You Suck at Craigslist

Um.

So, in the summer of 2008 I was spending a fair amount of time on my local Craigslist. I started noticing that people in my town were pretty bad at Craigslist, and I started posting some of the more egregious ads to my Livejournal account (remember those?) and making fun of them. My friends made the mistake of encouraging me, and You Suck at Craigslist was born.

I made it through 200 posts using Roman numerals as titles before I figured out THAT was a bad idea. It was somewhere around post #350 that Dan started to help out, and we’ve been co-authoring it since then. Somewhere along the way we picked up the nicknames of the Llamanun and the Ostrimu, and also picked up the most clever bunch of minions – er, commenters – that the internet has ever seen. We held meetups wherever we went, and we got to meet people who … well, they got us, and they were wonderful.

We almost got to write a book somewhere in there, back when every blog on the internet was being offered a book, but lost out when we refused to dumb it down. We also almost got bought by a large cheeseburger-focused website, but that fell through too, because we would have lost the rights to everything we had done, and there were no guarantees that we could have kept doing it. We just liked doing it.

It’s been over six years of bees, things that aren’t lions, French non-Provincial furniture, and every spelling imaginable of chihuahua, armoire, and ottoman. We’ve made jokes about things as diverse as the Maginot Line, Chuck Close, and Marcel Duchamp. William Gibson, Roger Ebert, and Dan Piraro all publicly said they liked our website. We’ve written soliloquies, operas, and movies, and more song parodies than anyone other than Weird Al Yankovic. (Some of them even got recorded.)

And we loved every minute of it.

That’s why this is really hard for us. As life has a tendency to do, whether you want it to or not, life has changed for us since 2008, and both of us have things going on now that demand our attention. We’re at post #1800 as of today, which is a nice round number … and so as of today, we’re (un)officially calling an end to You Suck at Craigslist.

We’ve put together a list of the Best of the Worst posts of 2014, and we’d be honored if you took the time to re-read some of our favorite moments. As always, no clickbait – the original posts and our commentary are now all on one page, but we urge you to take the time to click through to each individual post and read the comments, which are usually the best part of the site.

Thanks to everyone – everyone who read the site, commented, or sent in submissions. The site would not have worked without you. Thanks to Craig Newmark for not suing us. And a special thanks to all of the Sparkys who posted on Craigslist and gave us such a wealth of material to work with. We will miss all of you.*

-Llamanun and Ostrimu

*This is actually true. Well, maybe not the Sparkys.

Iam looking for a editor

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Iam looking to find a editor to try to help me do my book. Its a fantasy series and I just found out its going to cost some gig bucks to get it done. what kind of deal could we work out Iam up to just about anything besides some gay guy trying to get something from me. I can do a lot of things paint,remodel,driveways,roofing,car work. Hay Iam a guy that can do a lot of things and have had ny hands on a lot of stuff. So with that can we work a deal

OK, Iam (if that is your real name), let’s see if I can do some editing for you. You’re a homophobic jerk, so let’s see if I can make your post a little more hilarious:

…I can “do a lot of things”: “paint,” “remodel,” “driveways,” “roofing,” “car work.” Hay, Iam a guy that can “do a lot of things” and have had my hands on a “lot of stuff.” So with that can we work a deal?

There. Now to just repost this in “m4btwsami” (Men for biker types with serious anger management issues). Great – hopefully that gets you the attention your work deserves. Hopefully the btwsami doesn’t want apostrophes from you.

Thanks for the post, TLS!

Over the years, we’ve done our best to take care of our single readers. Specifically, we’ve tried to make sure they thank their lucky stars every day for that status. To that end:

Single and looking for cuddle boddy – 37

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age : 37
I am 36. Single and looking for a cuddle boddy or a friend to hang out get to know as friends have a good time. My name is #### you text me
show contact info
Okay In [location] any city s close by only. I am a good person trustful nice carving maybe something more in future see what can happen .

This person’s interest in carvings would be terrifying, in the sense that maybe he’d do some carving on YOU after the ritual killing. Fortunately, he’s gotten a year younger just over the course of posting this ad, so the Benjamin Button syndrome’s probably eliminated the danger by now.

Thanks for the post, SC!

safety issue

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Is it safe, to allow your kids to eat candy flavored chap stick?

My son, eats about 3 containers a day, of various flavored lip balm sticks. He particularly likes the blueberry flavored chap sticks.

He says they give him super powers. So idk? He did survive being hit by a moped, and he didn’t break a bone. And the clowns moped was totaled. So I’m beginning to wonder.

Chapstick Connoisseur is my Lipps, Inc. cover band.

What super powers would chapstick consumption convey? The ability to …

Okay, wait a minute. Seriously — you just know that the dancers in that video have had nightmares about this gig ever since, especially the poor girl designated the lead funky-seeker. I mean, she is not in any way funky, and she could really use an escort to somewhere that would provide her with the recommended daily allowance of funky to ameliorate her funkyless condition, but I’m not sure this was the best way to entice someone who has an excess of funky and the means to provide transport to allow her to accompany them on their journey.

I seem to have gotten distracted. Look, a clown on a moped! *crash* oops.

Thanks, mc l!

scaffaling – $450

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3. Sets. With. Planks. ..2. Sets. AR.e. 5. By. 5. Tall … 1. Set. Is. 49. By. 6. Tall….3. 10. Ft. Planks. Aluminum. 4. Wheels. Coupllers. . Has. Cross. Pieces. …Calls. Please. ###–####

It’s the holiday season! And I HATE holiday music! But I still can’t help hearing this one to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” (start at seven for best effect)

“3 Sets with planks,
2 Sets a-are,
FIVE BY FIVE TALL!
O-one set is four
Nine by six
Taaaaal.
And the couplers has cross pieces.”

In the holiday spirit yet?

(Thanks for the post, Peter!)

One of the recurring themes on this site has been people who, when faced with a piece of furniture they’d like to part with, apparently just bash their hands on the computer keyboard in hopes that their frenzied actions will somehow miraculously spell the name of the thing they are trying to sell. I mean, it worked for Shakespeare’s monkeys, right?

amoria!

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Very nice in good cond asking best offer

I’ve been writing this site for long enough that when I got this submission (in 2010), I was actually relieved that there wasn’t someone using the toilet in this picture, and kind of mentally glossed over the spectacular attempt to spell armoire.

vintage sofa chimpindale style

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this is a good looking soft i want to find a home.

There weren’t any pictures with this one, so I’m taking bets at even odds that this ad was written by a person who is either trying to rehome a monkey or is in fact a monkey. But probably not one of Shakespeare’s monkeys.

And just for good measure, sometimes folks get the spelling right, but get so much else so very, very wrong:

wood stationary rocker

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wood rocker — back 39″ h x 25″ w x seat 15″ h front with cushions — great condition ——- $ 15.00

A stationary rocker. You know, for those folks who can’t handle standard rockers because of nausea and vomiting because of that whole “moving” thing. Also known as a chair.