YSaC, Vol. 1356: Actually, it was Steve’s fault.
Here at YSaC, we usually confine our posts to snarky commentary on bad Craigslist posts. Hence the name. But now we’ve got such an amazing scoop that we just have to break the story here first. Behold, YSaC’s first foray into investigative journalism:
Writer wanted to document the truth about what actially happened
I am one of the persons that is most responsible for the collapse of the global economy, and I’m seeking a writer who is willing to document what really happened. I seek only to tell the truth and have the truth be heard. I seek no royalties and offer no compensation, only that the truth be actually heard, but I do want editorial rights to ensure that the thruth be told. All royalty right are yours to keep, all I ask in return is peace of mind.
That’s right folks – never mind all the complicated theories about credit default swaps, collateralized debt obligations, Fannie and Freddie, Tadjikistan, or the Snorks – you heard it here first. The reason for the global financial meltdown? This guy.
And now that we’ve told the truth, hopefully this person will find Peace of Mind, Guaranteed.
Thanks, Kate!
Millions homeless; millions destitute; billions of dollars vanished into accounting quagmires more awful than bad Vogon poetry–and Spark wants to step up and take the blame in print?
Wow, there’s some kink out there, but, I thought this level of masochism was restricted to Fed policy writers and editors of Actuarial references . . .
Bad Vogon poetry is redundant.
I don’t think I can handle the thruth, nor do I really want to.
They are still working on innoculations for Thruth.
I hear they have a patch for it now.
I want to get a patch in the shape of Jason Statham. Thruth won’t have a chance…and I won’t care.
The bearer of this awful thruth about what actially happened would naturally have to advertise on Craigslist to have the story told, since the mainstream media have completely ignored the story.
Y’know, I suspected the Snorks had something to do with it. Swimming around… Being all… Snorky…
Dogs and cats living together!
Mass hysteria!
What about the Twinkie?
It’ll be fine as long as you don’t cross the streams.
Hey, he promised he wouldn’t tell! You just can’t trust drunks in low dives anymore. I guess I better sell my Goldman-Saks stocks and head for Argentina. Do they have the intertubes there?
If this is true, then he should be shot! Unfortunately, in this economy, all I can afford is a bag of rubber bands. Does anybody know how many times I will need to shoot him to get satisfaction?
If those don’t work, I think I have a foam sword somewhere.
Assuming this person is actially for real, that is.
What? You doubt the veracity of our Sparky here?
I’m…shocked…
That’s like the owl asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop. How many direct hits to the temple with a rubber band will it take to allow OMV to inflict enough damage on Sparky to be satisfied?
I don’t think D&D has any tables for rubber-band damages, but GURPS has a fairly comprehensive section on improvised weapons.
Ohhhhh! This like such a great deal! I work my ass off writing a book for no payment, no royalties, just out the goodness of my heart.
Superman would probably do it, but he’s kind of hard to get a hold of unless you kidnap Lois Lane or Jimmy Olsen.
That’s a relief. I mean spiders get the blame so often for what’s going on in the world. Of course lately, the blame has started to shift to zombies. I would prefer blame for stuff shifts from us cute little critters.
If you mean McQueen, yeah, we know.
I like Brer Fox and I cannot lie,
You other snarkers can’t deny,
He makes us laugh and we dance and sing
Then we throw him in the box till I do my thing,
Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Fall Guy!
Actually, according to an article in Wired magazine, one man was responsible for the global financial collapse. He is a mathematician from China. He created an equation to calculate risk of Collateralized Debt Obligations (CDO).
Before his equation, calculating risk of CDOs was more an art than a science. However, his equation made calculating risk easy. Unfortunately it had the effect of underestimating the actual risk. Banks were using the equation to evaluate CDOs without understanding the underlying assets of the CDO. Then, when the housing bubble burst, all heck broke loose from overlevereged CDOs and the taxpayers are left holding the bag.