YSaC, Vol. 527: Hi, little girl; want a kitten?
[PLEASE READ]EMS
hello, my name is [Mom’s name], i have 2 Daughters [daughter #1’s name], and [daughter #2’s name]. i promised to get them a cat this week. Problem is i got scheduled to fly out to Orlando, Florida Tomorrow morning at 5:00 A.M . i was wondering if anyone could meet up with either of my daughters (13, &15 years old) and you know give them a kitten, i try to always keep my promises. they dont care what the kitten looks like, as long as they get one. I am willing to send a note and do whatever i can to get them this cat. Please do not spam. And please do not ignore. We live in [location]. i will let them meet you anywhere somewhat close. We live near the Fred Meyers. i would NOT like to have you meet at our house for one reason only I WILL NOT BE THERE to insure there safety. Thank You and please Contact me At xxx-xxx-xxxx
Have a good day
(Yes, the woman actually posted her name, as well as those of her 13-year old and 15-year old daughter. This is not a spambot ad.)
Stephanie sends this one in, saying, “Oh hai, my teenage daughters will be alone and unprotected after 5am tomorrow, here’s our phone number and a general neighborhood where we live. Can you bring them a cat? Apparently we have no friends who could help them get a cat, or look after their safety while they go meet up with strangers off of CL. kthxby.”
I won’t let you meet them at our house, but I’ll give you their names and ages. And phone number. Oh, and this was posted from a location in the US that’s pretty much maximally distant from Orlando, Florida, which means that it’s obvious this isn’t going to be a short trip for Mom. Way to “insure there safety”, there, Mom.
The only way this can not end badly is if this was posted by Chris Hansen and the To Catch a Predator team. I’m going to pretend that that’s what it is, just to keep my faith in humanity intact.
Thanks, Stephanie!
Ummm…perhaps this one should be flagged and sent to the local authorities?
I know this one got taken down very quickly after it was posted, so I’m assuming that something like that may have happened. At the very least, I’m hoping people told the mother what a spectacularly bad idea this was.
Thank you for telling me that! I am a mandatory reporter of child abuse and endangerment, and was feeling horribly in need of combing the whole of CL to find this ad and take some action. Now all I can do is pray. 8/
Where I come from leaving a 13 and 15 year old home alone, for an extended period, leads to jail time…….
Well, at least the police will be able to track this idiotic mother pretty quickly. Can we put this in a file to prove why stupid should be a felony?
And she couldn’t get one from an animal shelter? Heck fire, on any given day, there are at least a dozen different cats and kittens being given away on CL. She should have just answered one of those. Or if she didn’t want to do that, why not ask at a vet’s office? Our vet is always fostering animals that were dropped on the side of the road.
Dear [Mom’s name]
Can you please send pictures of [daughter #1’s name], and [daughter #2’s name]? I am rather discerning in who I “give my kittens to.”
Thanks!
Hey [Mom’s name]
Thanks for getting back to me with those pics of your daughters! They look great!
Have them meet me in the alley behind that Fred Meyers. I’ll be in the “vintage” windowless Chevy van with out of state plates. You may want to have them bring along a friend or two. You know, for safety…
Have a great trip!
Hmm.. freakishly similar, concurrent, windowless Chevy van posts. At least we went from different POVs…
Why else did Chevy make windowless vans?
I know why GMC did…
I always suspected that the A-Team was really a bunch of child molesters.
I pity the fool, indeed!
Oh my dear god, that is TERRIFYING! Are people really that stupid about security? I can just picture some creepy guy wringing his greasy hands in anticipation. Uhg. *shudder*
“Hi, Tiff and Bree, it’s Mom, hope you check your messages, I’m in Orlando Florida finally and wanted to tell you I called and got you the unlimited texting, and the new laptops should be delivered today, and I called your teachers and told them they were handing out too much homework like you said, and don’t call your dad or his new wife about the kitten, I fixed it all, just walk over to the 7-11 tonight at 9, there’ll be a guy there, he says he has a rusty old Chevy van with no windows, and he’ll have a kitten for you, just don’t bring the guy back to the house, that way you’ll be safe, k bye.”
Hey there. My name is dumbass and I am looking for someone to feed my cats [cat name 1] and [cat name2] while I’m out of town. I live at [address] and will be gone all week. I will leave the keys under the doormat. The alarm is on, but the code is 2009. (I HAVE to change that soon LOL!) I will also leave the car key and a VISA card on the kitchen counter in case you need to run to the store for more cat food. There is also some cash in the safe in the hall closet (same code!) in case the VISA thing doesn’t work out. Just make sure to relock it so no one gets my jewelry!
Please no flakes and no scammers!
Officer Jones: “Now, girls, show me on this teddy bear where the suspect touched the kitten.”
WOWWWW….if there is ever a Hall of Fame for the most sucky YSAC posts, this one should get the top spot.
I can’t even come up with anything snarky or funny to say. I’m flabbergasted & at a loss for words. That doesn’t happen much.
Except, why is the title of the post “Please read EMS”?? Emergency Medical Service? ‘Cause that’s what those kids would likely end up needing if this idiot of a mother was actually able to go through with this.
I don’t know, I think the title of “most sucky” still goes to the idiots wanting nearly-free babysitting for their precious youngsters.
This actually sounds a lot like this article from last month’s Vanity Fair:
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2009/12/sexual-predators-200912
Perhaps it’s a ham-fisted cop trolling for pedophiles?
I got “Trolling for Pedophiles” by Ham-fisted Cop for Christmas. It’s a great cd!
unbeeeeelievable. ‘scuse me while i contact child protective.
Hi. Where ya goin’? Have a seat. Let’s talk for a minute.
What do you have there? A cat carrier with a kitten in it? And what’s in the bag? Let’s have a look.
I see you have a flea collar and “Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover’s Soul.” How old did Cindy and Jenny’s mom tell you they were? Uh-huh. And you think they’re old enough to read a Chicken Soup book? I see.
And what’s THAT? Catnip. Catnip.
Do you think it’s appropriate to bring catnip to young teenage girls? Just had it lying around, eh? I see.
Of course, of course, you’re free to leave. Go ahead.
hello my name is [Mom’s name], i have 2 Daugters who are both in their teen years. Not only are they both defiant little tramps who hang out with musicians and bikers til all hours of the day and night, but in not too long, they’ll be expecting to go to college. if you think i have $40,000 a year for either of these future baby machines, you are sadly mistaken. So, here’s the plan: i tell them that if they go to the alley behind the Fred Myer after 5:00AM tomorrow morning, then a nice man will give them a kitten. you do whatever you want to do, as long as I don’t have to worry about spending the college fund, ’nuff said. Meanwhile, I fly out to Orlando to establish an alibi I MEAN FOR BUSINESS, and if it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well it were done quickly, if you know what I mean.
Scottish Play FTW.
That was totally my shakespeare monologue when i was in the 9th grade. Sadly, I still remember it 15 years later.
if it were done when ’tis done, ’twere well it were done quickly
if the assasination could trammel up the consequence and catch,
with his surcease success….
i may have over-practiced the memorization then. hm.
Thank you, PapaSloth. I was just about to comment with my theory about this, but you beat me to it.
Step 1: post ad
Step 2: ?
Step 3: practice tears of despair on plane
I just hope to God this is a fake ad. No one that stupid should have children.
Sometimes, it’s that level of stupid that leads to people becoming parents, unfortunately …
I’m stoked that one I sent in finally made it 🙂 However I have to admit, I see a lot of dumbass stuff in the pet section, but this was without a doubt the most jaw-droppingly awful idea I’ve ever seen anyone post. I also hope it was someone’s idea of a bad joke. Or that they soon got a call from CPS.
Trust me, someone in my situation will have seen it, and done their duty. I have to believe that.
I’ll show you my pussy if you show me yours.
it also gives advice for luring the kids as in they really like kittens this has to be fake no one is this idiotic
Well I’m just speechless, and also hoping it’s a fake.
I got the impression that this post was written by the girls as a way to get a kitten while their mom was out of town.
“they dont care what the kitten looks like, as long as they get one.”
They SHOULD!
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/03/03/funny-pictures-ebay-kitteh-not-as-described/
still wiping the tears from my eyes from that LOL cat…thanks!
I think this was probably a “buncher” spambot looking to get free kittens for animal testing
This HAS to be law enforcement or a reality show trying to draw out the exceptionally stupid creeps, right? Right? Or maybe bored idiots making up a really unlikely scenario to see if they actually get any creepy responses, just for kicks? No one can be this careless with the safety of their young teenage daughters, can they? For this matter, surely nobody can be so heedless of the quality of the kitten they are supposedly taking into their household if everything works out okay.
I am going to believe that this post can’t be for real. Any other option threatens my sanity.
Why don’t you have a seat right over there. I’ll hold the kitten.
*weeping for humanity*
So here is a distillation of the vintage posts:
1. This is fake.
2. This is Chris H. setting up a perp.
3. This is someone who wants to be Chris H.
4. This is the suckiest CL ad ever.
5. Let’s just nuke the planet now. Humanity is doomed.
6. I want a kitten!
Don’t have a kitten but have a box full of funky monkey! What could be more fun?
One of the aspects of the dolphins leaving and saying “Thanks for all the fish” is that they left us all that once-digested herring (and smelt, and jack, etc.)
I could see this being a real ad because I know several people who think the world is great and people are awesome. I just want to smack them and scream “wake up, dummy!”
Owww! That hurt! Why’d you… Ow!
You’re not a dummy, OMV. If you frequent this site you’re aware of how much people suck and are not on the smacking list. Or the can’t-figure-out-why-I-got-taken-advantage-of list. Lookin’ at you, America.
Hopefully those kids take after their dad in the common sense department.
I remember being horrified reading this post and clung to the hope that it was a hoax and not parental insanity.
On another note, what a pleasure to revisit BianchiSound’s magnificent wit displayed in the comments.
I agree, Archie. He’s not a goddess for nothing!
Wouldn’t it have been simpler for mom to send her daughters directly to a cat house?
Aw, FM, you never came by to see that you were in the box! So this will come as a complete surprise (evil grin). Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mustang Ranch!