YSaC, Vol. 241: Nobody wants Ponce de Leon.
2009 March 16
WANT TO BUY DEAD EXPLORERS
WANT TO BUY DEAD EXPLORERS CALL DEBBIE OR GARY AT xxx-xxx-xxxx
Alyssa sends this in, saying, “This is missing some valuable information, such as the answers to: Is Magellan worth more or less than Columbus? Will you pay more for a completed set (like Lewis and Clark, as opposed to just boring old Clark)?”
I wonder if they’ll consider a trade. I’ve got Vasco de Gama lying around, and I’d really like a mint condition Sir Francis Drake.
I think this also warrants a wtf? tag.
I really want to know the back story on this one.
Agreed. This one is begging for a wtf? tag.
And on the subject of a trade, my Neil Armstrong, while not dead, would make a fine addition to any collection! I would only take a Columbus for it, though.
They’re looking for out of commission Ford Explorers. You know, the cars that had the Bridgestone/Firestone tires that used to separate from the rim at 55 MPH and kill people. That’s what they’re actually looking for.
Personally I’d like the explorer for whom this continent was named – because Amerigo Vespucci is just fun to say!
Just for the sake of being technically correct – America was named after Richard Ameryk, not Amerigo Vespucci (although it is much more fun to say)the Vespucci thing is just a popular misconception originated by a cartographer.
Just a conspiracy of cartographers, then?
RnGrD reference WIN!!1!11!one!!eleventyone1!1
OMG DRMK<3 It may be months after you made this statement but you have made my day! I say this at the most inappropriate moments and no one knows what I am talking about.
Agreed, Lara. And just for the record, I have often not been on boats.
So if what you’re saying is true, people were fooled into thinking America was named after this Gazpacho guy by some dude that takes pictures of CARS for a living?
Wow, you Yanks really ARE gullible!
Look – it’s a pre-corey corey!
ooooo, it’s like an artifact
The Rosetta Corey.
Do we have to go back and name them Courtneys now? Or are we going to go all Abner Doubleday and just pretend this never happened…
This sounds like a case for the YSaC Supreme Court! *dons wig and heels and sparkly dress* I’ll bang me little gavel.
No, you need a new spec Rx, there IF… We have to go back and rename them all MrPhysics.
I like the idea of another ad being posted following this explaining what the explorers would be used for..
A DEAD EXPLORER CABARET!!
I’d buy tickets…
IAWTC.
I’m not sure I want to see Dead Marco Polo in tights and a feather boa.
Come on, Drake is worth a de Gama and at least a de Soto.
Oooh, I wonder if they trade like commodities in Chicago? Can we composite an index to follow their relative worth on the market?
And what about explorer futures? Do we think Cortez is likely to increase in value based on current trends?
Cortez has increased lately, even in this bear market. However, Hudson has plummeted since the news reported his lavish Canadian lifestyle and multi-million dollar bonuses to his first mate.
In other financial news, Lewis and Clark have announced that Pike will acquire their exploration where they left off.
This is great! We found a mint-condition Henry Hudson in my grandma’s attic after she died. I’ve been wondering what to do with him.
What if I’ve got a live Explorer on my hands? He’s BARELY alive, and probably couldn’t even be classified as ‘kicking.’ I suppose I could take matters into my own hands, but I’m kind of squeamish and nightmare-prone.
Gary and Debbie: How firm are you on the dead thing?
Vanessa
http://www.wideawakeinwonderland.com
Does the Smithsonian know about this? Debbie & Gary wouldn’t happen to be curators would they?
Does anybody else think that this advert would make a brilliant Monty Python skit? I can just imagine Michael Palin asking John Cleese if he’d rather have one that’s been dead for centuries or a freshly dead explorer.
What about incomplete but still alive explorers? Sir Ranulph Fiennes is still alive but he did cut off some necrotic frostbitten fingertips with an electric drill…. would he be allowed? or do you have to be really dead? How about Captain Cook ?
There is also John Wesley Powell, the one armed guy who explored the Grand Canyon for the first time. He lost his arm before exploring though, does that bring the price down?
Anyone ever find it curious that the car that followed the killer Ford “Exploder” was called the “Escape?”
[belated ford suv corey]
Actually, Expedition was the after Explorer; then the Joint-Venture with Mazda created the Tribute/Escape (which is why Mercury had Aviators which were Explorers, then Aviators became Escapes).
In parallel, they re-invented the Excursion, on the F-350 drive-train and chassis.
Nifty triva: The original Excursion is what caused GM to create the Suburban; the re-invented Excursion was meant to be the Suburban-beater. Except the timing was off and gas went up as the economy went down, and ever’body but ever’body was hatin’ on SUV.
Now, Escape is going to be shut down by FoMoCo to concentrate on the Edge “crossover” instead. Mazda is still scheduled to produce Tributes, which actually have a few more engine-drivetrain options than Escape.
[/corey]
Is a Trailblazer like an Explorer? ‘Cause mine is just tired and worn down from wielding it’s machete. These concrete jungles are tough, man.
[suv corey]
“Trailblazer” was coined by GM as they did not like the way the “S-1o Blazer” was being referred to as “junior’ “pint-size” and the like.
This, especially since they needed to sell a lot more of the smaller-sized vehicles to meet CAFE as well.
Which is why the H2 is on a Tahoe chassis, and the H3 is “on” a Vibe chassis (it’s monocoque, really).
Which actually has created a vehicle which causes me to point and laugh. out loud, on sight–the “pick-up” version H3. Again, built like a Vibe, so Front-wheel-drive. Rear bumper higher than wheel centerline, so no bumper hitch possible. No good frame hitch possible (even if available). On a vehicle not really suited for towing anyway. But, it’s the “bed” that is barely big enough for a footlocker, and yet, too deep to put a cooller in, unless you’re going to open the gate every time. So, it’s the “pick up truck” for those who really do not need one, and have $25-30K to waste on “pretend” . . .
[/corey]
I’m related to Sir Francis Drake and I don’t think you should have him. If anything, I should have his… really old corpse.
Dead Explorers only, eh? Hmmm…
(*picks up blunt object*) “Oh, Dora? Dora!”
Now I’ll have “I’m the map” stuck in my head all day
If I can just [matt] it up a little, clearly what has happened here is Spark-bie and Spark-ry have attempted to connect with ‘the yoof’ by creating an ad in ‘young-speak’. Knowing from the rap music they hear in Walmart that money is referred to as ‘dead presidents’*, they have deduced that “young people these days” prefer their objects to be imbued with a whiff of dead, bygone days.
Therefore, if dead presidents = money, because money has pictures and words relatong to deceased rulers of the nation adorning it, so too must dead explorers = maps and dead smart guys = Spark-bie’s online degree from the University of Canadia.
*Disclaimer – I have never been to a Walmart, nor do I listen to rap music, though I understand both can induce a desire to laugh uncontrollably while fearing for the future.
You can simulate the rap music experience by inserting a running power drill into your ear canal.
No, that’s heavy metal
:checks chart:
You’re right! Rap music is rubbing your head with honey and inserting it into a fire ant hill.
It’s only heavy metal if you use a hammer-drill.
Ooh! This would be the perfect
dumb suckerenterprising Sparky to unload my slightly freezer-burned George Mallory on!I’ll be able to put Klondike bars in the basement freezer again!
What atrocities did you commit for those Klondike bars, ghostie?
I can’t really talk about it until after the tribunal meets.
Something about trade sanctions and an embargo, I wasn’t listening too closely.
Bit of a shame, really. I’ve already got a pretty good collection of dead gangsters, dead pharoahs, and dead poets (I belong to a society for the latter) but I’ve been so busy with those that I haven’t had time to start my dead explorers collection. It seemed like a bit of a niche market so I wasn’t expecting to find many there to swap with. Looks like I missed a good opportunity here.
So that’s where my Keats went!
Sorry, he’s one of the jewels of my collection. I have Frost if you’re interested though. Whoever I got him from didn’t store him properly so he’s a little more tanned than perhaps he should be.
Would having Giovanni da Verrazano in your collection be considered bad taste?
Let’s go see if Neopolitan’s remains are really in that gold coffin in Paris. He was an explorer..kind of. Hell, let’s just go to Paris.
I feel weird when I respond to comments from quite a while ago but I can’t help myself!
Christopher Columbus is Not.A.Leon.
Maybe not, but he didn’t age very well.
Dead Explorers Aren’t Much Fun. Oh, and Happy Rites of Spring Bunnies and Eggs, Chocolate Feast to Everyone!
What about John Holmes? He explored many dark holes.
*Hey, there’s chocolate bunnies in the corner*
We hid the dyed eggs in the sofas!
Those are snake eggs!
crunch, crunch
crunch, crunch
They’re not half-bad once you dip them in chocolate.
crunch, crunch
Snake eggs are not crunchy…I think you found Taco’s stash of dumpster Cheetos.
Worst. Euphemism. Ever.
That’s not chocolate, dear.
After an extensive search through my closets, the bathroom, and under my son’s bed, I finally found the explorer I was going to sell this guys. *drags forward the carcass of Livingston* At least, I presume Sparky will want this one.
Yes, but only if you change your name to Stanley.
Alright, nobody’s said it yet, so…
I think “Dead Explorers” would be a great name for a band.
Then after a few years of success, they can break up due to infighting and the drummer can go off and form his own group. He can call it “Lewis and the Clarks”. Sacagawea will be the tambourinist.
Gee, I hope no one mistook HamCan for Easter Dinner. Then again, he might like that. 8) Hammy, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Explorers of the Millennium!
ummHey, I’ve got an old Marco Polo around here somewhere. He’s always a big hit at pool parties!
I know I missed the party by a couple years on this one, but it was too good to pass up.