YSaC, Vol. 450: Hurr, hurr, you said “injector”.
Free porno – mags and videos
Moving in with my girlfriend. Got about 30 mags and 15 videos I need to get rid of. Hit me up if you’re interested. If I don’t pick up, leave a message and I will get back to you. And please do me a favor- In case I’m with my girlfriend when I pick up, say something like I’m calling about the ad for the valve injector for a 94 Chevy Blazer. I will know what you mean. And this will sound legit because I’m in the process of selling that part.
-Ben
xxx-xxx-xxxx
Violet submitted this ad, with the following comments:
“I feel like this posting really raises some tough questions. Like when he requests interested parties to “say something like I’m calling about the ad for the valve injector for a 94 Chevy Blazer,” what does he mean, something like that? What’s like that?”
“And if, as he helpfully points out, he really is selling that part, how will he know whether the person is calling about the porn or the valve injector? He’s going to have to ask some awkward follow-up questions that will be much more audible to his girlfriend than someone on the other end of the line and/or end up with an exasperated would-be masturbator who just wanted some fresh material and didn’t expect this kind of hassle or, more disturbingly still, some guy showing up to pick up his valve injector and being presented with a big box of porn. One thing, however, is not in question: these two kids are totally gonna make it.”
Is it me or does “valve injector” sound like some kind of smut codeword anyway?
Wow. On one hand, it’s somewhat considerate of him not to want to bring a big box-o-porn to his new love nest, but I’m going to have to agree with Violet. I can picture the poor guy who wants a fuel injector opening a box containing past issues of Playboy and Girls Gone Wld.
You think Playboy is porn?
Aaawwwww…that’s sweet.
Haven’t been online for very long, have you?
I was just going to say, on the same lines, in this age of instantaneously available online porn of infinite variety, who on earth would want someone else’s used, non-digital wank-fodder? That’s shared the same physical space as another guy has occupied when…um, ‘releasing the valve?’
Ew. Just…no.
According to Wikipedia,”Pornography or porn is the depiction of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement” and Playboy counts, even though it is fairly tame by today’s internet standards. I did read this morning that Marge Simpson is suppose to be on the cover of the next issue.
Ew… used porn.
Getting a box of a man’s used porn is kind of like getting served someone else’s half-eaten meal at a restaurant… All the good stuff is gone and you the rest is picked through and thus contaminated by contact with the, um, fork.
Makes me wonder if he’s dumping his whole ‘meal’ or just unwilling to admit that he likes ‘asparagus’ to his girlfriend.
And how am I supposed to know you’re with your girlfriend when I call? Do you have me on speaker (because you should know that I’m the type of person who hates speakerphone. If you have me on it I will say ‘I’m calling in regards to the spank material’)
“Makes me wonder if he’s dumping his whole ‘meal’ or just unwilling to admit that he likes ‘asparagus’ to his girlfriend.”
I bet this guys has a thing for lemonade…poured onto his back. :O
“Eww… used porn.”
That was my first thought, too!
There are some things that should just not be reused.
OK, so I once dated a guy who was renting a room in a certain house. The guy who owned the house had . . well, a large walk-in closet (unlocked) of pornographic material. The guy I was dating said “. . well, the kind of weird thing about the porn closet is that . . . I mean, yeah, there’s a lot of porn in there. But he SHARES IT WITH HIS SISTER who lives nearby. Some of it is hers.” My friend also said “He did invite me to go in there and borrow some if I ever want any. I said no.”
AIYEEEEEEEEEEEE
I think this fellow’s pretty admirable: not only environmentally conscious (he could have just chucked his collection into the nearest dumpster), but a bit sentimental too, trying to rehome his porn into appreciative hands.
Okay, into the one available hand.
On the one hand, it’s nice that he’s cleaning up his act before moving in with his girlfriend. On the other hand….well, that one literally just needs to be cleaned.
I know how this guy feels. I’ve got a huge box of valve injectors in my basement. I’m frightened that my wife will find it so I’m asking people to come to the door and ask to buy my porn stash. I know what they mean though *wink wink*.
Look! I think it’s Taco’s first comment here! And it’s as hilarious as ever!
Could be, but everything is spelled correctly. We’ll have to get the investigators in to do a thorough scan of the entry. Thanks for pointing it out, NMN! 8)
As I have learned from the internet over the years, porn is now infinite in its varieties according to personal taste, so I find it intriguing that he gives it a generic description. I mean, what if you’re into futuristic cyberpunk and this turns out to be his pappy’s vintage Playboys (so old they don’t show pubic hair)? What if the videos are old VHS of Traci Lords before she was outed as underage and not the Mitteleuropa tranny granny bondage* that is the newest thing? If one were to call and ask these questions for clarity and his girlfriend were present, what’s he going to say that won’t indict himself? If this ad is indicative of his foresight and planning skills in general, I wouldn’t bet the rent on the relationship lasting …
*Not an actual genre, as far as I know.
“Not an actual genre, as far as I know.”
It will be now. Way to go Lo W…..
If he did try to leave a detailed description he’d be flagged so fast his head would spin.
Flagged for detailed description? Really? I’ve seen plenty of explicit m4w personals that made my eyeballs bleed either from the description or the unfortunate graphics, which led to my thinking that the skeeve threshhold was pretty high. I wonder how offensive they have to be to actually taken down. I was just thinking along the lines of “straight, Asian” or “schoolgirl uniform” or “threesome” etc., nothing too detailed.
Well, if he’s moving in with a woman, I hope for her sake he wanks to straight porn… 😛
To read the m4w or any personal ad you are first routed to that screen where they tell you there is potentially offensive material and not to go on if you might get offended. This was posted in the free section of the nominally ‘G’ rated main boards, which (on my local board at least) seems to be patrolled by a group of militant flaggers looking for the slightest error.
@sarajean80:
The general G-section boards placement makes sense with the lack of description. I hadn’t actually looked at CL itself in long enough that I’d forgotten the “must be 18” and possible adult materials disclaimers in the m4w (and presumably other similar) category.
Rule 34: No matter what it is, there IS porn about it.
I don’t know much about /b/, but according to my friends, you just broke rules 1 AND 2.
Nothing says commitment like unloading your used porn prior to taking the plunge. I’d be more impressed if he just threw it away.
It will be easy to tell between the people calling about the valve injector and the people calling for the porn. The people calling about the port will say “I’m calling about the ad for the valve injector for a 94 Chevy Blazer” and then start giggling uncontrollably.
Huh? He’s taking an ad on Craigslist to let everyone know he’s giving away free porn? I mean, how hard can it be to give away free porn? It’s porn. And it’s FREE. Just box it, put it out on the curb, and I guarantee it will be gone in five minutes.
If secrecy is the object, why put an ad on Craigslist (where every girl who is about to move in with her boyfriend is right now saying to herself, “Hmmmm…”) then have to field calls from people who will doubtless want to go into a monumental amount of detail about the porn. Then meet up with them, and ew, no.
I think there’s something else at play here. The whole “hey, who wants my free porn” thing is just hinky.
I can only assume that leaving them out on the curb will end like this:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sdo/541608921.html
Thanks. I can’t bear to watch porn again for a week, thanks to that…
Oh, this guy is just trying to pass the buck. “Hey, I’ve got free granny porn to give away, but don’t think I’m into this stuff, ‘cuz I’m totally not, I think it’s really gross, eeewww, I only have this stuff ‘cuz I was walking along and found this huge bag of granny porn out there on the sidewalk, and now I want to give it away because I don’t like this type of thing at all. I just found it. Yeah. That’s it. I FOUND it.”
and of course, once he moves in with her, he will NEVER,EVER check porn sites on the interwebs. i agree abt used porn. just out it out with the recycle trash. the garbage collection folks will appreciate it. and its free!
I have that old joke stuck in my head now, “I was so scared the first time I had sex – there was no one there to hold my other hand…”
As soon as this load of laundry’s done, I’m throwing my brain in the machine, with extra bleach.
If I learned anything from Avenue Q it’s that he internet is for porn!
Just grab your dick and double click!
I cant even make a joke about this one.
How many levels of disgusting are piled one atop another in this posting?
Everyone else has thoroughly covered the person who posted the ad and all of his mental defects. So I will just add this little line: How creepy is the other guy who takes him up on the offer and actually goes to this guy’s house to PICK UP the used spank material? Let’s have a show of hands, who would actually WANT this fella knocking on their door?
um, those hands might not be available for viewing…
Oh geez, maybe I shoulda said “Let’s have a show of the OTHER hands”…
Hee hee! You’re silly!
Sooo… Does this dude’s girlfriend listen in on his phone calls or something? Or does he make gratuitous use of the speakerphone? Because normally, unless you’re screaming or something, other people in the room can’t tell what the person on the other end of the line is saying. Although, normally, people wouldn’t want to buy used porn off Craigslist…
Doesn’t he know that the Internet is for porn?
I suspect he’s gonna really regret his decision to give away his porn stash if (*cough*WHEN*cough*) things go bad with this girl and he ends up back in his own place again…
So, depending on how much time this guy spends with his girlfriend, he might have to “sell the valve injector” twice. Or else tell interested porn addicts that the goods have already been claimed. Great planning there, Sport.
This reminds me of the pregnant woman giving away her box of tampons. It seemed likely that her ad was a thinly veiled announcement to the world that she no longer needed tampax because she was pregnant. This guy probably wants the world to know he no longer needs porn because he is going to have regular sex … with a real woman! And much like the pregnant woman finds she will be needing her tampax in the future… well, you get the point.
Injector? I barely know her!
Your wife … is she a goer? Does she like … valve injectors? For a … ’94 Chevy Blazer? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more, say no more!
Does she like photographs? Candid, eh? Know what I mean?
Oh, boy. I come strolling home from mass* to enjoy a wholesome giggle with some wholesome folk, and this is what I get? I may just have to smack the next person who says “hit me up” with my umbrella**
*This is so not true
**This is entirely true
Why you think the net was born?
Porn, porn, porn!
What is Sparky going to do when his GF asks him why in the world a 12-year-old boy is calling him about a valve injector?
Demon Duck of Dave, Doom and the Ferret Tribe —
Wait, that’s not right.
Dave of Ducking Doom, and Demon Ferret Tribe!
Closer. But still not right, is it?
Hey! You guys in the box! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Car Talk!