YSAC, Vol. XXVI
Parade Float Castle – FREE
Have an upcoming parade? We built this castle for a “candyland” themed parade. It is light-weight (made of tissue and chicken wire) and built on pallets for easy lifting to your trailer or wagon. It stands a little over 6′ tall and about 5 feet wide. Hoping someone can use…it was a first place winner! If you pick up up….it’s yours!
Wait … if someone buys a pre-made parade float, how are they going to do the obligatory montage scene in the movie? You know the one — first you show the kids hard at work on the float, then you show the clumsy kid knocking something over and everyone laughing with (not at) him … then you show the hero and heroine conveniently working on the same part of the float, and something cute happens and they both smile and fall in love instantly … someone decorates something differently than what they’re supposed to and everyone comes over and looks at them disapprovingly but lovingly … and all the while, a catchy, peppy rock song is playing in the background. At the end, everyone collapses in exhaustion onto their impossibly perfect float, with flowers and sawdust impeccably placed in their hair to make them look adorable.
Seriously, you can’t just BUY a parade float … you have to montage one. Everyone knows that.
Also: Why is Santa dressed as the Pope of Candyland?
Santa is dressed as the Pope of Candyland because it’s Sinterklaas, for whatever reason.
Dear Anonymous early version of Corey, that still doesn’t explain why Santa was in Candyland! Sure, I haven’t played the game in some years, so maybe it has changed, but to my best recollection Santa was not Pope of anywhere except the North Pole.
Wish I’d had this for the prom, way back when… now *that* would’ve been an entrance!
But you forgot the part of the montage where someone decorates the float in an obscene and anatomically correct way! That’s the best part! At least in the Monkey Household! *pouts* Christmas is ruined.
The float says “How Sweet It Is” on the side, so I expect it was made of real candy and was eaten shortly after those photos were taken. Now that would be a montage, especially when the fat kid falls into a sugar coma and they have to call the paramedics!
I know what I want to be when I grow up. Uhh… How does one become the Pope of Candyland?
First you need a large windowless van with “Free candy” painted on the side…
I think you have to start your own religion, and like worship Milton Hershey. Communion with Necko wafers, and everyone throws Good ‘N’ Plenty at weddings. Babies are dunked into soda fountains, and eating a chocolate Easter bunny once a year is required. When you can make flawless taffy without a thermometer, you are confirmed and given the Holy Cook Book of Aunty Oaks. I could keep going. Because I have too many days off and can easily procrastinate the things on my to-do list.
After which you will need to raise bishoprics, which will then require a peerage system to raise archbishops. Who will then need Cardinals elevated.
Once a College of Cardinals is raised, then, they will convene, and only after serious contemplation and meditation and inspiration, will nominate a Legate.
If the entire College of Cardinals agrees, the candy wrapper fires will cease burning with black smoke from overheated sugar, but will, instead burn white in the miracle of hard-crack glass sugars.
Papa vivit diu vivere Papae!
(We will make no mention of the schism of apostate white chocolateers; nor of the heathen carob infidels.)
Cardinals don’t need to be raised. They can raise themselves. They got wings.
“Heathen Carob Infidels” just has to be IF’s TMBG/REM cover band.
*Music begins to play as Taco walks up to the CandyLand float*
*Music continues as Taco surreptitiously reaches into his inner jacket pocket*
*Music reaches a heroic sounding climax as Taco pulls out a small butane torch and lights it*
*The scene transitions to a wide shot of the float fully engulfed in flames. Music fades out as the scene fades to black*
I’ve always wanted to do a montage!
Are you still carrying a torch for Innana?
kelli, see if you can decipher this code: Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Pasadena!
It’s true what they say: a man’s [mobile] home is his [parade float] castle.
That is so true D/DM, and it so touching too.
*wipes away tear*
*walks over to float and grabs a tissue*
HOOOONK!
One, I’m gonna put you in the box of kleenex.
(puts on a sun hat and sings)
Wanna be the Pope of Candyland.
Wanna be the queen of the parade.
Let’s meet and make a castle now.
I’ve never been the Pope of Candyland, but for a brief time I was the Prophet of Battleship. (That was before the H-6 Incident, but I’m not allowed to talk about that.)
(deliberately does not mention the
Mike BayPete Berg movie . . . )…and when you’re down here with me, you’ll float too!
Sweet! This castle would be a good place to keep my chickens!
Who lives in a castle
Mounted on your truck?
It’s smaller than an outhouse
But he don’t give a fuck,
The Candyland Pope
The Candyland Pope
*starts practicing the pretty princess wave*