YSaC, Vol. 1144: A dweam within a dweam.
2011 December 15
im loking 4 woman to get marriage – 28
hi im looking for some girl to get marriage for convenience if u are interested pls reply here whit ur mail or some phone number u can get some $$$ and i get what i want pls be serius
im 28 years and i live in #######
tanks for u time
Sounds like a match made in heaven – I’ve got the vows all ready:
Do u, Sparky take girl 2 be ur woman 2 have and hold from day 4ward 4 better or 4 worse 4 $$$$$ or 4 $ in sickne and in health, to get what u want, from u time forward until your green card clears?
(Actually, those are just the ones drmk and I used, now that I think about it.)
Thanks, Kate!
Well, I say there should be more of these
thuggentleman-4-victimladies type of hookups.I mean, what could possibly go wrong here?
He looks
frighteningsincere and you can just tell he’s a man who wearsa gunhis heart on his sleeve. A realkillerromantic, he is.This could easily play out like one of those
horrorromance novels I’ve read. Who knows? There might even be alengthy jail termmovie involved!Oh please, it’s a marriage of CONVENIENCE, not inconvenience. You know, the stuff that dreams are exploited of.
They don’t offer remedial spelling lessons to single people?
Check out profiles on some of the dating sites. Seems a basic grasp of written English is becoming obsolete these days – even those claiming to have graduate degrees or higher.
Wat wud u kno?!!!1!
This is reason #978542104284 why I’ve had little luck with online dating. My standards are, basically, YSaC-commenter level, and many of the participants have Sparky-level composition skills.
*weeps for humanity*
Your setting you’re standards too high.
Thanks,
DadDave.ETA: Actually, I think the Sparktastic response might be slightly more like “Ur settin ur stanerds 2 hi.”
*resumes weeping*
Ahem, I believe the correct plural in Sparkii is “stanerd’s”
Lola: In other words, you are a Beluga caviar lady in a canned sardines world.
Never compromise. 🙂
I’d be willing to bet this came from a city within 25 miles or so of a military base. If you’re married, you get paid more.
He did say tanks for your time…
If that’s the case I think he and his convenient wife could end up having quite a blast.
That makes it so much better. What we need is more self-starters like this guy in our military—preferably in charge of the guns and other weapons/vehicles of minimal destruction.
Which is something we need a remedial class upon for too many of our E3’s $ E4’s–you get paid more because you spend more.
Also, unless you enjoy repossesion, you should not base your ability to make regular payments upon your enlistment/achievement bonus payments, too.
<sigh>
In Soviet Russia, marriage get you!
That’s not just Soviet Russia… got me pretty good the first time right here in ‘Murika.
Agreed x2
Twice? Are you like Ross?
<Phobe voice:> . . . Well, you can’t be Ross, he was divorced three times, and to the same girl, and you’re not a dino-doctor-thing; hey, I like museums; is that Joey?</>
He’d have an easier time looking for a woman if he stopped wearing sunglasses in the dark… or whatever it is that’s over his eyes.
Don’t put the blame on the guy in the shades. Oh no.
Ooooo! An earworm I will enjoy! Tanks!
Well, he did say something about satellite radio.
Did the satellite radio kill the video stars?
He wears them so he can, so he can keep track of the visions in his eyes.
I thought he was wearing shades ‘cuz the futures so bright, gotta wear shades
50 thou a year wil buy a lotta beer – could explain his spelling and syntax problems.
I’m sort of impressed that Spooky Sparky can spell “convenience” correctly since I always get it wrong, but not enough to marry him.
The only reason he was able to spell that correctly is because he does all his grocery shopping at the 7-11—during his shift!
I “get marriage” since I am married. It can be convenient at times. How much $$$ do I get?
Three.
Misjay.
OBOs
Although I dearly heart Hubby Monkey, in my experience, marriage gets you negative $$$. But it’s worth it. Unless you find your hubby on CraigsList.
Something about that photo makes me think of the movie, Weekend at Bernie’s. I’m thinking Sparky is already deceased, but his family needs for him to get a visa so they can bring the grandparents over from the Old Country. I know some folks who might be interested in help out, too. We just need to put some glitter on him.
I was thinking that, too. Not so much that Sparky looked scary (though he rather does) but that he looked a bit deceased for my taste. Though whether he is undead of the crafty-glitter variety or the brain-munching variety I can’t tell … and I don’t want to get any closer to know.
Phantom of the Sparkra
Sparkles, Snr: “Here is my son for you to marry!”
Luckless Lassie: “Oh, my! Is he… dead?”
SS: “Nuh-uh! He’s just one of them sparkly vampires what the ladies all love!”
LL: “But, he has no pulse and his face is completely immobile. Though I do agree, the glitter is a nice touch.”
SS: “Pssh, shows what you know, that’s how Sparklepires look! Emotionless and cold! EVERY WOMAN’S DREAM!!!”
LL: *flees, covered in craft herpes*
:stares at Jen:
I rarely blink.
I hesitated putting Hammy in the box today because the language does nothing for our reputation, plus the whole pornography thing. But then I said, Fuck it, and did it any way.
It’s because of things like this that YSaC is one of the fastest growing porn sites on the net.
We do the weird stuff.
Promise?
Tummy rubs cost extra.
In Soviet Russia, weird stuff does us!
Do you take Visa?
With two forms of ID and a notarized letter from your vet stating you’re healthy enough to participate in tummy-rubbing activities.
Bacontini wish to complain about de claimed “weird stuff’ dat your company claim to provide.
Bacontini specifically requested dat four ladies riding bactrian camels sing de score of Sweet Charity while wearing costumes made entirely of cheese and distribute pink fake mustaches to Bacontini’s coworkers. Bacontini tink dat de willful substitution for dromedary camels was inappropriate and dat it proves you are not actually willing to do de weird stuff.
As we explained in our messenger duck, the Bactrians came down with Whooping Hiccups at the last-minute and a substitution had to be made. We did offer to return half of the cherry-walnut strudel you made for us as payment.
She prefers MistressCard or Uncover.
“Twenny bux extry, same as in Town.”
Me ruv you rong time!
Your brother, not so much!
Craigslist ad,
Quite Unclear,
u can get,
Quite a catch,
Marriage of,
Convenience,
Vows of love,
Until I leave,
With my $$$$ I will stalk, the girl.
With my $$$$ I will marry her and drive the tanks and…
Tell you how,
How you make,
Make money,
With marriage: fake,
Russian bride,
Search craiglist,
Find a guy,
Desperate ,
With my $$$$ I will sex, the girl.
It’s whit a girl who is all Serius.
I think she just needs time to know,
That I’m the guy to make it real,
The feelings you don’t really feel,
I’ll have a quick and little thrill,
And you’ll be getting a hefty biiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllll!
So that’s the plan,
Con a girl,
Sex her up,
Then a bill.
Pay up front,
Or get lost,
Then I’ll give,
My end away.
Lots of $$$$ for a f-
^This.
OK, terrible spellling/grammar/grasp of reality aside, what IS it with his eyes? It looks like someone scribbled them out with ballpoint pen. That’s the best photo? And then are they playing shadow animals on the wall behind him?
“Marry me and we make doggies on wall all the time. Serius.”
PrincessLu, I think it’s an attempt at anonymity. I’ve seen this with other ads, which leads one to musings along the lines of “Well, he seems like a nice guy, and he can write properly, but his head is apparently a giant black scribble. I don’t want to be uninclusive or discriminatory, but I’ve never been turned on by scribbles. Of any color. Huh. Guess not. No.” click
Speaking of lines…..I would eliminate him just on the simple principal that he seems to be unable to color within the lines. What’s up with that Sharpie scribble on top of what already look like a pair of dark Foster Grants?
Redacted reflectopron?
It was all he had to work with in his jail cell.
THERE’S my Farm Boy!
As you wish….
Does anyone else hear this ad read in a Borat voice?
No. In my head, it’s Slingblade all the way.
Marvin the Martian.
Foghorn Leghorn. “Ah say, ah say…..”
I keep hearing it in Long Duck Dong’s voice.
I’m weird.
Keannu blended with very-young Sean Penn
Bwahahahahha!
*cough cough*
Sorry, as you were.
When I first saw this, I thought, “Oh look! Ronnie from Jersey Shore has a new gig! He’s not just limiting himself to Xenadrine ads.”
You kids and your pop culture references!
*Shakes cane*
You old people with your poop culture and shaking cane references!
*shakes iPod nano*
Xenadrine? Ooooh, I think our fine fellow has a steroid issue. Just look at that neck! It looks like a tree trunk!
He’s loking four women and wants more?
oh no urban dictionary (will not click)
And here I thought it was a reference to Norse mythology.
[helping the dictionary blocked/phobic]
Either of
1. Portmanteau of “like” and “love” to indicate the relationship state of the indecisive average between those two states.
or
2. The condition pertaining (or presumed to pertain; or predicted to obtain) after consuming the controversial beverage “Four Lokos” (which is either a blend of stimulants and tropical juices, or a coca derivative in a syrup).
Noun, verb, adverb, adjective, and preposition forms being presumed via construction and context.
[/Hope that helps]
I bet he would be happy with a ‘classay’ woman
Or an inflatable one.
Unless Sparky is the hikikomori in need of the green card . . .
So. Scared.
::hides::
Let’s see…
Used bicycle… Storage shelves… as much mulch as you can carry… John Tesh CDs… wife… replacement spray head for garden hose…
Maybe later I’ll go out for a latte.
Anyone else been feeling that today is a Friday in disguise? It’s been feeling like a Friday all day for me. I KNOW it’s a Thursday, but my gut is telling me, “Taco, today is Friday. Don’t let them fool you, my friend. Today is Friday, just like tomorrow will be.”
My gut is apparently a strange combination of Jonathan Goldsmith, a Buddhist proverb, and a jerk all rolled into one package.
*Snerk* I said package.
Been alternating Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday for me–none of which are very much helpful for feeling “in place.”
Heh. “Rolled”. Heh heh.
Hammy, you know the rules. Take those toys out of the box now. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Mither Poe!
I love that you can reply with “some phone number.” Doesn’t have to be yours.
I hate that this ad is from my home city.