YSaC, Vol. 1524: And I’ll never have that recipe again …
Free ravoil, frozen meat on curb right now
Ravoli with spinach
Small frozen hen
2 cylinders of mechanically separated chicken meat.I’ll remove the ad when this stuff is gone.
This is the worst version of Stump the Chef ever. “Well, Lynne, I’ve got a half-frozen hen with tire tracks on it, spinach ravioli that may or may not contain botulism, and two cylinders of mechanically separated chicken meat, which is disgusting enough on its own that nothing else needs to be said about it other than that I picked it up on someone’s curb. What can I make out of those three ingredients?”
Lynne Rossetto Kasper: “So as always I get salt, pepper, and a fat. So what I would do is to put some butter into a saucepan and melt it until it is frothy. Add the salt and pepper. Now take the hen, ravioli, and mechanically separated chicken meat, and throw them into the garbage. Done.”
Thanks, Christine!
Ravoil? Ravoli? Which is it Sparky? Because, of course one is good for the pate and the other makes a terrific gelato.
And I’m using ‘Cylinders of Chicken’ as my band name…when I form a band.
Can I join, C…..J ? I”ll play my Fender Stratofryer. We can play on the last day of classes IN 7 DAYS !!!!!!!! Wahoo !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely! Now we just need a drum(stick)er, and a lead crower, and…
“I got…2 cylinders to paradise….you can…stuff the bird, we eat tonight…I got…2 cylinders to paradise, I got… 2 cylinders to paradiiiiiiiiise.” Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.
Hmmm, I can play my organ…
Oh, hello corner.
“… On the third day of sometime my true love gave to me:
A small frozen hen,
two cans of mangled chicken,
and some spinach ravi…..oli!”
Oh, how I just love the old carols…
Amy’s Baking Company does their spring cleaning.
I think the folks at Robot Chicken may have had a hand in it as well.
Mmmm, curbside cylinders of mechanically separated chicken meat! Just like my Gramma used to make.
(She went a little “off” there towards the end, kind of like the food in this ad.)
It sounds so appetizing! Who could resist?
Ohhhh……
curbside cylinders of mechanically separated chicken meat,
greasy grimy gopher guts,
little baby piggy feet….
You’ve read Gramma’s cookbook Gourmet Roadkill Made Simple, haven’t you?
Not even the people whose restaurants are featured on Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares would touch this stuff. Okay, maybe one or two of them would.
Ma! I’m going out to get dinner for us!
I can make a whole room full of people throw up with those ingredients!
As usual, I’ll be fighting with the vultures and neighborhood dogs to get my Craigslist goods. :-/
It’s really a 2-for-1 deal. Take the food, inject some into your cheeks and forehead, eat the rest. Dinner and a facelift.
Spam, spinach, spam, ravioli, death-chicken, spam, and spam?
But I had death-chicken for lunch!
I had something that “tastes like death-chicken” for lunch.
Death-chicken substitute just isn’t the same as death-chicken.
So, uhm, this:
https://soundcloud.com/death-chicken
or this:
http://www.grouprecipes.com/34224/death-chicken.html
But it was gluten-free!
Just for the record, in case anyone ever reads this, I made the Death Chicken recipe linked above for my dinner tonight. It tastes delicious, but man is it ever rich and now weighing heavily upon my gizzard. So I kinda feel like death now. Makes sense, I guess.
Sorry guys, all this stuff is ‘taken”. Our school cafeteria lady is on her way to pick it up. And even Liam Neeson couldn’t wrest it away from her. It.Is.Taken.
Frozen Meat on Curb is IF’s Meat Puppets cover band.
Barring, as a presumption, mens rea or outright mendacity, this suggests one of two scenarios.
First, that the freezer has been through a power or coolant outage serious enough that no one know how long the products within the cooler were above 40ºF.
Second, that this freezer was in some basement, and the product has been in there and at or below 0ºF for so long that the expiry dates have sublimed away, and the product within hardened to levels normally associated with liquid nitrogen immersion.
The only good I can see from that is a band name: Questionable Cryogenics, a Deep Freeze cover band that travels with The Crême Police.
[Tries to not imagine the freezer-purèed product actually thawed, fails]
That’s the classiest way I’ve ever seen someone describe freezer-burn, Cap’n.
Capn, I am totally adopting this explanation the next time Mr. Eyebrows questions me about throwing something away.
And then, I shall sashay out of the room…ha!
Did you hear about the nearly whole wooly mammoth found last month?
Old hens don’t die, they just sublime away. Or maybe I’m thinking of old drag queens.
Well, there’s two kinds of “freezer burn.”
One is part and parcel of “frost free” freezers in a room temperature environment. Items with a high water content, and any air gaps in the packaging, will “bloom” water ice crystals as the product temperature passes below 30-31ºF. As the freezer cycles warm, to sublime away any accumulated frost, the food product also thaws some amount, too. When this occurs, it creates an osmotic feedback loop, where the cellular structure gives up water in the freeze-thaw cycle. This causes a decomposition of the cells, spoiling the product. Not good–sometimes not good for you.
The second condition is where, properly wrapped items are abandoned/forgotten in a freezer. Then, the product freezes solid, and stays that way, even through the defrosting cycles of the appliance. As these items are dense, with low surface-to-volume ratios; and often in the bac & bottom of the freezer, they become part of the heat sink keeping the freezer cold. Perversely, they can be come colder than the freezer, to the point of freezing ink off labels, or delaminating pasted labels entire.
For dense products with entrained moisture–e.g. the flesh of bell peppers vice whole tomatoes–that level of freezing will eventually cause all of that moisture to crystallize, within its cellular structure (rather than upon as above). Which means, when thawed, in the 4 to 5 days required to do so, the product will often more resemble a purée rather than its original form–while genrally food-safe, it’s under appetizing at best.
This distinction is important, too. A frozen turkey needs to be kept at or just under its ideal of -5 to -10ºF; a “Fresh” (frozen) turkey really needs holding between 35 & 40ºF once home from the store. If buying for the chest freezer at home, a frozen bird is better that fresh, unless you want to freeze-dry the breast & demi-purée the dark meat.
By a happy coincidence, I am fasting this morning, can’t even have water, so I can just let this whole abomination slip by, unnoticed.
I’m curious (nosy) Windrose, is it a dental appointment, or are you in Guantanamo? And yes, we caught the bit about the NEARLY whole wooly mammoth. Incidentally, lunch in the cafeteria was DELICIOUS today…..at least, much better than usual.
No, ultrasound. 8) I’m apparently having a baby gall stone. Or some other gastrointestinal issue.
Oh, sorry. Good luck. I wish it WAS Guantanamo. Best wishes. P,S. let us know if it is a boy or girl Gall Stone.
Since this craigslister was the only one in his community who thought this was a viable meat disposal idea, his ad stayed on the site until the meat and pasta grew large enough colonies of bacteria to ooze on down the street on their own. Following this ad, the craisglister couldn’t understand why he was uninvited to the neighbors’ barbecues, pot luck meals, pool parties, birthday parties, tupperware parties, barn raisings, barn burnings, cocktail parties, key parties, costume parties, interventions, funerals, weddings, bachelor parties, stripper try-outs, tailgate parties, Super Bowl parties, World Series parties, Tour de France parties, graduation parties, beer pong parties, drinking game parties, Law and Order SVU parties, Big Bang Theory parties, presidential inauguration parties, presidential impeachment parties, and PTA parties. He also didn’t understand why neighbors began donating meat that was at or a day over expiration date and why he suddenly saw an uptick in ER visits.
That’s ravoilting.
That’s revealing.
Rat tarte is revolting
Somebody can use this for pig food.
MMMM — BACON!
Is the mechanically separated chicken non- GMO, free range, organic, fed a vegetarian diet on a happy farm? Because if not, I’m out.
[icky corey]”Mechanical separation” is a process used to gain meat ingredients for using in atypical presentation.
For poultry, this means pressing fractional portions against a grating/sieve and applying pressure. Steam is often used to par-cook the meat, which passes through the process in a ground-up or paste-like state. The bones can then be used for other purposes. The paste/ground product is extruded through dies to make “turkey bacon”; or loaded in casings to make turkey ‘franks.’
Some mechanical separators use high-temperature water instead of steam, the end product occasionally being called ‘white slime’ and used as an admixture to beef & pork ‘franks,” or to make certain kinds of inexpensive cold cuts. The majority usage is to create pet food, though.
Sometimes the two methods are applied sequentially, then recombined to make “ground turkey” (which must be labeled as MechSep if that was the process used). Which is why it is better to use the ground turkey from the meat monger, who has actually ground leftover meat from wings, back, neck, etc. to package up turkey legs for sale.
[/corey]
And here I am thinking summer only meant you could fry eggs on the side of the road…
WOW! I just stopped in yesterday on my way to the Principal’s office for a slice of coffee and to sit in the corner for old-times sake and Windy put me in the box – I’m touched (sniffle).
Our baux is better than a gold star, isn’t GD?!?
Edit: That sounded more innocent and less Stephen Kingish in my head.
Oh Archie, I always thought our baux was special! And I always liked being in the baux rather than just near it.
Subsequent edit: That REALLY came out badly – I’ll be in the corner.
You will be! He he he.
You should remove the ad before someone dies!
Grampdaddy, you know you missed this! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, MacArthur Park!