAY ah or meh HE ah
Bexar — bahr
Llano — lha NOH (not the spanish EE Ah No)
Nacogdoches — Nah KO doh Chez
Refugio — REE fur EE oh
Waco — WAY ko
New Branfels — which is NEu brahn FELS; except half the state adds an “s” in the middle, making BrahnZ FElz, which annoys the locals
Does a dead snake smell as bad as a dead mouse in the walls?
They just need to move the port-a-let down the street and let the mammals and reptiles get to know each other.
Port-o-love?
Just a girl?
Thanks for the shove against gender equality, Meg.
We depreciate it.
Not that her ability to speel or abhorrence of things “icky” is doing much for dashing stereotypes* either.
________
*Just had picture of Sparkle-meggers going “Stereo? No! I have this poddie-thingie, See!?”
Maybe she was quoting the No Doubt song? “Oh I’m just a girl, little old me, they won’t let me drive late at night… ohh, I’ve had it up to here…”
Then again, maybe not.
Ear worm!
I need to stop posting links.
I think I’ll post a link about it.
BWHAHAHAHA.
There was the one from Friday where an escapee was found neck-deep in an Indiana lequid-manure fertilizer tank. Which had to be a spiffy day for LE.
Yup, liquid pig-poo. You may want to refer back to my comment yesterday concerning the approach to educational excellence we are pursuing in my home state.
Well, the bright bulb in question was an escaped prisoner; a cohort I try not to associate with education administration.
I’ve kin around Miami Co who raise pigs, so, such things will catch my attention.
Which is amazing, since I watched a super-informative and hilarious dirty Jobs in which our operatic friend Mike Rowe paddled his way through a cow-poo lake and made cow-poo pots.
It’s a new trend!
Seems I’ve got my fingers in too many cow pies.
At a craft fair I went to in the 90’s they had moose sculptures for sale. Made out of dried moose poop.
Why ANYONE would want one for their garden, I don’t know (imagine when it rains).
But think of the lush green yard they would have!
Okay, I admit… I’d prefer a cement pond myself.
My zoo sells exotic animal manure for domestic gardens and to stop it smelling they bake and mold it into wee animal shapes which you bury, so when it gets wet it slowly crumbles and releases its poo-y goodness without your garden smelling like a herd of very frightened wildebeest, or students, has recently departed.
I especially like that they felt the need to add a caveat to the pack saying that they do not code the shapes by what animal it came from – i.e. lion shaped poo brickettes may be made from not.a.lion poo.
So, about to call it a night. Guess Mel isn’t going to come by again for her official Punchity Punch Punch. Rats. All that anticipation for nothing!
G’Night, Snohomish! *possible future residence of chthulhu and Windrose*
Milwaukee’s Finest to you, Aelousrosa!