YSaC, Vol. 625: Gee, Ricky, I’m really sorry your tutor blew up like that.
i will give free tutoring for date with
I will give free tutoring in regents math , science , history , english , tutor GED , do term essays , help hugely in college entrance exams , tutor college subjects tutor government for date or hanging out with girls 17 18 19 22 23 21 orany age im experienced high school with college tutor
Jeff sends this one in, saying, “Since he’s a high school, you’d think there’s plenty of girls for him to hang out with already. At first I thought 17 18 19 22 23 21 was his phone number since one of the area codes in NY is 718.”
And once again, I return to Better off Dead, where we get the classic line, “She dates the basketball team. Not certain members of the team, Lane, the whole team!” Now some lucky girl will get the chance to date an entire experienced high school! With a college tutor! (One more BoD quote — Charles de Mar: “I’ve been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I’m no dummy!”)
Ahem. Moving on, to a happier, less creepy place …
LOOKIN FOR A TUTOR “ASAP”
I AM LOOKING FOR A TUTOR THAT KNOW HOW TO DO HIGHSCHOOL HOMEWORK. I WILL PAY YOU WE CAN DISCUSS THAT AS WE CONTACT EACHOTHER. THIS IS HIGHSCHOOL HOMEWORK THAT JUST NEEDS TO BE DONE IN A BOOK AND THEN GIVIN BACK TO ME AND I PUT THE ANSWERES ON THE COMPUTER. IF YOU CAN HELP ME OUT THAT WOULD BE GREAT. PLEASE EMAIL ME ONLY IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS AND WILLIN TO MAKE SOME CASH.
Tutor. Right. Next thing you know he’ll be asking you to make a science fair project for him. Where does the madness end?
I’m also dealing with some cognitive dissonance, because I’m hearing “If you can help me out that would be great” in the voice of the boss from Office Space, but that’s being overrun by the ALL-CAPS SHOUTING! DO MY HOMEWORK FOR ME! PLEASE EMAIL ME ONLY IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING TO HELP ME CHEAT ON MY HOMEWORK! I NEED YOU TO COME IN ON SATURDAY TO DO MY HIGHSCHOOL HOMEWORK FOR ME. THAT WOULD BE GREAT!
Ow. Thanks, Rob & Julie.
Guy #1 obviously needs math help, since he thinks 21 comes after 23. And what does he have against 20-year-olds, anyway?
As for Guy #2, he’s not really in any hurry since he needs a tutor “ASAP” *wink wink, nudge nudge*
I don’t know. I’m rather relieved by the fact that guy #1 managed to leave out my age in that list. Saves me the awkwardness of explaining that as I could count from 17 to 23 correctly long before I reached high school, I have no need of his assistance.
“tutor government for date or hanging out with girls”
I’m guessing this is Bill Clinton???
Tutor government?
Ok, so maybe Sparky has seen the series on Showtime,
but, I’ll wager he does not know enough of the mechanics of feudal ministerium to even impress high-school aged chika. (That, and the beheading of ex-gf’s will put off even the less-aware.)
Translation of first ad:
(in Comic Book Guy voice) “I’m a creepy guy in my thirties with extremely poor personal hygiene who has never graduated high school and still lives in my parents’ basement surrounded by Tron posters and blacklights. I have watched too much pron I downloaded through various illegal means and now want to meet young girls, who will throw themselves at me in gratitude while cheesy music plays.
Must be able to wear this Catholic school girl uniform I “found” and hang out in my room while I play Farmville.”
Translation of second ad:
( in Stupid Jock voice) “the nerd I normally intimidate into doing my homework just graduated and since I would rather go out partying every weekend than deal with finding another geek, so I’ll give you twenty bucks and let you keep your teeth if you do it instead.”
I get the impression SJ, that you have had run-ins with both types……
And not in the “Happy Fun Time” way, either.
Right now, the ad at upper right is promising you a “recognized” high school diploma in seven days! For only $249! If I had the extra cash I would do it just to see if it’s possible. I don’t need it – I’ve got a college degree and two advanced degrees – but it might be kind of fun to go back and see how much I’ve forgotten in my decreptitude. WITHOUT the tutor in OP #1, because I’m too old for him (even if he does say “orany age,” and I’m Not.a.Cougar), and, more importantly, I don’t like predatory sketchmeisters.
+ Elebenty to drmk for the dual BoD and OS references. 🙂
Sparky’s got it all wrong. 17-23 is the age when males are orany*.
Females reach the peak of oranyness in their 30s.
*this makes sense if you assume Sparky has an exaggerated French accent.
I read orany age the first time as a willingness to entertain Indonesian simians, but, that wanders off into some murky areas, what with one of the most famous orangs being “Clyde” . . .
But, I have to admit, I’m also trying to undo a mental image of Clyde wearing a chain-of-office; or as Sir Thomas Moore.
I got one for math tutoring. Think they offer cat math? And, if so, will they take kibbles as payment?
In these tough economic times, there are no doubt desperate folks who will take Guy #2 up on this just to make a few bucks. Uhm, did anyone figure out where this ad was posted? Just, uhm, curious.
Shermer, IL. If you happen to be an awkward redhead with a talent for eye-rolling watch out, you’ll probably end up dating Mr. Varsity by the end of the movie…er…semester.
Hey, that sounds exactly like me! Redhead with eye-rolling talent, poor as crap and really rather needing money…I mean shit, this kid’s not going anywhere in life anyway, so if he’s willing to give me the money he makes dealing drugs to get a high school diploma, I’m cool with that.
Hey, I saw the ad first, Arallyn!
The eye-rolling redhead (Molly Ringwald) in Breakfast Club ended up dating the loser drop-out (Judd Nelson), not Mr Varsity (Emelio Estevez). But you are correct, Shermer, IL is where Breakfast Club was located
I think christina was talking about “The Breakfast Club II – You Want Some Cream in your Coffee?”, where Molly Ringwald ends up doing it with Emilio Estevez at the end of the semester. You may not have heard of it because it was XXX and went straight to video…
In all honesty, I was thinking about Dogma, when Jay’s talking about their failed attempt to find hot, easy women. But really, any John Hughes movie works here.
I’m sure someone will take poster #2 on it, but I doubt they’re the kind of people who would do well on that homework. The trick is to ask to be paid before hand, so they can’t pay you nothing if you get all the answers wrong.
“Go that way. Really fast. If something gets in your way; turn.”
**whistles “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” theme song quietly to himself.**
Oh no, it’s THE NUMBERS! Only instead of trapping you on a tropical island with a smoke monster and polar bears, these will trap you in highschool forever. Which, ultimately, is more frightening.
High school is defintely worse and more frightening. While I get unnerved slightly at the speed of the passage of time, every year that takes me further from high school is welcomed. I did have fun, at times, but mostly I wanted to be somewhere else and not miserable.
I have nightmares where I’m sent back to highschool. In the dreams, I scream at the teachers “No! I graduated college! I have a degree! I have a job! Why am I back here?!” but they won’t listen to me. Then they send me to math class to take a test.
*shudders*
And then… It’s CAT MATH… buh buh buuhhhhh!!!
Is that the same one where you show up for the SATs wearing only a pair of mismatched socks?
(awkward pause)
…’Cause I’ve never had that one.
(crickets chirp)
What?
Yeah, it sometimes gets combined with disappearing clothes. “I swore I put on pants this morning! Where did they go ?!”
Oh, dreams…
(speaking of Cat Math, I have that picture almost done)
I had a worse dream..that I was sent back to kindergarten!
I recently had a class reunion. 250 people.
Only five people recognized me.
Of course, I went all in on telling everyone I was Vincent Spano.
That wasn’t the tractor-beam of lovin’ that I had thought it would be.
Yours in Love,
Denny DelVecchio
Tutor #1 must be an excellent tutor, because he knows what order numbers go in, and that one should always put a space before the comma. Sadly, he seems to have lost his apostrophe key; but he’s still better off than “my caps lock is stuck” fellow #2.
In fact, #1 is so good with numbers, I bet he can tutor you in catmath. (17, 18, 19, 22, 23, 21 are, as we all know, the prime numbers in catmath*)
*or something
Ah ha! Thanks, thecarie, now I can figure out the secret message I’ve been receiving from the neighbors cat every night.
Let’s see…prime numbers divided by Fancy Feast…carry the bacon…MY GOD! It’s plans! Plans to build a machine! I’m sure this is perfectly safe…
Catmath solves everything! At first I was thinking “Why is he not wanting 20-year-olds? I will get irrationally angry about this, even though I am not 20!” But now that I see that it’s a code in catmath, it all makes sense!
17, 18, 19, 22, 23, 21 are all also the possible weight of my cat, in pounds, but he won’t sit still on the scale.
He’s a big kitty.
Special Agent Steve-O reporting for duty from Muscle Shoals, Alabama. I have journeyed diagonally across this great country looking for the symmetric-key algorithm for our catulators. No luck yet, so “Yes, we have no bananas,” and “spinach toothpaste” will have to continue to be the answers. Steve-O out.
Steve-O, whatever you do, don’t lose the decoder ring!
Di-yag-onally, eh?
Pretty sneaky,sis…er…bro.
Score (Four) christina!
17 18 19 22 23 21 is his locker combination. Someone go let him out.
That reminds me of the elegant, nuanced coming of age film “My Tutor.”
I recall my first viewing of said film involving some combination of sneakiness, 3:00 AM, Cinemax and pure wonderment.
The 80s were a supple mistress.
Yours in Love,
Denny DelVecchio
Okay, so my theory about leaving out girls who are exactly twenty is as follows: they aren’t teenagers any more, so he can’t brag to all his online friends that he’s got a hot teenage girlfriend. But they aren’t old enough to buy and bring him alcohol, which his mother (in whose basement he resides) forbids him to have. In other words, they’re useless.
God, I have never been so glad to be 20.
I’m here for the title love. I used “Gee, sorry your mom blew up, Ricky” as my phrase for the Necco Heart generator back on V-Day.
I love you, YSAC.
Now I’m leaving to go eat Vietnamese food. Laters.
Mmmm, Spring rolls! Always minty.
Silva Noir, I should have taken the advice from yesterday and just punched you then. Seeing as how you add so much to our community here at YSaC, I will punch you as gently as possible. punchity punch punch.
Hehe, thanks.
Here is the CatMath design finished:
http://silvanoir.deviantart.com/art/Cat-Math-159441727
click on download (the little orange box on the left of the picture) to see its full size.
+elebentymillion
Oh. My. God. That’s FANTASTIC!!! Silva, will you let me put that on shirts/mugs? And will you PLEASE let me give you something in exchange for the beautiful work you’ve done for the site??
Well I put right in the artist comment on devart “t-shirt/mug design for YSaC,” so yes 🙂
I don’t have a paypal account right now, so I’ll have to figure something out. ^_^;
Ah, I see that now! I didn’t want to make any assumptions.
I have no words. This is so adorable and so well-done, and you are so talented and generous. A heartfelt thank you is the best I can do.
That is awesome and cute (in a kitty cat way).
That is so cool. Looks like it’s out of a 1900 Sears catalog. (I leaned in to read the text in the book, and did the snort-beer-on-the-keyboard thing.)
Silva is da bomb.
If you click the download version, it’s much bigger and easier to read. Here, I’ll just post the link:
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/093/1/d/Cat_Math_by_silvanoir.png
And if anyone wants to get that old timey effect: color a drawing regularly (or use a photo). Make a new layer in photoshop (or comparable program). The type of layer you want is “difference”. Have it at a low opacity, no more than 30%. Then color blue (with the paintbrush or floodfill). The blue in the difference layer actually turns everything a bit yellowed, giving it an aged look.
Th nks, Silv , but it’s w y too l te for my keybo rd now… why didn’t I downlo d it nd m ke it bigger, inste d of le ning in with th t mouthful of Coron ?? D mn.
Thanks for all of your hard work. It is beautiful, hilarious, and classy. I’m going to need one to hang in my home.
OMG Want.A.Tshirt!
I have to drag out the laptop later to get a better look at that book.
Silva, you are so brilliant!
[wistful voice] Black t-shirt? [/wistful voice]
Holy blankity-blank!
It’s…it’s… it’s BEAUTIFUL!
I love it!
Yes! + a Brazilian! Lovely work SN………
I wasn’t trying to make them any particular breed of kitty… just wanted one to be fluffy, and one to be a shorthair.
But glad you like.
I like how on the Catbacus, one of the rungs is wavy. It’s a nice touch.
I considered putting lots of odd things on the catbacus instead of regular beads, but decided that would be too much work, and instead made one of the rungs wonky (there has to be some way to make their calculations not add up).
The numbers on the catculator are out of order as well. One of the buttons is a slice of pie with the pi symbol on it.
And on the book, the “much more, too many to list”. It’s a meme inside a meme!
It’s a meme wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a snarkopus!
I think Graham ran out of duct tape on that one!
Damn you auto-post-bot!
Graham’s duct-taping fake tutors ?
To 21-year-olds?
Shh! Don’t tell HHNF!
I wouldn’t dream of it.
http://xkcd.com/719/ FTW