YSaC, Vol. 354: The confert will kill you.
free set of couch
i have a confertable set of couches that i give away, this couches are in fear condition. but is free no purchase so come and pick up. bring truck and someone can help you . [address]. call before you come. you can come from 6 p.m to 8 p.m but call firts.
Lindsay sends this one in, saying:
“*ring ring* Yes, hello, Firts? Hi there, Firts, I’m calling about the free set of couch. Is they still available? Ah, wonderful. Now tell me something, Firts, is they indeed as confertable as you say? When you mention fear condition, are we talking Nightmare on Elm Street fear or The Grudge 2 fear? There’s a huge difference, you know. And how is it that I’m able to call you when you don’t list your phone number?”
Thanks, Lindsay, although I think you’re being a little hard on poor Firts. He’s obviously in a fear condition over those ugly couches. And it’s obvious how you’re able to call him — the call is coming from inside the house!
Anyway, since I’m all about philanthropy and doing good deeds here at YSaC, I’ve matched Firts — who has couches he’s clearly afraid of and would like to give away — with the fellow in this next post:
Wanted: Couch and chair – $1
If you have a good, clean used couch and easy chair that you don’t want/need anymore, I would gladly take it. I was recently in an automobile accident and the old couch and chair I have is killing my back! I have a few musical instruments that if I had to, I would trade for the furniture. Please if you have anything, would you email me? Thank you all.
This gentleman is obviously already in a fear condition, so I think the set of couch and he would get along just fine. If he’s really lucky, he might also happen to find a set of teeth lying around somewhere.
Thanks for the post, Cindy!
I think that first post sounds like it’s directly from Engrish.com. The second one might not have been bad if he had restrained himself from adding his Halloween picture to it…
Those couches are in fear condition – Disney scares the crap out of me.
So I’m not the only one who sees the terrifying Mickey Mouse? Good.
Remember: Mickey is always watching. Fear the couches. Fear Mickey.
What’s worse? The couch is bound to suck you into an alternate dimension the moment you sit on it, but then there are the dead, dead, dead eyes of Mickey Mouse.
Ok, I chuckled a little throughout the post and Lindsay’s description, but I totally lost it when I got to the part about “the call is coming from inside the house!”
D:
That man’s teeth put me in a fear condition worse than the one brought on by the combination of speeling problems in the first ad and the couch pattern.
*lies down to recover*
Oh, and the pic on the guy’s? I immediately mentally tagged it WTF?
Haha. Just discovered your blog, and am really enjoying it. That is one scary couch!
Your name puts me in a fear condition! Run away!
no WONDER the couches are in fear condition… did you see that wood paneling???!?!
I like the fact that in the second post we got a photo of the guy just as he is about to have said automobile accident.
I’m also wondering about the ‘musical instruments’ he’s willing to trade – they could be quite impressive (Keyboard, double bass, electric guitar)……or quite lame (penny whistle, grandad’s harmonica, empty jug). Mind you, if it’s anything he’s put his lips to, then you know what? I’m OK – you keep your clarinet.
I know exactly what this couch is afraid of… & I don’t blame it for even one second.
http://bit.ly/nYZWh
(found on http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/2009/06/more-wwhm-coming-up.html )
oh no
no
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Is it just me, or are only his top teeth yellow?
you can come from 6 p.m to 8 p.m
Oh how I wish that were true. Would the couches facilitate this ability, do you think?
OW!! I think the pic of the guy hurt my eyes more than the couch! >__< WTF is “fear” condition?? *sigh*
On the first post, I read it as ‘convertible’ couch. I spent a moment looking at the pictures to see what it was supposed to convert too.
I hope the second poster is offering a Keytar.
I should have known better than to take a sip of tea before reading this post ….now I’m mopping my keyboard and testing my waterproof mascara. Wonderful!
:adopts best lecturing tone:
Now class, here we see an example of the dreaded Couch Plague that swept through Ish in the early Twenty-First Century. Note how the infection has spread over the entire surface of the poor thing, turning it, to use a layman’s term of the time period, “super gross.” This Plague was so virulent and so widespread that it led to the great Furniture Bonfires of 2045, where not only couches but chester drawers, armwares, armwhares, armoires, and scores of ottermangles and ottermen went up in a carcinogenic cloud of smoke. This of course led to the current trend of simply sitting on the floor and piling all of your possessions in the corner.
Couch firts, silent but deadly.
Be afeared, be very afeared.
*sprays air freshener*
Smells like something died in here. Just what exactly did they eat?
Given that other couches on YSaC have been stuffed with snakes and dead aunts, no wonder they smell
Is “confertable” ad-speak for comfortable convertible sofas?
No, confertable is the opposite of profertable.
Are there such things?
I love it when LimeLolly is in the box! She always takes care of those pesky insects that hang around.
They taste like paparazzi.
C’mon baby
don’t fear the couches
Challenge accepted.
*clears throat and grabs the cow-bell*
Oh, the time has come.
I can’t sit, these are all wrong.
Sparky don’t fear the couches
nor the auto-man, nor the chair (we can find them online)
Come on Sparky… (don’t fear the couches)
Sparky take my deal… (don’t fear the couches)
We’ll be able to buy… (don’t fear the couches)
Sparky I’ve got a plan…
Laaaa la laaaaa la laaaa
Laaaa la laaaaa la laaaa
(*tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk…*)
Minnie Mouse looks on
Here until they’re gone
A piano and a drum
Are together in order to trade… (a piano and a drum)
Forty-thousand offers for a trade … (have a piano and a drum)
Forty-thousand offers for my couch… (want a piano and a drum)
Another forty-thousand emailing everyday… (We can work this out)
Come on Sparky… (don’t fear the couches)
Laaaa la laaaaa la laaaa
Laaaa la laaaaa la laaaa
*guitar solo*
*band jam*
(*tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk tunk…*)
Love this furniture
‘though the color is all wrong.
Came over last night to see them.
And it was clear it just wouldn’t match
Then the seller told me he would cut the price
And I only had to pay half a drum.
The couches were loaded into my truck… (he told me don’t be afraid)
Come on Sparky… (and I had no fear)
And I ran to him… (then I told him I would buy)
I looked backward and said goodbye… (maybe I should get a new car)
I had taken his deal… (really should’ve bought a car)
Come on baby… (don’t fear the couches)
more cowbell! 😉
To be fear to Sparky, firts is not the one giving away ugly couches set.
firts is “someone can help you”. Help you forget you’re loading ugly set of couch in your truck.
firts: friend in really tight shorts
Heh
firts flirts first
Shouldn’t be mean about people’s teeth. Not everybody has enough money to do all they would like to do. I know, it’s hard to believe there are actually poor people in America, isn’t it?
Oh, Cord… you just opened yourself a whole can of expired Crisco.
You do realize this is a humor site and the link regarding his teeth routes to another post regarding someone who was looking for their lost teeth? No, you didn’t realize that? Then scurry along your way and keep your “matt” to yourself.
^^ What the unimpressed owl lady said. Although, if my spacebar kept crapping out and I couldn’t afford a pronoun to start my comment with, I’d be pretty rightously indignant, too!
Also, who posts a picture like that for realsies? If you have bad teeth, don’t take a picture of you impersonating Eeyore and not expect people to comment on it. I don’t publicly post pictures showcasing my freaky-deaky Hobbit feet because it would hurt me in my feelings if my friends/random strangers on the interwebs were all ‘oh, haha, Hobbitsy feetses’.
Plus, it’s a set-up photo. Look at the gentleman’s bottom teeth, they’re fine; almost immaculate given that you can just see the tops.
Those are rather obviously prosthetic teeth used to make a gag photograph. In fact, those particular gag teeth have been sold at novelty stores for at least the last 20 years. I even own a pair… somewhere around here.
Hey look, it’s MATT! Everyone say hi!
Hi Matt!
Hey, Vern! This couch is killing my back. Knowhatimean?
I don’t know who Matt is, and I was just feeling sensitive because I have ugly teeth and it’s very painful for me when people comment on it. I suppose you’re right though, this is fake.
Cordelia, around here, a “Matt” is when someone takes something that isn’t intended seriously a little too seriously.
And I agree — wouldn’t it be nice if everyone in the US had equal access to health care and dentistry, not just the rich people? Oh wait, I try not to let politics get into this blog. But, you know, wouldn’t it be nice?
Actually, reading back through the comments, there were very few shots on the dude’s teeth. Most of us focused on the icky couch.
Cordelia’s.. please come back and keep posting. Most everything on here is always said in jest. (no intentional offense is ever meant- 8) ) Unless you’re SOPA/PIPPA… then… we might have an issue.
LimeLolly, Thank you for a snark well done. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Ish!