YSaC, Vol. 592: One fish, two fish, red fish, micro fish …
2010 March 1
Vintage Micro Fish Reader – $5
Vintage Micro Fish Reader. These were used to look up property, taxes and this sort of thing before computers. This one is in mint condition and would make a great conversation piece. $5
Sara: I don’t know about you, but i’m truly excited at the thought of conversing over people in olden days looking at tiny sea creatures.
drmk: What does it say about me that I really, REALLY want this??? I want to buy it and turn it into a fish tank.
Sara: Perhaps the best idea I’ve heard in a while! Just make sure you use smaller fish, LOL.
Thanks, Sara!
From there to here, from here to there, teeny Abe Vigoda is everywhere.
It took me forever, but I just got this (not caffeinated enough to click on the link). Awesomesauce.
Not only is everywhere, he’s not dead yet, either.
Abe Vigoda will forever be Fish to me.
This is of course forgetting Michael Fish, who is the penultimate Fish in my book… of fish.
Mostly because of how obscure a reference he is to anyone in the states.
[Hah, made you Google!]
Ah, and then there’s Stanley Fish, the literary critic. I once saw someone else quoting a Stanley Fish piece on Paradise Lost in a sentence that began, “According to Fish God does not…”
Putting a comma after Fish there probably would have been clearer, but it would have spoiled the apparent appeal to the authority of Dagon.
I’m sure you’ve all seen his recent Super Bowl commercial, but if not, here you go.
Wow, I guess I need a fish reader. To think that for all this time I never realized that those tiny fish even had words *on* them!
Words like “Property” and “Taxes.”
LOLOL.
The ones I see usually have words like “Darwin” and “IXOYE” on them. These fish can usually be seen on the backs of Volvos and PT Cruisers respectively.
In the tradition of McGuffey Readers, you can teach your school-aged fish to read overly difficult, culturally-expired nonsense.
So this would be a McGuppy reader?
So.. would McGuppy be taking a nibble out of crime then?
I’m nominating “Culturally-Expired Nonsense” as today’s band name.
Now at the 40 Watt, supporting their album School-Aged Fish.
{corey}
Microfiche, and its close cousin microfilm, have been around for years. They are valuable research and archive sources in libraries around the world. A microfiche is a 4 by 5 inch (10.2 by 15.2 cm) piece of photographic film, containing printed information in a size too small to be seen by the naked eye. Books, journals and magazines are often archived on microfiche. The advent of microfiche allowed libraries to carry printed resources they would otherwise never have the floor or storage space to hold.
{/corey}
That being said, I like my fish baked—never micro’d. I hate the soggy factor.
Regarding its selling points: It may be minty but I have to admit my conversations would never be so desperate as to need to involve this dust-collecting monstrosity.
I think you’re underestimating the conversational power of the microfiche machine, Dr. mudslicker. I used to keep one prominently displayed in my living room for when I had girls over. They’d be all, “ooh, a microfiche machine! Do you happen to have any old volumes of the LA Times on there?” And I’d be all, yeah, right here, lemme show you how to scroll through… You can imagine what happens next.
They look up obits from August in 1977 to prove that Elvis never died?
Not that this very thing has ever happened to me before.
Microfilm machines make me all dizzy….it’s a low-tech electronic roofy I tell you!
I can only imagine what would have happened next provided those girls could even read.
Ahh yeah…
I know how to talk dirty to a girl like you Mudslicker:
I pull out my Edison Cylinder, put it in the phonograph, and start spinning it; faster and faster until it begins emitting sound. Then, slowly, I begin to pull the cover off my typewriter, exposing every key one at a time. After I’ve bared my typewriter, I reach upwards and grip my stereocope, letting the 3d images fall upon your yearning eyes for only a fleeting, yet sensual moment. Sensing your growing excitment, I walk over to my daguerreotype camera, and in a flash, it’s over.
So, was it good for you?
It’s the noise; right, mudslicker? That whirring sound is like catnip.
Taco: I think that if steampunk pr0n did not yet exist, that you have just invented it.
Even I must bow to the might of Rule 34.
You had me at daguerreotype TMmM. I’m in virtual swoon now.
For some reason, whirring sounds always remind me of Stephen King sarajean.
Even after some of my infamous exchanges, I caught myself feeling very sketchy and awkward while reading Taco’s post. No wonder they call you SexyFingers.
Taco, that was hot.
It made me go all tingly.
Bacontini is vehemently opposed to such disgraceful filth being posted here by one such as you, so called TacomMmagic! It is offensive, derrogatory, entirely inappropriate, and exposes de fine ladies here to unseemly displays.
What’s more, Bacontini is outraged dat he not tink of it first. De nerve of stepping in on his territory. Bacontini protest most vigorously!
Bacontini needs to calm down.
Maybe you should make some tea.
I was just going to mention this.
[corey]
Fiche and film are still being created in archival settings; it’s because it is stable if properly stored, and doesn’t require sophisticated technology in order to access the information – all that is required is magnification and a light source. In that regard it is considered superior to digitization and so forthI used to give that speech regularly because I worked in a project that created it from newspapers that were disintegrating.
[/library-archives corey]
In fact, the job I have now has a film reader, for old copies of the NY Times, Wall St Journal, NY Law Journal, and other fun reading. Not all of this is yet online. Our conversations about this aren’t what this person may think, however; they’re usually along the lines of “Oh crap, I have to use that thing again.”
Thanks to being at an old Normal School for a University, we have an entire room full of microfiche machines, as well as a full archive of old newspapers and periodicals. We also have a lone microfiche reader in our archive, too. I’ve never actually seen anyone using the big room full of readers, but it fascinates me that it’s still there and we haven’t downsized it or anything.
I used to prefer using microfiche to online archives. I decided I should probably stop using it one day when I realized I was reading something that said “Made in West Germany” in the margins.
Wow this came in the nick of time for me. I was just about to pitch the last of my Micro-Fish Food, since Gargantua – the last of my micro-fish – died when someone forgot he was living inside the shot glass from Vegas and mixed him with a li’l tequila during a party last summer.
RIP Gargantua…*sniffle*….I really thought I was over this.
And…sigh…how old am I that I remember using microfiche on a regular basis at work??
CJ, about as old as I am. I even remember the in-house filming set-up for the in-coming paperwork.
At one point, early in my illustrious career, I was in charge of the telex machine for an international scale manufacturer. I picked up the ones to be sent and delivered the ones received to each department…by hand. Yep, them was the days.
There is something fichey about this ad.
There are still plenty of libraries storing periodicals, pamphlets, and other stuff on microfiche and microfilm. The New York Public Library has tons of the stuff.
So do we, although the paper I work for is increasingly using PDFs. We do have a microfiche reader in our bureau, although there is no one who is using it (and no one who cares to use it.) We also have clip files, actual articles about and arranged by various subjects.
But our PDFs only go back to late 2008. I dunno when microfiching stopped, but we also do have hardbound volumes of the paper.
OH Microfiche!! I was wondering what the heck they were trying to say! I’ve actually used one of these before for a school project. I was looking up land title records from the 1880s at the provincial archives building. That being said it would have been WAY more interesting if I could have done the project on micro fish instead.
How would you get the words on something so small? Would it be like writing on a grain of sand or rice? You could always use the micro fish reader to see what you have written, but how would you correct typos? Is there a special kind of white out for micro fish?
Micro white(out)fish. It’s a specialty in mini delicatessens.
I think there might be a species of cichlid or wrasse that specializes in eating the typos off of other fishes’ scales.
Throw the third switch.
Not the third switch?
Throw it, I say. Throw it!
Life.
Life, do you hear me?
Give my microfish reader life!
Another one of your horror novel themes? Killer Coelacanths From the Black Depths.
I love coelacanths. “Modern world, we are not extinct after all.” 8)
Yeah, screw you, superly-edumacated scientists!
It’s so much better for me that the natives of the area thought the scientists were a bunch of nutcases. ‘dude, you mean those fish we’ve been throwing away for years? The really oily, inedible ones that are just a common nuisance? Yeaahh…there’s this preposturous French scientist over there who’s making a big deal about them. What a dork.’
I know. I can just imagine the scientists’ letters (or maybe telegrams, given the era) to each other: “Dude, I’m telling you. Coelacanth. They are all over the damn place. No, I am not making this up. Yes, I am sober. Really. Yes, I know they are supposed to be extinct. No, I don’t know why they aren’t. All right, Monsieur Smarty-Pantalone, if it’s not a coelacanth, then what is it? Mmmm-hmmm. Thought so.”
TMm or TmM or however you’re spelling it today, plus eleventy gazillion for the Young Frankenstein reference.
I’m just glad somebody got it =).
It’s one of my favorite films. I was thrilled when my Lit225 (Science Fiction Literature) teacher found an excuse to show it in class a couple of weeks ago. I love that class.
OT – I have to share this. I was going to the grocery store yesterday and there was a small cluster of Girl Scouts waving around boxes of cookies. One was dressed in a Thin Mint costume, a round brown thing with holes for her limbs and head. She was wearing a minty shell!
I laughed so hard at that poor child, I thought the mothers were going to call the cops on me. I bought a box of cookies to make up for it.
At least you didn’t stop to take pictures. Jail for sure there.
I was tempted. Very, very tempted.
You know, parents don’t find it very funny if you grab one of their kids and run with them… even if it’s only for a couple of steps and you say “just kidding.”
Talk about no sense of humor.
…. or when you say “I just wanted to inspect her chassis. Is it DA?”
Inspecting a child’s chassis will get your name put on all sorts of lists.
Then parents shouldn’t dress their kids up in costumes that only entrap you into wanting to lick their chocolate minty goodness.
You’re very Tosh.0 today Taco…and I LIIIiiiike it!!
I haven’t had my coffee this morning. You think anyone noticed?
I think we can all die now, since we have a musical number, artwork, clothing, coffee mugs and now sarajean has survived the epitome of YSaC awesomeness.
If HHNF offers you coffee (or Kool-Aid) this morning, don’t drink it!
Since Akbar isn’t here:
It’s a trap!
The best part about her experience was that she came upon it naturally, or organically, if you prefer. She in no way contrived to make this happen, and then suddenly she found herself in the presence of a minty shell. Brilliant.
I have never been so happy to run out of Cocoa Puffs.
[corey] Technically, that was a chocolatey shell – the mintiness would be on the inside. [/corey]
It said “THIN MINT” on the back, so I’m sticking with “minty shell”, especially since she looked a little bit like a turtle.
I agree with sarajean, it’s a minty shell and the child is the center. Okay, maybe it’s a chocolate minty shell but that’s still technically a minty shell.
I wonder if minty shelled turtles would get along with micro fish if I put them in the same aquarium?
It would make for a better smelling aquarium than most.
Sounds a little like a hunting scent; Minty Turtle.
“From the makers of Frisky Ungulate, Baby Got Bass, and Croakin’ Casanova, it’s Minty Turtle! Because you care enough to smell your worse.”
If only we could crossbreed the minty turtle with the Black Molly. Then we’d have a fish/turtle (Fitle? Tursh?) that both keeps the tank free of Algae, and leaves only the fresh smell of peppermint.
FISH + TURTLE = MUDSKIPPER
HEY! HEY! HEY! There Mr. Smarty Pants.
Mudskipper is just WAAAaaaayyyy too close.
How about a Mudkip then?
How about a Black Madonna?
So what’s so wrong with…
FISH + TREE + TURTLE = FIRTLE
Is that chopped liver?
(I have to admit, Mudkip is adorable….)
And you changed your name AGAIN!!!!
Eventually it’ll have so many Mm’s in it that it will implode in upon itself taking the comments section with it.
If I just had enough M&Ms left over from my science-fair experiment, I could run a simulation of that…
How many ms does it take to get to the center of a fusion reaction?
The world may never know…
One, Two,
Many more; too many to count.
This will be *perfect* to use when my Sea Monkeys get a little bigger.
Will I be able to watch them engaging in prawn?
I think the prawn is sold separately – you have to show proof that you’re over 18 to obtain it.
sarajean: This reminds me of the card of two polar bears approaching an igloo (with inhabitants) and one saying “I love these , crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside”.
OK I don’t get out much, at least not on my own.
The memories – microfiche – or how to lose your eyesight in 3 easy moves.
My ads are for a cell phone (why?) and Hogy SoftBaits (WTF?)
tigprincess – I think that’s a “Far Side” cartoon. They never get old.
“how to lose your eyesight in 3 easy moves”…
Yes, when using the micro fish, always take a regular break. This is called going through minnow pause.
Hm. Whenever I take that minnow pause, I get Shamu‘d Swings.
Shamu‘d Swings. Is that when it eats the trainer?
*Crickets.
*Boos.
What, too soon?
*falls on floor, shaking fists at stormclouds*
TOO SOOOONNN!!1elebenty!
Wha–Isaac? Again with the Don’t Suck box? *punchity-punch-punch* Hm, I guess you’ll make the Hall of Fame at this rate. 8)
I can’t wait until he’s tied with TacomMmMmagic and then we can have the Don’t Suck-Off Championships.
That? Sounds incredibly filthy.
Incredibly! I will need immoral support for that one.
I’ll have to whip out my growing hoard of gingerbread zombies for this throw down.
I have to make a comeback after Isaac trashed my dictionotomy with his wordsmithery.
If we’re going to have a Suck-Off, we should definitely include Graham and his massive link.
Taco’s the one with the massive link. He shows it to EVERYONE.
Tied with TMmM? Ooh…kinky!
*making popcorn for the smackdown*
I have no interest in watching a kinky Issac/TMmM smackdown.
Unless you’re sharing that popcorn….
I’ll share if you don’t mind that I’ve duct taped over the pic of Orville Redenbacher. His mug is a definite mood breaker for me any time I’m watching any sort of gladiatorial fight. SPQR—Strength and Honor!
Since Graham isn’t here I’ll sub for him *ahem* and say, ‘Duct tape, duct tape, duct tape!’
HHNF: I thought it was Duct Tape Nipples, Duct Tape Nipples, Duct Tape Nipples!
Opening at the 40 Watt
In college we had a local band known as Sweaty Nipples. Maybe that’s their current incarnation, after they get older and start making inexpensive DIY home repairs.
Aww yeah. Lookit my chads, hella danglin and all.
M&M cat-abacus says I’m up to 5.67 deciTacos, and gaining fast.
Also, it says 13 Cinnamon-Turtleneck Gravies, but I think that’s a miscalculation.
Yeah, I think you hit the percent button by mistake.
I think it’s just a minor mistake in sign. You have to watch those positive tanktops when you carry the wind chill factor or they will cinnamon up into turtlenecks in a jiffy.
You didn’t carry the Orange Peel Lipstick Barrel Baloney Wagon.
That’s only if he was dividing. If he’s multiplying, he needs to multiply by factors of red marmalade cadmium belt buckles.
But then you have to add the Baloney Wagon back in, right? And solve for X?
No, no, no. The Baloney Wagon is only added in on Wednesdays, and every elebendieth Saturday. On the first Monday of March on an even numbered year you have to subtract Gravey Covered Foam Taxas.
Then instead of solving for X, you crumple the paper into a small ball and soak it in strawberry flavored Kool-aid for 3 days.
But only if you’re out of curry powder. Otherwise it won’t make any sense.
*muttering*
Okay, so I carry the minty shellopause, subtract Abe Vigoda from both sides, factor out the kinky duct tape, and integrate the remainder of the swingset…
This time I get Vicodin Tuna Casserole.
That can’t be right.
As long as you have enough to share, who cares?
Don’t forget, X = Hubert Humphrey. (Or was it Calvin Coolidge? Woodrow Wilson? Ronald Reagan? One of those presidents with the same first and last initials, anyway.)
issac said: “This time I get Vicodin Tuna Casserole.
That can’t be right.”
Yes, it is right. If you add Blind Date to Vicodin Tuna Casserole, you get 4-6 years; however, if you add Vicodin Tuna Casserole to In-laws you get Christmas with Your Parents; and, if you add Vicodin Tuna Casserole to Office Party, you get Extra Week Paid Vacation.
I find that the coefficient of minty being variable at different vintages is most easily explained when graphed across several planes. To wit, spinich toothpaste across the x-y axis divided by parabolic Vicodin Tuna Casserole gives you a value which is the square root of Hell’s seventh circle’s radius.
This in turn gives us a parallel postulate, and calls into question Gödel’s (first) incompleteness theorem shows that many axiom systems of mathematical interest will have undecidable statements. No conclusion drawn. Son of a b@*^&.
What’s REALLY sad is that I actually want to buy this as a prop for the next time my Rocky Horror cast performs ‘Shock Treatment’.
I was thinking it would make an awesome nightlight. I think I still have the X-ray they took the time I slipped on the ice and busted my knee and it’s probably close to the size of the screen.
Ladycrim, can I pleeeez haz kitteh? PLLLLEEEEEZZZZ????
Sorry, iz my kitteh! But if I find any more in the shed behind my office (seriously), I’ll let you know!
My kitteh came from inside a couch sitting in a neighbors carport. Yah, we were classy that way. Still a cute kitteh though.
You’re lucky the snakes didn’t get it first.
If you buy this micro fish _reader_, you naturally will need a micro fish _writer_. I’m giving my Sharpie, slightly used, for free. You just need to send me $20 for postage.
Micro fish writer (micro fish writer)
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It’s based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a micro fish writer,
Micro fish writer….
It’s a finny story of a finny man,
And his cleaner wrasse doesn’t understand.
His tuna’s working for the Daily Scale;
It’s a steady job, but he wants to be a micro fish writer…
Micro Fish Writer!
Now I have no fish to set myself up as the sole expert on fish reading; however, there appears to be large void of knowledge that many here are floundering in.
I know that it may seem that I’m going to perch on mahi soap box and let flow a tidal wave of useless information, but if you cod bear with me I will try to be as concise as possible. And, if you take the tide to listen, I’m sure you’ll sea that I’m not just pontificating for the halibut.
Hmm, it appears I’m trout of time. I appologize fjord my lengthly introduction as it appears to have taken up all the time for the lecture. If you need any kelp understanding Fish Reading, or if I have piked your interest, please feel free to approach me at the reception. I promise that I won’t tuna you out, and I gill offer you whatever information I have.
Thank you.
Oh Taco…
“Shut up. Just shut up.
You haddock me at hello.”
I had to pass up loads of good material just to keep that sucker at 3 paragraphs.
Well, all this does is conjure up a need for a macro “fish” reader with attendant worries that all the fluke content will be “Bite Me”
For GrahamT and HHNF:
I got YSaC 559 up to 1001 comments. The picture of HHNF netting Graham is now earned.
Huzzah!
Well done!
I was wondering how long that would take. Excellent!
1008 now. 8)
Weeee are the champoins my frieeends. And we’ll keep on posting til the end…..
This one gave me the giggles. Who knew fish could read? 😉
I wonder if everything is written in squid ink.
I have a fish at home that can do much more than just look up property, taxes and this sort of thing! And it’s a great conversation starter, as well!
Hmm…
*thinks over possible double meanings of above comment*
Naw, no one on this website has a dirty mind, do they??
If this has already been mentioned, just flog me.
Did he post this just for the halibut?
It’s minty!
*repeatedly smacks HHNF with a carp*
Oooh, this is fun….
Fish Slapping Dance!!11!!
And, during lent, too–ought get Double Score for that.
I’m loving the math but have noted that no-one as yet has taken account of parallel lines or pi or dodecahedrons. Surely these would skew the result in favour of the Peanut Brittle Peperroni Milk Shake solution?
* random comment but delighted to report that my two mugs (llamanun and Not.A.Lion) have arrived safe and sound here in UK land. Let joy be unconfined and coffee rule the day.*
Sigh….no matter how many times I erase the chalkboard and start over
I still come up with – FortyTwoPancakeSammiches.
I totally suck at cat math.
On the other hand, I do seem to have come up with another band name.
FortyTwoPancakeSammiches now appearing at the 40-Watt!
Okay, missed you guys. Sorry I’ve been out of action, but I’ve just not felt bright enough lately to post anything biting or witty. I see that I’ve missed a lot, too.
1). I WANT the lounger. If I could snap one up for 75 dollars that looks like that, It’d MMD.
2). I am horrified to think that my panties are indeed large enough to use as doors. Time to call Jenny.
3). Micro-fish is SO my new hypothetical band’s name.
4). You guys are at times the only sunshine that breaks the bleak landscape of my existance.
I’d been wondering about you. Welcome back, and please lurk even if you don’t feel you are up to posting. We’ll do our best to make you laugh/cringe. 8)
I missed you, Meredith. Thanks for dropping in.
Meredith, be sure to check back for the Don’t Suck-Off! It’s going to be big!
I missed you as well. As a professional stalker I do take notice when one of my vic-… clients goes missing.
We used to use microfiche readers in university, and they always gave me a nasty headache. I guess I must have a fiche allergy, so I’ll have to pass on this listing, even if it is minty.
Есть о чём задуматься.
That’s what I said, but the Feds didn’t believe me.
My fish doesn’t need readers, he’s just a bit nearsighted. He keeps swimming into the tank wall.
My fish doesn’t need readers, he’s just been boned and filleted. He’s only half-baked so I’m waiting.
My avatar approves of this post and finds micro fish a delicious and healthy snack.
Fiche heads, fiche heads
Little micro fiche heads
Fiche heads, fiche heads
Let me read some.
Yum!