YSaC, Vol. 907: At least she’s not sparkly.

2011 January 20

warewolves and vampires only – w4m – 18 (na)


I am human.
I am that girl that can project my thoughts through
white noise, the wind,water etc.
I need advice as how to control this.
I can prove this to you if i ever meet you.
I have six freckles that form two triangles (face)
If you can help me be a vampire or a warewolf
let me know or if you have advice

We are a blog.
We are that blog that makes fun of people who suck
at Craigslist.
We are making fun of you now, because you are clearly batshit crazy.
Or possibly were-batshit crazy. Or even ware-batshit crazy. Or vampire-batshit crazy.
The available varieties of crazy are really not constrained by this post.
Also, two triangles do not form a face, except possibly in the song “Particle Man”.
Here is our advice: Please attempt to retune your mental radio to the reality channel.

Thanks for the link, Nicholas!

192 Responses leave one →
  1. 2011 January 20

    I’m glad she’s that girl who can project her thoughts – I nearly confused her with my local telepathic prodigy. Honestly, she’s got all these powers and STILL wants to be a vampire/”ware”wolf – that’s just plain greedy.

    I am a teenage girl. I have read waaayyy too much Twilight/Harry Potter/Stephen King. I have freckles, apparently. If you can help me get a job or a boyfriend let me know, or if you have advice (about joining this thing called the ‘Real World’)

    Adores: 15
    • 2011 January 20
      Lola permalink

      I was thinking about the “warewolf” aspect also. Does that mean she wants to be able to turn into Tupperware, Corningware, etc., at the full moon?
      “When the moon is full … so is the airtight container … full of fresh cookies.”
      “When the moon is full … so is the salad bowl.”

      Adores: 16
      • 2011 January 20
        Angel permalink

        I was wondering if I’d missed the episode where Marlo Thomas was bitten by a vampire, but now I see that she only hosted Tupperware parties.

        Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 20

        I had to learn to draw a ware wolf once, in a “Doodle Penance” …

        … alas, none of Lola’s fresh cookies were involved.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 20

          That reminds me, I ought to read your blog more.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 20

        Freeware? Shareware? Malware?

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 20
          LurkRealClose permalink

          Cap’t Mal Ware?

          That would be someone who turns into Nathan Fillion every month? Can I get that for my husband?

          Or would that simply be someone who barters old cast off props from Firefly? In which case…aw, heck, I’d take that, also.

          Adores: 11
        • 2011 January 20
          sarajean80 permalink

          Can the Captain Mal Ware be shareware? Pretty please?

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 January 20
          bombdude permalink

          crazy “warez”

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20

          This conversation is oddly relevant to my t-shirt. I’m only mentioning this because I love love love my “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal” shirt that I battled for and finally received. And I finally get to wear it. Squee!

          Adores: 7
      • 2011 January 20
        PrincessLuceval permalink

        If she wants a warewolf, maybe she’d like to live in a warehouse?

        Adores: 3
  2. 2011 January 20

    If you can also project your thoughts through walls and over distances, you’ll never need to subscribe to phone service again. Think of the savings.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 20
      Windrose permalink

      No, she still needs the phone to get messages in return. She can project, she can’t retrieve.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 January 20
        Lara permalink

        I was wondering: if SHE is that girl that projects her thoughts than WHO is the person who receives them? How does she know they got through?

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20
          Lola permalink

          I suspect this ad is her searching for that person, who is … no one, actually.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 20
          Mindfield permalink

          She knows because there is no pain. They are receiving.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20
          Big Uncle John permalink

          You are only coming through in waves.

          Is there anybody in there?
          Just nod if you can hear me.
          Is there anyone at home?

          Come on it’s time to go.

          Adores: 7
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      Wow, I’ve been gone too long. Nice name there, Doctor.

      I didn’t even read the comment, I just had to comment on the name.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 20
        sarajean80 permalink

        I suspect the good doctor is Dave and the ferret, the avatar is the same.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20

          *checks link in Doctor Whom’s name*

          Yeah, I think it’s the same website, too.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20
          Lola permalink

          Welcome, Dave and Whom and Ferret!

          (Yes, I know you have been around for a bit, but I’m trying to get into the habit of welcoming new people again.)

          Adores: 4
  3. 2011 January 20
    Innana permalink

    What is the (na) after 18?

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 January 20
      Angel permalink

      North America?
      Narcotics Anonymous?
      Sodium’s chemical symbol?
      Namibia’s country code?

      Adores: 7
      • 2011 January 20
        Mindfield permalink

        Not Applicable. She wants to be a vampire or a werewolf, so really, age is irrelevant. She wants to be ageless, timeless, bloodless.

        Adores: 9
        • 2011 January 20

          I think it’s a misspelling of “Nya!”, like you hear gangsters say in old cartoons.

          “Na, see!”

          No particular reason why. It’s just funnier this way.

          Adores: 14
      • 2011 January 20
        Litarider permalink

        THAT girl was a human, she had projection of thoughts.
        Projected through white noise, wind, and water and could not control it.
        Just wanted to be a warewolf or vampire on the edge of town.
        Posted on Craigslist seeking advice.
        She could prove it if she met you.
        Six freckles that form two triangles (face)
        And now it’s

        18 and na You got it
        18 and na you know
        Your mind projects and it’s
        18 and na to go

        Freckles on her face, her veins burned for vampires.
        It kept her mind projecting but she never could retrieve.
        They say she loved warewolves, wanted to be one.
        She married vampire and had a courtship with a warewolf.
        Bite Bite howl it up, The projection never ends.
        You can’t think of receiving when a warewolf’s your best advisor
        And now it’s

        18 and na You got it
        18 and na you know
        Your mind projects and it’s
        18 and na to go

        “Projections will happen” they all heard THAT girl say
        She sent her thoughts to the wind that blew a them away.

        Adores: 9
    • 2011 January 20
      ToBScholarly permalink

      That was my questions also. I was afraid it was something obvious that I missed somewhere along the pop culture roadway.

      Since it is a personal ad, Non-Asian?

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 20
        Nightingale permalink

        depressingly, I think it was. I think she’s searching for edward, from Twilight. And really depressingly, I knew that.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20
          sarajean80 permalink

          It could be “Native American” and Sparkles is searching for her Jacob.

          (I’m also makes me sad that I knew that.)

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20

          Na na na na

          Nanananana

          Hey hey hey

          tinfoilhats!

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 January 20

          All work and no doo wop make Jack Sha Na something something…

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          All Twilight and no sanity makes Jack Stephanie a yeti dragon lich incubus.

          Yeah, let’s kick up the insanity a bit.

          Adores: 1
  4. 2011 January 20
    Mindfield permalink

    *static*
    *orients antenna*
    *static* *frequency whine*
    “…onse from NATO on its stance regarding Pakistan’s nuclear pro…”
    *static*
    *adjusts antenna*
    *satellite transmission beeps*
    *static*
    “…but the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity…”
    *static*
    *nudges antenna north*
    *static, whine*
    “… zwei … vir … eine … acht … neun … vir … vir … sechs … sieben …”
    *static*
    *twists antenna, holds tip*
    *buzz*
    *static*
    “…love me, nobody does. I’m all alone in this cold, unfeeling world. Even my parents don’t give a crap, I stay out all night and they don’t even yell at me or ask me where I was. I keep cutting myself and listening non-stop to The Smiths but that only helps for a while. Nobody understands me! I hate my life! I wish…”
    *static*
    *click*

    Man, there’s never anything good on this thing.

    Adores: 25
    • 2011 January 20

      You should try channel 30*. But only on Wednesdays at 9 Eastern.

      That’s when they have the people who make the big boom.

      *I’m fully aware that your Channel 30 is probably not the Discovery Channel. Please substitute the number 30 with the channel on which you get the Discovery Channel.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 January 20
        sarajean80 permalink

        That’s when they have the people who make the big boom.

        Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

        Adores: 11
        • 2011 January 20
          Lara permalink

          Surely that’s not on Discovery.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20
          sarajean80 permalink

          There is some surprisingly dirty programming on the Discovery channels. I seem to remember a mini-series titled “The History of Sex” that was definitely NSFC.

          Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 20

        I’m guessing you mean Mythbusters? They make lots of things go boom.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20

          Ding ding ding, we have a winner.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 20
        ToBScholarly permalink

        I love Mythbusters. Although I suspect Adam had hair implantation done, which disturbs me a little.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20

          He had to. He kept getting it burned off.

          Adores: 9
        • 2011 January 20

          “Am I missing an eyebrow?”

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20
          CapnMac permalink

          Besides, he rejects your reality and substitutes his own.

          Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      I think I’d rather hear about the politician unexplained nudity than Pakistan’s nuclear proliferation. But the words from the Necronomicon near the end sounds interesting too.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 20
        Mindfield permalink

        I was trying to find the full YouTube clip of the intro but for some reason my Google-Fu is weak today, so I’ll have to pull a [corey] and explain that the nude senator bit is from the original full intro to WKRP in Cincinnati. [/corey]

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 20
          Bombdude permalink

          Here you go Mindfield…

          My Google-Fu is strong!

          Edit: My HTML-Fu, however, not so much… Had to “fix” it 3 times to make the linky-link work…

          Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 20
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Mindfield — here is some aluminum foil and a wire clothes hanger. The combination of these two always use to work. (Of course, you probably need to take the aluminum foil beanie off while trying to adjust the channel.)

      Adores: 1
  5. 2011 January 20

    Warewolf.
    There.

    I beg your pardon?
    There wolf!
    There castle!

    Why are you talking like that?
    I thought you wanted to.
    No.
    Suit yourself…I’m easy.

    Adores: 25
    • 2011 January 20
      tigprincess permalink

      CJ- wasn’t thast inspired by Marty Feldman? Great conversation.
      Dan – your comments made me laugh and cry. Thanks! I’d just been completing my tax return form (we have to get it in by 31st Jan in UK) and I needed to laugh!

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 20

        Hi tig! It’s from “Young Frankenstein”.

        Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 20
        Windrose permalink

        Do you have the simplified form? It askes How Much Did you Make?

        Then you write in your gross earnings. The last line says, Send it in.

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 20
          Lola permalink

          On mine, where it says Gross Earnings, I write “Yes, the partners at my firm DO make a lot of money. Sadly, I make only a fraction of that. Pathetic perhaps, but not gross.”

          Adores: 5
  6. 2011 January 20

    Thoughts are affected by wind?

    That blows my mind!

    Adores: 30
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      Yes they are. If I’m thinking about, say, Mass Effect 2, then step outside into a wind that, combined with windchill, makes the outside temperature feel like it’s in the single digits, the first thing that pops into my head is “Damn, it’s freaking cold out here.”

      Adores: 6
  7. 2011 January 20
    Camille permalink

    In order to project your thoughts through wind and water, first you need to actually have thoughts. Random ideas that you’ve recycled from the Twilight books (such as “vampires are real and I can be one”) don’t count.

    Adores: 14
  8. 2011 January 20

    Okay, let’s see if I can channel my inner writer what with no school today (because of exams. 2 blessed days at home with no sister!).

    The Girl and the Warewolf

    The human girl was there, just like she’d promised. She was standing in the mist that swirled about her like a cloak. She pulled her hood up, then stuck her hands in the pockets of her hoodie. He could see the six freckles, forming what could be interpreted as a triangle on each cheek, illuminated by a fluorescent neon sign for Joe’s Bar and Grill.

    Suddenly, her eyes made contact with his. There was a slight flash of blue on those gray irises, and, for reasons he couldn’t understand, he abandoned any idea of talking some sense into this girl, telling her that the warewolf life was no life for her. He stepped into the light of the neon sign. It was flickering, and making that annoying buzzing sound.

    “Would- would you like me to stop it? The buzzing?” said the girl.

    Surprised, the warewolf said, “Er… ummm… yeah. That’d be great actually.” He shifted from one foot to another nervously.

    The girl nodded, and turned towards the fluorescent neon sign. There was a slight ripple in the mist, and the sign sparked violently before flickering out. The girl turned back to stare at him, making him more uncomfortable.

    “So, ” she said, “you’ve seen my ad on Craigslist?”

    “Yes, I saw you were looking for a warewolf.”

    “You are a warewolf, then? They’re soooo rare these days.”
    As she said this, she began moving closer to the warewolf, until she was practically touching him, looking up into his yellow eyes with her gray ones. They were big and shimmering, like an anime character.
    “Well, ” she said, “I’m ready for you to turn me into one. I’ve always wanted to be one since I read that book… You warewolves have such a sexy time.”

    The warewolf wasn’t sure what kind of books she was reading, and didn’t want to know. But he nodded, and reached into his overcoat. He pulled out The Box. He looked about nervously, and then said, “Okay, so you really want to be a warewolf?”

    The girl nodded. “Do it.”

    The warewolf sighed, and said, “Alright. I’m going to need you to take this box. No, don’t open it. Not yet. I’m going to need you to turn around so I can change you. It will hurt less this way.”

    The girl turned around, scared and excited at once.

    The scream pierced the calm of the night, and the fluorescent neon sign flickered back on, buzzing again, illuminating only a torn hoodie on the ground.

    ***

    The girl smiled as she looked through the mist at the unsuspecting couple. She’d been furious when she’d discovered the truth about warewolves, but she’d gotten over that. She was this furry monstrosity, just as she’d wanted, but this was even better. She opened The Box carefully, sneaking another peek at the wares she was peddling.

    She was going to sell them something.

    Adores: 23
    • 2011 January 20
      Lara permalink

      MOO HA HA HA

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 January 20
        sarajean80 permalink

        The combination of Evil Laugh and your avatar has given me an epic fit of giggles.

        Adores: 12
      • 2011 January 20
        NotMyName permalink

        Why did she need to turn around? I’m thinking something risque.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20

          She needed to turn around because the female Warewolf uniform zips up in the back.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 20
      Mindfield permalink

      *flings open coat*

      Wanna buy a bone?

      Adores: 8
      • 2011 January 20
        Lola permalink

        *screams*
        *flees*
        *huddles in Snark Lounge corner with flask*

        Adores: 12
      • 2011 January 20
        NotMyName permalink

        Look at it! It’s the size of a femur!

        That’s the best I could come up with in my sleep-deprived state.

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 20
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Button that “coat” back up young man and back slowly out of this room.

        Slams the door and goes to change the combination of the Snark Lounge Door again.

        ** It’s ok to come out of the corner Lola.

        Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20
          Mindfield permalink

          Whoa, hey now, you all think I was making some sort of dirty euphemism. I’m hurt! I’ll have you all know this was an actual bone. A tibia, if you must know. Apparently it once belonged to some guy named Hoffa or something, but it’s not like he’s going to miss it. It’s got a few gnaw marks on it, but otherwise it’s in pretty good condition.

          Hmpf! Think I’m trying to be rude. See if I ever offer you lot skeletonized body parts again! I’m just going to take my home and go bone.

          EDIT: Sorry. Accidental spoonerism there. Of course I meant “take my home and go bone.”

          EDIT 2: DAMMIT!

          Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          Jimmy Hoffa sounds familiar, but I don’t feel like looking it up…I’m thinking music. Or something to do with the president.

          Also, “spoonerism”?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism

          A spoonerism is an error in speech or deliberate play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched (see metathesis). It is named after the Reverend William Archibald Spooner (1844–1930), Warden of New College, Oxford, who was notoriously prone to this tendency.[1][2] It is also known as a marrowsky, after a Polish count who suffered from the same impediment.[3] While spoonerisms are commonly heard as slips of the tongue resulting from unintentionally getting one’s words in a tangle, they can also be used intentionally as a play on words. In some cultures, spoonerisms are used as a rhyme form used in poetry, such as German Schüttelreime. Spoonerisms are commonly used intentionally in humour, especially drunk humour.

          Also, dig boors.

          Adores: 13
        • 2011 January 20
          Mindfield permalink

          Jimmy Hoffa is an old timey gangster who was killed and whose burial place is currently unknown. Shlock “journalist” Geraldo Rivera once claimed to have found his “tomb” back in the 80s and had a whole TV spectacle about opening it for the first time and seeing what was inside … and there was nothing.

          A spoonerism is the intentional swapping of two words, or the first letters or morphemes of two words, to make a play on words. (eg. Queer old dean / Dear old queen)

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          Thanks you two…

          Why was I thinking music?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20
          Stephanae permalink

          Wow, Astro! Biggest doors, ever. You broke the margins.

          I never noticed the gray quotation mark in the blockquote style before now.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 20

          Wow, Astro! Biggest doors, ever

          It’s not the size of the doors, it’s how you twist the knob…

          Adores: 11
        • 2011 January 20
          Lola permalink

          Wait, wasn’t that Al Capone’s vault, MF?

          /can’t be arsed

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20
          Mindfield permalink

          Actually, you’re right. I think I ended up conflating the joke that was Geraldo’s glorious expose of some dirty “moonshine” bottles with the jokes that followed about Geraldo tackling Jimmy Hoffa’s murder, next. In my defense, it’s hard to remember anything past his mustache.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 20
          CapnMac permalink

          James Riddle Hoffa, Sr. was a contraversial president of the Teamster’s Union, who mysteriously disappeared in 1975.
          There have been numerous allegations about Jimmy’s ties to organized crime; and equal speculation that those connections got him buried in barrels all over the rust belt (or under various sports venues).

          James Hoffa, Jr. has been president of the Teamsters, as well.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          I’ll admit that when I first saw Astro’s adores, I thought it was an ad.

          Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 20
        sarajean80 permalink

        :giggles:

        Twinkie.

        Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 20

        You know that kinda looks like a bone……..only smaller.

        Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      I would actually read an anime like that, Astro.

      Yes, it would have to be an anime. I’ve had it with Twilight rip-offs; everytime I go to Barnes & Noble or some such other bookstore, wherever the new teen/young adult books are, it’s about vampires or some other crap. Anime, on the other hand, is different, somehow.

      Anyone know what I’m trying to say?

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 20

        I’m not sure how one would read an anime, but okay.

        Also, that’s part of why I skip the Teen/YA book section and go straight to the Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Mystery/Horror Section (that’s the name of the section. They have, for reasons beyond me, combined them). That and I can’t stand that just about all YA authors are under the impression that teenage males don’t read.

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          One: Anime has words in it, so you read it. Unless you just look at the pretty pictures, Astro?

          Two: Some Sci-Fi and Fantasy does go into the Teen/Young Adult area. I always check around.

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20

          One: I could swear that Anime is a purely televised medium, and that the backwards comic books are called Manga.

          Granted, I don’t watch Anime or read Manga, so I could be wrong.

          Two: But it’s never good Sci-Fi or Fantasy. Only the kind where the characterization is lazy and/or the plot is horribly cliched. Also, the books are always too thin. So I prefer the regular Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror/Mystery section, especially when I can go there and find Stephen King, Isaac Asimov, Frank Herbert, J.R.R. Tolkien and Batman all in the same place.

          Adores: 7
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          Uhhhh….Anime….Manga….Crap.

          Everyone ignore my idiotic blundering? Please?

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20

          NMN, surely you meant that you only watch subtitled anime, rather than dubbed… Therefore, you have to read it 😀

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          I haven’t watched anime for about three years, and I was always too lazy to go look for subtitled versions.

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 20
        CapnMac permalink

        He’s meaning “read a manga” and “watch an anime” in a fell swoop; which conflated into an apt spoonerism.

        Or, thus I so surmise.

        Edit to add–well, day late and three comments short; silly display lag.

        Adores: 2
  9. 2011 January 20
    Lou Stool permalink

    If she’s a vampire, she doesn’t reflect an image in the mirror. How does she know about the freckles? Huh? HUH?

    Adores: 12
    • 2011 January 20
      sarajean80 permalink

      She did them herself with a Sharpie; originally she just wanted a beauty mark but then she got the hiccups.

      Adores: 10
      • 2011 January 20
        Lou Stool permalink

        That would make for an even more unpleasant experience. A vampire with the hiccups would put far too many holes in your neck. Two would be acceptable in today’s day and age, but 6 or 8 is beyone the realm of good taste.

        Adores: 7
        • 2011 January 20
          Camille permalink

          Vampires don’t want victims with good taste; vampires want victims that taste good.

          Adores: 26
        • 2011 January 20
          sarajean80 permalink

          Stick a couple of piercings in those extra neck holes and no one will even notice them.

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 20

      Had a “girlfriend” in 1st grade who copied my freckles onto her face (w/ an orange marker)!

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 20
        Limelolly permalink

        True love!

        Always gets me choked up.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 20

          Fweckles… is what bwings us… togevah….. today…..

          Adores: 7
  10. 2011 January 20

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVy8Dr_SxWg
    Shallow Day -TWILIGHT (what have you done to my wife?)

    My current favorite Twilight ‘slam’. However, Twilight is good for extra ‘action’…. 🙂

    Adores: 2
  11. 2011 January 20

    I am that girl that can project my thoughts through
    white noise, the wind,water etc.
    I need advice as how to control this.

    TINFOIL HAT.

    Adores: 26
    • 2011 January 20
      ToBScholarly permalink

      That was easy!

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 20
      Mindfield permalink

      Shiny side in, in this case. Then she’ll be forced to read her own thoughts and think, “Holy crap, is that what I sound like to other people?”

      Adores: 21
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      Hey, at least she isn’t controlling fire, she’d bake her brain like a potato with tin foil on her head. Unless it already has been baked, in which case…I don’t know where I’m going with this line of thought.

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 January 20
        Mindfield permalink

        Yeah, I suspect she knows quite a bit about being baked.

        Adores: 10
  12. 2011 January 20
    ToBScholarly permalink

    I Ams:

    – The eggman. [Koo koo kachoo]
    – Sam. Sam I am.
    – Legend.
    – Woman. Hear me roar.
    – I said. To no one there.

    I am sure there are more but my cold medicine just kicked in.

    Adores: 12
    • 2011 January 20

      [I Am the Walrus Corey]According to the little booklet inside my Magical Mystery tour remastered CD, the lyric is, in fact, Goo Goo G’Joob.[/I Am the Walrus Corey]

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 20
        Lara permalink

        I want to use [I Am the Walrus Corey] for all Coreys now

        Adores: 8
      • 2011 January 20
        ToBScholarly permalink

        Thanks for the info. I still have no idea what it means, but it will help when I sing along.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 20
          Lola permalink

          I rather doubt John Lennon knew what it meant, either (speculating here, that lyric just seems to fit best with what I know of him, contrasted with McCartney).

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20
          Stephanae permalink

          Not to be contrary, Lola (John was my third-favorite Beatle), but are you saying here that Paul knew what Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da meant?

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 21
          Lola permalink

          Stephane, not in the least! So who is your first? George?

          Adores: 0
    • 2011 January 20
      Innana permalink

      I am that I am.

      Adores: 3
      • 2011 January 20
        NotMyName permalink

        “I am called Legion, for we are many.”

        *See new avatar*

        Sorry, the “I am that I am” reminded me, and I haven’t talked much to anyone for the past two and a half days. I’m a little hyper.

        Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 20
      Mindfield permalink

      I Yams:

      – What I yam

      Adores: 11
  13. 2011 January 20
    bombdude permalink

    [Semi-related OT] I dated a girl like this in high school. She had the whole telepathy belief going on, but she thought she was a witch, not a vampire. I found this out after we started dating. she found out we weren’t dating any more shortly thereafter.

    There’s nothing like “By the way, I’m a witch and have magic powers” to cool one’s ardor and scare the Spice Christ out of you. Not of the magic powers, mind you, but of the fact that you are in an enclosed space with her, and she might be armed..[/Semi-related OT].

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 January 20
      Lara permalink

      I dated a guy who on the second date said he had been possessed by a demon that told him to kill everyone but then he prayed and it went away. There was no third date.

      Adores: 12
      • 2011 January 20
        sarajean80 permalink

        You would think demonic possession would be a first date sort of subject.

        “Hey, glad you could make it. Did you have any trouble finding a parking spot? I was possessed by a homicidal demon but I’m better now. What movie do you want to see?”

        Adores: 10
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          “We could go see The Rite. That sounds like it’s right up your alley.”

          Adores: 8
      • 2011 January 20
        Lola permalink

        How soon after this disclosure did you tell him you had to go to the ladies’ room and then run out of the back door of whatever establishment you were at?

        Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 20
      Innana permalink

      If she was into the telepathy thing, maybe someone else was thinking she was a witch.

      Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 20
      ToBScholarly permalink

      Excellent conversational use of the phrase Spice Christ.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 20
        Bombdude permalink

        It was that or the Clothespin Bejeebus…

        Actually, it freaked me out enough that maybe both would have been in order…

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 20
          ToBScholarly permalink

          Does it freak you out that those phrases are beginning to come more naturally? And that one day you will find yourself in a non-internet conversation and one YSaC phrase will slip out?

          Me neither.

          Adores: 4
  14. 2011 January 20
    NotMyName permalink

    I am a commenter.
    I have not been lurking.
    I am not insane like freckle-girl.
    I could use the coffee slices.
    Pass them, please.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 20
      Lola permalink

      Welcome back, NMN! And please don’t lurk. Comment!

      *passes coffee slices*

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 20

        *sigh* Doctor said I should cut back on my caffeine. No caffeinated yum-slices for me today 🙁

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Like the flask, coffee slices can be free of anything that would harm your health while still giving you the buzz you want. : )

          Adores: 3
  15. 2011 January 20
    Litarider permalink

    So this is what Lonelygirl15 has been up to. Good to know she’s keeping relevant.

    Adores: 8
  16. 2011 January 20
    christina permalink

    Thank you for this post. This is the girl who is the reason that I’ve been lurking. After killing many brain cells by reading the newest crop of vampire romance, I decided to get back to working on the book I abandoned a few years ago. The vampires need me, they want their dignity back.

    Adores: 14
    • 2011 January 20
      Windrose permalink

      *latches on to christina promising never to let go* Sit! Stay!

      Adores: 2
  17. 2011 January 20
    Stephanae permalink

    I don’t think she’s so crazy. It’s just the w4m that confuses me. Were I so desperate to become a vampire or warewolf that I was willing to display my insanity on Craig’s List for all to see, I can’t imagine also being picky about the gender of the monster that changed me.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      Your avatar is preventing me from putting in a snarky reason for the w4m. Someone else want to try?

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 20
        Stephanae permalink

        The wind affects your thoughts.
        My avatar affects your thoughts.
        Therefore, my avatar is the wind.

        That’s the correct logic, right?

        Adores: 11
        • 2011 January 20

          All that we are is dust in the wind, except that I am he as you are me and we are all together.

          So, therefore, we are all the Walrus, and the Walrus is a windsock.

          Yay, CatPhilosophy!

          Adores: 19
        • 2011 January 20
          CapnMac permalink

          [in real life coincidence corey]
          I’ve been at a project of late, converting an entire collection of music CDs into one GoFlex drive. All to the end of not having to wonder where the music is, and whether it is upon this or that one flashdrive.

          Just yesterday, I cycled the next CD in the stack, and it was The Best of Kansas. Which, naturally, had Dust In The Wind upon it. Had to stop and give that a listen. Finding Boston’s Boston right after it completed a revisitation to pop music from my high school years.

          The world is a small circular place.
          [/corey]

          Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 20
      Addicted Reader permalink

      But don’t you know that vampires and warewolves are *always* having sex with their victims … er, victims, I guess. And she’s just not into girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but ew. She only likes guys.

      Adores: 5
  18. 2011 January 20
    kelli permalink

    I am that girl that looks at your suckage in disbelief.

    Adores: 13
    • 2011 January 20
      sarajean80 permalink

      And I am the terror that flaps in the night.

      Adores: 12
      • 2011 January 20
        Angel permalink

        Darkwing Duck!
        “I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the batteries that are not included.”
        “I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul.”
        “I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am a special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show.”

        Adores: 5
  19. 2011 January 20
    tigprincess permalink

    All I can say is bring back Being Human
    {UK TV corey – great humourous programme about a ghost, a werewolf and a vampire who live together in a shared student house in Bristol and amongst other things bicker about who’s turn it is to do the washing-up. – end UKTV corey} *Oh, and the vampire is drop-dead gorgeous (male)*
    ** go and take your medicine now TP, stop bothering the nice ladies and gentlemen**

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      Yeah yeah, Being Human was on BBCA, same as Doctor Who, Torchwood, and Primeval. Then, like Doctor Who, it was transferred over to Syfy. Haven’t bothered watching it, not until Twilight insanity is over, which will be in…let’s see…carry the two, divide by five…oh, never.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 20

        I believe I read on a LotR fansite that one of the actors in the series will be playing a dwarf in The Hobbit, and therefore likely will not be returning for the fourth season of the show.

        A quick look at TheOneRing.net says it’s someone named Aidan Turner, and he’ll be playing Kili the Dwarf, and probably won’t be in “the fourth series of Being Human”. I assume “series” is British for “season”.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          They’re making a movie adaptation of The Hobbit?

          That’s all I got out of your comment, sorry Astro.

          Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 20

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hobbit_film_project

          The Hobbit is the working title for a planned two-part film currently in pre-production, an adaptation of the 1937 novel The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien. Peter Jackson, director of The Lord of the Rings film trilogy, will direct the films and also serve as producer and co-writer.[1]

          The films will star Martin Freeman, known for playing Tim Canterbury in the BBC comedy series The Office, as Bilbo Baggins. Several actors from Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings film trilogy will reprise their roles, including Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis, Cate Blanchett, Elijah Wood, and Christopher Lee. Hugo Weaving, Ian Holm, and Orlando Bloom, though currently unsigned, are expected to return as well. Additionally, composer Howard Shore, who wrote the score for The Lord of the Rings film trilogy, is expected to compose the score to The Hobbit films.[2][3]

          The two films will be shot back to back in New Zealand, beginning in February 2011.[1]

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          Isn’t New Zealand where they filmed “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”?

          Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20

          I don’t know. I do know it’s where they filmed The Lord of the Rings, and that the mountains there look like they must be CGI, but are in fact real.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20
          NotMyName permalink

          LOTR movies were filmed in New Zealand.
          New Zealand is near Australia.
          Australia is known for dangerous creatures.
          LOTR movies have lots of dangerous creatures.

          By this convoluted logic, does this mean Australia may have Balrog, orcs, and giant spiders?

          Adores: 5
    • 2011 January 20

      There’s an American version planned, too.

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 20
        Lola permalink

        As with most of those UK-to-US TV adaptations, it’ll probably suck. 🙁

        Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 20
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, if they do not just “lift” the dialog from the UK Being Human, then h’wood ought get plenty of “traction” out of the premise.

          But, that would require thought and effort–not strong suits in the tv side of h’wood.

          Although, my memory is of a SyFy promo where it’s a ghost, werewolf, and vampire–and one of the complications being that the two corpoerals were male.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 January 20
          SilvaNoir permalink

          They copy-pasted most of the UK version of Being Human for the American version (the premiere is on Comcast’s on demand service). Only changed a few saying here and there. It’s as if they said to themselves “We like this show, but we don’t like dem funny accents”. SIGH.
          Plus the actors they picked for the vampire and warewolf look too similar.
          Just watch the original.
          First season was very good, second season was OK but I wasn’t fond of how it ended or how they treated vampirism like alcoholics anonymous.

          Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 20
      Moira permalink

      I shall need to look for Being Human on Netflix – sounds fun and I’m running out of good detective shows to watch (I’m currently watching Murder, She Wrote in desperation).

      Adores: 2
  20. 2011 January 20

    The only advice I can give is that if you have 3 freckles grouped together they will form either a triangle or a straight line. Simple geometry. Tell me what type of triangles they are – then I might be impressed. Especially if they’re precisely equilateral.

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      You are wrong, you could have a curved line if you don’t connect all the freckles.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 20
      Mindfield permalink

      I think it’s pretty obvious what kind of triangles they are.

      They’re obtuse.

      Adores: 11
      • 2011 January 20
        CapnMac permalink

        An acute observation.

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 20

          I don’t know, Capn, are you sure he got it right?

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 20
          Windrose permalink

          You’re all angling for more doors!

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20

          That’s some hypotenuse you have there, Windrose…

          Completely unrelated story: When I was in 7th grade science class, we were learning about the scientific method for the 80th time. My teacher said that she always remembered how to spell “hypothesis” because she didn’t like her sister, so she would want to “hypo the sis.” To this day, that’s how I make sure I’m spelling it correctly :-p

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 20
          CapnMac permalink

          Isosceles!

          (Pardon me, spores have my histamine levels agog.)

          Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 21

          Gesundheit.

          Adores: 1
  21. 2011 January 20
    Caro permalink

    Water doesn’t present enough of a challenge. Get back to us when you can project your thoughts through flowing nacho cheese.

    Adores: 15
  22. 2011 January 20
    LaKitta permalink

    White noise, Freckles, Craigslist
    That Girl!
    Warewolf, Vampire, Batshit
    is That Girl!
    Wear tinfoil on your head
    She wants you to make her undead!

    Adores: 6
  23. 2011 January 20
    CapnMac permalink

    “Warewolf”

    I find I’m generally wary of wolves.

    That’s because they are not misunderstood doggies, it’s because they are well-adapted apex predators with a prediliction to carnivorous predation (and not at all like feral goggies).

    The fact that wolves tend to dimensions closer to mastifs than the neighbor’s german shepard ought matter. The direwolf, that creature of legend and parable went to great dane type sizes, and still hunted in packs.

    Ware wolves, yes, thank you, I shall.

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 20
      Camille permalink

      Am I the only one who read that as “feral goggles”?

      Adores: 6
      • 2011 January 20
        Stephanae permalink

        No, you’re not the only one. And then I spent a while musing about what interesting sort of critter a goggy might be. Finally, I figured out it was a typo.

        I do think feral goggles are probably appropriate for accessorizing a love-me jacket.

        Adores: 8
        • 2011 January 20

          It might not be a typo–I’m pretty sure “goggies” is one of those (un)fancy Internety spellings. :-p

          Adores: 4
        • 2011 January 20
          Angel permalink

          Yup yup. Goggies ‘n’ kittehs.

          Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20

          Angelkitteh is disdainful of goggies.

          Adores: 6
        • 2011 January 20
          CapnMac permalink

          And well she should be.
          Goggies being thos sweet fluffy creatures on allows one’s unsupervised spawn to palpitate and maul at the pet store. Even the wee-nippy bites-with-more-needle-sharp-teeth-than-a-bushel-of-hagfish tiny, lap-stabbing-with-untrimmed-toenails ones.

          Not to be confused with the vermin-riddled 20-30# coydogs and coyotes that will form packs and seek prey up to around 130-150#.

          Or, heaven help the Sparky biped, those lupen running to 90-150# each; tuned up in packs of a half-dozen or more, with a genetic prediliction to chase prey until the prey’s endurance runs out, then to rip it into bleeding gobs. A success strategy that will pull down even quite creatures, not merely ungulates in the fractional-ton range but even the sort of over-large creatures wandering subueban malls.

          Not.Nice.Goggie.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 January 21
          Moira permalink

          While wolves are most certainly not misunderstood dogs and you do not want to run afoul of a pack, they were among the first critters domesticated for good reason.

          Of course, it’s a bit tougher to make one a part of your family these days because they are smarter than many five year olds and more active than any four toddlers. Fail to maintain discipline or keep it engaged and it will shred the house and chase off your houseguests.

          I met a well-trained and socialized wolf once. He was apparently very good with women and children, a bit wary of men outside his territory, and downright suspicious of unknown men who came into his territory. He also apparently pushed dominance games fairly frequently… much like your average teenager.

          I think I prefer my cat whose sole assertion of dominance is lying on top of me at night. I let my husband continue to think it’s just a sign of affection.

          Adores: 3
  24. 2011 January 20
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Your six freckles only form two triangles? Pfft. Call me when they form a pentagram.

    Adores: 11
    • 2011 January 20
      Stephanae permalink

      A hexagram is easy enough. My brain won’t work out how to form a pentagram with six freckles. I guess that’s why you’d want her to call you, Bianchi? Then we’d know for sure that she was that girl.

      EDIT: Oops. I mixed up my gons with my grams for a second there. Never mind me. My brain went away a week or two ago.

      Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 20

      I dunno, that’ll be a hard on for them to pull off. The whole five points versus six freckles thing, you know?

      Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 20
        NotMyName permalink

        Yeah, it took me a second to realize.

        *Reads comment*

        “Hmmm, don’t pentagrams have 5 points?”

        Although, if you count where the lines intersect eachother, you have ten points.

        Adores: 1
        • 2011 January 20
          Stephanae permalink

          If you want to draw one in Illustrator, it definitely requires 10 anchor points. Which is why I was originally thinking pentagon rather than pentagram, since I had a surfeit of freckles for a pentagon, but a serious shortage of freckles for a pentagram.

          Adores: 1
      • 2011 January 20
        Ziaheart permalink

        It could be an upside-down Star of David! But then again… would that make any difference? Maybe a slightly skewed Star of David?

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 20
          Stephanae permalink

          Star of David

          I knew my hexagram thought would come back somehow. But she only has 50% of the freckles needed for a Star of David/anahata/choose metaphysical hexagram of your choice.

          Adores: 1
  25. 2011 January 20
    Ziaheart permalink

    To really parallel the original post, shouldn’t the line break come after the “at”? Since both “at” and “through” are prepositions?

    We are that blog that makes fun of people who suck at
    Craigslist.

    Adores: 2
    • 2011 January 20
      Stephanae permalink

      Well, if you want to get picky that way, why not put it after “of?” But I’d say it doesn’t lessen the Ostrimu’s (BBUH) brilliance in this commentary.

      Adores: 4
  26. 2011 January 20

    I am under the impression that Raggedy Ann had freckles in pretty much that pattern.

    Crap, another haunted doll.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 January 20
      NotMyName permalink

      Play with me.

      Forever.

      Adores: 8
  27. 2011 January 20
    NotMyName permalink

    let me know or if you have advice

    Here’s some advice: Stop reading Twilight. Go pick up a Ranger’s Apprentice or something.

    Adores: 3
  28. 2011 January 20

    I miss you guys!

    This reminded me of all of you. I saw a blurb on the news about someone doing this to one of these signs in NH. http://gearmedia.ign.com/gear/image/article/949/949442/zombie2_1233277670.jpg.

    I’m still crazy busy, but I really hope to be back soon.

    Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 20
      Lola permalink

      Hi, Bridgete! Nice to see you and Severus again.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 21
        Windrose permalink

        Dang, I’ll have to let go of christina to hang on to Bridgete. Where’s the duct tape???

        Adores: 5
        • 2011 January 21
          Stephanae permalink

          I’ll help. You grab hold of Bridgete, and I’ll catch christina when you let go. We could still use the duct tape, though.

          Adores: 3
  29. 2011 January 20
    alex permalink

    Am I the only one who read the title as “At least she’s not Sparky”?

    Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 21
      Windrose permalink

      Yes, alex, only you. Apparently.

      Adores: 0
  30. 2011 January 21
    Windrose permalink

    It’s like magic. Somebody gets in the box, and they don’t show up all that day. Meej, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Forks!

    Adores: 2
  31. 2011 January 21
    Moira permalink

    She’s not only spent too much time reading Twilight, apparently, but also spent more than a few hours watching TruBlood.

    I tried watching TruBlood – lots of people told me it was really good. I gave it up after about 10 episodes.

    Adores: 1
    • 2011 January 21
      Addicted Reader permalink

      I enjoy the books. I would call them romances before anything else, and they’re not Quality Literature, but they’re fun reads.

      Adores: 1

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