YSaC, Vol. 442: Philip Glass sells a table.
u know what. i got it! free deals!
i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!i got a red table for sale! take it for free!
This may seem like someone who is just a LITTLE too enthusiastic about selling a table, but I think it’s actually the leaked libretto for Philip Glass’ latest six hour magnum opus: “I got a red table for sale!”
Although that explanation ignores the fact that this poster seems confused about the various conflicting implications of “for sale,” and “take it for free.”
Thanks for sending this in, Teri! Thanks for sending this in, Teri! Thanks for sending this in, Teri! Thanks for sending this in, Teri! Thanks for sending this in, Teri!
[Edited by drmk to add: I wrote an opera once. It’s chronicled here.]
I sat and read this whole ad VERY carefully, waiting for the hidden message. It’s not there.
My head hurts. White space is my friend.
Someone’s brain is stuck on stupid.
I can almost imagine reading this ad with a funky beat behind it.
Almost?
OK, first tap your hand gently on the table on ONE and raise it for the two three. Ready? ONE two three ONE two three ONE two three ONE two three
Got it? Fine!
Now keep tapping and say this practice sentence in 3/4 time: Laverne wears an L on her tops Shir ley does not. Laverne wears an L on her tops Shir ley does not.
Good so far? Now here we go, back to our text, ready everyone? ONE two three ONE two three ONE two i GOT a red TA ble for SALE TAKE it for FREE. i GOT a red TA ble for SALE TAKE it for FREE. i GOT a red TA ble for SALE TAKE it for FREE. i GOT a red TA ble for SALE TAKE it for FREE. i GOT a red TA ble for SALE TAKE it for FREE.
See? It fairly sings, I tell you.
yeah, I was rocking out to this one.
That was entertaining to a ridiculous degree. My thanks.
Isn’t “Free Red Table” the name of a band?
is it a COMMIE table perhaps?
If it isn’t, I’ll take it. Our first album “Take It For Free” will be a hit.
You might not make any money off of it though – people will confuse the title for an instruction, per “Steal This Book!” etc.
Lola, it might also decrease the profits prostitutes are receiving.
I’m hearing the start of a fun new techno song. I bet Strong Bad could really make something of this, a la “The System is Down.”
Well, (s)he does say deals, so I gather (s)he has 21 red tables for sale. The price for the tables are undisclosed, but the buyer is allowed to take it away for free.
Possible uses for said red tables:
Snorting lines of coke, cooking up some meth, laying out and making pretty patterns out of 374 various “happy” pills, mixing aforementioned “happy” pills with Irish coffee (sans coffee), posting ads on Craigslist.
YMMV.
I wonder what color the table is? I don’t think it was mentioned.
“Wow, nice table. How much is it?”
“Take it for free!”
“So I can just take it? Now?”
“I have a red table for sale!”
“Oh, it IS for sale? Ok, how much is it?
“Take it for free!”
-picks it up, starts walking out-
“I have a red table for sale!”
“I thought you said it was free???”
“I have a red table for sale!”
–six hours later–
“Tell me how much you want for this table or I shoot you right here!”
“Take it for free!”
-*-*- BLAM -*-*-
Will he deliver for free?
here’s the thing… the table is free, but delivery is a squadrillion buckaroos.
It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it. I’ll give it a 73. – American Bandstand.
I really need to purchase a red table for free. Any ideas where I can find one?
Actually, I think this is a genuine Ewan McTeagle! Not since ‘Can I have fifty pounds to mend the shed?’ has McTeagle produced such an allogorical powerhouse. Yes indeed I think ‘i got a red table for sale! take it for free!’ will be the cornerstone of his Craigslist period.
I could see John Cleese doing something with this, even though it was Eric in the sketch. Cleese has the right voice for it I think.
it’s everybit pythonic. i’m trying not to snork my coffee on my screen…..
To my ear, it smacks of W. C. Williams:
So much depends
upon a red table
i got for sale
take it for free
it is delicious
so sweet
and so cold
In Japan they do it:
Table for free sale
It has the color of blood
Maybe free, or not
John Keats does it:
Ode on a Red Table
Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; I got a red table for sale!
(O Attic shape!?)
Take it for free! —that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know!
Copious apologies to Keats. Love the Haiku Tacomagic. Hehe
My little English major (BA and MA, yes, I’m a lit geek) heart has been loving the poetry references these past few days.
You’re like Ralph Fiennes and his Herodotus.
R.I.F.!
For Lola’s Dr. Seuss fix:
It’s a table, it’s red, for sale, you see,
It’s lots of money, so much, it’s free!
Did I mention before, the table is red?
And maybe before, it’s free, I said?
The table is red and you can have it for free!
Just bring lots of money and give it to me!
I want to remind you that the red table’s for sale,
If you take it for free I’ll send you to jail!
The red table here is just what you need!
It might be free but I’ve got family to feed!
It’s red and…
My brain is beginning to wrap around itself like a mobius strip. I am not capable of continuing… continuing… continuing…
Step away from the red table and the rhymes, slowly, and I’m sure you’ll be fine. Please don’t sacrifice your brain or anything else on my behalf, much as I do find it amusing (the rhymes, not loss of sanity).
my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull! my eyes! please take them out of my skull!
I’m picturing this ad being chanted with a funky little bongo thing goin’ on in the background. Then for applause, the black-turtleneck-wearing-audience appreciatively snaps their fingers.
My brain must be shorting out, because I initially ready that as “Then for applesauce…” And I must be reading too much YSaC, because it kind of made sense. I could see Philip Glass or the hippie bongo players performing for applesauce.
Allen Ginsberg digs it.
oh
yeah
man
peace
out
new york
new york
the city so nice
they named it
twice
snap!
I was 3 lines in before I noticed it was both for sale and free. *hangs head in shame*
Can we adopt this as our YSAC anthem? It’s musical and demonstrates the very essence that is sucking at CraigsList
I second the motion.
All in favor say “Aye”
“AYE”
a red table is a red table is a red table. it’s for sale. it’s free. it’s a free deal. so much awesome, so little time.
I think I know who the seller is. You might recognize another one of his masterpieces;
All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.
I am NOT driving up to a creepy hotel in Maine just for a table that might or might not be free. I can guess how it got red, though.
Readers, if you’re not sure if “All Work and No Play” is really your style of literature, I would suggest reading this review of the book.
Do they have a review of the similar work, “All work and no beer makes Homer…something something” by H. Simpson?
It rubs the lotion on it’s skin or else it gets the hose again.
Is this like one of those 3-D magic eye images where you’re supposed to defocus your eyes and see a schooner or something?
It reminds me of the song “Millions of Peaches”:
“Please buy this table, buy it from me. It’s a red table, take it for free.
Please buy this table, buy it from me. It’s a red table, take it for free.
Please buy this table, buy it from me. It’s a red table, take it for free.
Please buy this table, buy it from me. It’s a red table, take it for free.
Please buy this table, buy it from me. It’s a red table, take it for free…”
I just learned how to copy and paste! I did it for FREE!
How did I miss the previous post about the opera? I love it! If you need a soprano, let me know.
Btw, how can you tell there’s a soprano at your door?
She can’t find the key and she doesn’t know when to come in.
nonono. you have her confused with DRUMMERS.
No, that one is: How can you tell there’s a drummer at the door? The knocking speeds up.
Then there’s also:
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless.
rightright. i’m in a very large and insane choir – really – we usually refer to ourselves as the moron tabernacle choir – and all those knock knock jokes get told a lot. since i’m a soprano, had to defend my tribe.
Drummers need to find the key? Obviously I should have tried harder to stay awake in my high school music classes…
I always thought that was a tenor…but with tenors you get DRAMA.
This could totally be up in some major art museum. Did no one notice the absolute zen going on in this post? If you actually read the whole thing, I almost want to get this red table and put it right next to the rest of my CL table collection.
I bought this table for free. I bought this red table for free. I bought this table for free. I bought this red table for free.
Updated to add the “zen” tag.
O … M … G …
I’m only going to say this once: just f*cking chill, dude. We get the picture.
*restrains self, with difficulty, from reaching through the internets and throttling this person*
I want to buy that table a little less every time that sentence is repeated.
It’s not so much the repetition, the spelling problems or the fact that it’s incoherent that makes me twitch (well maybe a little). It’s the complete and utter lack of capital letters. Please can I get just one capital “I” just one, I’m begging here.
I actually thought this was some kind of punishment for writing a improper Craigslist ad – like having to write 100 times, “I will not talk while the teacher is talking,” or ‘I before E except after C, and when said “ay” as in neighbor and weigh.’
Or maybe a test for macular degeneration. I see dots now.
I think this person may have a red table for sle.
Well, I knew they had one for sale, but what does it mean when one has something for sle?
It’s for the lizard people in land of the lost.
Okay this is so totally off topic but I just realized that drmk’s avatar is a llama. I’ve been reading this site a while and thought it was a dark, mysterious, blue hooded figure. I seriously need to readjust the angle of my monitor. Maybe I should buy a free red table to set it on.
You are definitely not the only one…
Blue hooded figure! I thought so too!
Thirded.
Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!
I played it backwards and the devil spoke to me.
*shudders*
Hey! This lady has a red table for sale!! You can take it for free!!! I’m not kidding!!!! Read for yourself!!!!!
Mind a little prose? (With apologies to Poe…)
THE “Red Table” had long devastated the country. No furnishing had ever been so salable, or so free. Contradiction was its Avatar and its seal –the confusion and the horror of paradox.
Looks like Jack Torrence from The Shining uses Craigslist too!
“All work and no sales makes Jack a dull boy…”
Y’know what..?
You meant Steve Reich, not Philip Glass.
Sorry.
No, he meant Philip Glass.
See “Einstein on the Beach”.
Sorry.
I found an excerpt from the opera:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxQwnCkh3FA