YSaC, Vol. 951: ii – V7 – say what now?
chevy bleizer 97″ – $6000
FOR SALE BLEIZER purple COLOR, AUTOMATIC IN GOOD CONDITION:
THIS TROCK HAVE A CHANGES:
HAS 5 SCREENS
HAS NAVIGATION SYSTEM
AIR SUSPENSION
REVERSE CAMERA
GOOD SOUND
OPEN DOORS WITH CONTROL
IS LIGHT BLUE IN THE CHAZIS
UP AND DOWN WITH CONTROL ON THE BACK
HAVE LIGTH THE CADILACPLEASE CALL AT ###-###-#### FOR MORE INFORMATION OR FOR A BETTER DEAL.
I’m a little apprehensive about a trock with A changes. While that’s a great key for violin and guitar, it’s tough for the saxophones. If they’re expected to play over the changes, you’re going to need fairly experienced musicians to deal with that.
I’m also intrigued by the “Please call for a better deal” bit – If I don’t think $6,000 for a Bleizer is a good deal, can I call up and say, offer him $250 for a slightly used snowblower?
Thanks for the link, Tim!
Matt’s knickers will be in a twist today…
Why? Did he leave them in the Bleizer?
For two reasons:
1) He will be indignant at all the snark derived from the cross-over language confusion, and
2) He’s the one watching the 5th screen.*
*still trying to figure out the location of that accessory.
Ah, but Matt* paid off one of his two student loans today. He’s happy.
____________________
*I have a friend, Matt, for whom this is actually true. He’s more inclined to online flippancy than indignation, too.
Hmm….a 97″ Chevy Chase home theater system for watching the Color Purple while spying on those going up and down in the seats behind me. All for $6000 or I can call for a better deal? That trocks!!!!!
I think I will buy this for my Faja.
Yonda lies the castle of my faja.
What in blue bleizers does this mean?
Full fathom five thy faja lies; Of his bones are cadilac made;
Those are reverse cameras that were his eyes;
So, last line in ad ought read: “Not for sale to anyone named Inigo.” ?
Only if they were selling a Montoyota.
It’s an engineering marvel that they can fit all of that into a 97″ vehicle. (For reference, the Smart has a 73.5″ wheelbase and an overall length of 106.1″.) It even has ligth the Cadilac. What a pity, though, that I can’t use it to haul this television.
!aremac esreveR
Isn’t a reverse camera called a projector?
New from MindCO, “Logic” it takes all the fun out.
Take all the fun out? Are you kidding? Driving down the highway, projecting an image of a pedestrian running out in front of someone would be awesome! Well, at least until I got arrested.
Silly puppy, it’s what you use when you want to take a picture of yourself taking a picture of someone else.
Oh, I get it. It’s a metacamera.
New! From Inception Products!
New! From Conception Prophylactics!
Oh, I wouldn’t trust Conception Prophylactics… They’re the reason I ended up knocked up with MiniEB!*
*This is most definitely not true, as Mini was planned and wanted. When he’s not tantruming.**
**OK, OK, I still love him when he’s tantruming.
FOR SALE BLEIZER purple COLOR, AUTOMATIC IN GOOD CONDITION:
THIS TROCK HAVE A CHANGES:
HAS 5 SCREENS – Yes, because all the windows have been shot out.
HAS NAVIGATION SYSTEM – P, R, N, D
AIR SUSPENSION – What? No air? Oh, right…I do have screens.
REVERSE CAMERA – To watch your day in rewind?
GOOD SOUND – Yes, the motor is so quiet….until you start ‘er up
OPEN DOORS WITH CONTROL – Agent 99 to be exact
IS LIGHT BLUE IN THE CHAZIS – I hear there’s a pill for that now.
UP AND DOWN WITH CONTROL ON THE BACK – See earlier ref to Agent 99
HAVE LIGTH THE CADILAC – And I have rocked the Casbah!
FOR RENT richard BELZER white COLOR, JEWISH IN GOOD CONDITION:
THIS ACTOR HAVE A CHANGES:
HAS BIG SCREEN ROLES
HAS STANDUP SYSTEM
NO SUSPENSIONS
CAMERA FRIENDLY
GOOD SOUND
OPEN CAREER WITH CONTROL
IS LIGHT IN THE LOAFERS*
UP AND DOWN WITH CONTROL ON THE BACK
HAVE LIGTH THE CADILAC???/
PLEASE CALL AT ###-###-#### FOR MORE INFORMATION OR FOR A BETTER ACTOR.
* Not really, but it went with the narrative.
Awesome! I’ve seen Richard Belzer in the neighborhood where I work* so I’m sure it’ll be easy to hire/rent him.**
*Totally true, coworkers have confirmed own sightings.***
**Not sure what we’d hire him for, but at least you know it would be amusing.
***Like many actors, he’s shorter in real life than you’d think he would be.
/mild brush with famous person anecdote
I like Belzer, good actor, and he has his moments in standup, too. Oddly, it was only when I was looking something up about him that I discovered that his John Munsch character on Law & Order; SVU (which I watch regularly) is a crossover from Homicide: Life on the Streets (which I didn’t watch). Now I’m going to have to see if I can catch some episodes of that.
I know – Homicide started running when I was in grad school and had no time/intermittent rabbit ears TV reception, so I didn’t watch it either. I liked that character as well, so Netflix queue ahoy! I already liked him from seeing him do standup.
Not available on Netflix Canada yet, unfortunately, even though they teasingly list all 7 seasons in a search and a qualifying “Not available” underneath the rating. *sigh*
Offered for your enjoyment in the mild-brush-with-celebrity category:
I was with a group celebrating a friend’s birthday at one of the local hotspots back in the early 80s. After ordering a drink at the bar, I smiled at the attractive older man next to me who was sipping a beer. One…two…three…lightbulb…Paul Newman. He had been racing that day at (what was then) Sears Point (now Infineon) in Sonoma. Short, pleasant chat followed, and as I took my leave, he stood up. Very courtly. The surprising part…he was exactly my height (in heels). Not surprising? Yes, those eyes were BLUE. Same night I lost my favorite Bare Trap sandals on the dance floor. Some things you just never forget.
Archie – I now have a girl-crush on you. I actually wept when Newman died…I was that big a fan.
Those.Eyes.
I love your story, Archie! How many of us get a Hollywood legend to stand up for us out of courtliness?
For that matter, how many of us get to use the word “courtliness” on a regular basis?
Courtliness that comes from a genuine place within is a most powerful force. I recognized it in Mr. Newman because his action reminded me of my father. I have always been drawn to men who exhibit that quality probably because of his example.
I’m a man, and a youngish one at that, and Paul Newman was quite the guy. And when I say quite the guy, I’m pretty much walking the line between appreciation and full on man-crush and when I say walking the line I mean not walking the line at all, but have jumped into man-crush territory with both feet. I’m sure the ladies had to protect themselves by attaching suspenders to their uh, undergarments? when he was around. Very class.
I once worked on an archaeological dig with Prince Edward.
True story.
If media is to be believed, he seems to be a bloke who has always been more squared away than others in the royal family.
I have my picture with one of the soldiers that died in “The Rock.” …yeah, that’s all I’ve got… I’ll be in the corner.
I have had even weaker brushes with fame – Mark Brunetz of “Clean House” once came into my bank with his mother. Oh, and I was once stuck in traffic behind the bus from “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” when they did a show in Raleigh.
As a wee lass I brushed with lots of celebrities through my mother. She worked for a major market radio station and everyone who was plugging something came through the doors. Her boss was station manager so those everyones got to mom first. Many’s the day I went to work with her – single mom, iffy babysitting arrangements – and met celebs and sports figures most of which you’ve never hear of:
Robert Stack
Minnesota Fats – mom met him when she was “pool bunny” at the Playboy club, before the radio station gig. He gave her a custom-made pool cue when she beat him. It’s ebony and ivory and I got dibs.
Stan the Man
Jack Buck
Harry Carey
Robert McCallum
David Hedison
(see what I mean…except for the sports figures?)
By and large the old school guys were nice…the new money ones…ahh…not so much.
My favorite? Jack Buck…awesome man who used to let me sit in the booth as he and Harry broadcast Cardinal games….Harry didn’t like kids. LOL
I saw Chris Noth on the corner of 54th and Lexington one morning on the way to work while there was filming on for “The Good Wife.” He’s also shorter than I expected, for some reason. I mentioned this on FB when it happened and Meredith’s comment was “He looks like Sylvester Stallone and Big Bird made a baby” which makes me cry laughing every time I think about it.
I was in the same high school graduating class as Peri Gilpin, “Roz” from Frasier.
But, I also sat next to an astronaut who owned his own airline, too.
I seem to run into interesting people in my life.
I’ve met John Elway’s aunt…
*shuffles back to her corner*
My Mom used to, and I don’t know exactly what it’s called, but “valet” comes to mind, for Johnny Carsons’ mother at a hotel in Colorado during the summers in the 50s. They traded Xmas cards until Mrs. Carson died in the 80s. She met Mr. Carson several times and he was, according to her, “Nice, but short with people.” I myself have met Jesse Ventura when he was running for Governor of MN, and I was knocked down by Warren Moon in the Mpls Airport around that same time. Two really big guys.
Oh, and me and President Obama went to different schools together.
I’m pretty blue in the chazis myself – it’s been a long winter…
Yo bliezen up, here’s a story about a little trock that has 5 screens in a blue world.
And all day and all night and all the ligths are just blue,
like him upside and downside,
Blue his camera with a blue little lense,
and a blue chevy,
and everything is blue for him and hisself,
And all the Chazis around,
Cause he ain’t got nobody to buy him!
He’s purple…
The best part of this trock is the blue electrical tape on the steering wheel. Calassy.
RE: Calassay
Does anyone else who comments/visits here regularly find themselves saying “Calassay” in real life? Particularly when it is ironic and you are denoting the opposite? Or is that just me?
Not.Just.Lola…
Ditto.
I find myself thinking it, does that count?
Yes, indeed. It has become part of the vernacular in the Eyebrow clan.
Yes, and not.a.lion and minty. Sigh…most people just look at me, blankly. Of course, that part is normal. People who know me know I taint right in the haid.
Join the club, we have monogrammed Love-Me jackets.
Awesome! Can I get mine in purple?
You want that in satin, velvet, or pleather?
Yesssssssssssss!!
So, CJ, you want a quilted patchwork jacket?
Toldja I weren’t right in da haid.
Not just you, dear interlocutrix–but, I have taken to pausing and considering the time requisite to explain such utterances, especially without recourse to web access.
[corey]Not so, it’s an aftermarket racing style wheel with color matching pleather or metal areas to match your interior, rather like these…*[/corey]
*I figured you knew this, just an excuse to flash the brand of Sparky’s steering wheel…
I did, but was hoping nobody else knew. Hopes. shattered.
I think I saw a video gome where you got to shoot zombie Chazis, but they were more of a pale greenish color than light blue.
Trockenstein 5D.
Great game, but finding a copy is really difficult. And even when you do find one you can only play it on a reverse camera.
I was totally wrong, I thought it was Bleizervania.
<mad scientist vindicated evil laughter> Another victory for those with working 486 machines </evil laughter>
Man, I hated those Chazis. Yuppies in Lacoste T’s, pink button-down sweaters tied around their waists, laughs that sounded like they were concentrating very hard on not letting you see the discomfort they were feeling from their posteriorally-deposited lumber as they leaned on their BMWs while their Aviators kept their perfectly moussed hair from becoming disheveled in the breeze.
Chilling, chilling stuff.
The newest TV ripoff “Joanie loves Chazi”.
I’m sorry to bring a sensible question to all this snark, but what the heck is “HAVE LIGTH THE CADILAC” supposed to mean?
1. “I have lighted the Cadillac. It’s standing over there, covered in strands of twinkling Christmas tree bulbs.”
2. “This is my brother Ligth. He have the Cadillac.”
3. “You can have this car, which is sort of like the Cadillac.”
4. “This car have lights, like the Cadillac.”
THE CADILAC IS NOT ON FIRE!
Um, just in case you were wondering, Taco.
If it aint pudding, it can burn!
:hands Taco an icecube:
Prove it.
I see no problems.
I’ve been trying to figure out the accent with which to read this ad.
Is it London Cockney or a hint of New Zealand?
The police tazer falls mainly on the bleizer
I’ve been hearing it in Redneck with overtones of Brane-Dramaged.
Really?
Cuz I’m hearing it in my-meth-lab-exploded-with-me-in-it-yesterday.
Or Cheech Marin.
Could go either way.
I’m definitely hearing it in a thick Carolina Backwoods Hick with a light Texan glaze.
Well, given that “troca” is Spanglish for “truck” I keep getting a San Antonio vibe, with traces of the less-nice side of Santa Fe tossed in, with a fillip of Death Valley-El Centro nutjob for garnish.
The “shouting” while almost inaudibly muttering tone not helping any at all.
(Yes, I’ve been to probably too many not-nice places.)
Or Amarillo? Or Harlingen? Or Edinburg? Ha! I played down there a few years back and it was like Univision. I had to bring one of the Dominicans with me to order food. And now…Fresno. Maybe I should get this Trock?
Not Amarillo so much; even the Spanglish up there sounds more of Sonora than the gutters of Matamoros and ill-remembered high-school Castillian. That, and the farm hands would laugh at anyone wanting anything that shiney [deliberate spelling] in the abrasive dust in the ever-constant winds of the Panhandle.
Harlingen, maybe, enough vatos locos aiya–anglo, wheto o coco . . .
Edinburg is an interesting city. Built a credit union there. Saw some fascinating rides there, too. Tended to be Escalades rather than Bleizers, though. Always wanted to pronounce Escalade as “essk a LAH day” while down (7 hour drive from here) there, too.
Your mileage may vary, depending upon what is showing on the screens. Documentaries get the best mpg, big name Hollywood movies get the worst.
Dunno, something about that one screen with the potential of being launched at a person atop the passenger-side airbag in the probability of a vehicle collision.
The mobile video would truly be 3D then… “It was, like, IN MY FACE MAN!!!”
According to Urban Dictionary, Bleizer is not yet a word but the closest approximation it can make is the word Bleazer, which means to confuse. I think that’s what this Sparky is actually selling: Confusion. And he’s doing a damn good job of it.
The only problem is that we didn’t have to pay.
Ooohh, I get it… Bleazer for sale, take it for free!
I say it’s time for YSaC to define Bleizer and then add it to UD. Let’s do it as a round robin. I’ll start.
Bleizer, n. A lumpy, Pavlovian,
bwahahahaha
Bleizer, v. Any use of a Ronco™ product for gratification, especially sexual.
Wait, that’s no misspelt enough for UD . . . dang it
**Points at comma in his post**
Sorry, Capn, but I meant round robin as in continuing where I left off.
It’s gonna take a miracle, to drive a car this color, down Imperial…
If only we had a holocaust cloak…
A holocaust cloak would be totally and in all other ways inconceivable. Or maybe that word doesn’t mean what I think it means?
“He clearly said “To bleizer”, which means to bluff.”
Liar! Liaaaaar!
Sorry about the crowded conditions in the box today. Once the rain stops, you can put the top down and get some fresh air.
Glad I won’t be in the box tomorrow… that thing is going to smell like the inside of a package of dry roasted peanuts.
Don’t look at me. I don’t even wear socks. (They’re always getting snagged on my claws.)
Or sweaty feet.
At least the top is up. Otherwise it would smell like wet dog in here.
It’s not raining here–does that mean I can roll down the windows?
P.S. Squee, I got in the box! I was so proud of my nursery rhymes yesterday :-p
As well you should be MotherEBGoose.
IS LIGHT BLUE IN THE CHAZIS
Does Joanie know about this?
D’oh! I should read through before commenting.
oh, where would the fun be in that ? <G>
Somebody needs to set this to Bowie’s Changes. I would but I’m feeling a bit bleizer today.
That would be awesome. I’m hearing it in a sing-song haiku, though.
OT — I seem to have lost my snark somewhere. I’ll continue lurking.
Artsy,
I’ll keep an eye out while I drive around RTP. If I see it on the side of the road, I’ll pick it up and let ya know…
Well, as Carlin says….It’s always gonna be in the last place you look…cuz who finds their shit and then keeps looking for it?
Sadly, I have–mostly from trying to find too many things at once and only belatedly realizing I have collected the searched-for items.
Also, there have been times, when in a Carlinesque pique, I have deliberately kept searching, if only to see if that effects the kharma of lost items. To date, it has not <sigh>
Artsy: And I’ll check if it somehow found its way into the CHS Band Room. There’s an alot of things hiding in there, maybe he took it.
[OT] Our local paper printed a tribute to Elizabeth Taylor and listed all the movies she’s been in.
The one that caught my eye: “There Must Be A Pony”
I wonder if they finish that phrase somewhere in the movie? Guess I’ll have to find a copy of that movie and watch it. 🙂 [/OT]
[theatre geek Corey] Based on the novel by James Kirkwood, who also wrote “P.S. Your Cat is Dead” and co-wrote the book of “A Chorus Line.” [/theatre geek Corey]
Ugh, those wheels…
Also, always a great idea to show your full license plate on Craigslist.
I’ve got my contacts at the DMV looking it up already.
{Insert maniacal laugh here}
Like a 27/29 is that hard to get . . . <sigh>
Three words:
New. Popemobile. Beyotch.
Really? You sure it’s got da horses to pull da arc?
Dude, it hasn’t even got a sunroof. Your hat will never fit.
You’d have to install a Pope-a-Matic bubble in the roof.
Sweet! If you click it, does the Pope start tumbling all over the van?
Then he’d really be in trouble 😉
I could always say Sorry.
You wouldn’t need to apologize; I don’t think it would phase (10) him.
Try Mea Culpa. 8) Astro will correct me if I’m wrong, it’s been a long time since I heard Latin in the church sense.
He’s just living his Life.
To continue yesterday’s conversation: The Googgles are still lost on this page, but on the main page, my ad was something about empowering girls? I can’t get that particular ad to load again, it’s just showing me brain games.
I had to do a web search and had a hard time getting it done because I kept typing in googles. Thanks EB. 🙂
Mwahahaha.
I’m getting an ad to “visit the holy land” and “discover the roots of my christian faith” by visiting Israel – I’ll “never be the same”, apparently.
No thanks, I know exactly where I planted the Christian Faith: right between Zen Buddhism and the hydrangeas.
I’m getting an ad for an “automatic grammar checker”. It’s like it knows.
Hugely off-topic, but really “cool” geekish nerdery.
Perhaps if more of us had SEM, we could better plumb the pudding blobs Sparkies use for cogitation . . .
Hmmm… My work ‘puter says that your linky is verboten, Cap’n.
Cap’n has been abusing the apostrophes again. One escaped and is hiding on the end of his URL*.
* Not a euphemism.
Can I still nominate that to be a euphemism even though it’s claimed to not be one? If not then I’ll have to submit it as a random book title that really has nothing to do with the story.
“Hiding on the End of His URL.” — A gripped documentary about the sugar cane plantations of Hawaii.
Or you could just write a country song about how URL is an abusive husband, so his wife and her friend *spoiler alert* poison his black-eyed peas (no, not the weirdos) and stuff him in a trunk.
Be my guest — and I’ll just use “planting my sugar cane” the next time the opportunity permits.
A “gripped documentary”? I’ll bet it is, if “Hiding on the End of His URL” really is a euphemism.
Well, bloopity!
How about http://www.wimp.com/garagescience/ then?
Caution, it’s about 15 minutes, and it’s some serious blodging with surplus electronics, too.
Wow. I bet that guy could build a portal gun out of office supplies.
Especially the way he’s got just about all of it plugged into just the one power strip, too–despite needing 8-900 volts . . .
Looks like Justin Beleizer is branching out from teenybopping to pimped-car making. I’m sure all the screens are for viewing his movie (wtcrap??) and the car even matches the color of the shirt he’s wearing in his wikipedia picture! (Wait, THAT’S what his hair looks like? Yeesh…)
He looks like Ellen Page’s twin.
My Civics and Economics teacher plays Justine Bieber during quizzes if the class doesn’t behave. Also because we kept complaining when he played Bruce Springsteen (it wasn’t the Springsteen that was bad, IMO, it was the fact that it was the exact same playlist in the exact same order every day) and he wanted to show us how good we had it.
Thank your lucky stars he hasn’t dug up any Hanson or New Kids on the Block to torture you with. Yet.
Hahaha, Hanson was the first CD I owned… I still remember a couple of their songs, even :-p
Hmm, Trocatta in Blue with A changes, for junkyard forklift in a scrapyard tip, Opus $6000; trt 97 minutes?
97″ is a long time to keep obo reeds wet, too . . .
**opens up Finale SongWriter**
I’ll see you guys later. I’ve got a joke to write.
[OT]
The Googles is weird. Specifically, their search suggestions are weird. I’m looking for a way to filter posts in WordPress by tag and by date, so I’m using Teh Googles. In its search keyword suggestions, here’s what it gives me:
So, it thinks I want to maybe try instead to search on how to sort wordpress tags by date in prameters? Is that what I’ve been missing in my searches? Baby carriage measuring devices? :smacks forehead: All this time and that was all I needed. I could have saved myself so many headaches and played at soapbox derby down steep hills.
[/OT]
Punchity Punchity Punchity Punch to the Box Bunch!
That would be, Mindfield, Camille, and EB. 8)
G’Night, Suburbian!
Oof, you knocked my glasses askew! %-)
Ad is perfect if read vith TROO RUSSIAN accent!
How much do you want to bet that the phone number he provided is a beeper #?