YSaC, Vol. 1210: With a .jpg of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee.
ipad 32gb original – $200
barely used, not much to say about it. never has been emerged in water
if your interested in buying it then reply to this ad asap. text me for more details
Um.. why is it necessary to specify, specifically, that this iPad has never been “emerged” in water. Wouldn’t one generally assume that an iPad has not been used subaqueously unless specified otherwise? That’s a question one really shouldn’t need to ask.
“Hey, wanna buy this car? It’s never been on fire!”
“I’ve got a chest of drawers for sale – never been occupied by a family of angry badgers.”
“How would you like to purchase this camera which has absolutely, positively, never been used to bludgeon a major religious leader over the head?”
What I suspect is that this is actually the Rasputin of iPads. It’s been shot, stabbed, poisoned, hanged, buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. But at least it’s never been emerged in water.
Thanks for the link, sd!
The only thing it was used for was to post this ad on Craigslist… because he couldn’t figure out how to download Angry Birds.
Harmuph.
Ok, traipsed over to eBay.
1st generation iPod 32gb are about $90.
Factory-refurbished ones are about $200.
Sparky has only shown us a picture of the box for a 1st gen iPod (no secondary market in the boxes that I can discern). Those boxes are chock-full of iStuff–charger, ear-buds, etc. Also a middling-important bit of consumer electronics.
Sigh.
Hmm. I’m tempted to propound on “emerged” as a conjugation of “emergent” in its Latin sense, meaning of immediate urgency.
I guess that averring that this box has never been in a maritime emergency has some marketing value. But, that concept leads far astray. As in, so Sparky may have an iPod box from a cruise ship disaster? Or had been on BP’s Horizon drilling platform?
Oh well, off on my hour’s commute . . .
I think you may be on to something there, Cap’n. Sparky was on the Costa Concordia with his iPad, but he managed to hold it above the water while escaping.
Errr…iPad or iPod? I can’t see someone on an elliptical with the former strapped to his arm, though I do see much weirdness at the gym. Either way, take your electronics off the stairs! Someone is going to fall and break a leg.
Damn kids.
I might just be unaware, but I love the word iStuff! Capn, you may have invented a whole new advertising wave!
Dude, I read that as “iStiff”. Snort.
The new Pecil iStiff 5g version q! Now with 25% more yuprobablti and twice the width!
Now here I am thinking about what kind of apps does an iStiff get. My my my. Tsk tsk.
I bet it has a touchscreen.
It has a touch screen that wraps all the way around. It’s also pressure sensitive.
I hear they shrink when they get too cold and that it can affect their performance.
That’s why I got Hubby Monkey a skin for his. He loves it, says it helps a lot. I like the way it makes it look, myself.
Smart move, with the wide range of skins available you can change them to match your mood – Hello Kitty, brightly colored silicone with little devil horns, maybe even faux leather if that’s your thing.
The skins are nice and certainly make the iStiff last longer, but I’ve noticed that the touch screen is less sensitive when you use one.
*hauls the entire lot of you to the corner*
I believe that iPad has never been emerged in water. I also believe that a giant rabbit breaks into houses to leave baskets of chocolates for the Christian children who live within them. And I believe that strangers have the best candy, especially the unwrapped kind.
I know you want to buy this lot I have that has never been a swamp. 8)
I believe the discarded teeth of children are an acceptable form of currency and can easily be exchanged for cash.
Well then, I’ll be keeping Mini Monkey right over here by me. She’s of prime teeth-dropping age.
*hides rusty needlenose plyers behind back*
C’mere, Children! I have some candy for you!
(I got a big mortgage. Don’t judge.)
Have you seen that movie?
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
Creepiest tooth fairies ever.
It’s clearly a typo. Sparky meant to say that the iPad had never emerged from water. That is, this is not the magic iPad that the Lady of the Lake gave to King Arthur.
Maybe they were trying to determine if it was a witch or not. Clearly it was as it didn’t sink. So, you know, who wants to live with witchery? Best to sell it and be safe.
You can’t wield supreme executive technology just because some watery tart throws her pad at you! I mean, if I went around saying I had an iPad 5g just because some moistened bint coded it in Java 8, they’d put me away!
Come on over here Taco and see Lola’s Laker Girls, she’ll convince you otherwise.
Hey, watch who you volunteer the twins for, Fracty! I don’t want TacoMa’am after me!
If it was a witch, it would weigh the same as a duck.
I had a similar thought, but mine was more like Botticelli’s Venus rising from the sea. Do iPads come with a scallop shell?
iPads only come with minty shells and only if the minty shell really works it.
*Slips a dollar into his ipad’s case*
An iCandy shell
I’d give many doors to the Ostrimu if I could, I love a good Hitchhiker’s reference first thing in the morning!
>i>Hitchhiker’s, and Indigo Girls. This makes me want to stay home and read H2G2 with their music on.
Anyone want to buy my spare TacoThong? It’s never been… uh… hmm.
Was it worn over or under the squirrel costume?
I don’t think there’s a “good” answer to that question.
Curiosity may have killed the cat (and/or fish), but satisfaction brought it back.
Though now I’m doubting the whole initial query.
I shall answer your question through interpretive dance.
*SNAP*
*Jingly Jingly Jangly Jingly Jongly Jingly Jankly Klankly Klingly Klunk*
*Bows*
*tucks another dollar into Taco/Tasty’s iPad case*
(I just can’t get used to calling you “Tasty”. Not that you’re not tasty. Well, er, not that I would know if you are tasty or not. Blushing thru ma fur now.)
Get used to the tasty!
Taco, don’t forget that jungling is now part of the TacoThongDanceOfInappropriateness!
Look at you, TM/TS, gettin’ all jiggy wit it!
Or jankly wit’ it, as the case may be.
I have a question. I thought the initial SNAP of the Taco Thong dance was a sapping of fingers. Which I could appreciate. But now I think it is the sound of the thong-donning process. Not so good. Which is it? (saythefirtsaythefirstsaythefirst)
I always understood it to be the thong giving way from over-enthusiastic jingling. No?
The snap is the final sound of the thong donning process, to test that it’s on tight enough.
Brain bleach will be available in the lobby for those who suddenly need it.
Taco went out to a boutique,
’cause he wanted to be unique.
he bought himself some undies
that really changed his life.
He went on back to his place,
and he posted this on Myspace:
I wear a thong size 65,
and I can shake and jive.
but when I stop dancing,
bits of me keep wobbling about.
You all think that I’m crazy,
but that really does not phase me.
I’m a big waterbed
without a frame around me.
(thong size 65, thong size 65)
I wear a thong size 65,
I will not take a dive.
The pool could not take it,
Nor the people gathered about.
They all yelled, “Ow, my eyes.”
So I donned my squirrel disguise.
I went back in my house
for some time with my ol’ lady.
(thong size 65, thong size 65)
At the mini bar,
In the snark lounge.
I look like a squirrel,
And nobody knows,
That I wear a
thong size 65.
Now Taco has his own theme song!
Hey! Maybe this is how I could sell my oven on Craigslist!
“standard sturdy stove/oven range combo. all original parts*. absolutely positively never been emerged in water.** never been infected with a virus. $50 or some OBOs.”
*original parts from when purchased 15+ years ago
**when it blew the element and burst into flames we beat the fire out with a dish towel, didn’t throw water on it
If HEAT makes things expand, then I’m not FAT.
I’m just REALLY HOT.
Hell Yeah you are!
That response is even more apropos coming from your Monkey with Binos avatar… Stalk much?
I wondering, then, if not water, what has it been emerged in? Oil? Sulphuric acid? Acid Washed Jeans? Gene Simmons Hair Gel? Electric Jello? Clockwork Orange?
Has it been Immersed in water?
Help me Obi-steve! You’re our only hope!
Hubby sometimes watches Gene Simmon’s reality show, that man has the worst hair on tv. It kills me. If I were him I’d shave my head.
Funky Monkey!
Gender change is NOT an option for you. NO! NOT!
If you were Gene Simmons, NO! There’s better things for a monkey to be.
You’re Hankering for a spanking if you keep it up.
No more spankings! That’s all it’s been at work this week! When I see the boss, I just bend over and prepare myself.
We call that BOHICA. Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.
*Rereads the minutes from the YSaC comments*
“Boss likes to spank monkey at work. He did it a lot this week.”
Huh. My shorthand is getting better.
ghostie, you may have unlimited calls to your mom from the box today! You’re welcome.
I think I’ll just send her a link to the Urban Dictionary instead.
Ugh, my mum found that on her own, and for a week it was “I found out what 2 Girls 1 cup is!” or “Have you ever seen a goatse?” TURRBLE
Looks like a scam, especially since he’s just showing a picture of the box. Sometimes sellers will show up with 2 boxes, the second for “another buyer”, open the first box, show you the iPad, discreetly switch them and give you the second. Then you get home and find out you’ve bought a $200 piece of wood.
But hey, at least it’s not driftwood. (I assume… Because… it hasn’t been “emerged” in water…)
I wasn’t sure if you were referencing this, or just pulling that example out of thin air…
This Xmas in Canada there was an iPad scam with carefully weighted blocks of clay. They were actually sold through Best Buy and Futureshop too.
I wish that personal ads were thusly phrased:
“Never been in jail.”
“Never moved from girl to girl, wearing out my welcome and ‘borrowing’ money I have no intention of paying back.” [Note: I went on a date with a guy who seemed like this – he didn’t seem to want a girlfriend as much as he really, really wanted to move out of his parents’ house – again – and had found a way to do it that didn’t involve having to get a job. Note that we had only one date.]
“Never kidnapped a pet and held it for ransom, with ransom = ex-girlfriend getting back together with me so I have somewhere to live.”
“Never did something to a woman’s apartment that cause her to lose her damage deposit.”
“Never tried to raise snakes in my girlfriend’s bathtub.”
Yes, we should definitely do this.
It might also be nice to know if the prospective date had never been emerged in water. Or deodorant. I think I went on a blind date with that guy once. I ended up wondering if the person who fixed us up had any sense of smell whatsoever.
m4w –
Hi, I’ve been in prison, but never incarcerated.
I’ve been in jail, but never arrested.
I’ve never worked in law enforcement or penal system.
I was responsible for the safety of other people’s children during those particular years.
This is all true.
If interested, e-mail
(truth in advertizing, Lola, truth.)
Oh I know this riddle!
You’re a blue school bus!
Then it should have read “b4d”. (bus for driver)
He da Judge?
No, wasn’t really a riddle. I just worked two jobs. Driving school bus and delivering food to prison and county jails.
Side note: I had a new student get on my bus with a worried look on his face.
Is it true you were really in prison?
Yes.
What were you in for?
Delivering produce.
Huh?
“Why does this baby snake you sold me smell like Head and Shoulders?”
Baby snakes hardly got no shoulders at all you know.
Shampoo should just be called Head.
Thereby leading to the question “Why does this snake smell like Head?” and everyone in the vicinity subsequently overdosing on unintentional innuendo.
You mean that really was a snake in his pocket and he wasn’t just happy to see me?
Original iPad? No, thanks. I prefer Extra Crispy.
With it’s eleven secret apps and spices?
Where’s the tea? What? (sorry)
Where’s the tea, wot?
My new cybertronic brain has been emerged in water. (at least I think it was water) And I’m able to still use it effectively.*
* this may or may not be true.
*flings towels at everyone*
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Unhappy MACNAM
Unhappy MACNAM
Readme DR. MEMORY
SYS
DAT
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Hey Pablo, I think he broke the President!
So I can infer from the posting that out of all the things that could have gone wrong, it specifically was not “emerged” in water. That just leaves PARTIAL “emersion” in water, cracked glass, malfunctioning screen, broken power supply, viruses (virii?), spyware, chipped back, faulty processor, damaged connector port, fried internal parts, dead battery, malfunctioning headphone jack, jammed reset button, electronic hum, blood stains, smudges, acts of toddler, mildew, total or partial existence failure, is totally not listed as stolen, heat damage, pancake batter, bent frame, missing volume button…
…and a cartridge in a pi tree!
…with one purchase of equal or greater value.
Isn’t that water on the lower left of the picture? Water encroaching on the iPad and threatening to “emerge” it? So the iPad currently has not been emerged. But you have to act fast.
This is actually a very timely ad. The BlackBerry you guys live in when I am at work had a bathtub-related incident the other day. So if you’re feeling a little moist, that’s why. It didn’t get “emerged”, but I can definitely see water spots under/in the screen. Gonna put it in a box of rice this weekend and see if that will suck the water out. So would you all please type “towel”? I figure that will dry it out from the inside. Right?
*Looks around mischievously*
Ocean.
I cast Desiccate!
:rolls die, checks table:
Crap, I got eaten by a grue.
iGrue, iEatchu
Etu Gruete?
*surreptitiously sprinkles cayenne pepper on Taco Thong*
I am donating the fluffies I got off of Craigslist yesterday. You’re welcome.
ShamWow!
Thanks, Archie! But could you please take this odd-looking, obnoxious guy in the headset with you?
Sure thing. If only the shamwow absorption power worked on obnoxiousness. Hey….that might sell better, too!
I’ve used ShamWow a few times; it’s entirely misnamed.
It’s proper name is “ShamMeh.”
Can somebody please lend me some doors? One is not sufficient for TastyTaco’s comment.
I would but the internets say that my cookies are invalid.
Or is it MagicSteaks? I’m so confused…
This ad makes perfect sense to me. Sparky may have immersed his IPad in water, but when it emerged from the water it was no longer in the water. Therefore he never emerged his IPad in water.
I work in a shipping warehouse.
It was going to be busy because we were getting in the new Apple iPads going out to the malls and such today.
I told a gentleman whom I work with, and as English is not his first language, he heard that as “Apple Pies” and got very excited. “Oh, apple pies, apple pies for Irish week!” And it took me a few seconds to figure out he meant St.Patrick’s Day (tomorrow). It was kind of funny. I let him believe that apple pie is an Irish tradition because he was so happy about it, I just couldn’t crush those innocent dreams.
You’re a good person, Silva. 8)
Val is fine and Dave shines most the time.
And Taco, now he’s back.
Ferrets go in the box you know,
But you know what they’re thinking about
Posting on YSaC.
Well, Windrose reads and is so amazed
But on this day, she counts up all the doors.
She chooses three and puts them in.
Dave and Val and Taco, they made the score.
“The box!” she said
To all three there,
and there was room for all,
and each had a chair.
The box, inside,
’til night is nigh
And you must keep it clean and not a pig sty.
I’ll thank you if you will…
Did you ever read about an iPad that emerged from a lake.
And never got wet.
Well, except for the box, and a few other iThings.
If some watery tart throws one at you, that’s what you’ll get.
But Dave and ferrets say it’s a typo
And Valerie says it a witch, so you know.
And Taco says they would put him away
if he tried to wield supreme because of the B*tch.
“The box!” she said
to all thre there.
and there was room for all
and each had a chair.
The box, inside
’til night is nigh
and you must keep it clean, not like a pig sty.
I’ll thank you if you will.
yours will make an even 100 windy
I’m having senior moments! Ack! Forgot to punch ghostie out of the box on Friday morning! Sorry. Uh. won’t happen again.
Good Day, Sunshine!
I think you mean “Sunday” morning, Windy.