YSaC, Vol. 451: Shake the decease.
Looking for MR. Right Now – 28
How are you, I’m looking for a attractive guy to keep me busy and entertain my wild desires on call. Lately my life has been a tire so I’m up for dirt biking too. Please be decease and drug free and reply to this ad with photo.
want a female nsa – m4w – 40
4o hispanic male looking forn some nsa action ,i want a clean ,drug and decease female for fun if u interested hit me back ,race and age unimportant.u pic get mine.i want this to be descreet as possible thanks
Will you be mine? – 24
MondayI’ll be arriving in Multnomah County for a month on business and will be back often. Be drug n decease free and ready to show aphoto. Kisses!
Despite the questionable grammar, I’m going to hazard a guess that ads #1 and #2 are not actually looking for a decease(d) person. Then again, look how much fun the Weekend at Bernie’s franchise makes dead people seem (damn you, Andrew McCarthy!) — I suppose anything is possible.
Best I can figure out, if someone is decease-free, that means they’re not a zombie or a vampire. And I don’t know about you, but that’s something that I look for in my dating pool.
Thanks to Imogene, kb, and Jesse for these ads!
Putting all the “decease”-ness aside, I’m truly curious about what type of tire has become the metaphore for her life. Perhaps it’s a nubby dirt-bike tire which would explain her affinity for the sport.
Lately my life has been a tire, too.
Out of alignment, can’t seem to get a grip… I’m balding and overinflated and under too much pressure. It hasn’t been a Goodyear.
This ad gives me renewed hope. All I need is Ms. Right Now, and a dirt bike.
Lost,
If I wasn’t married I’d be making a play for you! Awesome paronomasia!
Perhaps you just need to release your…’valve.’ I know a guy on Craigslist who can help.
If the injector doesn’t work, ask for the ‘OTHER valve injector,’ snigger and wink conspiratorially. He’ll know what you mean.
Typically I like my wild desire fulfillers to be decease free too. Lack of a heart beat is a serious bummer–not to mention all the odors–SERIOUS mood kill, folks.
But the second (married) poster wants a dead drugee? I can think of a few… I think he will have a better time of it, though it is hard to take a picture of yourself when you are dead. Rigor mortis and all that. Can’t get the camera at a good angle.
And is it just me, or is the third one open to ALL possibilities. No gender/sex/species mentioned…so free-for-all? Huh.
I always wanted someone decease-free….then I could call them my immortal beloved.
And if you decided to make ‘Endless Love’ your song, for once it wouldn’t be an overstatement.
I guess the Zombie Invasion has begun. Now the dating ads are requiring non-Zombies only. I think the dead leaders are probably going to file suit against this discrimination; after all, Zombies are people too! They’re just a little down on their luck, life-wise. I have heard that “Once you go dead, they’ll be all in your head”, so maybe these folks need to be a little more open-minded about with whom they’d like to spend their time, you know? I mean, they’re acting like their brains are going to hurt if they take a chance with one of these lonely Zombies or something! These people need to stick their necks out a little, experience un-life!
It does give a new meaning to “pleasures of the flesh”, doesn’t it?
or check out any of a number off books by Terry Pratchett which contain a character Reg Shoe, an undead lawyer who petitions constantly for “dead rights.”
I love Terry Pratchett, Reg Shoe, and Bethesda. (For their use of ghouls.)
Being both lightyears from… from… well, from whatever it is these people are looking for and a card-carrying geek, I looked up NSA to see what the comma-challenged gent in the middle was looking for. Thing is, there are too many possiblities:
Is he looking for North Slope of Alaska action? National Stroke Association action looks like a good possiblity. Or perhaps he wants to hook up with the National Sheep Association? (As 2Sly4U pointed out, no gender or species are specified.)
Sign me,
Clueless
Dear Clueless,
I believe that the poster is asking for “no strings attached.” Realistically, however, strings would be a big help in a decease relationship (to animate it, as it were).
MUPPETS!! they must be looking for muppets! deceased muppets….but i digress.
I like how the first post also throws in dirt biking! Ha!
If you want NSA action, you have to threaten to blow something up in your Craigslist ad. A lot of talk of bombs, assassinations, and terror plots will be noticed by their Echelon software. Plenty of NSA fun awaits you.
Proof that this whole Twilight thing has gotten WAY out of hand…
I agree, Katy…
Drmk, though, has had the good graces to prove to us yet again that she isn’t a teenaged girl with her “Best I can figure out, if someone is decease-free, that means they’re not a zombie or a vampire. And I don’t know about you, but that’s something that I look for in my dating pool.” comment. 😛
Wouldn’t zombies and vampires be looking for decease free people to prey upon? Is this proof that “Looking for MRN,” “Want a Female NSA,” and “Will You be Mine?” are all in one of those categories? Horrors! Everybody Panic!
I AM decease and looking for an attractive guy to keep me busy. Where’s the love?
BRAAAAAIIIIINNNNNSSSS!!!!!
BOOOOOOOBS!!!!!!!
YAY for Depeche Mode-inspired post titles. <3
Yay for someone getting them!
On a different note, I live in Portland, OR in Multnomah County. The possibility of having a recurring, mystery house guest for over a month is thrilling, however I’m hesitant to agree to be his/hers. While he/she doesn’t care whether I’m male or female, I *do* have asthma and take Zyrtec for my allergies. Do I have to be completely drug- and disease-free?
Perhaps “my life has been a tire so I’m up for dirt biking too” simply means she wants to be jumped, ridden hard up and down, and doesn’t mind if things get dirty.
That is most definitely what she meant…
And in this case, I’m up for dirt biking too!
“Dirt biking,” is that what they’re calling it these days?
*buys helmet, just to be safe*
*places CL ad requesting ‘dirt bike’ companion*
-Responds enthusiastically to Lola’s ad-
Someone order a teenaged poolboy?
Hey, DOT’s got a helmet for you! A white one!!!
Wouldn’t one of the amorous femaletraits bots be decease-free?
Immortal robot love is the sweetest love of all.
What? Is? Love?…. Concept does not match pre-existing data.
Decease free means that there should be no stiff bits (from rigor mortis) – clearly important to some people.
Or maybe it’s a complaint from guys that have slept with British women – who just lie there – they want their partner to not be such a corpse in the bedroom.
No stiff bits? Um, well, shouldn’t there be at least…I mean to say,…er, how to put this delicately…
If you’re going to go dirt-biking, shouldn’t you have a kick stand?
My question re: the third one is why, when the anonny mouse OP turns up in Multnomah County you have to “be prepared to show a photo”… So, they turn up, you meet, and _then_ you whip out a photo, hand it to them and say “…and that’s what I look like. Interested?”
What does a corpse have to do to get a little action? I’m really disappointed by their blatant bigotry. The undead and the dead are people too.
I always get a very interesting mental image when I read “nsa action”. I thought I was the only one with that fantasy, but Craigslist has shown me I’m not alone.
Well, you know how hard it is for me to shake the decease that takes hold of my tongue in situations like these. Understand me. Understand me.