YSaC, Vol. 602: I ain’t (a) lyin’.
Not much is wrong with this ad, except for one important thing, which I’ve bolded:
High end childrens zoo animal decor bedroom or playroom – $400
I am asking $400 or best offer for all of these beautiful zoo animal accessories for a childrens bedroom or playroom. [blah blah blah] A large stuffed leopard. A lion rug, a zebra shelf … [blah blah blah]
Somewhat impressively, this person managed to correctly identify a leopard AND spell it correctly … and then ran afoul of the Not.A.Lion rule. But of course, they’re not alone …
Collectible Lion Heads – $10
For Sale
Two Lion Heads
$10 Each
That’s right, boys and girls! Collectible Lion Heads! Collect all two! Swap them with your friends! Collectible Lion Heads are your friends! You’ll have hours of fun while Collectible Lion Heads stare at you with that creepy glassy stare that makes you wonder if they’re going to come alive and kill you in your sleep! Do not taunt Collectible Lion Heads! Wear appropriate clothing when playing with Collectible Lion Heads! Collectible Lion Heads, Inc. is not responsible for any death or dismemberment that comes as a result of playing with Collectible Lion Heads. Offer void in Canada and anywhere else.
Thanks for the submissions, Liz!
It looks like someone shot that poor child’s favorite stuffed animal and then decided to mount the skin.
Maybe that’s why they’re getting rid of it – it’s giving the kids nightmares.
Dad told you what he was going to do if you didn’t shut up and go to bed. You brought it on yourself, Calvin.
Alas, poor Hobbes, I knew him well.
Daddy wasn’t lying when he claimed to have a steamroller hidden in the garage.
You mean he wasn’t LION, don’t you???
For some reason my comments keep getting eaten.
http://www.noob.us/humor/robot-chicken-calvin-and-hobbes-the-untold-story/
Hobbes does get his revenge though.
Maybe Dad just got tired of the Bad Dad protests…..
Hobbes does get his revenge, though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrSQHw6ZvQc
Alas, poor Hobbes, I knew him well.
“Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.
Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment,that were wont to set the table on a roar?” (H5:1)
Surely this is not cheese, nor plush, nor polythene foam my digits raise from thy revealed fundament?
What vile rath hath raised in Ire to fire thee ceramic, once the evervescent, ever-changing Hobbes, zenith of Not.A.Lions ambulant in portfolio-league Bootes . . .
Ooh, I want the Not. A. Lion heads. Can I serve chips and dip out of them, or is that strictly the Not. A. Lionel head’s job?
I’m totally buying those and giving them Cream Cheese afros. Think of the party I could have!
When Craigslist gives you Not.A.Lion heads, what do you do???
If you’re Taco, you make a fucking mess.
*checking encyclopedia, wikipedia, ZooBabies, YSaC t-shirts* Seriously, this is a classic example of Urban Legend becoming Fact.
Clearly Timmy got a hold of the leopard and pulled all the stuffing out of it, rendering it into the sad shape you see here before you.
The Not.A.Lion rug was left out of this picture, as were many other items…too many to list.
Playing with Collectible Lion Heads may cause temporary blindness, tremors, and anal leakage.
Also apparently hallucinations.
Now has the Happy Fun Ball sketch stuck in his head. *goes off to get a better earworm stuck in his head*
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/happy_fun_ball/229058/
hehe “Do not taunt the happy fun ball” is officially one of my family’s memes. (Can a family have a meme?)
Ooo family meme’s… my family has ‘It’s Sam’s birthday’. The meme for clueless moments. Poor sister-in-law still gets horribly embarrassed whenever that meme is dragged out… which is every family get-together.
In my family the inexplicable was always assigned to “Fred.”
Fred recieved equal amounts of credit and blame.
There are days I wish I were Fred.
Ours usually involve my dad.
The longest running one involves my dad pointing to something over your shoulder and saying, “Look, a hot air balloon!” You turn to look and he thumps you in the throat. While I learned not to look where Dad pointed pretty quickly, my sister still gets “got” on occasion.(Most memorably she was inside, nowhere near a window, and it was night. I’d crawl through razor wire for her but she’s not the sharpest tack on the bulletin board, bless her heart) We now use “Look, a hot air balloon!” to express our disbelief in something.(And its usually something Dad is saying. He likes to spin yarns.)
My family’s involves a relative who lies about everything. We have gotten to the point where we add ridiculous things to his stories while he’s telling them, and he totally goes along with it. our favorite is, ‘and then a saber-tooth tiger came…’ from a story in which he supposedly outran a bear. While he was visiting us. In Uganda. Besides the fact that it’s more likely to happen here in Washington, the fact that my brother threw in the phrase, ‘and then a saber-tooth tiger came’, and he totally ran with it. Yeah, Micah saw the saber-tooth tiger, too! Wait, it wasn’t saber-toothed, but it was a tiger. And it scared the bear off my trail, but then I had the tiger to deal with.
I wish I were making this up.
I think our family while we are growing up is one of the first places we experience memes.
They’re called “inside jokes” in the real world, guys.
What is this “real world” you speak of?
What else is in that group of zoo animals that would lead someone to think that $400 is a reasonable price for all of it? Seriously, not. a. bargain.
The stuffed leopard (which, given the posters zoological knowledge, is probably actually a cheetah or jaguar), in contrast to the rug, is real?
Not. a. jaguar. Probably just a Saab.
Or a Mercury. Cougar.
would lead someone to think that $400 is a reasonable price for all of it?
Gee, for much less than $400, from my buddy Gary Olen
http://www.sportsmansguide.com/search/search.asp?c=22&k=plush&a=search
HHNF: Now I have to get the Alan Jackson cover of Buy Me a Mercury out of my head . . .
And will probably take either Bartòk Concerto for Orchestra or Cross Canadian Ragweed Live at the Wormy Dog, hopefully not both.
Well, drmk did cut some of it out.
Maybe among the list were things like: “Golden sculpture of an emu, authentic unicorn horn, jade monkey…” much more, too many to list.
I think she just left out the things she was planning on buying for herself.
::one eyebrow raise:: Well, drmk??? Hmmmm??? What IS it you denied us the opportunity of purchasing, so that you yourself could hoarde it? A gilded portrait of an alpaca? Does the emu know?
The golden emu sculpture is all mine!!
That, and the cheap curtains and matching wallpaper border. No, really.
OOOOHHHHH, I WANT LEOPARD WALLPAPER BORDER!!! It’ll go with my bright pink walls, black lace curtains, and numerous candles with scents like “Musk Intoxication” and “Vanilla Seduction”. Also…cherub sculptures.
I go for class in my decor. Class all the way.
Ah, the always lovely Early American Bordello look.
As my friend says, Meredith, “Klassy, with a ‘K’.”
The worst part is…I describing a home of someone I’m slightly aquainted with. Makeup artists are not always known for our reserved sense of style.
Early American Bordello is one idea; I was thinking more like Retro Burlesque Venue or even just Stripperina Style.
Is that like Krab with a “k”?
Meredith, you just described one of my former roommate’s bedrooms. All you forgot was the decor-matching bottles of Exclamat!on and Debbie Gibson’s Electric Youth perfume. Granted, this was the early 90s and my room had a black and red ‘Ode to Dracula’ motif. Gee,I wonder why we didn’t get on better?
“Musk Intoxication” sounds like the kind of thing you might find in pride of place on the counter in a ‘Deliverance’-themed cosmetic store.
“Musk Intoxication” would also double as hunter scent as well as an alluring perfume, in that setting.
Wait, did I misread the marquis? Isn’t Musk Intoxication opening for Zoo Animal Accessories at the 40Watt tonite?
Musk intoxication? I know elk urine when I smell it! You aren’t going to fool me.
For the second ad, I keep thinking “Sigfried and Roy must be downsizing their household.”
If they don’t sell on here, they can always donate them to the Museum De Fingerhut in beautiful downtown Waldorf, Maryland!*
*May or may not actually exist. The museum, not Waldorf, md. That place is real. And scary.
…………Do they offer internships?
As a matter of fact, they do! You just need to show up at the *Dollar Lion on Main & 9th Street. They’ll hook you right up!
*This place also exists. Can’t believe I forgot about a giant wharehouse sized **dollar store called Dollar Lion until now.
**Many things are not an actual dollar. The name simply means you may pay for the items WITH dollars. This was the actual explanation given by an employee.
aka Dollar.Not.a.Tiger?
This is vaguely related so I’ll bring it up.
I was in the dollar store the other day and found a little bag with four rubber duckies in it; an elephant, a zebra, a Not.A.Tiger, and a Not.A.Lion. It is so freakin’ cute! Looks just like this –
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=9547253
but without the melt-and-pour soap around it.
sarajean:
wouldn’t those be four Not. A. Rubber. Duckies?
Holy-Island-of-Dr.-Moreau, Batman!!!
They still look a bit like duckies, they have the beaks and wings, but there are added features. They’re like mutant duckies.
Some of my college classmates were from Waldorf. They would agree with your assessment.
Thirded on the Waldorf assessment. I always wondered if that was where the eponymous salad came from.
But if you go ‘cross the pond to Maryland’s Eastern Shore, there are some places there that make Waldorf look civilized.
*cues banjo music*
[corey]I think the salad comes from the Waldorf Astoria hotel.[/corey]
Corey credit, sarajean. You can still get it there, too. (I work about 5 blocks away, and have eaten there, but not the salad.)
Irregular Fractal: my parents have a house in Ocean Pines, but we’ve spent some time driving around middle-of-nowhere Eastern Shore towns trying to get places. There are some cute little towns (Berlin is adorable, and some of Tuck Everlasting was filmed there), but there are also some that you wouldn’t want to visit even long enough to buy gas.
I played many a gig in Ocean Pines back in the late 90s with the Mid-Atlantic Symphony. Lovely little community. Berlin is fantastic as well (played a few shows there) – I was on the set of Runaway Bride when they filmed it there. I love Easton and St. Michaels and would go back often were I closer – but the drive across the peninsula towards Dover and the like? Scary.
Eek, “waldorf salad” triggers the Fawlty Towers sketch . . .
http://www.fawltysite.net/waldorf-salad.htm
Would an unstuffed Boa be a zoo accessory?
Congratulations! You’ve just earned the “You’ve Been Coreyed” badge on You Suck at Craigslist!
Wow, I didn’t realize there were locals to me on here. I’m up in Glen Burnie, md, right now, but lived on the Eastern Shore, the, West Shore, I guess (1 mile from the bay bridge, and I grew up in Calvert County in southern maryland. Where are you currently, Irregular?
Mer, I’m currently in the wilds of mid-Michigan, but I lived in Glen Burnie for 3 years ’99-02, most of it in the Cromwell Fountain neighborhood. Lived in Easton 3 years before that. We’ll have to have a Maryland YSaC meet-up next time I’m down Balmer way…
That one on the right is a great example of the very rare Albinot. A. Lion.
What I can’t understand is why they mounted both of those Collectible Lion Heads on a stack of pancakes.
*please pass the Mrs. Butterworths*
(feel free to equally interpret this as a L B Sambo reference—RACIST!!!)
Is that what that is? I thought it was really, really sturdy bobblehead springs …
hehe…bobblehead not. a. lions…..
they’d be perfectly awesome if they were bobbleheads inside of snow globes.
I had no idea how complicated it was to shop for kids. I’ve been buying my nieces cute hats and kiddy sunglasses and classic kids’ books for their mums to read to them. How was I supposed to know that kids need the heads of giant feline predators mounted on hunks of fake wood to stare at them dead-eyed while they play with their other actual toys?
Bobbleheads inside of snow globes? Mudsy, I think my brain’s tchotchke-cortex just exploded. That is tack-tastic.
You just can’t bobble them too vigorously or, well, you know…….so much for the snow globe.
It builds hand-eye coordination (for playing checkers!), character, discipline, moderation and humility.
Those swirly bits look like the fatwood knot my mom uses to prop open the laundry room door.
Either that or cow pies.
If I saw a cow leaving pies like that, I would check it’s feed.
Cattle feed should not be 50% Not.A.Lion, it’ll give them hairballs.
Woah. As soon as Torza heard snowgloabe bobbleheads, Torza got seasick!
I’m back on mornings at work, can ya tell?
How early? You seem … well caffeinated. (Not.a.criticism, as it’s a state I often wish to achieve.)
Yep. I’m natually a morning persona anyway, so the earlier I’m up, the more chipper I start out. It’s some weird carryover from being a kid, when you got up for trips and knew you weren’t really “supposed” to be up that early, but were anyway. My body kicks out far more adrenaline then I need. You should see me if I need to get up at 3. WHOOOO!!!
Also, hazelnut latte. Since I don’t usually do caffeine and am on day 3 of the coffee binge, I’ll probably be detoxing all day tomorrow. Bring on the caffeine hangover!!!
The only thing I could think to do with those Not.A.Lion heads would be to put funny hats on them.
oooohhh, I still have a tiny straw hat with ribbons and feathers!!! It would look AHmazing!
What? I REALLY liked Colonial Williamsburg growing up.
We clearly had very different childhoods….
Homeschooling + Colonial Williamsburg + No regular tv for 5 years = Fan-freakin-tastic imagination and above average social skills.
Also, lot’s of ways to make people think I’m one of those “weird homeschooled kids”.
Hooray for homeschooling!
Actually I get that a lot too, since I grew up outside the US.
You’re telling me.
Enough already! Admit defeat! We’ve lost! Those are lions! They’re all lions! Repeat after me, “Those big stripey giant cat-like animals are lions! Lions, lions, LIONS!”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Coming soon to Bianchi Brain Reprogramming: “Cat Math: Free – 1 = $80”
No! Never surrender! In fact, I’m planning on having a gravestone with a tiger on it. Even before my name will be “Not.a.Lion.Dammit!” and an arrow pointing in the appropriate direction.
I have to confess that the brainwashing already took for me. I was looking at tiny stuffed animals at the store with my daughter the other day, and I called a tiger a lion. I never understood how people could get them confused, and then I went and made the same mistake. Craigslist is ruining my language skills.
Exagerated Sigh.Should Torza get the holy Brainbleach and recite the Ysac prayer?
Yes. Yes, you should, Tora-Torza.
There… are… FOUR… Not.A.Lions!
I spot a ST:TNG reference. Right ^ there.
Spot? Curse me for agreeing to watch her while Data was away, that bloodthirsty feline.
(And with bloodthirsty felines, we’ve wrapped right back to the start of the comments.)
Kzin, perhaps? Bipedal, spacefaring, more than 2m tall, striped felinids? All Larry Niven’s fault if so.
Wow, I was thinking of that scene when I wrote my post, but thought it would be too obscure a reference. Silly me. So many geeks around here…
More like Seven of Nine than Spot or Kzin or whatever M’ress was. After all, Jeri Ryan did wear the catsuit on ST:Voyager….
…And the geek in me will point out that Spot at one point was male, and somehow switched genders. As well as switched breeds.
I will also admit that the geek in me, as part of my writing career, actually interviewed the trainers for Spot, as well as got to see Spot (or at least, one of the characters that played Spot) at a local cat show. It’s one of the highlights of my journalism career.
I’m just happy someone caught the reference. I walk around shouting that all the time in various contexts and most of the time, people look at me like I’ve lost what little I had to begin with.
On the Craigslist, the mighty Craigslist,
The not.a.lion sleeps tonight.
In the bedroom, the children’s bedroom,
The not.a.lion sleeps tonight.*
* Apologies if someone else has already done this one on another thread.
I feel sorry for the first poster – having high-end children is a curse. It’s not just the whispers from passersby, the stares and the finger-pointing… it’s also hell trying to find pants to fit them.
The bargain basement ones are no better, you play with them a couple of times and they just fall apart.
Well, that rug *is* lion’ on the floor… (You can tell – clearly, it’s not an aerial rug.)
I think the aerial rug may have been listed by my future mother in law. When my partner saw that post, he thought both the vaguely attractive floral rug and the aerial rug looked familiar.
Jumping right into the fray:
I am seriously thinking I want that Not.A.Lion rug. It would make a great behavioral modification tool for my cats. “Quit sitting on my head while I’m sleeping or you’re permanently on the floor!”
But, I’m betting it won’t do any good. I’ll probably still get the stares of boredom and sneaky ’round the corner attacks. Maybe one of the Not.A.Lion heads would get the message across, and at a fabulous price of $10.. whoohoo.
Oh, by the way — Hey ya’ll. I felt so much at home here, I just jumped right in. 🙂 It appears the water is nice, and not too deep. And I’m seriously contemplating a mug, it’ll look great next to my TEAM achievement plaque. That is all, carry on.
Welcome!
Yay! Hi LimeLolly!
It is so a lion rug. What do you call the stripes on the animal? That’s write, their lions. I shore hope the zebra shelf has draws to put my stuffs in….
It’d be perfect if it were part of an french prudential amore, wouldn’t it?
If it’s French, like a fry
And it’s in the prudential style
That’s amore….
Here’s what I can’t figure out. Everyone I know got the lion/tiger thing when they were doing: “L is for lion”, “T is for tiger” in those stupid alphabet books. Why have so many people lost it since then? Is it one of those use-it-or-lose-it things?
Being able to think, speak, write and spell (coherently) are all matters of use it or lose it. And like so many others we get to snark at here, these people have obviously lost the plot. Sigh.
If the population of the US is 308M, then there are probably 30M who cannot read this post. A survey in 1993 found that 40% (or 123M) would be unable to calculate a tip in a restaurant, find an intersection on a street map, or understand the main point of a news article.
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then you must recognize that half of them are even stupider.
Was waiting for an interview and was exposed to a conversation from the other side of cubicle partition. One oxygenthief was lamenting to the other that calling an average “mean” was, well, not-nice!
*snicker*
That survey depresses me, given that 123 million idiots alone is several times the entire population of my country… 🙁
Once, I said to an acquaintance, “Half of all Americans are of sub-median intelligence.”
He responded, “Sometimes I think it’s at least that many.”
Because in my school, it was “L as in should, T as in castle”.
“L” is for “lazy”.
“T” is for “thick-headed”.
Hey! I resemble that remark! It’s “motivationally challenged” and “differently-opinioned,” thank you very much. 😉
Okay people. Let’s all be brave and just say it. Say the “T” word!
Ttttrrrriiipppping…
Here’s a great idea: let’s attach a large stuffed head to something that people put in the middle of the floor to walk on.
“Looks like junior split open his head on the fireplace hearth again, honey. Wish we could figure out how to prevent him from doing that.”
What’s the address of this zoo that has childrens’ bedrooms? Why didn’t I know about it when mine were growing up? I could have sent them there – one way tickets only,obviously.
Mom always said we belonged in a zoo…
My siblings and I were apparently born in a barn.
We were raised by wolves.
Remus, is that you?
…It’s me, Margaret. (OK, now I have this bizarre idea of Judy Blume writing a Star Trek episode – because Remus’ twin was, obviously, Romulus. All we need now is for J J Abrams to make such a movie – the ultimate Star Trek reboot.)
Well, for snark, we’d have to pester Harlan Ellison out of retirement into the tall grass again.
Might be easier to go rattle Jim Baen’s cages and see which of the Baen Barflies tumble out.
Ouch, mave hve sprained my nerd there–mental image of Star Trek authored up by Dave Drake, Steve White, John Ringo & David Webber in tag-team episodes. End result might be more like Firefly (the tv series, not SJ’s cat) than any berman ST has. Irk, may need a splint and medicinal applications of distilled potation, as the Barflies might could get it done all as fanfic in real time
Thae Cap’n, haes gone! Faded in’ta interdinsional flux ane gane awry
Yay to CapnMacky for the Harlan Ellison reference!!!!
Kind of reminds me of that Bradbury story… The Veldt? All I remember is that the dad ended up getting eaten by a virtual lion, or something.
I loved that story in jr high. I thought that both of the parents were eaten or otherwise disposed of, or at least that was my understanding.
Maybe. I read it in 6th grade, and never again since. I’m sure a quick internet search would yield answers, but I’m still sick, and oh so lazy….
the virtual lions became real I think … Loved that story.
I just adore these Not.A.Lion. posts! I can’t believe so many people on CL make a mistake any kindergartner could spot!
tiger. lyon. whatever, just some big cat, right? dumbasses.
Maybe it’s just because I wasn’t that demented as a child but does anyone else find the concept of skinned Not.a.Lions and decapitated Not.a.Lion heads rather odd decor for a child’s bedroom? Such disturbing articles have more appropriate homes. (On playground equipment, for example.)
I was a big Winnie the Pooh fan as a kid, so having what looks like road-kill Tigger in my bed room would have been upsetting!
Miki, badda-boom, badda-bing! Or however it goes. Anyway, punchity punch punch! Congratulations on Don’t Sucking! Maybe your professors will give you extra Corey Cred for this honor?
How can this BE??? Did no one else watch Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom?? How can they be unable to identify a TIGER? How can this be a meme? I think all of these should be tagged “humanity is doomed” because really, if you can’t identify a TIGER, you deserve to be ET! (sic!)
Well, it’s Friday AM and I can’t wait any longer for the new post to arrive. Somebody say something snarky in my honor. 8)
Bees be upon you, Windrose.
something snarky
Man…Windrose has absolutely no self-control mechanisms in place today.
Heads up: Beware the ides of March—they’re coming up!
Just call me Plutarch.
*hands you a fruit loopy bobblehead Toucan Sam snowglobe”
You want someone to do what in your where?
* re-reads Windrose’s post*
Ah. Never mind then.
Not.lions and not.collectible “collectibles” and shelves, oh my!
I would love to have the lion skin rug, I’m in a stripe mood today. I wonder how they spotted the leopard?
I’m guessing it involved a Sharpie.
Looks like Dr Moreau is having a yard sale again!
kelli, kelli, bo-belli, bonana fanna fo felli,
fee fy mo melli, kelli! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Marlin Perkins!