YSaC, Vol. 511: Seriously.
2009 December 10
Need Furniture…Moving Sale
Moving in 2weeks
Have several items for sale
Coffee table
Lion Rug
Best offer
please call or text xxx-xxx-xxxx
Thanks, Alex!
166 Responses
leave one →
Exactly what it says on the tin.
Not.A.Lion!
Want a Not.A.Lion t-shirt AND a Llama-nun's Prayer mug? How about a Cat Math mousepad? Of course you do!
All are now available as t-shirts and other things! (The llamanun mugs contain the YSaC group prayer on the back.)
Talk amongst yourselves …
WordPress Hates Me – A Novel Approach on YSaC, Vol. 573: The nacho cheese fountain finally has some competition.
[…] we come to the part that WordPress hates. My long-time attachment to a humor blog called You Suck at…2794: The pale rider saga – Chapter 2 part 2 | Library of the Damned on Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all!
[…] Ah, the good ol’ dinning table. […]bianchisound on YSaC, Vol CXCII
In case anyone ever checks. I just saw this ad and missed everyone here. Enjoy! https://lasvegas.craigslist.org/pho/d/nellis-afb-womans-feet/7164431024.htmlDecelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1800: So long, and thanks for all the bees.
Wow, it’s amazing to finally find this site. I’d say I’m late in getting here, but I know I’m right…Decelerate Spoon on YSaC, Vol. 1243: A little hard of herring.
I thought this joke smelt, but this guy really knew how to drop the bass. And it flopped around everywhere…
If that’s supposed to be a lion rug, I wonder what the coffee table looks like.
I bet it looks just like an ottoman.
I bet it looks just like a Byzantine.
Nah, Turkish divan.
Judging the condition of most of these “items” sold on CL, I would go more with the coffe table being Baroque.
Ouch.
I bet it’s a French Prudential Papa John chair.
If that’s Papa John Phillips French Providential, I’m not sitting on or anywhere near it.
That rug be lion on the floor.
I’d be lion if I told you that was a tiger rug.
It’s pretty much my favorite animal… bred for its skills in magic.
Sweet!
Vote for Pedro.
I caught you a delicious bass.
If that’s a lion then I’m Audrey Hepburn’s identical twin.
Because lions and tigers (and bears, oh my!) are both large cats and Audrey and I are both human women even though we are different enough in outward appearance to be two different species. I’m not quite as dead, though.
This whole “Not a lion” thing makes me think about the fact that language is constantly evolving. Maybe in a hundred years, this will be a lion! Or extinct, and therefore no one will care.
EDIT: why is this under sarajean’s comment? >_>
‘Cause my awesomeness causes others to behave in ways that they themselves do not understand.
Or, you clicked on the wrong “Reply” button.
I suspect the former. It’s the picture of your cats. They’re no hypno-cat, but close enough.
Thanks! Personally I think they are as cute as a bee’s mittens, but admittedly I’m a little biased.
If Fearless (on the left) had not decided to close her eyes, I would have gotten a perfect hypno-cat picture. Sadly they are at the hyperactive age when the only non-blurry photos I can take are when they are unconscious or close to it.
Is anyone else beginning to doubt their ability to differentiate?
Just me? Ok then.
Nope, not just you. I had to look at it for a few seconds to be sure. All of the not-a-lion lions have gotten me rather mixed up. Damn you Craigslist!
It’s not a lion. Or is it? Cognitive dissonance and animal taxonomy in a self-chosen cohort of Internet blog commenters
Coming soon to a nerdy bookstore near you!
Soon to be a major motion picture!
I’m such a geek that I’d probably pick that tile up. Even if I wasn’t posting here.
I truly had no idea that anyone over 2 wouldn’t know the difference. Scratch that, my nephew is two, and he clearly describes his animal toys.
“Lion. Daddy Lion. Tigewr. Baby Tigewr.”
Maybe we should rent him out to edit CL posts.
“No, no, no. Not Lion…TIGEWR!”
“Seriously, Not a Lion” LMAO Thanks for the morning giggle
I need one! I already have a lovely sable (OK, nutria) hat.
I think we need a “Not a Lion” tag or “Taxonomy Fail” tag
I like “Taxonomy Fail.” Seriously, WTH is wrong with people that they can’t keep them straight? Is this a reflection of the poverty of our educational system, or the fact that more people that we realized who are on CL are utter dumbasses?
I vote for the latter option, myself.
Tonight!!!!!!1 One night only… Taxonomy fail!!!!!!1 with opening act Not.A.Lion!!!!1 Tonight at the Coliseum!
Ooooh! My favourite Not.A.Lion. track is their cover of “The Wonderful Thing about Tiggers.”
I like “The Tiger Sleeps Tonight.”
Aaa-wimoweh!
… If Not.A.Lion is a country band, they can play “Blame It on Your Tiger Cheatin’ Heart.”
Not to mention that Johnny Cash hit, “I Walk the Tiger.”
I didn’t get past “nutria hat”…seriously?
I might be wrong, but aren’t nutria those big rodents that look a little like guinea pigs on steroids?
Big, but not capybara big! That’s a biiiig rodent.
Yes, a nutria is a big rat. Monica has a “rat hat”.
Yeah, they are. And the problem is, now I’m picturing one whole on her head.
I think there’s a little bit in the Nightmare Before Christmas‘s song “Making Christmas” about making hats out of dead rats and bats. I am humming it right now.
Thanks to Meredith’s comment “now I’m picturing [a nutria] whole on her head”, I now see a whole nutria attached to Monica’s head, digesting her like a really, really ambitious and stupid snake. And dribbling all down her forehead. Yech.
I could also add that nutria are the host for a nematode parasite (Strongyloides myopotami) that can infect the skin of humans causing dermatitis similar to strongyloidiasis. The condition is also called “nutria itch”. I do not know if a loofa would help this condition.
Nutria Itch put on quite a show opening for Nematode Parasite at the Strongyloidiasis last night. I didn’t really care for Skin of Humans though.
No, not really 🙂 The Nutria vs. Sable Hat is a reference to a Seinfeld episode. But now, I think I unintentionally creeped myself out too…
Oh please please please make a “Not a lion” tag. I laugh so hard every time I see a tiger (or a lion?) now.
awwww!! Kitty!
Seriously? Maybe they did this on purpose to get featured on YSaC? If I ever open my own zoo, I would have a Not a Lion exhibit. 8)
So that would be … everything except the lions’ pen?
Lola, you look so, so…..what’s French for “weltschmerz”?…… today.
jg,
Suits my mood. More cuts coming at work and I have negative amounts of holiday spirit.
“Fatigue du monde”?
So sorry, just remember, when times get tough, you can sure count on all your YSaC friends to be there for you! Uh, well, maybe not…..
Seriously, hope things get better. Holidays and job cuts, ouch. You just have to gut it out sometimes.
From the information plaques at the YSaC zoo:
“Polar Bears: Native to cold climates. The skin is actually black under a Polar Bears white fur. Not Lions”
“Chimpanzees: Can use feet to pick up objects and to swing from trees. Not Lions”
“Giraffe: Long necks help them to reach leaves on tall trees. Not Lions”
“Tiger: Stripes are found on skin as well as the fur. Can be found in white and orange varieties. Definitely NOT A LION”
Panda Bear: Native to China. Eats shoots and leaves, not a lion.
(Or should that be “Eats, shoots, and leaves not a lion”? I mean, for the gun-toting, leocidal pandas?)
I was leocidal after “Titanic”…
OMG … ok I realize this was all posted in December and it’s now March. I found my way here from a link at Regretsy.com, and this post had me laughing so hard I nearly broke my chair trying to not fall out of it.
Just had to say ..
I’m beginning to think my parents taught me the incorrect names for these animals. Is a lion really a tiger, and vice versa?
When you start dealing with half-breeds like Ligers and Tigons things really get confusing.
I’m still waiting for the Not. A. Lion. t-shirts
I’m thinking “Not A Lion” would be an awesome band name too.
but what would we call the first Album? Hanging around on a wall? Stop walking all over me?
“Eye of the Lion”?
“I’ve Got a Lion by the Tail”?
yes! when do we get the “not.a.lion” shirts? the gift-giving holiday season is upon us! without not.a.lion. shirts, I may be forced to find a not-lion rug on craigslist for that special someone!
I would love that. I also would enjoy a “My 6 year old draws at the 8 year old level” bumper sticker with a stick-figure cat drawn on it.
I too would very much like a t-shirt.
Okay, I’m confused…
The title “Need Furniture…Moving Sale” seems to imply the person needs furniture because they are moving. Punctuation would help soooo much here.
I guess they were so busy pressing the . key that they forgot to add a ?
Maybe he does need furniture for his moving sale since he says he has several items for sale and only lists two (one of which is not a lion or a piece of furniture).
This person is selling only two items. Not several.
Actually I think they’re selling the “Best Offer” too. It’s part of the list and therefore for sale.
Too bad I’ve already got one, I paid full price for my best offer.
I traded my stuff and things for a best offer.
I could really do with a best offer to store all my stuffe in, it’s really getting under foot.
I bought my best offer from Chester Drawers, in used but like new condition.
ah I hadn’t thought of trying there. How big is yours? I really think I need one about 3 foot long and 3 feet wide to cope with all my stuffe and things. Or maybe 3 feet long and 2 feet wide, would work. What do you think?
You might want to get a metric one, they are so much bigger. Mine’s 91.44 centimeters by 60.96 centimeters.
ooh yes that sounds like a better idea. I did try looking for one at the Ikea website, but it seems they’re out of stock and have no idea when they’ll get more. Such a shame.
Just don’t forget to convert your stuffe to metric or it won’t fit.
oh dear, I’ll have to get a calculator out for that. I don’t think my poor brain is up to it today after going out for a drink last night.
Ah, drmk, you may be fighting a losing battle here! I guess I can live in a world in which people insist that tigers are lions. If only people would insist that my $20s were $100s then we’d be getting somewhere.
In a world…
Where tigers are lions…
One woman – and her pet ostrich – fight a war against tremendous odds.
“Seriously! It’s NOT A LION!”
[quick cut to drmk & dan running through a furniture store amidst explosions]
“It’s rigged to blow!”
‘How can you tell?”
“It’s labeled FRENCH PRUDENTIAL!”
[quick cut to white text on black screen]
ERROR: SCENE NOT FOUND
[quick cut to drmk & dan in a lifeboat on a very strange looking river]
*dips finger in* “It’s… NACHO CHEESE!”
A JERRY BRUCKHEIMER Production
“Quick! Toss me the punctuation rifle!”
A MICHAEL BAY Film
[quick cut to an army of overweight men in Spiderman costumes surfing to the shore on ironing boards]
YOU
SUCK
AT
CRAIGSLIST
“Is that-?”
“Yup.
Love juice stain.”
Opens everywhere, Summer 2010
What a quick production time…oh wait, it’s a Michael Bay film. No wonder.
I like to imagine what happened during the ERROR: SCENE NOT FOUND that resulted in getting from an exploding furniture store to a nacho cheese river.
That.
Was.
AWESOME!!!
Finally a summer movie I would actually pay to see.
I really need to stop reading the comments at work, I had to supress so much laughter I think I might have had a mini-stroke.
Plus eleventy thousand! Awesome!!!
I was just asked if I could breath, and if I was okay. I went into wheezy laughter, and my face was bright red. Thank, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Made. My. Day.
I can’t see this movie. I would be waking up screaming in the middle of the night for months. 🙁
Dan has a small problem with being referred to as a “pet”, but other than that he thinks this should be the featured comment for the next month or so.
Pft, tell him to get over his ego. He should’ve realized that he was YOUR property the second he got married… 😛
“Here we see the majestic lion in his natural habitat…..the living room.”
“It’s not a lion.”
“Shhhhhh! Truly the King of Beasts, his wild, untamed mane…”
“It ‘asn’t got one!”
“What?”
“It ‘asn’t got a mane. It’s a tiger, ya stupid git!”
“No, it’s not!”
“And you wrote the title like you was lookin’ for furniture, din’t ya?” Silly bastard.”
“I never!”
This ad brought to you in memory of Monty Python’s Flying Circus.
Clearly the Not.A.Lion. is pining for the fjords.
And here I thought you were doing David Attenborough.
At least you didn’t mistake it for Marlon Perkins. 😉
Didn’t he start his own chain of Pancake restaurants?
But seriously, don’t be silly, I wouldn’t have guessed Marlon because Mutual of Omaha does elks, not liogers. Or is that moosolopes?
I once heard somewhere that those who cannot learn from history are something something… oh, look, a lion!
Lion, Lion burning bright
I can understand your plight
One of several (2) items for sale
The poster missed just one detail
You’re a tiger not a lion
Best of luck, thanks for tryin’
You beat me to it. At least someone had to reference this! Kudos (& Twix)!
You mean KitKat, don’t you? (Gimme a Blake, gimme a Blake…)
LOL. And here we go full circle with the William Blake reference. Or did you mean Robert (“Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.”)..?
YS@C is so feng shui for me sometimes.
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
IT NEVER ENDS!
If there is any demand, I will make this a regular feature: a bad poem about the current YSaC, in heroic couplets, limited only by a maximum 5 minute composition time. Please let me know.
I’d like to see a poem about the pit bull listing from a couple of weeks ago. No couplets necessary, though – just some doggerel.
snort What? Did everyone else just overlook this?
Psst. What you did there isn’t in heroic couplets. Heroic couplets are in iambic pentameter; Blake’s “Tyger” is in tetrameter.
/pedantry
Hey, call yourself a pedant, will you. I’ll show you pedantry! Everybody knows “The Tyger” is written in trochaic tetrameter with catalexis. Sheesh, what a pedant poseur.
I was under the impression that a catalectic line (in English) generally loses its first unstressed syllable. If that’s the case, then Blake’s “Tyger” is catalectic iambs, not trochees.
If the “catalexis” you’re imagining is happening in the final trochee of the line, then how is your “catalectic trochaic tetrameter” any different from the (more normative) catalectic iambic tetrameter that most readers would hear in that poem?
It just seems contrary-minded, to me, to scan a line of English verse into trochees when, as in this case, a system of iambs makes just as much sense.
/professional pedantry
That made my brain go all tingly.
I think mines dribbling out of my ears sarajean.
*Passes Dev spare set of earplugs*
aw, thank you, you’re a pal.
I could spend an hour or two trying to sort through all that, but I prefer to cede the pedantry crown to Isaac, in perpetuity. An excellent effort.
That’s how I earn my paycheck.
My general lack of knowledge in this area leaves me with a minging taste in my mouth…
Minging? Igor, what have you been getting up to?
(You’re a teenager, maybe I don’t want to know the answer to that question.)
Until I looked it up in the Wiktionary, I figured that Igor had just been mingering. Now I have no idea where his mouth has been, but I’m guessing it was somewhere in Scotland or in the British armed forces.
Scottish slang really does rub off on you, folks. It’s like French swears and “OI!” as a shocked exclamation.
(Knows way too many people all over the world on the giant series of tubes/internet)
And Isaac, British SpecFor Operative- Codename(s): Tygor, Trogdor, Dr. Igor, The Burninator.
😛
Did I ever tell you about how I climbed Mt. Everest in nothing but my underwear in order to catch a nuclear missile in mid-air, jump on, and disarm it? I also got all the stranded folk down safely in the middle of the worstest storm EVER (before jumping on the nuke). They estimate that I saved over 14 jillion lives that day.
When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pedant.
(non-NFL fans may bypass this comment.)
I’ve deduced that this must be from the Detroit Craigslist.
Any Detroiter, seeing something that just lies there, gets stomped on, walked all over, beaten, taken to the cleaners, and is a general embarrassment to look at, would quite naturally think of the Lions, and not the Tigers.
My boyfriend’s response to that: “Damn skippy they would!”
(Coming from a fellow NFC North watcher :P)
I haven’t followed baseball too closely in the last couple years, but I recall the Detroit Not-A-Lions do pretty much the same thing during baseball season.
Seriously, is right! I’m so excited.. this will match my wall hanging I got off CL a while back! I’ve been looking all over for a lion to match it! It was driving me nuts! I would google “lion rug” and all these large, cat images without stripes kept showing up! I can finally stop looking!
Glad this helped you out, LionShark!
Considering all that this rug has been through- the car crash, the rescue by his wife, the alleged affair, the resulting media circus- I think he’s smart to change his name to Lion and lay low for a while.
When will the movie be on worldwide release?
Should I change my name to lionprincess? Who the F would want that rug anyway?
So many existential questions, so little time.
Actually this rug will be perfect for my late 70s perve-themed room.
If you already have the blacklight, you might want to give this one a pass. If true crimes shows have taught me anything, it’s that there is a variety of bodily secretions that will show up under an alternative light source. This thing would probably glow like a neon Rorschach test.
I’m just going to assume that there’s an ultraviolet butterfly splattered across this thing.
Giggity.
Wouldn’t “Neon Rorschach Test” and Ultraviolet Butterfly” make kick-ass names for acid rock bands? The sort that play big stadiums, are too stoned to remember what city they are in, and fling bodily secretions into the crowd like rabid rhesus monkeys?
My thoughts exactly. And/or heavy metal too – the phrase “rabid rhesus monkeys” brought Axl Rose ca. 1988 to mind.
Actually “Rabid Rhesus Monkeys” isn’t a bad punk band name. Their first album could be “Poo Flingers.”
I’m fairly certain that a few of us could get together and with minimal musical/instrument playing ability, get some stage time at a local underground rock venue. The first show could be under the name “Neon Rorschach Test.” A couple weeks later, you just change the bass player or drummer out and become “Ultraviolet Butterfly.” The songs could stay the same. I already have some ideas for album cover art.
I used to be a WoW player, and was in a guild called “Monkeys With Spoons.” Plausibility as a band name? ‘Cause they’d go great with a “Poo Flingers” album.
One of my friends is a guitarist in a pretty awesome metal band up here in NE called “Dessication,” which reminds me of defecation. Does that count on the subject of feces?
My guy has a blanket that reminds me of this. It’s really REALLY fuzzy fake fur, and has two “lions” on it. Oh, but it’s GREEN for some ungodly reason.
He was given it by his brother, who brought it back from Thailand, and said it was “pimp”. His brother actually gave it to my guys roommate as a wedding gift…and it was quickly discarded.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. But sadly, it’s the only thing that keeps me warm in his basement apartment. Damn you LION BLANKET!!!
I will never understand the way men’s minds work. A “pimp” item is an appropriate wedding gift? In what bordello?
Are you kidding? “Pimp” items are always appropriate presents for my brother, no matter the occasion. And by “pimp,” I mean horribly mismatched clothing that is sewed together so if he ever runs out of everything but that suit he’ll look like an idiot.
Yeah, his view of both world explains why he’s the son living at his mom’s, watching tv and playing WoW, and letting the rest of the family raise his new babby while he contributes nothing to either the babby or babby mumma. To him, that blanket is “pimp” because, and this I quote, “I’m the biggest pimp you’ll find, so I know what to pull out to get the love juices flowing”. (I heard from 5 seperate sources that this is how he explained the gift at the wedding…to the bride).
Can’t imagine why his ex wife beat him with a towel rod, or why he got thrown out of the hospital when Babby Mumma had little Babby Pimp.
Can a lion change its stripes?
I do keep wondering if this is a ploy to wind up on this site. Then I have the big question:
“Have we created a meme?” Win for YSaC!!!
If I were at home and not hiding in the bathroom at work readig YSaC on my phone, I would be playing with images right now to make not.a.lion. Internet famouse.!!111!
That explains all the giggling from the next stall.
Whew.
I propose a 4chan-style image-posting raid.
I second. You can get on that right now, since I barely Photoshop red eye out without making zombie eyes in their place.
OMG! This made my day. 😀
Well, even though most tigers are endangered, guess they’re actually extinct in people’s brains now.
Maybe these lion/tiger people have seen “Napoleon Dynamite” one too many times. Wasn’t that where they invented the “Liger”?
No, they actually exist. They just can’t breed once they’re created. Like mules.
And me.
Owah, Igor, who needs breeding? Your community intermingles their components quite frequently with great success – much less messy and wasteful than childbirth, and no smelly nappies!
True, marther, we are a fairly rethourthful clan, but I wath referring more to the angthty teen that writeth thethe pothtth.
Sorry, sometimes it’s hard to tell, as I remember awkwardness and disfigurement (and awkward disfigurement) to have featured heavily in both descriptions of Igors and every experience of teenage-hood ever documented… 🙂 Except for celebs, who’re always perfect, from birth, and therefore don’t count and can go sit on a cabbage, quite frankly.
“always perfect, from birth,”
I already am, Jen, but having more people as perfect as me in the world would be the equivalent of dividing by 0, or allowing my flux capacitor to run out of juice while stuck in the future. Hence, no mating. 😉
I just had my 8 year old look at this and the other not.a.lion picture. She assured me that those are tigers and anyone who though otherwise was “crazy or blind”.
Wow, she’s identifying animals at a tenth-grade level! You can totally market that talent. Fact.
My news reader runs line breaks together on preview, so I read “Coffee table, Lion, Rug…”
Now that’s an ad I would respond to.
You think Depressy is funny?
I mean, funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh… I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
I mean funny because I would totally let you stalk/haunt/murder me.
😀
Depressy likes you. Depressy will grant your wish…
I do not find you funny, sir.
I exist only to avenge my friends who live every day with nightmares of you and your kind.
Watch your back.
What is Rule #1? There are three answers.
A) Cardio.
B) Don’t talk about ***** ****.
C) Do not discuss ****Chan.
Oh, right. The rest of the question.
Which of these is relevant, Buffy?
“Why did it have to be a clown?!”
I can’t even tell you how excited I am by the return of Not.A.Lion. Totally made my day, which was pretty great to begin with. Yay!!
I <3 all Not.A.Lion.s 🙂
I’m pretty sure this is an obscure tribute to Rivers Cuomo after his recent bus accident. If you’ll recall from one of Weezer’s more popular tunes:
…Watch me unravel, I’ll soon be naked.
LION on the floor, LION on the floor! I’ve come undone.
OMG, I have the PERFECT two pictures to go with this lion rug!
Rats! I meant to save it but it’s already gone out to the recycling bin. Yesterday’s Seattle Times had a correction about a tiger they had misidentified as a lion. Or the other way around. Or… oh, aren’t I helpful?
Heard from my 3 year old: “I love that tiger carpet” . So I am guessing he is either a genius or it really isn’t that hard telling the difference between a lion and a tiger.
Sadly, I know some pretty unintelligent people, but I’m pretty sure they can all differentiate between a lion and a tiger, & that is most definitely not a lion. I’m also thinking, this just proves, being smart enough to know how to use the Internet does not always equal being smart enough to tell the difference between a lion and a tiger…
So the obvious thing that you have all overlooked is that this is a Lionskin rug with a picture of a Tiger on it! Dis guy knows what he has and is gonna get a pretty penny for it!
*Sniff* The birth of the Not.A.Lion meme. Did they know they were creating history? Actually, given that some of the cmmenters actually said that, Imma go with “yeah, they knew”.
And I think the Not.A.Lion knew, too. You can see it in the look on his face. He’s fully aware that he is there to endure mocking and taxonomic misidentification for the benefit of all who will follow. He’s like Jesus. Or RuPaul.
I am from the future and approve of this entirely.
I am from the passed and also approve of this entirely.
This is the best! Although I think all the stupidity has worn me down… the other day I told my 3 yo to put on his lion shirt, to which he helpfully replied, ” it’s not a lion!” Le sigh
Reality is what you perceive it to be. If you perceive it to be a tiger, then it is a tiger. If you perceive it to be a lion, then it is a lion*. If you perceive it to be a felinial chihuahua, then you are just batsh*t crazy.
* With all of the people who would call that a lion rug, I feel I should warn my friends here. Do not anger the sparkies, for they are many and probably outnumber us.
Oh, what the heck. Bwahahahaha! Seriously, Not.a.Lion.