YSaC, Vol 513: What’s the woerst the cn heppin?
TATTOOS,PROMOS, CANT GO WRONG
well im back i have my own personal lil shop at my house built to code as a shop short of plumbing so i have my own shop for some nit picky assholes out there
im sterile im bloodborn pathogines certified and have owned my own shop down downtown sadly it closed due to bad choices in people but thats life
im giving awsome deals on awsome work $50-$150 covers almost any tat $175-$250 covers almost any half sleeve $275-$400 covers any full sleeve u might come up with limited time promo i do trade work all the time and will always d trade work if its something i want ,i am appointment only based 24 hrs in advance & like always bring memore work & ill gladly hook
u up on ur work so hit me up & let get u the tattoo uv always wanted. ### ### #### names j .
A tattoo artist that can’t spell? Really? If you pitched that joke at the writers’ meeting for the lamest sitcom on television (Brothers, apparently), they’d laugh you out of the room. The freakin’ Farrelly Brothers would kick you out of their office for suggesting a cliche like that.
Come on, pal, let’s find some original way to horrify the internets, shall we?
Thanks for the link, Anna!
We should hook him up with the ROOFER ROOFER ROOFER guy – the comedic possibilities are endless!
Are you thinking sitcom here? Which one would be the harried dad, and which one would be the zany next door neighbor?
ROOFER would be the neighbor, always dropping in unexpectedly.
No, the ROOFER would have to be the dad. This guy is sterile.
Mmmno…I was thinking more along the lines of getting ROOFER man a tattoo by this guy.
“im sterile im bloodborn pathogines certified”
I was afraid this was going to be a personal ad at first…
If so, it would be good to know this guy couldn’t reproduce.
Getting a tattoo is someones garage that has been retro fitted as shop (minus plumbing) always sounds like a great idea to me…
Of I agree, it’s certainly on my “to do” list. After all keeping it sterile with no running water would be so terribly easy right?
Dang it, where did I put my CL decoder ring? By trade work, does he mean like at trade shows? Because I think a Tat Artist Trade Show would be awesome!
I’m waiting to send in for my CL decoder ring but haven’t saved up enough box tops from crates of Thorazine and Night Train.
Lola! I always enjoy a Thorazine reference.
Glad to help. You can’t imagine my dismay, though, when I found out I had to save up and send in. I tried using the ring given to me by an ex named Craig, but all it said was “gold plated.” All it decoded/explained was that Craig, no lists.
I think (but am far from certain) that in the tattoo world “trade work” means tattoos in exchange for sex.
I assumed it meant he barters/trades. So he does a tat for you, you give him a part for his car or something. But I’m just guessing too.
Both of you are right, in some circumstances. It’s far more often that it’s an item trade or (frequently) you do a tattoo on him, he does one on you. There are some sketchy folk who trade tattoos done in water-free windowless sheds for drugs or sex, though.
Personally, I got my tattoo for a used PS2. I figured that if it were going to be $90 or that, and I couldn’t trade the PS2 for $90, I was getting the better deal 😛 Of course, the dude was legit and had running water and actually LIKED being up to code xD
You know, for just a second there I read that as you getting a tat OF a PS2. Since I know you like gaming, that wasn’t too surprising, but it’s a little less common for women.
Hahah, I’m not THAT into gaming! Plus, I like classy tattoos. A PS2 is not “classy”
I rather thought so, but also didn’t want to disparage your choice if you had, considering its permanent!
*is relieved*
Activision is classy.
The Atari logo could be kind of amusingly old school. I bet there’s some ironic Williamsburg hipster who has one.
I’d have to agree on that one arallyn
Our Lola is the soul of tact. 🙂
There are some atari tattoos out there, but old-school nintendo is a lot more popular. Gaming tattoos I get a kick out of, but would never get one. It would be like getting a Backstreet Boys tattoo…I bet there will be a time when gaming is just as lame as them -_-
I’ll tell you one thing. My motorcycle gang, The Bloodborne Pathogens, will never use this guy again.
Damn, you bear me to it. But I was going to go with “great name for a heavy metal band”
Still can put it in the forum list!
ah, but do I spell it the ad posters way, or the correct way?
Whichever you feel is more “rock and roll.” 🙂
well it’s in there now
Well, my rival motorcycle gang, The Nit Picky Assholes, will be taking all of our business to this guy!
That is the longest sentence I have read today. Is there some sort of shortage of punctuation of which I am unaware?
I’m pretty sure I know where the commas went, anyway.
I think Craigslist charges you extra for the punctuation.
…im giving awsome deals on awsome work …
When he says “awsome,” do you think he means things that make you go “awwww”? Like he’s offering a sweetly sentimental deal on cutesy-wootsy widdle tattoos?
Because, if I remember right, Ed has been considering getting tattoos of everyone’s kitty-cat avatars, and maybe this guy is the right one to do that for him.
That sounds fun. He could be the poster guy for http://ugliesttattoos.com/
Either you’re thinking of a different Ed, or you are misremembering. I do have one tattoo, though. Bucky Badger (the Wisconsin mascot) is permanently displayed on my left brachium. I have no plans for any future tattoos, however.
Good lord ed, WHY? He’s such an ugly mascot!
And anyway, the cat avvies would be a great tattoo! 😀
I was like 20 and in the Navy and everyone was getting tattoos and I didn’t really want one and that was the one I picked. It’s a big hit on State Street in Madison after a football game, though.
Sir, EVERYTHING is a big hit on State Street after a football game, including armed robbery, public drunkenness, and open-air drug deals.
My dad was in the Navy and when I asked why he didn’t have any ink, he said that before he could be tempted into it, he observed waaaaay too much art that had aged really badly (imagine tats done ca. WWII and earlier, after a couple of decades) and decided not to chance it.
Mushroom, mushroom…
I should have just acted offended and replied: Whysit gotta be the sailor who was gonna get all the kitty tattoos? Hmmmmph! I see how you roll.
we’re rolling? will there be rock too?
sorry, think my sugar level is a bit low, either that or my brains is “blonde” mode today.
I didn’t want to announce any awsome / awful tattoo plans of my own, and figured you’d have something funny to say in response. You know, “In Soviet Russia, kitty avatars gets tattoos of you“; that sort of thing.
good point Isaac, for once we seem to be be lacking an “In soviet Russia” comment, which is very unusual.
Uv? UV? Good grief. *facepalm*
I think he’s “sterile” because he’s “short of plumbing.”
Is anyone else concerned about the possibilities involved with someone being “bloodborne pathogens certified” and working someplace that is “short plumbing?” Last I heard, part of preventing the spread of bloodborne pathogens involved WASHING YOUR HANDS.
What? Doesn’t everyone bathe in showers of antibacterial gel now?
I thought the new trend was boiling bleach?
it certainly is in here some days
Last I heard, part of preventing the spread of bloodborne pathogens involved WASHING YOUR HANDS.
He’s certified. He passed the test. He’s no pantywaist, mama’s boy “tatooiste”. He’s back and he’s The Man. He don’t need no steenking water.
I’m CERTIFIED to apply toxic herbicides and pesticides…but ain’t nothin’ I sign that says I listen to them there regulations I was tested on!
I personally think this sounds like a great deal, and I’d hire him if he’s local.
I do have a few requests: I can come to his shop, but I’d prefer if he met me at the beach at sunrise, and gave me a Clevlend Browns logo on my leg. I just love the majestic “Brown”, don’t you? Oh, and I expect to cavity search him either way. And I won’t pay unless I like it. And if he’s a joker I’ll block him.
All I could think of is that these two should get together.
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=2797
This guy did my ” MOOM” tattoo. He’s grate!
He is grate!! He did my tattoo just awsome!
Sincerely,,,,,, Fred Moom
so that’s where all the comas went.
Come on jg, give them back, or at least share a bit
Awesome work with ink
Not so good with the speeling
Punctuation either
A haiku
Ummm… your last line has six syllables.
Change last line to:
…or the little marks.
Change the last line to: or punctuation.
(And make sure you spell awsome correctly.)
or punctuation is better. That’s why you’re teaching poetry and I’m not.
Dammit. I am really on a roll. “An awkward silence fills the room, as Mr. O realizes the irony of f-ing up a post in which he makes fun of someone elses poor posting. He does not win the heart of his English teacher, and his family banishes him to Missed Connections hell.”
You could have just claimed that you did it on purpose to add to the humor of your post. Most of us probably would have even believed you and thought it clever. Humility is pretty cool too, though.
I made a new one just for you guys.
Haikus are awesome
but sometimes they don’t make sense.
Refrigerator
Oh, you made a new one? You sure you want to stick to that story?
Busted! I Googled ridiculous haikus and that’s what I got. Hell, I am not that clever! Dammit Isaac, you foiled me again!
Tattoo Shop, this is HIV speaking, how may I help you? Yes, we are open today, but we can’t do your work until tomorrow. Right, we are so packed in our new shop that we moved into that we have to tightly coordinate our schedule. Yes, we are located at 996 7/8 Northwest Industrial Drive. Yes sir, that is the warehouse district. Yes, Hepatitis and I are here all the time. Bring any mid 70’s Dodge van parts for partial trade. See you soon sir.
Something makes me suspect there’s also a windowless, rusting, Econoline van (aka creepy-mobile) involved as well. For later disposal, if you know what I mean.
“for some nit picky assholes out there
im sterile im bloodborn pathogines certified and have owned my own shop down downtown sadly it closed due to bad choices in people but thats life”
Any tattoo artist who thinks that this sort of cleanliness is “nit picky” and that people who are “nit picky” in this fashion (the CDC, the World Health Organization, any random local board of health, all of my doctors, DHHS, etc., to start a list) strikes me as someone perhaps only grudgingly interested in detail. Do you want someone like that doing your tats? “Sorry, your Sgt. Pepper album cover full-back tat has a few small details changed, because they were easier for me. Hope you like the Last Supper. I mean, even that ain’t DaVinci, but you know, fewer people and shit. Easier for me.”
Then there’s this ringing self-endorsement: “sadly it closed due to bad choices in people but thats life.” An artist who admits to bad choices, but “thats life”? So when you complain about your Sgt. Supper tattoo, he says, “thats life.” I hope that when that person’s process server shows up to inform him he’s being sued they say, “That’s life” [note apostrophe].
Right. We have “im back” at the beginning, and the shop that was closed and the bad choices. I’m thinking he was gone for five to twenty years for advanced training to perfect his monochromatic technique. I hear he’s working in Bic ink on thread-wrapped sewing needle these days.
Ooooh, you may be right! I was just thinking “unreliable business partners” = “last girlfriend made off with all of stash that I was also dealing out of the place and for which I was beaten by the other dealer, and my money” and not hard time! I bet that’s where he had time to study up on the regs. Lots of time.
Could someone translate this last bit for me?
& like always bring memore work & ill gladly hook
u up on ur work so hit me up & let get u the tattoo uv always wanted.
Bring him more clients, and he’ll bring you more, so contact him and he’ll get you the tattoo of your dreams!
I’m thinking he’s proposing a partnership with a prostitute.
Ooooh! I see it now: memore is two words. Got it.
You’re smart, arallyn. Thank you.
I thought it was some grotesque misspelling of memory at first.
My first thought was mispelled Latin. I have no idea why I went there. Doesn’t really seem called for, some how.
Having listened (in horror I might add) to some of the younger customers in our local bar, I always thought “hook you up” meant something like “do you a deal” as in bring some more customers and I’ll do you an even cheaper rate.
But then, who knows, it’s like a foreign language to me, and I never was that good at languages.
*shakes fist angrily* Kids these days! We give them everything! Including language! And then they turn around and use it for unintended purposes! Like dealing drugs! Or *gasp* FORNICATION!
*cough*
*proceeds to gossip about how bomb-razzle the latest Lady Gaga album is*
*scratches head and stares at arallyn*
bomb-razzle?
I have no idea. I don’t know American slang. It seemed like it would be something teens would say. Maybe Igor knows.
good point, he can probably give a full translation of the add, in actual english.
My question, too, dev.
*feels old*
When I was in, say, college (15+ yrs ago now), to “hook up” meant sex (“they totally hooked up”), or, at the very minimum, heavy make-out. Possibly including oral. So when arallyn says “I’m thinking he’s proposing a partnership with a prostitute,” that’s where my brain goes, too. Though I do now use it in the “hook me up” sense, lately; e.g., last weekend my friend who works at a restaurant “totally hooked us up” with free drink and appetizers.
*feels equally old*
I’m familiar with that use of the term too, but judging by the rest of the ad I’d guess this person is maybe a little younger than. But then again, who can tell, he may just want to sound like a teenager who hangs around on street corners.
Oh dear, I’m going to sound even older now.
I thought I’d accidentally been drunk posting* (and reading) but checked the bottle – only half, and not on an empty stomach. That wasn’t it.
*Started new forum thread re: this topic. Any and all encouraged to contribute, and to the forum in general. *points at link in upper right of page*
The ONE time I hung out on a street corner (waiting for my friend in 8th grade) I had a creepy old guy come up to me and ask “how much is it?” in a totally serious voice. Gotta be honest, never really understood youth culture, even when I was one. My friends were totally jealous of me, saying that I must have looked “hot” to get him to say that.
*reads arallyn’s story*
*showers in bleach*
That’s … kind of horrifying.
creep old guy asking an 8th grader how much = hot?
I think their attitude has me more worried than the creepy old guy does.
I blame my “friends” more than the creepy old dude. I hung out in skeezy neighborhoods and frequently got asked if I had any drugs/cigarettes on me, so it didn’t creep me out *that* much. It was enough to mention it to my friends, though, and their reaction was baffling to me, even then.
All but one of those friends now has a child. None are married. One is in prison. This does not shock me.
At least he’s sterile so we don’t have to worry about him teaching his kids to spell badly…
I think it’s been mentioned before, but anyone know what happened to “Tuffy”? I enjoyed his comments..
No idea, I’m missing him too. I hope he returns.
I wonder if it would help to shake a can of kitty treats? That always get my cats to come running.. well, my dog, too. 🙂
:: Shake Shake :: “Tuffy!!” :: makes kissy noises ::
Oh! That explains why mine is pawing at the screen and doing his croon-mew. It’s working here, so I hope JcT/Tuffy do return.
I really know nothing about the tattoo trade, but why does he need to say “im bloodborn pathogines certified”. I mean, if I had a choice between a tattoo guy with “pathogines” or one without I’d take the one without, but is tattoo guy going to be leaking some bodily fluid on me or in me during the process such that he needs to be certified for my safety? Just how intimate a procedure is this?
I’m sure there’s some long complicated name for it, but briefly, it means he’s taken a course on the transmission of such things, and how to prevent it, and got a certificate to prove it.
OK that makes sense. So naive here. And old.
well I have tattoos, so I’m maybe more in the know than you.
I expect it’s different from country to country, but here in the UK tattoo artists can take an assortment of courses covering various aspect of hygiene etc. The good ones also invite health officials in to inspect the shop, tools etc regularly and post the reports openly in the store.
Needless to say, those are the type I go to.
Or does he mean that he’s certified to deal with pathogines? He’s sterile? Sterile technique? So confusing.
I like that he has “lil” shop (shoppe?). Kind of like “Tattoos ‘n Things”, seems quaint and homey somehow.
Tattoos, doilies, frilly-shaded lamps with the base in the shape of a plaster poodle, body piercing, needlepointed footstools, china pet dishes, tattoos … Yep, I can totally see it.
I keep seeing this at the upper right ad space:
Mustang Tattoo Video
The Love of Tattoos and Passion for Mustangs are Unleashed – Watch Now!
You know what? I can’t. I don’t dare watch. I don’t want to see anything related to passion, cars, and tats being “unleashed.”
I have “gastric sleeve surgery packages”. I don’t want to know what those are.
part of my wants to google it, the rest of me is hiding under the desk screaming NO!!!!
I think it’s a weight-loss thingy.* Like a lap band or something else that constricts intake so that you aren’t eating as much.
*This is a guess, I’m not googling it either.
gastric sleeves basically turn the stomach into more of a “tube” than a “bag”. It’s meant for people with a BMI over 60. It’s still experimental and usually isn’t covered by insurance, apparently.
But it can be done through the vagina now! 😀
you googled didn’t you? shame on you! lol
haha, it’s too easy not to…I love learning trivial facts and annoying people with them
That last line just totally horrified me. They don’t connect! They shouldn’t be made to!!
AR –
I don’t think that the stomach is connected to the vagina in the procedure, I think that’s the route by which they access the stomach.
As someone who owns a vagina, I can tell you I’d much rather have it accessed through the stomach were I to have the procedure. It’s enough that they are messing with my digestive system, I don’t want the innocent reproductive system brought into it as well!
That’s what I mean my “made to connect” – they’d have to cut through out of the uterus to get to the stomach, and that just seems like a bad idea.
Both ways are done by laproscopy, it’s just that it avoids scars when it’s not through the stomach. Though, at a BMI of 60+, what’s a little scarring?
Better, but still giving me the squirming heebie-jeebies.
Congrats on thoroughly horrifying me today, people. And here I was wondering if it was going to happen!
I feel so badly for “j”, but you know, as he says…….
That’s life (That’s life),
That’s what nitpicky assholes say.
Bloodborn pathogine certified in April,
Shot down downtown in May.
I know I’m short of plumbing and sterile too,
But I’ll be back in my lil shop, built to code, in June……
The funny thing is some people will probably think this is a great idea. Then they will get AIDS.
I respectfully disagree.
People unwittingly getting AIDS = not funny, ever.
I don’t find that funny Blu; I find it truly frightening.
Of course AIDS isn’t funny, the funny part is the fact someone will think it’s a good idea to get a tatto from the person. The tragic outcome will be the AIDS. It’s kindof like the saying “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” Only in this case until someone gets AIDS.
I got an ad on the forums for Craigslist Auto-lister, an ad for bots that apparently posts 1000’s of times a day and harvests email addresses! Awesome! ….AdSense is cool with this ad?
ok, I’ve finished my bottle, I’ve thoroughly freaked myself out over at ugliesttattoos (that thong is something I NEVER want to see again) and now I’m going to go and hide under a duvet and hope I don’t dream about all the weird stuff the net has subjected me to today.
Hopefully I’ll survive the night with a little of my sanity still intact (what little there is left that is) and I’ll see you all some time tomorrow.
Apparently there is a shirt out there for toddlers that reads “My mom’s tats are better than your mom’s tats.” G’night, Gracie.
I don’t like the ones with spelling as the main complaint. I mean, sure, he can’t spell, but there isn’t anything particularly funny about his lack of spelling skills or the info. he posted.
What about the fact that he can’t spell worth jack, and over half of the tattoos done in the US are wording in some language? Even if you gave him a template and spelled it out for you, I wouldn’t trust him to do it.
Plus, he’s giving tattoos in a SHED. A shed with NO WATER. And he says he is hygienic! HYGIENE DOES NOT EXIST IN A WATERLESS SHED.