Internets – $5
I have 3 internets for sale.
These are the large kind.One is fifteen feet wide.
The other two are 6 feet.email if interested
Only three? I mean, I know they’re the large kind, but I’d really like to get at least a dozen.
Thanks, Ralph!
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It’s helpful to know how wide they are, but I’m worried about fitting them in my car. I hear the Internets are long, and I keep getting these e-mails about ways to make things even longer.
Reading that with your Doctor Horrible cosplay picture in my periphery makes me feel dirty.
These are the cheap Chinese knockoff internets, the real internets are all multiples of 8 wide.
Ooh, can I buy all three for $20?
I WILL OWN ALL THE INTERNETS!!!!!
:evil laugh:
I WILL OWN ALL YOUR BASES!
ALL MY BASE BELONG TO ME!
All your base are belong to us!*
* By us, I mean me and Disdainful Cat.
Angel, is that you, Disdainful Cat (TM), and “RAWR! I’m a dinosaur!” since he comes around so often?
Oh my, yes, definitely add the iguana. It’s almost a pet these days!
You can buy all 3 for $25. Geez. Don’t you know how to do math *meow*?
Do you think I could talk Sparky down to $30?
You mean I’ve been paying Comcast how much per month, when I could have bought an Internet outright for $5?
All are large sizes
Sparky selling internets
How is the bandwidth?
I want internets
They must be fifteen feet wide
You know, the large kind
She has huuuuuuuuuge internets.
She’s got big bandwith and that’s no lie.
You other nerds can’t deny,
When a girl walks by with an itty bitty case
And two tetrabytes of disk space
You want some! Can’t get enough,
But your download speeds are rough.
Bigger is better.
Those might fit into my mansion. I may have given away my secret identity. I will go back to hiding. To the ASS CAVE!!
*faceplant*
You may want to be careful with the faceplanting around Sparklington there.
Del: “Where is your other hand?”
Neal: “Between two pillows.”
Del: “Those AREN’T PILLOWS!”
:puts vat of bleach on stove:
In case you haven’t seen it. (Because you should.)
“Nose sandwich” is the less desirable variant.
Customer 1: “I’d like a large internet to go, please.”
Cashier: “Would you like to make it a combo with lolcats and a 16oz. v1agr@?”
Customer 1: “No, thank you. Just the internet.”
Cashier: “Here you go, that will be $potato-oh-three.”
Customer 1: [pays, leaves]
Cashier: “Hi, welcome to Earl Webz, can I take your order?”
Customer 2: “No, I already ordered and there’s a problem. I asked for no Bing on my internets and there’s Bing on my internets.”
Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ll have the cook remake them for you.”
Customer 2: “And don’t just scrape it off like you did last time! I want fresh internets! I’d better not see any Geocities on it, either!”
Cashier: “Of course, sir. They’re remaking them right now.”
Customer 2: “Thank you.” [steps aside]
Cashier: “Hi, welcome to Earl Webz, can I take your order?”
Customer 3: “Do you have any vegan internets?”
Cashier: “Yes, we do! We have the PETA pita vegan special!”
Customer 3: “Great, I’ll have one of those and a side of zombocom.”
Cashier: “Coming right up, that’ll be $rutabaga-fifty.”
Customer 3: [pays, leaves]
Cashier: “Hi, welcome to Earl Webz, can I take your order?”
Customer 4: “Big Mac, fries, Coke. No ice.”
Cashier: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve those here, try across the street.”
Customer 4: “So you’re not going to give me a Big Mac, fries, and a coke, no ice?”
Cashier: “No, we don’t have those.”
Customer 4: “Well this is terrible customer service. I’m going to call your head office and complain!”
Cashier: [rolls eyes]
Customer 2: “There’s still bing on my internets! I told you I didn’t want no got-damn Bing! I hate Bing! It tastes like armpit!”
Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, I will make sure they–
Manager [to cashier]: “Hey, sorry, I need you for a cleanup in the dining area.”
Cashier: “Isn’t there someone else that can do it? I’ve got a big lineup here.”
Manager: “Sorry, we need everybody on this, someone didn’t finish their spam internet and now it’s grown to fill half the room.”
Could you do the Wikipedia, eBay, spam and Google without the spam then?
Of course, sir! But just so you know, there’s an excessive shipping charge on the eBay topping.
Can I get an internet with Firefox, extra crispy, and a side of YouTube for dessert?
And where can I get a plate for the Linux build-your-own bar?
Absolutely, would you like your Firefox on a regular or sesame seed bun? Also, the Linux bar is $mango-ninety-nine all-you-can-eat, but we’re out of pr0n sauce and we won’t be apt-getting any until Monday.
I’ll pass on the email chain kabobs, I’ve heard on the news that the guy putting those together has a virus.
Sesame seed please, lightly toasted. If you’re out of pron sauce, do you at least have those spicy pop-up croutons?
Well, you have your choice of kernels, front-ends, mailer daemons or a colourful assortment of detatched Screen process sprinkles. Our gcc may be a little flaky though so you might have trouble compiling everything.
Can I get an order with extra cookies and pop-ups? My puter has been too fast lately.
hmmm, “pudding flambé”
I’ll just have the YSaC special, hold the l337. Extra meme, please.
With or without flaming pudding?
Pudding not on fire – of course.
Naturally.
It could be Pudding Jubilee
I really really want to hug your owl for some reason Sister Lyle. That look on it’s face looks like it needs a hug. And its so fluffy.
I’d like mine Venti with a side order of 404-File Not Found.
*Bursts into the room*
PUDDING NOT ON FIRE!
*Runs away*
Could I get a Trenta-size internet? I need to catch Taco and The Thong in it.
*SNAP!*
*Jingly Jingly Jingly*
They’re Taco and The Thong
Yes, Taco and The Thong
One is a foodstuff
The other’s a thong.
Their typos are so dire
Their pudding’s not on fire
They’re wacko
They’re Taco and The Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong, Thong!
“What are we going to do tonight, Thong?”
“The same thing we do every night, Taco…”
*Snap!*
*Jingly Jingly Jingly*
Also, for your health, I recommend NOT thinking about me jingling around in the TacoThong every night.
You did that on purpose, didn’t you? You told people not to think about you in the thong to induce pink elephant syndrome. You really want people to think about you in the TacoThong. Well, I’m on to your perverse psychology, man. I know your tricks, and I won’t be– AAUGH!
DAMN YOU!
I think there’s a meme I missed. What’s the deal with the pudding not on fire?
Here you go!
Actually if you look at most of my posts that day I must have been out of my gourd on cold medication or something.
::returns from trip to the past::
Ah, now I get it!*
*This is entirely untrue. But at least now I understand why I don’t get it.
Also, hi Severus!
And welcome back to you, too, B.
Camille, suggested alternate line:
One is a food stuff, the other’s just wrong.
Just a suggestion!
…
*dunks head in bleach bucket*
Additional: Lara – I was going for the most surprised owl I could find. To me he looks like you just caught him doing something and he’s rather startled about it.
It reminds me of how my cats look at me when I catch them cuddling each other at the foot of the bed during the day…. They just give me this look, like “excuse you!” And then they make ME feel all embarrassed, like I was the one with someone’s nose in my tail.*
*Ok, that sounds kinda gross.
Yes. Yes it does…
:looks around:
Who had the bleach last?
Hey AR! Nice to see you again too! (From both me and Severus.)
And Taco, thanks for the link to the whole pudding thing.
Hi. I’m drmk, and I might be drunk in a foreign country. I think I may have had something poignant to say about this post, but I’ve forgotten.
Hah! I’m showing up as Dan. Even better!
:snerk:
Just keep the dancing down, some of us are trying to sleep. Not me, since I’m awake at 3:30 AM, but some of us.
What the hell, woman? (The ACTUAL Dan, whom drmk had better be nice to if she wants picked up from the airport later)
I love it when the LN (BBUH) drunk posts.
Now I don’t feel twice as bad about when I drunk post.
Can I have Fry’s with mine?
Fry’s … shiny metal ass? Did you want that in individual portions or the deluxe YouTube compilation?
“Shiny Metal Ass”
*Click*
Noo-
Oh… just a silver donkey. Ok then.
Silly Ham, it didn’t dawn on me that Fry’s isn’t a national chain…
http://www.frys.com/ac/storelocator/index.jsp
“Honey, it’s not what you think! I was just polishing my ass!”
:holds up small metal donkey:
“And watching Debbie Does Dallas.”
Yeah, and their website is far inferior to actually going to one of the stores.
Every time I visit my parents on the West coast I try to come up with an excuse to go to their Fry’s.
I only know about Fry’s because I read reallifecomics.com :-p
Can’t hold it in anymore!!!!
D’AAWWWW, look at the tiny puppy!
The markings around her (I assume) nose looks like an inverted heart!
D’AWWWW!
Can I have an extra helping of !femaletraits![2]!! over that? I’m meeting a business client.
I wouldn’t touch that third internet – it’s Cracked in the Youtube and totally Farked.
I really Digg what you’re saying.
derp
I got derped by the Llama-Derp!
Squeee!
“Derp, derp, squee” is the new Hanson revival song. It’s the unofficial sequel to “Um-bop”.
Wouldn’t it be great to have a bunch of these lying around, so that when you have occasion to say, “You win the internet,” you could actually follow through?
I was thinking along those lines myself – though it was more like, “But I’ve won elebenty internets before [for whatever that gets me]! Why would I want to pay for them?!?”
It’s a series of tubes!
Vacuum tubes, with the glass conveniently removed?
Every time I see a vacuum tube I think about that.
Ruined for life.
A series of tubes filled with grammatically challenged cats and pictures of naked people.
Yay internet!
“Safesearch is on”? What’s that? Silly uncle Google, I don’t need that!
*Turns off Safesearch*
Now what was I searching for again, or right! “Squirrel Costume.”
*Click*
*Eyes get big and tear up*
I learned that lesson when I asked Uncle Google for pictures of toolboxes with Safesearch turned off.
There are some oddly specific tool-related fetishes out there.
“Toolboxes”
*click*
…
*whimper*
“Oh, God. Oh, God — what … how? That’s … oh God. Oh, my God. Bent-nose pliers? I can’t believe … good God, oh … ugh … I can’t … and a Dremel! How do you even … holy crap, I just can’t — wait. Wait, dad?! OH GOD.”
EDIT: This post was not intended to summon George Burns. Nonetheless, it did. I’m sorry that you had to see that, George.
Rule 34.
As a small buisness we were having trouble attracting fresh and low-cost college students. But, with our new internets, we’re able to trap and haul in all the free labor we need!
Thanks Internets!
*Internets not responsible for interns not making coffee correctly or eating the last jelly doughnut. Nets are a series of tubes made from trylon coated durasteel. Offer not valid in Utah.
Nothing* seems to be valid in Utah, anymore…
*Excluding clan EB, of course, and any other YSaCers in residence there
You’re right, Bombdude… I have to come here to be validated :-p
*Stamps EB’s parking pass.*
There you are!
Exactly :-p
Yeah, I tend to inadvertently insult and alienate people all over the place… (just ask kelli) So I try to remember to put in a disclaimer whenever possible for the people whose opinions and feelings I care about
I’m well aware that I’m the demographical exception in the Snark Lounge… It’s a hard thing not to have a sense of humor about :-p I’m even the minority in my family, so I’ve had years to hone my humor-related free nerve endings :-p
Bomby, you’re talking to MR. Foot-in-the-mouth over here. I usually stop to think about what I’m about to say about 30 seconds after I’ve already said it and inadvertently insulted/upset somebody.
My sarcastic nature doesn’t really help things either, because when I’m trying to be sincere, I sound exactly the same as when I’m being mocking and ingenuous.
Hey Buddy!!
:high five’s:
:misses, cause we’re nerds/dorks:
:goes back to counting and sorting hard drive magnets:
Come on, Sparky, how can I email you if I don’t have an Internets yet? Are they like new, still in the box? Will you take a firm obo? How on earth did you– SHINY!
Just because you have one internet, doesn’t mean you have nearly enough! Remember, the more internets you have the- SQUIRREL!
Welcome to Interwackynets
Population: Too nuts and one squirrel
Do these internets come with that new “xxx” domain, because – PECIL!
Internets can be extremely-BADGER IN MY PANTS!!!
GUMMY BEARS!
Hopefully not in your pants… cause those get sticky in those warm nether regions, and turn into a big gooey* mess…
I mean… that’s what I’ve heard… yeah! I *HEARD* that once… from someone…
*Good Lord for a minute there, I couldn’t remember how to spell this other than GUI…
I really hope your pants don’t have a messy GUI.
It’s not.a.lion!!
I think I may be losing it. My paper is almost done and I am losing my mind. What was left of it. Pull my medula oblongata and I may start singing “Love Me Tender”
The internet is really, really great!
The Internet is for porn.
Tree and furniture porn.
http://www.furnitureporn.com/furnporn1.html
http://treeporn.tumblr.com/
These sites are not bad, just so you all know so you won’t be scared to click on them.
Why you think the net was born?
Porn, porn, porn!
It’s a good thing that I have a fast connection, so I don’t have to wait…
>Kathryn?
*hears jingly jingly coming from the box*
I certainly hope Lola and Lara got out in time!
I did, but not before I got that earworm this morning. I was on my way to the subway and it was all I could not to shout “Taco! Get out of my brain!”
Would the average metro-rider even notice anything as mild as “Taco, out of my brain” unless the person shouting that was wearing tinfoil and fuscia-magenta fur?
We see people like that all the time, so the answer is probably no.
What gets my attention fastest? Smell. A person can be oddly dressed and muttering to themselves, but as long as I am not olfactorily assaulted, I’m probably not paying them that much attenti0n (until they start shouting or touching me). I have actually determined that there are certain trains which seem to be preferred for … overnight stays, in which individuals appear to believe there is an en-suite bathroom (there isn’t).
I adjust my travel accordingly.
Ah, quite.
I was trying to not include the olfactory “experience” of some transit systems in my query, partially out of decorum, partly for not wanting to confuse the issue at hand.
Especially given that, if one steps in the car and notices that said vehicle smells of both tacos and brrraaaaaaaiiiins, Murphy will insist on the doors closing behind you just before the reflex to flee the Zomb
Windy, if you are a moderator could you take a look at my comment waiting for approval? I swear it’s not bad.
Done. Should be here any minute.
Lara, still waiting for bird seed. Still. Waiting.
Crap, how’d you know?
Don’t try selling this to people from China. Their government will confiscate it and come after you. Chinese customers are only allowed to buy the most stripped-down model of internet, which compared to the bundles of tubes offered in this ad is just a box of straws.
Oh, and whoever buys this guy’s internets, wash your hands after handling the one that’s 15 feet wide. Or better yet, wear gloves. That’s the one the person selling uses to browse adult sites during personal t-shirt time. Don’t let it come close to the 6-foot-wide one with stickers, ’cause that’s the kids-only internet. And don’t shake up too much the other 6-foot-wide one, the one that looks like it’s dressed business-casual. That’s the internet where everything else resides, including this site. If you shake it too much, the few non-pron non-child sites in the internet might start looking like a giant wordsearch.
The real question is will these internets keep hair out of food. If they are that large, I know a few very hairy men who should wrap themselves in these before they cook anything.
Get your lighters ready
If I buy Sparky’s red table
Would you still talk to me?
For I must have his internets
‘Cause the CARSEAT IS PINK
and the truck is full of bees
But, if I lost my python
Things just couldn’t be the same
‘Cause its still in the couch now
And it’s rotting with my change
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And my dead aunt left a stain
And my dead aunt left a stain
Lord knows, I’ve got jewelry!
Bye, bye, Parrot from 2004
*clicks Bedazzled deer hooves together in applause*
Lighter? There’s an app for that!
I’m sorry if I’m being That Guy (TM) but I don’t see how this could be anything other than a deliberate joke.
I think part of the funny here is that yes it’s probably a joke; however, if it is a joke, it’s not a very good one. So really, this is sucking at craigslist twice in one posting:
It’s both a terrible ad AND a lame joke.
You’re that guy?! Dude, I hear about you all the time. I can’t believe I am meeting you! Will you give me your autograph?
Internets, Red Tables, Not.A.Lion, That Guy
I’m happy that some people actually seemed to get that reference.
I’m rather surprised that I got that reference seeing as it’s from about 15 years before I was born.
:Shakes cane at TM:
Get off my lawn, you young whippersnapper!!!
[corey] I actually don’t think it’s a joke. It’s probably some technical illiterate who doesn’t know what to call Ethernet cables and only knows they’re where the Internet comes from. I’ve dealt with far worse in my tech days. [/corey]
That actually makes a lot of sense, MF. I’ve had a doctor ask me, “Can you pump the internet into the computer here? I can’t get on google today so the pipes are probably gunked up.”
No, he wasn’t being metaphorical.
That gels the “missing word’ my brain was searching for–“cable.”
So, Spark’ has a beefy 2m and 3m cable with attached terminals. Sadly, we have no way to ascertain whether these are coaxial or twisted pair cables. Even if these were co-ax, we still do not know if the connectors are threaded or Ethernet bayonet-lock (or, heavens forfend, the “thin ethernet” friction fittings…)
Not to mention that $5 is a horrible price for either size of RJ-45 terminated twisted pair cables that are, presumably, in used condition.
Wow, just looked up Cat5 cables with Radio Shack; new 2m cable is six and change; 3m is eleven bucks.
And, that’s for a useful cable.
I’d still give odds that this is RG-6 (or RG-38) with BNCs.
“Radio Shack” was your first mistake when doing a price check. 😉
Yeah, you shoulda checked Best Buy (TM) 😉
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
*GASP WHEEZE*
…
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
stop talking about me
[topic]
Off topic entire.
Today (well, here in Central Time Zone; yesterday for Jen in NZ) it is 21 April.
On this day, in 1836, on a flood plain of the San Jacinto river, the forces of Sam Houston routed the main body of the Host of Don Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna. The rout was so complete and devastating that Generalisimo Santa Ana was later captured in a Private’s uniform hiding in the marshes near what is now League City. This victory was fundamental to the creation of the Republic of Texas.
This date has been long recognized in Texas. It used to be a State holiday and observed widely–sadly the pace of modern life and the periodic proximity to Passover and Easter have eclipsed the state-wide observations.
However, here at the State’s first founded University, the day become one to mark the experience of the alumni and of their lives after graduation. Having a history of being a military training school, that remembrance included many who had served to the fullest extreme. In their honor, a roll call was begun. In this roll call, when a name is read, a comrade or Class-mate answers “Here” for those who cannot. For far better description that I can attain, http://muster.tamu.edu/
“Here.”
[/restore topic]
[OT]
In case everyone here had illusions to the contrary: Engineers are huge dorks/geeks. During lunch today not only did a co-worker and I compare our respective hard-drive magnet collections, but we had a rather heated debate on whether Centipede or Joust was a better arcade game.
During the discussion one of our other co-workers overheard our conversation and told us that we were both insane. According to him, Donkey Kong is obviously superior to both.
We went on to discuss how we could create some of the vehicles from the old M.A.S.K. show using spare parts from the X-ray room we just de-installed.
[/OT]
Silly engineers.
Everyone knows Space Invaders is the best arcade game.
That was my point against Centipede. It was just a re-imagining of Space Invaders whereas Joust was a unique invention.
As for “best” well, that’s another topic entirely…
The best is quite obviously Asteroids.
Crystal Castles. And Mr. Do’s Castle. And Tron. And Robotron 2084. And Super Sprint.
These are what is best in life. That, and to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
Human Centipede was like that too.
Not to stray TOO far off topic of this off topic, but yesterday I was talking with the clerical folks whose desks are just behind my new location. We were discussing the up-coming Royal Wedding, and I mentioned that it’s on the 29th of April. One of the clerks said, “That’s their Saturday, because they’re a day ahead of us.” I began to explain that the calendar doesn’t adjust that way, but gave it up. I give her credit for at least knowing the UK exists in a different time zone.
:sigh: Yep… humanity is doomed…
My favorite arcade game was Carnival. I used to play it in an actual arcade.
Space Invaders is the only game I ever got a perfect score on, the most possible points you could get. I beat it when I was like 3 or 4.
Today’s videogames, on the other hand, I’m terrible at. Too many buttons and combaintions and functions. Althout I have a Wii, I spend more time playing Tetris and Pacman on my cellphone.
I have a Wii but I primarily use it to watch Netflix movies on the TV and rarely to play a game. I play more games on the computer or my iPod than the Wii.
In other news, I think it would be completely awesome to be a geek at a hospital. For money! :-p
I do like working here, yes.
And then I could look at the frazzled nurses, and say “There but for the grace of GPA I go…”
*ahem* my wife’s a nurse and she graduated cum laude from Georgetown*ahem*
If you love what you do, it doesn’t matter what your GPA was. Or is. And if you don’t love what other people do, it will never look worthwhile to you. But there is a place for everyone. *cue sappy musical ending*
Ahh, I think you misinterpreted me, jg. My problem was that I didn’t work hard enough/get the grades to get into the nursing program… BYU’s nursing program is INSANELY competitive, so I gave up and went for exercise science–no need to apply to the program :-p
TacoMagic, here’s another Punchity (jingly) Punch (jing) Punch (gly)!
G’Night, ARPA!
I don’t know how I feel about Windrose punching me in the TacoThong.
No wonder the internets are available — millions of files are being downloaded every minute, so the web will become totally empty very soon.
Have you downloaded any files recently? Please, upload them back!
I have a couple of malware files and trojan programs that I don’t need.
:uploads back to the internet:
Could… could these objects possibly be trampolines? Cuz I can totally see how someone could think the word for “trampoline” is “internet.” And the size is right.
I’VE GOT A RED INTERNET FOR SALE, YOU CAN TAKE IT FOR FREE
Oh, dear. It is the end of the blog as we know it. The internets are for sale and we have to pack up the Snark Lounge and find somewhere else to put the corners. How can we point and laugh at Sparky when our haunted raptor and deer carcass swing set are packed in the winterbagel?
I can’t help but think these are some kind of game nets. Volley ball, badminton or such.
Inter[changeable]nets.
Couldn’t say, I’m more about webz. Netz and the nutz that sell them are outside my knowledge area.
“In the morning I cast my internet into the sea.
I dragged up from the dark abyss things of strange aspect and strange beauty — some shone like a smile, some glistened like tears, some were flushed like the cheeks of a bride, but most were pron.”
Yo!
YOLO!
by the way…pinball is the best arcade game!
jg and zeroetc, Don’t Stop Snarking! Punchity Punch Punch!
Looks like we are only getting one redux per weekend too. Sigh.