YSaC, Vol. 1486: Come on baby, haul my fire
2013 April 8
free bonfire
Free will have to have big trailer or dump truck thanks
Dear Mr. Explainer Person,
What would happen if I tried to haul a bonfire in a big trailer or dump truck?
Thanks!
-Kim, age 6
Dear Kim,
That is a fascinating question. Here at Mr. Explainer Person we often tell our readers to “try things out!” In this case, I think you should probably just use the power of imagination. Or else you may have to have a chat with nice Mr. Policeman.
Thanks for the nice letter, Kim!
This is a new approach! I usually just put the bonfire in the yard or living room of the person I want to surprise. And you would be amazed at how few people remember to thank me for doing that.
That is inconceivable!
THIS! IS!
wait, which movie were you quoting?
The Secret of NIMH?
The one you are thinking of, but “this is” just grated on my inner grammar nazi.
If only we had a Holocaust Cloak, then we could really have a plan!
Is this a limited time offer?
Read my ad; pull up your truck, darlin’
Do you hear this fire roaring?
It’s yours, and it’s free,
But you have to haul.
Am I only dreaming,
Or is this burning an eternal flame?
Is it time for Burning Man already? Well, guess I better dig out the old latex bikini and head West.
I remember that one!
Adam Savage: Ha ha ha. And they said it couldn’t be done. Transporting a pure bonfire across state lines. It took us what, seven tries?
Jamie Hyneman: Well, yeah, but the truck’s on fire now.
Adam: Precisely, I would consider this a one-hundred percent success. This has to be my favorite myth so far!
Jamie: Not quite.
:BOOM!:
Now it’s one hundred percent.
Adam: Ho-le-(bleep). Am I missing an eardrum?
Jamie: Looks like one of the tires blew in the heat.
Adam: Do you even HAVE a facial expression for surprised?
Jamie: …no.
Now I want Mentos and Coke.
🙁
I want to be them if I ever decide to grow up!!!!!
It’s the only way to keep away the bees.
Wait, just what sort of heretic wants to be free of bees?
If it were those filthy wasps, that would be different.
Bees be upon you and carry your apostasy to the Bonfires!
I always wanted a fire truck.
Maybe if those guys got together with these guys, they could make a hot tub.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_NQepyBu1kI/TZaH6Q6L-fI/AAAAAAAAAAo/sM0DTIQ615w/s1600/redneck-pool.png
The rental car folks will be happy as pigs in shit to see this guy!
I am imagining a great U Haul ad in the making.
Scale down the concept a bit and it works fine.
I think it would be a nice gift for our annoying (read controlling) HOA.
I’d seen a firefly.
I’d seen a firetruck.
I’d seen a fly in Truckee.
I’d be done see’n about everything when I see a firetruckfly!
You call that piddly thing a bonfire?
Some of us know Bonfire:
http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh77/ThreeRunJack/Aggie%20Stuff/Bonfire/1993bonfire2.jpg
The rollin bonfire
Ah the memories of my long-haul days that brings
I still have my union card
Brimstone / Explosives And Satanic Truckers
local 666
If anyone starts singing “This Girl Is On Fire”, I will shun you!
SHUNNED, I SAY!
How about “Burning Up”?
Ring of Fire?
Beds are Burning?
I think Vagisil is missing out on a great marketing opportunity here.
Could it be that this Sparky has finally given up the fight?
Dang, what a day for Bombdude to not show up. Unless he is the Spark behind the bonfire!
*puts hair up in bun, settles reading glasses on end of nose, sticks an extra pencil behind ear and starts to type*
Title: Bonfire of the Inhumanities
Cast: Colin Hanks, Rumer Willis, Dakota (Griffith) Johnson and a special appearance by Morgan Freeman as Mr. Explainer Person
Opening Scene: Wide shot along Route 66 in the middle of the desert. Older model dump truck traveling toward camera. Switch shot to cab, where Hanks, Willis and Johnson are sitting, laughing and chatting to each other. As the shot widens and we notice flames leaping ever higher from the dump box, we hear Morgan Freeman in voiceover: ” A lovely day is dawning over the Mohave. We see our three traveling companions returning from an early morning pick-up off a Craigslist ad. They know that only the best items can be obtained by being the first to respond and had agreed to share in whatever profits were…”
BOOM!!!!
“The End”
Bier? No, I said I wanted a truckload of b-e-e-r!
Nicolas Cage’s newest movie…Ghost Ryder Truck.
“Hey Bubba, there’s a f*ckin big bonfire on that there trailer!”
“No sh*it, Ernie — ya got any damn marshmallows?”
— Bonfire of the Profanities.
“Cletus, there’s a bonfire coming down the road.”
“Is it left-handed or right-handed?”
— Bonfire of the Inanities.
limelolly, a snark a day keeps the sparkies at bay! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Nero!
So, you’re saying I need to practice? 8)
I’m saying you need to sit by me! 8)