YSaC, Vol. 1561: Clever girl.
Paleontologist
It has always been my dream to be able to homeschool my children. Recently, my husband caught me playing a game with them in which I said, “Flap your wings and fly like a velociraptor.” Now, all of a sudden, my husband is saying that I don’t know enough about biology to homeschool our kids. I am looking for a paleontologist to come to our house and show him that velociraptors are the ancestors of Turkeys who can definitely fly. I don’t think animals really just learn to fly so the velociraptors must have been able to fly, also. I will pay extra for someone who can bring fossils and a friend to dress lik a velociraptors and demonstrate their wing span, etc. Or, at least, find someone who can make velociraptor sounds. I would like to turn this into a learning opportunity for the whole family.
If this works out, we could do a different dinosaur every week. I will have my kids dress up like turkeys so we can demonstrate how they evolved. Thanks! E-mail me for my address and some times that work for you!
Compensation: $100 plus extra for the noises/costume
We here at You Suck at Craigslist are only focused on one thing: education. Education, and … We here at You Suck at Craigslist are all about two things: education, and helping people. Oh, and … We here at You Suck at Craigslist have three primary goals: Education, helping people, and having a nice sammich. It’s a great day when we can bring together two Craigslist posters into a mutually agreeable situation. It’s an even better day when we can do so while having a nice sammich, but this is just one of those great, but sammich-free, days.
I applaud this plucky young educator’s efforts to create an stimulating learning environment for the children. What better way to learn about the mechanics of flight than to plunge painfully to the ground after attempting liftoff? I mean, it worked for me, and I didn’t have these fancy-schmancy wooden playgrounds with soft rubber underfoot. No sirree, when we tried to fly from the top of our elementary school’s metal monkey bars, we landed on hot asphalt, and we LIKED it! And, importantly, I learned that I can’t fly, even if I’m dressed up as a turkey. (Although that learning opportunity may have only come just last week.)
Since we’re all about education here (and helping, and sammiches), I’m going to point out that research shows that active learning is the most effective and efficient method. So I think we’ve found a way to help our dinosaur-curious friends experience the real joy of learning about our prehistoric ancestors:
Free no fee
I am giving away my 1 year old dinosaur. Her names sandy shes a
prosauropods color purple needs nail trimming bi weekly and eats 30 lbs
of tuna every 3 days. She is trained to do her business outside and is
not agressive towards ppl but has to be walked with a leash. I wouldnt
recommend having anyother pets if so she will be agressive she is still
learning and may think your pet is food or another type of wild animal.
I already experienced her eating my hamster sally. I am not selling her
because i got her as a gift from fam out of country so i just cant have
her anymore if anyone really wants to dedicate their time to this
dinosaur it would be great just email me here or for anymore info.
Thanks
Serious inquieres only
See, in other countries of the world, dinosaurs are much more common as pets. Why, in Belgium, the dinosaur is the second most popular pet, behind the not.a.lion, which recently experienced a resurgence in popularity after one ate a particularly unpleasant Prime Minister. The same rules that prohibit the import of young cheeses into the country also provide restrictions on the import of prosauropods, which are highly valued as service animals and line chefs. But in the name of education, anything is possible!
Thanks, Ralph and H!
This homeschooling mom needs to visit the Creation Museum! She can dress the kids up like turkeys and show them around. I think the owner of the prosauropod hangs out there on Saturdays.
Am I the only one wondering if the first ad if from the same lady who was looking for someone to roleplay an animatronic “disnosaur” a while back?
Welcome… to Jurassic Spark.
Oh, how I wish I’d thought of that for the title.
“That’s how it always starts, “Oh!” “Wow!” “Ah!” Then there’s the running, the screaming . . . ”
Kinky.
She must have a serious prehistoric turkey fetish.
“Prehistoric Turkey” is IF’s “The Byrds” tribute band.
I so should have seen that coming.
Just don’t look up–guano stings in the eyes.
“Up–Guano” is IF’s Liberace, Elton John, George Michael mash up band…
I think if you mash together Liberace, Elton John, and George Michael, you end up with Lady Gaga with a little Prince left over.
More likely a little Queen left over 😉
Hammy, that’s basically the same thing, isn’t it?
As a homeschooling mom of a child who loves dinosaurs, I have failed. I thought it enough to read books, watch videos. build models and visit museums that had paleontology exhibits. I even took her to a cheesy dinosaur park that had life-sized models of dinosaurs (we live in “dinosaur country”). I didn’t even think about cruising Craigslist to find people to present a living history nor did I think about getting her a pet dinosaur when her guinea pig went to the timothy hay field in the sky. I suck. Guess I should toss in the towel and send her to public school.
Not everyone cane be so lucky as to live between Glen Rose and Natural Bridge Caverns.
If those so unlucky are under-sapient, they may imagine themselves to be Galliformic. They may have even have seen documentaries from the UK about giant hedgehogs named Spiny Norman; perhaps even avian opines.
Since ferns have more chromosomes than a human, maybe Sparkette should just try real hard to evolve into a fern. That way her children can learn from nature rather than nurture.
To dream the impossible dream.
I hate having to set people straight on this stuff, but fine, I’ll be the bad guy here.
While the Velociraptor did not fly, it was certainly covered in feathers. It was its descendant, the Apatosaur, that was the first dinosaur to have flight. While most dinosaurs who flew had wings back then, the Apatosaur was unusual in that it developed a small vestigial jet engine which it used to propel itself through the air. With the help of this jet engine and around 30 fleshy fins to steer itself, the Apatosaur was considered the ballerina of the sky.
There, don’t make me have to learnify you all again.
I thought they flew Pan Am?
/corey /end corey
I b’lieve you dropped these, Taco.
Coreying without proper [corey] [/corey] tags…
Taco, we all thought better of you, man.
he was distracted by this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVJ-W6LioB8 no doubt.
Not.a.turkeys….
Isn’t “pale ontologist” the protagonist in “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”?
Make velociraptor sounds: Chomp. Gnash. Slurp. Gulp. Burp.
Sorry, I’m not interested in prosauropods. I only deal with amateurs.
*waves hand at Sparkette*
These are not the sounds you are looking for.
*Drops a “small” asteroid on Sparkle’s house*
Thus ends today’s lesson on dinosaurs…
Reminds me of Alton Brown’s Good Eats lesson on how to cut up a whole chicken prior to cooking. He took a toy model T. rex and cut it apart. If only he could’ve gotten in touch with Spark #2, he could’ve done his demo large-scale. Of course he would’ve needed something larger than a standard kitchen knife. But I’m sure overcoming that obstacle’s peanuts after overcoming the obstacle of getting the rex to cooperate.
“Free no fee” is my “Tubes+Paul Rodgers” cover band…talk about living dinosaurs….
Since Spark’ 2 is unlikely to be 150 million years’ old (the prosauropods appearing in the middle-late Jurassic), I have to wonder if said sparkii has been sold a monitor lizard.
Monitor lizards are said to be under-cuddly creatures of difficult dispositions not given to playing well with others. If Spark’s traded for magic beans prosauropod is a Komodo monitor, the drool of that creature is noxious and virulent.
Of course, anyone with 3-4 minutes’ access to Wiki could probably easily discover that none of the present monitors resembles Diplodocus, Brachiosaurus, or Apatosaurus (Anne [Miss] Elk’s fabled thin at one end, thicker in the middle, to be thin again, ‘brontosaur’) at all. Which suggested they spent their shi8lling’s worth of wiki time looking up naughty bits’ pictures.
“As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”
-Arthur Carlson
I’m sure glad SOMEBODY made a WKRP In Cincinnati reference.
“It’s a helicopter, and it’s coming this way. It’s flying something behind it, I can’t quite make it out, it’s a large banner and it says, uh – Happy… Thaaaaanksss… giving! … From … W … K … R… P!! No parachutes yet. Can’t be skydivers… I can’t tell just yet what they are, but – Oh my God, Johnny, they’re turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they’re plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!”
I’ve seen wild turkeys fly, but it’s more of a wing-assisted extended hop than a majestic soaring. Of course if you’ve drunk a bottle of Wild Turkey, you might think you can fly.
This is part of the wiliness of the wild turkey (Meleagris gallopavo)–if you’ve seen a pheasant fly, it’s not like that. If you’ve seen a prairie chicken (Tympanuchus cupido) run like Eusain Bolt; well, it ain’t like that, either.
Why we are not overrun with wild turkeys speaks to a complexity of the Universe that probably only the lat Douglas Adams could explain.
I try going turkey hunting at least once a year. I sometimes use archery, but prefer my shotgun. On one of my trips I saw what felt like a slap in the face – two turkeys flying fairly effortlessly just out of range of either bow or gun. Even had they been close enough though, they were also soaring just over the heads of some elk hunters in front of me. That and the fact that only a couple hours earlier I had stood within archery range of a beautiful, giant bull with a trophy-quality rack during one of the several elk seasons I did not draw a tag gave me great memories but no meat for my freezer.
What makes flying turkeys look funny isn’t their size. It’s the long, bald neck. Picture a feathered, winged basketball with what looks like a 90-year-old person’s arm from shoulder to fist sticking out.
Yes, wild turkeys can fly as much as they want.
They remind me a little bit of those novelty rubber chickens, only with feathers on their bodies.
I wonder why we haven’t seen LimeLolly today. Did she fly south for the summer?
I was in my cave painting a buffalo, watching Miami Vice.
Boom Boom acka lacka lacka boom boom
Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
I suspect what Sparkles really needs is a logician. For a few more bucks she may be able to get one in costume.
Demon Duke…Parents often hire a costumed logician (hopefully with a Nani Darnell- for the dads) for their kids’ birthday parties. They perform amazing feats of logic, which stupify the unlikelyhood of occuring with any sense of plausibility or uncommon sense. Much un-like the Capn’s Glen Rose, where they have fossilized human footprints alongside those of dinosaurs…..or so.they.claim….
Psst! She’s not a duke, she’s a duckess.
But she knows enough about biology to make kids. Or did her husband have to ‘splain that too?
HamCan, of all the boxes in all the towns, in all the world, you walk into this one. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mary Pride!
Her husband’s right. Yes, velociraptor had feathers. But they didn’t fly. And as far as not being able to just “learn to fly”? She doesn’t understand the basic principles of evolution. Therefore, she is unfit to homeschool her kids.
Again, her husband is right.
Also, “learning opportunity for the whole family”? Translation: I want to humiliate my know-nothing, ignorant, chauvinistic husband in front of a stranger in a dinosaur costume.