YSaC, Vol. 571: Science!
Science Fair Project – M&M Math – $20
I have my daughter’s 3rd grade science fair project that won third place in our small school. Could be used for any elementary grade. It comes complete with board and notebook. The board is covered in Brown fabric and is decorated with M&M packages and paper to look like M&M’s. The notebook folder is yellow with M&M (paper) on the front and includes everything that is on the board. Purpose, Hypothesis, Materials List, Procedure, graph and Conclusion. It does not have my daughters name on it anywhere. It comes with everything except the box of M&M’s that is in the picture. Please let me know if you have any questions.
I’m not quite sure of the direction to go here, but I’m pretty sure it involves righteous indignation. I just can’t figure out what I’m feeling more righteously indignant about. Help me, won’t you?
Loading ...Seriously. If you’re going to try to sell your kid’s science fair project, it should have at least won first place. And it should involve lasers. Or robots. Or hamsters. Or robot hamsters with lasers. Some third graders are busily inventing the internet, and your kid is graphing the total number of M&Ms in a package? You must be very proud. And by proud, I mean slimy, since you’re selling your own child’s science fair project. But that’s okay, because you probably did it for them, and you probably ARE proud that it won third place. Although, you’re thinking that it would have placed higher if it hadn’t been for that Jenkins kid, whose father is an engineer and built that robot hamster with lasers that took second place.
This travesty of parenting brought to you by pointyjess!
Wow! Lots of votes already, but no comments? I guess it does leave one speechless sometimes when presented with vivid proof of motherly love. Awww.
Hmm….$20 seems a bit high – I’ll trade for it – I’ve got a 9th grade essay on ethics that I downloaded. It will come in handy six years from now when you’re really busy doing your daughter’s homework – AND – plotting to kill her cheerleading rival’s mother.
Nah, I think a 3rd place project on M&M’s is best traded for some rare cereals.
Sooo… I’ve got 4 science fair projects from my elementary school days that all won first place in their division, one of which won first place overall for the entire fair. How much do you think I can sell those for?
I’ve got this nifty red table that I’m saving up for so that I can get it for free. Every little bit helps.
True story: the very last day of environmental science 101, the very last thing the professor said to us was… “If you remember nothing else about this class, you’ll remember the M&M’s” To this day, I have no clue what that was about. I don’t remember any M&M’s, only him saying that. I do remember from that class, however, the fun fact that a sheep cannot recognize another sheep if it is upside down.
SCIENCE!
The only thing I remember from high school science class is the time we made doughnuts. I can’t really remember why we did that. I think it had something to do with yeast, because I do remember the teacher explaining that she had changed the lesson from previous years when she had shown students how to make root beer, because a few enterprising students figured out that if you let it ferment longer, you can make beer.
I remember one chemistry class where a kid stuck a metal stirrer into a socket and literally got blasted so far back he hit the work benches. It was amazing.
On a side note, my dad taught my first grade class how to make root beer. Then he taught my third-grade class how to make maple syrup and the science behind it.
What I remember from high school chemistry class was the day when the anatomy class above us was dissecting cats, and decided to pour the formaldehyde down the sink… there was a gurgling noise above where I was sitting… a girl pulled me out for the way just before it ate through the pipes through the ceiling tile, and splashed down directly on my desk. Way too close of a call.
On a cheerier note, I’d love to learn how to make maple syrup… there’s trees all around my house (I live in the woods), and quite a few are sugar maples. Homemade syrup for my homemade pancakes would be perfect.
Silly me – I thought trees made maple syrup…….
We made maple syrup at my house for several years 🙂 It was good fun. But then my dad got a promotion and had no more free time, so he had to stop making syrup, root beer, and beer. 🙁
When I dissected cats (side note: a day? I hope that’s just the first day when they were draining the bags, since it took two weeks straight to dissect ours) we were tossing the organs we had already studied in the trash, and I wasn’t looking where I was throwing things…well, I accidentally gave an ESL student that was part of a group touring the school an unwanted intestine necklace. She shrieked so loud that the teacher from the next classroom came in because he thought she was like..dying or something.
arallyn – In seventh grade one of the bright boys in my shop class decided to form a stray bit of wire into a U and jam it into a wall socket. (I think the idea was to short out the classroom so we could leave early.) While he did have the presence of mind to insulate said wire, he used a folded up sheet of paper to do it.
Very shortly after that the shop teacher was showing us how to properly extinguish an electrical fire.
I have no idea how long it took them to dissect the cats, I just know it was one of the days and they poured chemicals down the sink which almost wound up all over my head. I never took anatomy class myself… guts make me squeamish.
To not.a.llama… I know it comes from trees but you can’t just pour the unaltered tree sap on your pancakes. I mean, you COULD, but it wouldn’t taste the same :p
Maple sap tastes like woody sugar water, especially if it’s red or silver maple. Sugar maple is less woody.
I loved anatomy class! Most hardcore class I took in high school, two semesters of going through the entire body, system by system, hours of homework, and an insane teacher. Dissecting the cat was fun…I only regret that I didn’t take the advanced 9th grade bio class…they got to dissect everything from worms to rats to sharks and squids.
I was never much of a fan of science myself. I took an accelerated biology class. We went fishihng and caught our own fish to dissect! As for acutal classwork, all I remember is enjoying the Punnett’s squares.
I hated Biology, Anatomy and anything with blood-like substances and guts. I guess that’s why I’m a true, blue computer geek.
Somerville, MA has an annual Maple Syrup Project that involves local school kids, taps a whole lot of street and yard trees around the City, collects as much sap as it can, has a big boil-off and information session in a garden area with a wood-fired boiler that was built by the High School’s metal shop class, and sells the resulting syrup as a fundraiser, as well as using it at an educational fundraiser’s pancake breakfast.
All that in one of the most densely populated cities in New England (18,147 people per square mile).
I love this town.
In 9th grade Chemistry, for some reason we distilled CocaCola. I don’t know why.
And in 10th grade Chem, we extracted our own DNA. That made a little more sense.
It seems she messed up the purpose of doing the doughnuts instead if she told you you could make beer if you let it ferment longer. I suppose she thought you couldn’t figure out how to make the Root Beer?
Either she didn’t think of kids making root beer/beer on their own, or she didn’t care. As long as beer isn’t being made DURING class time……..
I have this nagging, annoying, curiosity about just how they tested ovine recognition.
Did they hold up cards of Basil? Invert various non-flying sheep? Were they all the same kind of sheep?
Did they hire Mike Palin to narrate the documentary?
O the Qu4estions (and how I fear the answers)
I’ve been fearing the answers on here for a long time, welcome to my world
I think we should share one mustache and speak poor French, CapnMac.
Une moustaches mon amie lara? I’d look even sillier having 1.5 moustaches at that point (but have outrageous accent down beyond pat–poor pat, she’s never “up” is she?)
Hmm, casting my mind back, I wonder how those in the passenger compartment of le avion gobeur reacting to all the inverted flight operations . . .
Sorry for the late reply, but yes, they held up life-size images of the same breed of sheep that they were testing. They sheep were fine when they were right-side up, but upside-down the sheep became very afraid.
I’m thinking the reason that “science project” won third place is that little Timmy has only two classmates.
The daughter is named little Timmy?
Yep. The mother is big on interesting names. As she was thumbing through baby books and webpages, she ran across Timandra. Also in the family are brothers Lymoges and Zephyrus.
My wife follows a website dedicated to horrific baby names (since they’re all the rage right now). It’s apparently rather trendy right now to name little girls “James” and call them Jimmy.
I really, really wish I was kidding.
You know that breeding liscense I always talk about… yeah.
I have members sign in all the time with odd names. There is a woman named Melvin (first name) and another named Pinkie Princess(I swear I am not making that up. I almost laughed in her face the first time I saw it)
TM: link please!
A friend of mine knew a kid whose government name was Ace. He always had to show people his license to convince them. It was on his birth cert, too.
I’ll have to ask my wife about it when I see her next. It’s painfully hard to find on Google. It’s something like “The Forum of Big Bad Baby Names”.
I knew an adult woman whose name was Baby Girl Dawson. Why she didn’t change it, I don’t know. As for me calling the daughter Timmy, well I naturally assumed her name was Timothea.*
*Completely untrue, I was not that coherent when I posted due to a combination of schoolwork and magazine work overload. OT, if I have to read one more “drunken pregnant woman may be carrying the messiah” short story, I may be forced to leave society.
Is it Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing?
Yes, it’s the forum associated with that page (link in the lower right corner).
Thanks drmk!
It was just about the fight of my life to convince my husband that “Tequila Sunrise” was not an option for our daughter’s name. He managed to find Tequila in a baby name book and that’s what he called her until the day she was actually born. Since his best friend had named his daughter “Brandi” just a few months before I was certain they would end up cocktail-themed strippers together. Fortunately, I won and she ended up being named Alison. So, if she ends up a stripper now, she’ll have to find some other inspiration for her act.
I work in a very confidential area of local government *cough welfare cough* and I am not allowed to share actual client names. But OMFG!!!! I want to apply bricks to foreheads when I see the names.
http://slate.com/id/2116449/
It turns out unusual names are correlated, but not causally linked, to performance later in life.
In high school I did some data entry for research on labor and delivery and prenatal care and there are a lot of people walking around with names like Baby Girl and Precious. It hurt my brain. Maybe that’s why I haven’t found anyone I was willing to reproduce with yet. I still have hopes that I will meet some dashing historian or writer who wants to name our kids after great literary or historical figures. Granted a few of those names are bad too, but it’s a step in the right direction. I am going to have another lonely Valentines 🙁 I should go look for a CL ad from some moron looking for a Valentine’s Day date. 😀
Worked in an office that took applications for special interest schools. Lefty Wright. Blackie White. Clymidia Jones. Willie Passwater. As has been mentioned before, I wish I were kidding. Taught school with a woman named Chris Mis.
My favorite of late is from one of my student teachers. Had a student who came in the first day and said her name was “Ladasha.” So the dutiful intern went about confirming the spelling with her, L, A, D… “No!” screams the girl, indignantly. “LADASHA. L, A, DASH, A.”
Yup, the kid’s name was spelled La-a.
My parents were always grateful that my elementary school didn’t do BS science fairs. I had a penchant for mixing chemicals in our basement that they never knew how I acquired, and they were positive that had there been a science fair, I’d blow up the school or our house.
I was a smart and science-y kid, but I was an idiot about chemicals. I loved mixing chlorine and base chemicals with reactive metals just to see the pretty gas. Luckily, that was the one reaction I would do outside, otherwise I’d be dead.
Hahahaha. That reminds me when one year my roommate decided to mix bleach with ammonia to clean out her cooler after a trip to the river. She pretty much just threw the ingredients in her cooler then left it on our patio. When I told her she’d just made chlorine gas and was probably going to kill the entire building if she didn’t get rid of it, she just looked at me dumbfounded, then was like, “Nuh uh. This is totally safe.” Until her boyfriend came by and told her I was in fact correct. I’m glad I don’t live with her anymore.
My parents were completely fascist about random chemical mixing and it was impressed on me pretty early NOT to do exactly what she did. I am glad you moved out before she succeeded in killing all of you. It’s one thing if people pay for their own stupidity, but I’m not letting them take me down with them.
I suck at Chemistry and I have accepted it. I spilled sulfuric acid all over the place and managed to burn my fingers into an interesting shade of purple and burn large holes into my favorite clothes. That was in College where they actually gave us stuff like dilute sulfuric acid. In high school I had a teacher who thought it would be fun to put a chunk of sodium in a wet paper towel. First you need to know this man was the missing link and I still refer to him as such. He could easily have braided his arm hair and put beads in it. An interesting and disgusting new profession. Anyway he burned all of the hair off of one arm in the ensuing conflagration. He was very lucky none of us were hurt and he didn’t burn down the school. Frankly I think the school would have been improved by burning down.
As a mother of five, I hate elementary science projects. Without fail they become my homework, rather than the kid’s homework. I’m sorry, but what five year old understands/cares about/can effectively apply the scientific method? What seven year old will sit there and willingly listen as you even try to explain it? NO, I’M NOT BITTER, WHY DO YOU ASK? *requests block of wood to bite on*
See, that’s where you went wrong. You have to explain the scientific method and other science-y crap at dinner EVERY NIGHT SINCE THEY DAY THEY’RE BORN. Sure, your children will think you’re a broken record/insane/boring, but they’ll know science!
[from personal experience]
Edit: Here’s a great article from Dave Barry about science fairs: http://www.miamiherald.com/283/story/18921.html
Also: http://articles.baltimoresun.com/1991-04-14/features/1991104173_1_science-fair-ant-fair-projects
*forgot to add “young and sexy” before the “mother of five” part*
No need. We all put that part in there ourselves.
They’re giving science projects to five year olds now? Really?
The most technical thing I remember having to do at that age was simple addition problems and connecting the dots on a picture.
I think I ate paper I had colored like cookies
I’m right there with you!!!
My parents had a singular way to deal with my love of the science fair, since at my school it was voluntary:
“It’s your project, you do it. Here’s my college {appropriate science} book, you’ll find everything you need to know about the science behind your project there. I’ve even marked the chapers you’ll need to read. You know where the dictionary and encyclopedias are if you need help with some of the terms. If you need a ride somewhere, I can do that this weekend.”
They were busy folks who ran their own buisness.
Might have been harsh, but it made ME do the work. And in the process I actually learned, and learned to love, science.
It also meant that for 2 months they weren’t finding disassembled small appliances all over their house. They really weren’t surprised when I became an engineer.
The only science fair I’ve ever entered was in the sixth grade, I built my own hovercraft out of a cake pan and one of my Dad’s old model airplane motors and props. (That bad boy could lift over ten pounds and maintain a full cushion, a fact I am still proud of.) I did everything, the cutting, sewing, gluing, wiring, etc by myself. (I did have to borrow Mom’s soldering gun because mine had …let’s call it an unfortunate accident.) The teacher actually had me get a letter from my parents stating that they had not helped me before she would let me enter it.
(I got an honorable mention. The winner had sprouted potatoes in jars using different household liquids like soda pop and vinegar. The reason behind this escapes me.)
If it helps, I would have given you first for the hovercraft. That’s 200% more awsome than any science fair project I’ve judged.
Although the kid who did his project on homemade thermite was pretty cool. Especially since he did 10 pages on the constructive uses of said thermite. He was very creative.
I actually have a copy of the recipe somewhere in my man pile.
It should be said that while his project ended up being dismissed due to the… unsettling nature of the research, he was NOT dumb enough to actually bring a sample of the thermite to the school… just the recipe, which I confiscated.
What? You got robbed, Sarajean. The winner probaby got their idea from an accident, and yours was total execution of a complicated plan. Any chance it was fixed?
Thanks, TM. I would not have felt so bad if something cool like thermite had won. The fact that it was sprouting potatoes was what got me all riled up.
I don’t know if it was fixed, Lola – the “winner” was one of the more popular students, while I was one of the geeky kids who sat in the back of class and doodled on their notebook. (Judging was done by “peer review”, everyone got to cast votes on which project they liked the most.)
All our science fairs were judged by local people in science fields. Usually engineers, biologists, and the like. Was way more unbiased than peer voting.
I moonlight as a judge from time to time myself… but often I’m told my standards for judging are too high *weeps*.
I used to buy small appliances at yard sales, cut the cords off, and leave them for my daughter to take apart. She liked to figure out how things worked but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my toaster, radio, hair dryer, etc. Nor did I want to discourage her curiosity.
TacoMagic,
My folks were the same way – want to learn what that word meant? Look it up, got a big dictionary right next to a whole set of 1957 Encyclopedias. Okay, so I didn’t have up-to-date information setting in the living room but a 2 mile walk to the library certainly did!
The only ‘work’ my mother did for my homework was proof read. She’s a saint for that!
I have to admit to some envy of you with parents who even COULD have helped, whether they did or not. I passed my mom’s education level in 6th Grade. She had left school to become a nanny so she could help support her parents and her nine siblings. She didn’t care for school, anyway, and even when she had a chance to improve herself later in life, she had many excuses not to do so. I never understood it, my own thirst for learning being HUGE! 8) But I never was good in sciences.
I’m appalled at the moral vacuum we see in this ad. I weep for the future.
Now, back to watching my DVD of Avatar.
Har.
Ooh? Is this the Director’s cut with the partially obscured head of the person who sat in front of you l_c?
*please check your moral compass at the door*
l_c – don’t forget to offer it up on BitTorrent network when you’re done…..
l_c, may I borrow the moral vacuum when you finish with it?
My mother did lab research all day as it was her career. She had enough of that at work. Writing contests, or ones requiring some kind of essay? Hell, yeah. Thank God for only moderately pushy parents who knew my skill set.
Best science fair experiment I ever heard of was the one where someone agglomerated a couple of cases of Mentos and threw the Mentos-rock into a garbage can with buckets of Coke in it, and the resulting food-volcano. I forget the principle under demonstration, though.
Holy smokes – I hope the audience was given plastic bags to wear!
Anything that my brain can come up with merely imagining this is but a shadow of its actual awesomeness, I’m sure. I really, really hope that I can come up with a reasonable likeness on youtube.
have you never seen a mentos/coke volcano? My dear you have not lived!
Time-Warp had an episode of the mentos magic…here
is a small part of that on YouTube. If I wasn’t so lazy I could fish around for all four parts of that episode on YouTube, but I’m lacking in inspiration to do so…’sides the hypo dogs are calling me to go do other things, too many to list!
Dear Third Grade Science Fair Loser and Her Helicopter Parent:
Congratulations on submitting such a sub-par entry; however I prefer my graphs to contain an X and Y axis with plotted coordinates. More specifically, this is a pie chart. Although skittle-y scrumptious looking, it’s just not rocking the math for me.
Got any theories regarding Hershey Kisses History?
Regards,
The Green m&m
Ooh, random off-topic fact-thingy. I’ve been to Hershey, PA and it smells like chocolate. Seriously – you can drive down the street with the windows down and the air smells exactly like chocolate. And the street lights are shaped like Kisses, alternating wrapped and unwrapped.
I’ve been there. In fact, I went to a wedding at the Hotel Hershey, which not only smells chocolatey, but has a spa where you can get chocolate baths and stuff. 🙂
sorry, but chocolate and bath just don’t go together in my world view, chocolate and eat, yes, bath, no.
I can’t do chocolate and bath unless I am in a bath eating chocolate. Preferably chocolate strawberries fed to me by a male slave who likes me for my body and my brain.
When I was 12 we took a road trip to DC and my parents rewarded us for our good behavoir with a side trip to Hershey Park. As we were entering the city my mom rolled down the window, took a great exaggerated sniff and said, “Hey kids, can you smell the chocolate?” We were driving behind a garbage truck in August. We have yet to let her live it down.
I just want to say I am happy the Green M&M is both bright and has a set of killer legs. Even if her hands are still deficient.
Wow, have our science project standards lowered since I was in grade school, or what?
My 3rd grade project was the lever/fulcrum idea – you know, provide me with a lever and a fulcrum and I can lift anything – and I got third for that.
In 4th grade, I got second place for a demonstration of lift as it applies to fixed-wing aircraft.
I feel absolutely brilliant.
p.s. sportin’ my new Not.A.Lion t-shirt might have something to do with that…just sayin..
Cut her a break. M&M math is complicated, but not quite as complicated as cat math.
I wish I could do a science fair project on Cat Math. That would be fully awesome.
I bet I could get a judge’s head to explode.
The only thing I can think of when I hear “Cat Math” is Schrodinger’s Cat…then I get all depressed because the cat is both dead and alive at the same time.
I love Cat Math for the very reason that it is about as logical to me as actual math. But cuter. Unless you count that one T.A. I had.
Tell me about it:
3rd Grade: Electromagnetic Force as Compared to Inductivity of a Coil.
4th Grade: Penetration of Colored Light Through Fog
5th Grade: Conductivity of Common Metals: Ohms Law
6th Grade: The Effects of Household Chemicals on Macro and Microscropic Aquatic life
I like the 6th Grade one:
Effect on Macro Aquatic Life: Dead
Actually you’d be surprised what diving beetles can live through.
Specifically, they can survive up to a 13% household bleach solution with no loss in population or repruduction ability.
Unfortunately I was never able to do the experiment I really wanted due to not having access to a linear accelerator. The irony of course is that now I have access to 2 of them.
Yea but you could technically do the 4th grade one at a rave. But who wants to go to a rave organized by 4th graders?
I am eagerly awaiting my Not.A.Lion shirt. I had to buy it in gray as I am not allowed to wear white.
Why can’t you wear white? I am going to be sorry I asked aren’t I?
I’m not allowed white because I can’t keep it white. Food is drawn to my clothes.
Mom did the work, Mom has the right to sell it, I suppose is the theory. That’s just low all around.
And then she ATE the M&M’S!
I would have eaten the M&Ms. They might be recognized.
I never thought I would feel gratitude towards the school system I grew up in, which, while grinding and overly focused on memorization, at least never required at-home project work before the 9th grade. Before that the most complicated thing we ever did was write about our vacations and stuff. After the 9th grade, project work was strictly monitored for exactly this reason – so that parents couldn’t do it. You had to bring in your work in stages – outline, first draft, sample research – and discuss it with the teacher each time before you handed in the finished thing. And if that finished thing looked nothing like it should have based on what you’d been bringing in before, it wasn’t graded unless you could defend it, right then and there, without going home to (potentially) be coached by mum and/or dad.
My highschool projects would go something like this:
My World History Project: “Ok class, for your project you need to create something period for one of the following cultures: Ancient Egyption, Medieval Europe, or 3rd Dynastic China. Please submit a 3 page report with it describing the significance of the model.”
In a class of 30, she would recieve 28 pyramids made out of sugar cubes or caramels, 1 popsicle stick great wall of china (my friend Max), and mine: A scale model of a trebuchet made completely using period tools, along with a report, pictures of the process, and a video of it being used to fling a small rock at a mock castle wall. For some reason she told me I didn’t need to take the midterm.
Apparently it’s still sitting on her bookshelf beside the chalkboard.
That is so cool.
It actually surprised me how well it worked even scaled down. It stood a little less than 2 foot high, but it could throw an egg sized rock about 10 yards with fair accuracy. I even did the math, and it turned out that at full size my treb would have thrown a 200lb boulder about a quarter mile.
Amazingly, this is very close to the actual power of a period trebuchet, which would throw a 300lb rock about 900 feet.
It was one of my favorite projects.
TM, this is what food fights at an SCA banquet is like. The Head Table where the tin hats sit has a trebuchet, and the Baron or Princess or Queen or whomever would fire olives, or nuts, or marshmallows at the populace, who would bring out crossbows and their own trebuchets, and fire similar offerings back. All while wearing our best velvets, silks, and jewels. Good times, good times.
hah, that’s awesome TM. I made an air-pressure petard and a combustion cannon a while back…I wish I could have used them for some sort of class project, but alas, all they were good for was being violent with potatoes and apples.
Windrose, you’re in the SCA? or rather, an SCA…I go to the middle age events when they’re in my area since I love the jewelry chain mail smiths make. Also: pewter goblets are the shit. I may not be into the whole dressing fancy and being all period-y, but they’re pretty bomb anyway. Civil war guys, literally. Actually, bomb except for the Saracen group that was in northern illinois. They creeped me out.
I’m such an uber-nerd I cannot WAIT for the day I get to do science fair projects with my kid. Of course, I teach science/nature for a living so what this person did is sacrilegious to me. Same as teaching a kid to steal from the church collection plate!
Im just happy to see science fairs still living on! So many schools are dropping them in favor of more memorizing. The whole point is to make science fun and achievable. Makes me sad another kid is cheated out of doing something fun that could actually help their future. Of course im taking this waaaaaay too seriously. Its what nerds do. I’m going to go pray now. (aka watch Star Trek)
Hmph. We dropped ours for a music program! Way better imo, and very very rare. Then 5 years later we tried to cut the music program. For more memorization.
Our science fair was cut due to a levy failure. 2 years later the music program went the same way, and 2 years after that all the extra stuff went too (Art, PE, and after school sports).
Last I checked my elementary school was more like a childcare center.
It’s what happens when you live in an area where people don’t understand what exactly a school levy is. Everyone always voted it down because they thought it would raise taxes *sigh*.
Sorry, I’m a little bitter when it comes to group ignorance increasing the ignorance of the next generation. Time to go watch Idiocracy again.
The fun classes are always the first to go. My last year of high school they did away with most of the drama department and the music department, with the exception of marching band. The solitary art teacher was replaced by a substitute who had never taught art before. (And possibly never taught high school before. The first day of my Advanced Pottery class she passed out crayons and used phrases like “creative visualization”. She didn’t know how the potter’s wheels or the kiln worked until we showed her. She quickly learned that if she left us to our own devices she could spend the period reading gossip mags and drinking coffee.)
Our art teacher had a weird accent that didn’t really come from anywhere.
The best part about it though was that we used to be excused to recess by table. We’d all wait patiently for the 6th table so we could hear her say, “Ok, table sex!” and we’d all giggle incessantly.
My bf is in an elementary education major from a school that’s known as one of the best el ed schools in the nation, and one of his major projects in his “Teaching Artistic Techniques” class was painting with his toes, and writing a paper about his feelings on it.
Bloody serious.
When we dissected cats, one of them was pregnant with little egg-sized kitten fetuses with visible whiskers and adorable folded ears. I still kick myself for not asking the teacher if I could keep one, because he would have let me. Then I could spend the rest of my life asking guests, “Wanna see my kitten fetus?”
Egg-sized kitten fetuses: epic Easter basket treat fail. Wonder why they never caught on?
My dad has a goat fetus in a jar in his office. He calls it Stanly.
It’s about the size of a baseball.
eeeewwwwwww
sorry, going off to my corner now to shiver a while
I wouldn’t want to see that but the concept rocks!
Awesome! There’s a human fetus at my high school, behind the blackboard in room 425…unless that teacher retired…hmmm. That’s the only jarred anything that creeped me out.
Though, some of the things in the reproductive physiology classroom are just too weird…we have fetal everything, plus placentas and reproductive systems. Just too much. Luckily, being on a working farm has benefits! Normally we just go out and slaughter an animal for that day’s class D:
Maybe I should sell my grade school science project. I got away with a demonstration of a machine – like a lever or a wheel – by submitting a Lego car. I got a C. That should be worth something. (Yes, you can get Legos at Toys ‘R Us, but you won’t have _my_ particular science project.)
Or maybe I should rescue my brother-in-law’s eighth-grade science project which after it was done, was relegated to the dump. It was on how various surfaces – sandpaper, wax paper, foil – has an effect on the speed of a toy car going downhill.
Somehow I escaped the whole science fair scene in school. What kind of school district did I live in? And, as a senior we could pick between physics and oceanography (I’m from Long Island). I picked oceanography. We measured the movement of sand dunes. Today, I am designer. I guess it all makes sense.
True story – on one of our sand-dune-measuring field trips we came upon a man who had just committed suicide in a vacant beach parking lot by running the exhaust from his tail pipe through a plastic hose up through the top of his car door window. That was a bad, weird day to say the least.
That could only have been horrifying. I honestly hope you didn’t have to go back to school for the rest of the day, at least.
We got back to school just as it was letting out. I remember calling my mom on the pay phone in the school lobby and crying. I think these days a school counselor would have been brought into the class but we only got a little speech on the bus on the ride back to school from our teacher about “how that was a sad thing to see” and that was that.
The project that won 1st place had a bunch of cats (paper) glued to a board and a stack of cats. It was called “cat math.” The champion’s mom is giving that one away for free, though, so it’s only $50.
PRICELESS!!
Free for $50 is a price.
Are you sure? I thought it was priceless in cat math.
Sigh…better study harder….
*mumbles to self as she flips through the 937 page “Cat Math” textbook*
CJ, You need to borrow Sarajean’s calculator.
If it doesn’t sell, you can take some of the cats for free. If you want all of them it will be marked up to $80.
I thought you could only get a baby cat if you could provide a video of yourself on a motorcycle…
Meow meow Ed.
Now all we need to do is wait for Graham to show up so he can slap down one of his awesome transitive math equations.
In Soviet Russia, cat math stacks and glues you.
Are they spayed? Are any special needs and named Grace?
Coffee nose-snort for that one Ed!
Are they tigers or lions?
Neither…they’re Not.A.Lion.
Ligers?
I like the ICHC lolcat where the cat is pondering if all noms iz fud, iz all fud noms? Excuse the lolspeak, I felt I should be accurate.
I didn’t vote in the poll because what I am indignant about is the cavalier attitude toward helping yet another kid to cheat.
I think that’s covered by “Really? You’re selling your kid’s third grade science fair project?” I don’t think anyone is indignant that she’s not saving the project to treasure forever – the indignation here is all about the cheating aspect. (Unless I’m missing something.)
Yup.
To play the devil’s advocate, the poster never said it was specifically being sold to be used at another science fair.
Someone (in theory anyway) could have bought the thing and then had mounted it on their wall as contemporary art.
I’ve seen worse.
Best science lab experience was organic chem lab in college — future stewardess was carrying a 500ml beaker of ether with chunks of pure sodium (a combination created by a math error of two orders of magnitude) when she tripped over an open bottom drawer. Fortunately for her, the contents of the beaker flew forward; fortunately for us, she was alone. The resulting fireball frosted all of the shatterproof glass on the hoods, took the paint off of the drawers, removed the suspended ceiling, and permanently opened the windows in the lab. We found her sitting on the floor at the other end of the lab, smoldering.
After the TA put her out with the CO2 extinguisher, she turned to him and said, “What?” He asked, “are you okay?” She answered, “What?” He said, “ARE YOU OKAY?” She answered “What?”
This story deserves so much love.
So that’s why you so rarely see people juggling elemental sodium!
I love any story that includes a ginormous fireball and a smoldering stewardess.
Why, what a coincidence. I love any YSaC comment that includes same.
Oh my god. That story is so awesome.
“We found her sitting on the floor at the other end of the lab, smoldering.”
Best. Line. Ever.
We never did the science fair thing – but then again, my school didn’t have a very strong science program. I participated in history fair, though. I loved history fair.
I’ve never heard of one of those…that sounds more interesting than an elementary science fair.
At Thing Two’s 3rd grade science fair one of the entries submitted by a young lady was titled “Growing Grass”. You could spot the heading from across the room.
Her mother could not understand why everyone who came up to her daughter’s exhibit was disappointed.
You call your kids “Thing One,” and “Thing Two?”
That’s awesome.
I worked with a man who had two sons. The older one had been an only child until early adolescence until what I am guessing was the surprise baby brother came along. Their father referred to the SBB so often as “the littler boy” that for a very long time I was convinced he didn’t remember his younger son’s name. They were “[Eldest son’s given name] and the littler boy.” I think I’d prefer “Thing Two,” and not just because I’m female.
Thing Two has been to the emergency room four times for stitches where Thing One has been a “contributory factor”. Both of them blame the head-sized holes in the basement ceiling on a girl; we don’t believe them.
Their mother is currently extremely pissed at them for the chocolate stains in the family room. They thought they had it all cleaned up, but missed a spot. They say there was not a girl involved, but I don’t believe them.
Thing One spent one summer doing disaster relief by gutting houses. Good to see him using his gifts for good instead of evil. Thing Two plays Lacrosse — one broken collarbone, two broken wrists, and snapped three sticks — none of them his.
Yeah, Thing One & Thing Two.
My dad calls my brother and me that too. 😀
My name is the same as my father’s. Since birth I’ve been referred to as “the small one”.
I have a very distant cousin who goes by the nickname “Dump” (I don’t know why and I don’t want to know.)and his eldest son goes by the name “Little (or “Lil'”) Dump”, even though he is in his late fifties.
At the risk of putting a damper on everyone’s snark (and I do love me some good snark!), could it be that the project had to do with probabilities – you know, count the number of M&Ms of each colour, then put them all in a box and blindly start pulling them out, see if your results match your predictions based on the number of each colour of M&M?
Or am I giving this kid (parent?) too much credit?
Jon – Yes, possible. And possible that the kid did all the work without help of the parent. But the real problem here is the parent is now selling the project for another to use and claim as original work. That just isn’t right. It sets a bad example for all. Just my opinion – I could be wrong………
You’re giving them too much credit and are probably not familiar with recent entries in suburban elementary science fairs. I’ve been through three of them in the last 10 years and the most popular project I’ve seen (numbering in the teens – really!) was to find out which paper towel absorbed the most liquid. And the moral of this story? To this day I always buy Bounty.
I love M&M math! The probability of all of them ending up in my mouth: 100%.
Waaaaaay too much credit!
Jon — I would LOVE to believe that. However, looking at the project, I only see one graph, and it’s a pie graph … which to me, appears to be indicating the percentage of each color of M&Ms. I don’t see anything that would be reporting the results of the probability study that you’re suggesting.
Which brings me to another point of terribleness in all of this: if someone did buy this project and re-use it, they would have a problem, since the original “researchers” ATE THE DATA SET. They would have to find a bag of M&Ms that replicated the original results.
The truly sneaky would just buy a couple of bags and duplicate the results by counting out the appropriate number for each color. Not that I advocate that, but it could be done.
I just like the concept of eating your original data set.
I have to admit, it is not a practice that is usually encouraged in the scientific community.
Maybe they could start using “data sets” as a code name for M&Ms.
“I’m going to be working late tonight, dear, we have to go over a lot of data sets.”
“Bring back some peanut butter ones!”
Have to?
Apparently you are giving 3rd grade science/math fair submissions way too much credibility.
You know, I’ve always wondered why pie charts are round. Pie are not round. Pie are square.
I got second place in my third-grade science fair and my project was way more sciencey than counting M&Ms. I made a litmus indicator liquid from boiled red cabbage and tested various household substances to see whether they were acids or bases.
I did not actually drink the boiled cabbage juice after the experiment was over.
Good thing you didn’t drink the final product. It would have turned your pee blue, which would have scared the piss out of you, which would have come out blue, which would have scared the (and on and on)…….
I got suspended from 7th grade (for fighting) for the two weeks preceeding our World Histories final project, and spent the entire time making a flour dough relief map of China. It had railroads, rivers, and mountains, and each province was a different color. I had a great dual pendulum setup with two hair dryers to dry the thing, and while it dryed I studied the sexually graphic exploits of Paul Theroux in “Riding the Iron Rooster.” I took this 4’x8′ monstrosity to school on the bus and presented it to the teacher. He pulled me aside and explained to me that I was supposed to be WRITING about the industrial progression of China, two pages tops, with one or two small visual aids. I got an F. The moral of the story? If your seventh grader had taken a suddenly keen interest in his school work, he has probably found a way to incorporate porn in to his “research.”
*I am acutely aware that this has nothing to do with this entire thread. Waiter, CHECK PLEASE!
I spent three weeks in the seventh grade building a model (1:12 scale) of Anne Frank’s annex for Advanced English. I even made a working bookcase that hid the tiny staircase and filled it with tiny books. I dragged the monster to school only to be informed that i could not turn in a project, I was supposed to deliver a five minute oral report.
(The teacher counted the model as extra credit and I recieved a B. He kept the model, which kind of ticked me off. I worked hard on that thing.)
I like cheese.
yes of course you do dear, now go take a nap love. *giggle*
Hahahahaha! I think he’d actually tried to delete this comment, but he’d just left it in the moderation queue, and I thought it hadn’t been approved for some reason so I approved it!
well it made me chuckle, and I imagine it made him squirm a bit when he realised he hadn’t deleted it.
So, drunk posting?
Nope. Dan doesn’t drink at all, actually, so he’s immune from the drunk posting problem.
“I like cheese” is the standard thing we say to each other when we feel like we should say something completely random, or if someone has just said something completely random to us.
There’s a backstory to it that’s not worth telling.
I suspect he meant to put this comment somewhere else, and when I got the notification that it was pending, I just thought it had been flagged as spam because it was so short.
kind of like my custard comment the other week that totally baffled Graham then.
I had been drinking then to be honest, but when I read it back to my other half he thought it was hysterical. Guess you’d have to understand our weird sense of humour though, with us it’s more of a “will custard do?” but I guess it’s the same kind of thing.
In tenth grade bio class, our teacher ‘surprised’ us one day with a bag of squirrels one of our classmates had shot for extra credit. That’s what we skinned and then dissected—I think the one I was working on was still slightly warm.
I’ve wondered, since then, if the teacher made a stew from the leftover carcasses—maybe that was his way to get the skinning and cleaning done for him. Probably, though, it was to kill time—we were supposed to spend a week on human reproduction, not one class. Wait, make that part of a class.
MMMM, Science! – That’s good eatin’!
You can almost taste the knowledge; the tasty, tasty knowledge.
Totally unrelated to the topic at hand…sort of…well, it is about science….
In what we called junior high – 7th and 8th grades – we had the strangest assortment of science teachers on the planet. A guy completely obsessed with rock formations – so much so that he took us on a field trip which consisted of climbing rocks alongside a busy interstate, and another who blasted 1940’s swing music from speakers he mounted both inside and outside his physics classromm, and came up with every conceivable cheesy way to say “hell” without saying “hell”…he’d say “What in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks…?” or some variation at least five times every class.
Weird teachers…and that’s just two of them. I could write a book on that school, the wackiness extending way beyond science teachers…
*shaking her head and chuckling as she recalls those days*
My jr. high science teacher – small school, same guy all three years – apparently had a mental breakdown in class about five years after we went through.
Nobody was overly surprised at the news.
My psych teacher in high school was in the middle of an apparently fairly nasty divorce and had to regularly excuse himself from class due to his increasingly severe panic attacks. He eventually had a breakdown himself, which I found a bit ironic considering his subject. Even later, he won a good sized chunk of change in the lottery, bought himself a mid-life crisis car and cheered up significantly (probably thinking about the stupid things his ex would have spent the money on and glad she wasn’t getting a dime).
You don’t say.
I have no idea who the comment above was about or to whom I was replying. It’s strange looking back on it several months later and trying to figure out what I was thinking at the time.
My Design 2 teacher somehow finds a way to talk about penises every single class. He also compared making artwork to masturbating.
Hypothesis: M&M’s are every bit as good for solving math problems as abaci and slide rules.
Procedure: Count things and keep track of stuff by using M&M’s as markers.
Conclusion: Answers always come up short for some reason.
Bibliography includes The Dryer-Sock Phenomenon by Professor S. Cling.
I think everyone is missing how much of a complete fail the actual science project for sale most likely is. I’m sure the hypothesis of “M&M Math” doesn’t involve probability, fractals or the uncertainty principle. Ed is closer than you think (using M&Ms as markers) — http://www.amazon.com/Ms-Brand-Counting-Book/dp/0881068543/ref=pd_sim_b_1 .
There’s even an apparently much needed sequel — http://www.amazon.com/More-Brand-Chocolate-Candies-Math/dp/0881069949/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265662033&sr=8-1 .
ok, who has that cat math calculator? I’m sure that can work this one out. Is it tuna?
It comes to “porcupine tapioca”.
… or “a suffusion of yellow.”
It sounds somewhat out of tuna to me; let me get my tunaing forks …
Science fair reminiscing.. can we get any geekier? In 9th grade, I pushed my mom close to a nervous breakdown by bringing home 3 dozen mice and then loading them up with Ritalin to see if they’d learn a maze more quickly.
The real goal: if you did well in the local fair, you got to go to the regional fair at a university an hour away, and – more or less unchaperoned – spend the weekend in the Student Union, which was like a hotel, with a bowling alley, and with lots and lots of coeds wandering through.
I did so love the science fair.
Mice on Ritalin. I can hear the squealing now. Your name should be Willard…
Ah, rodent lab. Frat brother in psych lab “over stimulated” his rodent into cardiac arrest. The fine print on the syllabus made it clear that if the rat died, you flunked the lab, and old frat boy needed a “C” to graduate. CPR and mouth-to-mouth; ’nuff said.
Dude if I’m doing an M&M experiment, I’m not COUNTING THEM.
“M&Ms: Yummy or Gross?”
Hypothesis: M&Ms are delicious. I have taken the time to see that most people like candy. Therefore I assume that during the course of my experiment, I will find out that M&Ms taste good.
Procedure: Eat 30 bags of M&Ms to figure out if they are delicious or not.
Step 1. Go to grocery store and buy 30 bags of M&Ms. Ignore cashier’s looks. Scream IT’S FOR SCIENCE YOU BASTARD at him if he gives you any flack.
Step 2. Eat M&Ms. Be sure you do this in a variety of ways: One bag at once, one bag piece by piece, one bag colour by colour, etc. If you can think of more, great! Record each experience in your lab book.
Step 3. You may need to puke your guts out at some point. Make sure there’s a bucket or a toilet nearby.
Step 4. Decide if M&Ms are delicious. Figure out if you like them based on colour, quantity, or not at all. Think really hard about this and take your time. Record your work.
Conclusion: Results Unclear.
Well, after the first 6 bags, I was ready to declare M&Ms delicious. But the experiment said to eat all 30 bags so I did. Then everything got really blurry and fast and slow at the same time and I had to go to the bathroom a lot. And I had to have my mom force feed me the last 3 bags while chained to the dinner table. I didn’t manage to throw up, though, so I don’t know if that skewed my results or not. Also, interesting side effect: diabetes. I’d be more upset, but really, it was for science, so it makes it all worth it.
Your project reminds me of the BBC “Look Around You” segments (incredibly hilarious and found on youtube, for you uninitiated) . “Write this in your copybook now.”
You forgot one “Really?” – “You DID your kid’s 3rd grade science project for them?”
I’m sorry – my mother always made me use my own crappy handwriting and 3rd grade scrapbooking skills to make my own d*** project.
I didn’t want to say that outright. I certainly meant to strongly imply it, though.
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I would have thought that sort of thing would pop up yesterday.
Makes me wish I had eggs to donate at those prices.
Yeah, I wouldn’t mind bringing a dozen at that price. Beats getting tasered.
Let’s see, I have finch, cockatiel, and love bird eggs! I’ll be rich!
But, but, what would happen is that after you scaled the impassible drive with a dozen, you’d get tazed (for not wanting your share of them scrambled for breakfast, naturally)
Yesterday I was getting one from some modeling agency…. “Something something wanna be a model call us TRUST ME”
I’m getting the same ads (for once! but I’m not on my computer right now 🙁 )
I hear egg donation is stupid painful, but hell…I’d do it for money. They can have my kidney for the right price, or 2/3 of my liver.
I remember getting mooned by some idiot in Biology in high school. My college Bio prof was a perv. Everything related to sex. I know it was Biology, but he always had something sexual to say. And he looked like a bald ape. Seriously.
m & m Math? I would do it like this: One red, one blue, two green, one orange.
:: crunch, crunch, crunch ::
Now, it’s zero.
“Mom!!! I ate my science project, again! I need more m & m’s!”
Ironically, my dad was a judge for the city-wide science fair competitions, yet would never help me. Which, I appreciate now, but at the time it sure made me frustrated. He always told me though, that judges KNEW when the kid/student didn’t do the project themselves.
Like this one for instance, while a 3rd grader could definitely count m & m’s, there’s no way a 3rd grader designed that board. My 3rd grade board had wobbly cut construction paper and- lop-sided letters with glue smudges all over it. (I got 2nd place in my school, while the kids who had ‘parent made projects’ never won.)
I bet a baking soda volcano won, they always win.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mdYH87sVWs#t=9m44s
Friend of mine made a baking soda bomb for the science fair once. Didn’t win.
Friend of mine made one as an …”extracurricular activity”.
Best pep rally ever.
“One kid didn’t know how to zip up his own pants but he built a volcano!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxenUzZPFiQ#t=3m20s 🙂
Ok, I’m switching. I’m studying farma…pharmak…DRUG math right now in school. M&M math seems so much easier. Instead of Viagra, I’m dispensing 4 green M&Ms, and don’t call me in the morning.
Is M&M math like S&M math?
My theory is that this kid was in one of those one room schoolhouses, so there were only 3 third graders.
But really? it doesn’t even come with the M&Ms! NO M&Ms!!!!
Sorry about that
I can’t really see the scientific aspect of M & M s. Unless, of course, one was trying to prove the hypothosis that if one eats green M & M s on Thursdays one would grow hair on one’s palms.
I’ve only ever participated in one science fair and for that I baked a cake. I think it was supposed to represent molecular composition or something of the sort, but even in grade school I knew that bribing the officials with delicious cake was my only chance for scientific glory.
Wow, this has been a crazy day. I forgot, until just now, to look at the DS box! Congratulations, reina! As soon as you get out of that snow bank, come get your card punched, okay?
Actually, I think that may be Lareina. And if they have snow where she is, something unusual is happening!
It is lareina; for some reason her name is listed as just “reina” on her comment though!
The day I finally make the ‘Don’t Suck’ box again…I miss it.
*facepalm*
Anyway, thanks drmk! Don’t know why my handle showed up differently. I go by ‘reina’ on my blogs, but that doesn’t really explain it, does it?
LOL And it took me two days to go back and see this! Well, still, congratulations. Lareina, and Lola, the comment involved a snow bank. That’s what I was commenting on. 8)
How the hell is someone who is too stupid to make a science project for their kid’s third grade science fair supposed to earn the $20 to buy the project? Do they pay people for eating paste these days?
I’m glad that for $20 you get EVERYTHING in the picture. I can use a cheap dresser.
Oooh! The Devil’s in the details…
I’d like to see how they’d try to squirm out of that one, Bianchi!
Believe it or not, I just read (in an article in the current issue of Granta about book-publishing piracy in Peru) that selling grade-school science projects is a lucrative business in the markets of Lima.
No kidding. Here’s an excerpt from a description of Amazonas, the main market for used, antiquarian, and pirated books:
Alongside books, some vendors have begun selling gradeschool science projects, styrofoam monstrosities representing the water cycle, the greenhouse effect or the vascular system. While you look for, say, a readable edition of Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables, you might see a young woman behind a counter, hard at work on a diorama of Machu Picchu, a look of grave concentration on her face, as she glues a plastic llama to a green, spraypainted mountainside. These projects sell for twenty soles, less than seven US dollars, a price which includes a lesson on the topic, so the student can be prepared to present his or her science project in class. Some might consider this cheating, but all the students I spoke to said it was their teachers who had sent them here.
And yes, this is a controversial practice – but not for the reason you expect:
For more than a decade, Amazonas has been synonymous with books, and some vendors told me they were concerned about diluting the brand with these school projects.
Credit where credit is due: the article is called “Life Among the Pirates,” by Daniel Alarcon, and it’s from issue 109 of Granta. You can read the full article here:
http://www.granta.com/Magazine/Granta-109-Work/Life-Among-the-Pirates/1
Some parents place too much emphasis on “winning”. The reasoning behind a science project is so that kids LEARN about the scientific process. Buying a project that is ready to go takes all the learning out of the equation. It’s also called “plagerism” when you try to pass someone else’s work off as your own. Most schools have serious consequences for this. Is it really worth risking your child getting expelled because you were too lazy to do a project with your kid?
My kids and I have always had FUN doing the projects.
Yes, that’s why it’s on YSaC.
Also, it’s ‘plagiarism’.
I know this is late, but I’m only just now able to read and comment on the last few months’ entries.
I did all the planning for my science fair projects alone, but I had help w/ construction.
6th grade: comparing different ways to generate electricity. I made a small wind-powered generator and a small water-powered one, hooked them and a solar cell up to a voltmeter, and compared output. I won a prize for that one.
7th grade: disassembled a rotary telephone and learned what all the parts were and how the whole system worked.
8th grade: cut open a couple different types of battery, learned all about how batteries worked.
I liked science so much then. If only graduate school was as fun as middle school….
I know I’m late to the table too, but I’ve only just discovered the awesomeness that is YSaC… and what disturbs me, and which no one seems to have mentioned is that this person makes a point of saying that her kid’s name is not on the project anywhere. This says to me that she would not allow her kid to claim it because she actually intended to sell it from the very beginning. *Twitch*
last time, i joined a writing contests on the internet and i won a small price for writing a nice piece of writing *~,
Why do I find this hard to believe?